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Where are the abuse indicators within my mum & dad's and my chart?
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M300
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Wednesday, June 13, 2018 - 10:26 am
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To put it nicely both abused. Mum fell under my father as a slave. Father beat the shit out of us as kids. Narcissist and manipulative bastard. Never worked or supported us. Weak and always after sympathy in all situations.

Father gambled money he dont have and only cared about himself rather than his 4 kids. And hanging out with friends.

 

I’m the opposite of him.

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Wednesday, June 13, 2018 - 10:40 am
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Thanks for the clarification, I was wondering about the circumstances of the abuse. I’m not very experienced, so I just want to add some thoughts for you to mull over. 

I sense repressed anger in both of your parents charts. Their debilitated Mars’, and that both have sun/moon/rising in a more passive/indirect sign. Aries on the descendent can project anger/aggression/rage. With libra rising, both of their Venus’ take stressful aspects. Both charts seems to lean towards the self and self image, esp your father’s. 

Conversely, your chart seems more direct, though you’ve mentioned in other threads about having to learn  to manage your anger (I think?), which may later bring some compassion or at least clarity for your parents. I’m really interested in astrological inheritance, though I don’t know if you are. 

Thanks for letting me share. Good luck. 

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Wednesday, June 13, 2018 - 10:46 am
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Buendia said
Thanks for the clarification, I was wondering about the circumstances of the abuse. I’m not very experienced, so I just want to add some thoughts for you to mull over. 

I sense repressed anger in both of your parents charts. Their debilitated Mars’, and that both have sun/moon/rising in a more passive/indirect sign. Aries on the descendent can project anger/aggression/rage. With libra rising, both of their Venus’ take stressful aspects. Both charts seems to lean towards the self and self image, esp your father’s. 

Conversely, your chart seems more direct, though you’ve mentioned in other threads about having to learn  to manage your anger (I think?), which may later bring some compassion or at least clarity for your parents. I’m really interested in astrological inheritance, though I don’t know if you are. 

Thanks for letting me share. Good luck.   

Yes i learnt to use my anger except my anger is intense & very scary, not abusive just powerful and it usually serves me well to use it as a last resort. Anger is not a tool for power it is to express yourself there is a difference.

 

I was turning into a monster and i felt it too i know that if i blow there is no stopping me. My rage is of an epic scale not in the fact it’s explosive but that i get hotter and hotter and more out of control and i last for hours, which means silly amounts of damage. You rise i rise, you simmer i stay on that level then slowly simmer.

 

So yes learning to fix myself has been a long path and have no regrets.

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Wednesday, June 13, 2018 - 10:52 am
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I definitely relate to learning to manage rage. 

My chart shares many similarities with your chart and both your parents, so that’s where I was speaking from 🙂

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Wednesday, June 13, 2018 - 10:58 am
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Buendia said
Thanks for the clarification, I was wondering about the circumstances of the abuse. I’m not very experienced, so I just want to add some thoughts for you to mull over. 

I sense repressed anger in both of your parents charts. Their debilitated Mars’, and that both have sun/moon/rising in a more passive/indirect sign. Aries on the descendent can project anger/aggression/rage. With libra rising, both of their Venus’ take stressful aspects. Both charts seems to lean towards the self and self image, esp your father’s. 

Conversely, your chart seems more direct, though you’ve mentioned in other threads about having to learn  to manage your anger (I think?), which may later bring some compassion or at least clarity for your parents. I’m really interested in astrological inheritance, though I don’t know if you are. 

Thanks for letting me share. Good luck.   

I should be more specific. The housing structures seems more concerned with the self and self image, whereas there is a dominance of ‘othering’ signs.

Eta: What that means to me is that someone might be more frequently concerned with what others can do for them, rather than what they can do for others. 

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Wednesday, June 13, 2018 - 11:05 am
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Buendia said

Buendia said
Thanks for the clarification, I was wondering about the circumstances of the abuse. I’m not very experienced, so I just want to add some thoughts for you to mull over. 

I sense repressed anger in both of your parents charts. Their debilitated Mars’, and that both have sun/moon/rising in a more passive/indirect sign. Aries on the descendent can project anger/aggression/rage. With libra rising, both of their Venus’ take stressful aspects. Both charts seems to lean towards the self and self image, esp your father’s. 

Conversely, your chart seems more direct, though you’ve mentioned in other threads about having to learn  to manage your anger (I think?), which may later bring some compassion or at least clarity for your parents. I’m really interested in astrological inheritance, though I don’t know if you are. 

Thanks for letting me share. Good luck.   

I should be more specific. The housing structures seems more concerned with the self and self image, whereas there is a dominance of ‘othering’ signs.

Eta: What that means to me is that someone might be more frequently concerned with what others can do for them, rather than what they can do for others.   

I am going to share some stuff soon. It will confirm your findings.

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Wednesday, June 13, 2018 - 11:09 am
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What happened to my post?

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Wednesday, June 13, 2018 - 11:20 am
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I’m sorry you experienced that, though it seems that you’ve taken the best out of those experiences. Proud of you 🙂 I say that, generally, to all misfits and post-misfits who won’t give up on themselves. I am one, too. 

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Wednesday, June 13, 2018 - 11:20 am
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Let me fix it.. i was editing on phone might be why.

 

I was mischievous as a child and up until about 20 years old, got into trouble, trouble also found me. 
Teen years not afraid and got a thrill out of being naughty, for instance, throwing bricks at cars in the street, bottles filled with lemonade etc, that was me living out the raw emotion and care free spirit in a destructive way. But i was stopped, police. Me and my brother were both naughty but there is a lot more behind it than us just being naughty kids. Abusive parents, beaten, psychological abuse, emotional abuse. Mother reflected my fathers narcissism towards us kids, father was just out to abuse us and got a kick out of it, feeling king of his hill. lazy, never worked, arrogant but covered by a front of charm and false emotion. any small thing and we got the biggest punishments, playing with toys too loud, staying up too late having a laugh with my brother. Little sister being an emotional child when young (Taurus) she cried a lot so she got slapped a lot as a baby. 
 
My brother has autism and learning difficulties, my younger sister has learning difficulties but is making strides, is doing hairdressing in college and has friends. My older sister (Aquarius) abandoned all of us using cold tactics which actually helped us, we were put into foster care, i was 12 when this happened. 
 
When i first went into care i was scared, i got bullied at school, i found it very hard to stand up for myself and instead took it. I had a pet given to me, well two in fact, 2 gerbils, and i killed 1 by slamming it against a radiator and seeing how the poor thing reacted,, it pissed it’s self, it eventually died from internal injuries. I put it back in the cage, and the other gerbil for whatever reason, perhaps out of shock started to eat it, and that gerbil forced it’s way out of the cage. It pains me what i did, but i was not in control.  
 
Press onwards, my carer at the time loved me, he saw something in me, wanted to take me abroad with him but never could because parents had control over it. I was exceptionally good at drawing, i had a natural gift it seemed, but inside i hid turmoil and pure hatred. 
 
I moved with a new carer, and the previous carer mentioned, please behave for her, she is new to caring and that he loves me and will miss me. 
I took it onboard and did exactly that. I was her first and last, every other child she had caused a nightmare for her, and i stood by her through anything. She had 2 dogs from pups, i loved them with all my heart. I became well trusted within her family and still am. This would be the turning point for my cruelty towards any animal. The one pup got his paw caught on the large cage she had for them both, and bled horrendously, i knew exactly what to do to stem the bleeding and applied pressure, i comforted him through his pain, and i rang my carer ASAP. Dog made a fast recovery. 
 
 
I became conscious of my inner hate and have turned it around completely. 
I started standing up for myself and others as i aged, 16-18 developing even more loyalty, more power and confidence. 
 
My carers sister had a son who i got on well with and a daughter, we are still great friends to this day. 
 
Her son was being bullied by a group of boys, i heard about it and instantly went after them, my own self vs 5 lads, they never came near him again is all i can say. 
 
I also got my own ways given back to me in the form of karma, i moved out of care aged 18, i went into shared accommodation and i was stolen from, i also got assaulted. The guy who stole from me suffered my volcanic rage which went on for around 6 hours without a single moment of clarity for myself, and no mind at all, just pure instinct and primal energy, but i destroyed what was his (possessions), not him directly. He had nothing to come at me with, the intimidation and force i exuded at that moment in time was biblical, and it’s the peak of my anger, it only took 1 bad move in that moment from him to make me do the same to him. 
 
I then went into the Army and i learnt discipline and control. I went into the Army to escape reality, i felt lonely and very sensitive to any stimuli. 

 

I experienced the love i always wanted when i met my first Lady at 20 years old, and she bought out what i would only describe as beauty, and i received the same from her. She told me about her illness, and i returned her truthful kindness and genuine heart with loyalty, i would stick with her until the end. My love was expressed through loyalty and physicality, passion through the roof for her and she had it for me. In depth talks about our selves to each other. Her life was horrible and the way men had treated her. 
 
When she passed, i was still in denial of my past and was living back with my parents after leaving Army because mum fell ill. 
I had never learnt at that time of why i went into care or why i should be my own man, myself. 
 
Through 8 years of living there, i learnt who and what my dad is, and what my mother is. 
It helped me to return home but because of the upbringing in my teen years from exceptional people who helped me, i was way above my parents in strength internally, my father was never able to break me down. 
 
It all came to a head last Christmas when i moved out and i wanted to check up on them all. 
 
 
I shall now copy / paste what i wrote on Facebook publicly, spilling the beans once and for all, and this helped my younger sister grow stronger, she is closer to me now than ever before. 

 

 

“Warning this is not a positive post but an eye opener for anyone on here who knows my father. The truth shall now be spilt because if not blood shall be. 
 
So went to ring my Dad to wish merry Christmas to him and my mum and also my bro but more so to check on every one. 
First thing i am told is that i have ruined my fathers Christmas and that i am no longer welcome home no more for not calling and letting my dad know where i am and what i am doing even though i told him before leaving 2 months back. 
I just said ok and put the phone down. 
Fire built up mega fast inside.. Truly feeling it but i held it down, told my lady then her mum says what a nasty man and my lady gave some emotional support. 
 
Walked to bedroom for a breather. Needed to let that stab to my heart cool down. Cried a tiny bit then went back into kitchen helping with Christmas dinner. 
 
Thoughts of murdering my father went through my head as i did what was needed and the amazing feeling of crushing a weaker enemy that feels 
Like a sore that never goes away, the enjoyment of dealing the 27 years of suffering and pent up anger that he drilled into me, but on top he can have the pain of death that i felt, the crushing of his light & breath. 
Watch him squirm as he loses his will to fight for his life, drown in his own urine in the vile mess and stink that he is as he fights what he cannot but submit to the karma he has amassed. Try to stop me you will only be an object in my way. 
 
But then i have my duty, i will destroy my father by not being him, i could end him instantly but why stoop to his level? 
Why give up everything i amassed? Who the fuck has control over me? I DO. 
I’m free. 
 
Fuck him i don’t need him and never have. My father has swallowed what was left of whatever is connected to him, it shall flush down with him and i will bring forth a new line. 
 
What creates a man that cannot stand up for his own creation? 
 
What creates a man with no balls whatsoever to stand up for anything? 
 
Yet the family behind this man loves him, does not and never has abused him? 
 
But freely blow around with whatever tid bit and info he finds feeding off it, adding it to his bank of ammunition all to provide onlookers and those who don’t know any better a front of a man. Not even that, a hollow man who is just nothing. On top will use this as a means to manipulate and throw at you. 
 
Used his womans heart, my mothers heart, her goodness, her duty as a mother under severe pressure, the weight of my father pushing her down. Never once stood by her or held her when needed, abused her emotions, ate all of her goodness she had. 
 
He cannot unleash what he wanted to onto her physically for fear of being found out so it was bounced onto us children physically, emotionally and mentally. 
 
Instead he tore her mind down until the day she fell truly 7 years a go to a stroke & was left disabled, guess who signed to care? My father, he cannot and will not break the front of being her man whilst in reality being the opposite. When i returned and confronted him with a gentle heart after leaving the Army and 6 years in foster care willing to let go & help shape a family from war torn rags. 
 
Instead the abuse my mother became accustomed to was shown. 
 
On leave from the Army i tidied their house, i physically and motivationally tried to show love for my parents. Mum was delighted, father used it. Lazy, not once worked in his life, manipulated and schemed and abused for personal wants and power. 
Gambled benefit money and drank with friends as mum struggled with 4 children, slammed her verbally on her appearance, her physical body, herself. Tore her limb from limb mentally. Watched her emotionally break down in tears with absolutely no remorse. He still does this to her behind closed doors. Brother is just as bad and has learnt from the master.  
 
This thing that he is in reality is a narcissist, many exist. 
 
I myself have hidden my true self from my father for years and he has slowly rotted away, he cannot break me down, he crumbles under me. 
 
My true self and the mask i have worn are very different. 
 
Any attempt at my true self with him is eaten alive but i know him inside out. 
 
Merry fucking Christmas father. 
 
And to the few on here who are friends with him or my mother be warned i don’t give a flying toss if you stand by me or not, but know that i love you and may the best of life come to you.  
 
I hope my father see’s this. 
 
And don’t worry father, i wear a real smile now. Weight lifted.  You never once heeded my warnings, neither did you listen to me on how to take better are of mum. 
 
So here you are, your life story.” 
 
 
However in that load of text above, i sided with my mum. My carer made reality appear for me through a phone call, and i then knew i cannot ever return to them again, they are dead to me. 
 

 

 

Now when my GF passed i found out through an indirect way because we did not live together, but i had not heard from her in 3 days. This is a life time when you spent 3 solid years never missing a single day talking and contacting one another. We had souls so deep we could nourish each other for eternity. 
 
I found out she had died and i respected what she said as a sort of will to me. Do not visit me when i die, i do not want you to be destroyed by this, but i opposed her when talking saying i can take it. I respected her wishes. 
 
Now she was the first learning curve for me to recognise my father, i shall explain. 
 
I told my dad thinking that he may support me, i got nothing, and i walked to my bedroom and i never left for around 2 months. 
 
I cried to sleep, i took my emotions out on video games, sometimes getting mad, smashed my computer keyboard, punched dents into solid thick wall not plaster board, bust my knuckles. 
 
Started to go backwards in my mind, when i was a child, dug deep for answers, questioned myself, questioned my motives the reason why i was disliked as a child. Why some foster carers thought i would amount to nothing as that is what i was told. But i was never going to let that happen. 
 
My mother is reason for my social shyness and i never was allowed out to play, back garden was all we got, learnt to ride a bike with 10×8 feet of space to do so. I never spoke anything of my past to anyone when i was in care up until last Christmas i put my dad 8 feet under figuratively with the wall of negative but truthful text on Facebook. 
 
I learnt my fathers fears, does not want to face his self, and fabricates stories to pretend he belongs and is a good person. Pretends he worked. Pretends he got a ride in a guys Nissan Skyline he met in town speaking to me but i remained friendly, i had my own mask to hide my true self from him. I saw right through him. I also have stood up for my dad when he never did or will for me. 
 
Young girl outside shop around 14 years old. Bro me and dad visit the shop, she gives them verbal indirect insults but i knew her game. Took groceries back home. Instantly came back. I said where is your father? Get him here now i am going to knock him all over the place. I was emotional, out of my mind and lost it a bit, i also phoned the police. 
Her dad arrives in a white van with his son around mid 40’s he was not scared of me at least surface level. I said sort your daughter out her mouth is vile and she gives my family abuse. 
 
I was truly scared internally, i hate confrontations but my loyalty can never break. 
My fears make me fight even harder im no big guy some 7 foot giant. I was skinny all the way till 20 i put some muscle on and fat and well i am still considered it now by some. Small frame 6 foot 187 pounds. Rapid reflexes and massive stamina though. 
 
I got told 2 weeks later the father was known in the area, a bruiser who used to street fight for the fun of it.

We did not fight, i stood by my guns in the moment and awaited anything that came me way to defend my position. He had a go at his daughter and then called me some wimp followed by foul language and walked back towards his van. I waved and said thank you. 
 
Police arrived with a major over reaction, 3 cars 1 police van thinking a riot was taking place. I spoke to them they took details i explained the situation and i said we have no power out here so i did what i did. 
 
Police went to her dads, never saw him again or his daughter outside the shop ever again. 
 
It was also a wake up call in both directions for them and me. Over reacting gets us mostly negative results and no where. 
 
 
His daughter was shit scared before he even arrived and was balling tears. She was sorry.

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Wednesday, June 13, 2018 - 11:22 am
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My mum and dad are not the only abusive people in my family. 
 
My mum’s mum and dad are too. My uncles from my mum’s side are very weird. Learning difficulties, my dad would obsess over them and blame them for the relationship he had with my mum, but that is what my dad does best, everyone else is always tonblame but himself. 
 
My mum said that her brother would always open her presents and her mum would allow him, she would say no let him open them it makes him happy. 
 
My mum loved Christmas time, putting up the tree and decorations. She enjoyed it more when her children us were involved but dad made every day a living hell. 
 
Abuse that remember in detail. 
 
It started with being slapped across my bum, then because it had no effect on me he would aim for something that hurt more. Slipper, belt and finally a bamboo cane. Everything else was a cake walk, I cried and I accepted my punishment for being a child. That cane dealt the biggest physical pain, i remember me and my brother really loud giggling and we put holes in our bedroom walls, I think it was a screwdriver I used. Dad came up eating and in his anger filled cruel way would say that’s it you are getting 100 hits from that fucking cane. He did it full power 100 hits and he counted all of them. Me then my bro. 
I put my hand behind me to try and block the pain he hit them and removed my arms from my back I said it hurts dad he would say well this is why you don’t put your hands behind your back. 
 
Most intense pain I have physically endured and my back is still scarred to this day. 
 
When I went to school still living there at home, I got bullied, was socially way out of touch. I hid everything that went on at home, why would I speak about it? I thought this was the way life is, this was the world in my eyes. 
 
The one lad much bigger than me pushed me so far, he kicked me in on the playground floor and kicked me in the rear rib cage. Not long after I took the largest blade out of the kitchen draw and concieled it in my school bag. I took it out in one of my lessons to show it off, I was stopped there and then and sent home. 
 
Oddly I got no punishment for doing this, my father said you cannot do this, I said this kid keeps hurting me so I should hurt him right? No apparently not, I must not hurt anyone. 
 
So instead of my usual discipline which was beatings etc, I thought I got away with it. The bullying continued, I instead got my dad’s pen knife and took that instead. This time I learnt and awaited him on the playground. I took it out and face down leant forward walking steadily towards him, the teacher on the playground tried to take it off me but got faced with resistance, he forced it out of my hand and I was expelled from school. Dad came in late that night around 11PM. I laid in bed in fear awaiting him to be home, my mum warned me he will be home and he won’t be happy. 
I got smacked around the head and almost launched into the living room wall, he threw me, gave me a load of verbal and said get back to bed. Crying my eyes out I went back to bed. 
 
 
When starting high school I carried my same personality but I could not defend myself I am always wrong no matter what I did. 
 
I was showing off in science class being loud and obnoxious and I tried to mix some stuff together in a pot not even listening to the teacher and spat in it. Got sent home again.  
 
My mum truly was not that abusive she just allowed it to happen, up until my father was separated due to my older sister accusing him of sexual assault of which was by court said to have been fabricated by my sister. 
 
Mum lost control with. 3 of us left, older sister went into care first. 
 
My mum got so stressed I remember she puked up in the front living room with us there all over the floor, her poor heart was torn in two, she lost her first daughter. She blindly defended my father also even before anything was done in court. 
 
However it transpired to physical abuse from mum, however different to my father. She gave me a massive slap across the face for telling her to F off, I started to truly rebel and this was the beginning of my mischeif. 
I wanted to go out and be social but she just would never allow it, the only time I ever got out was when I was at school which was my secondary hell. 
 
We had days where I was good as gold and days where I was just pure energy, the energy days I already her life hard, it built up and I remember my bro getting a calculator thrown at his head and I got slammed on my head from her arms. She quickly picked me up and held me again when she knew she seriously hurt me. 
 
 
There is rare glimpses of me going to my dad for a hug when I was very small and that is all I remember of the positives. 
My mum cooked everything and was a slave under my father. 
 
I remember my dad telling meto tidy the kitchen top to bottom because it was a mess and we kids had caused it. I never did it. 
3am well early hours of the morning he shouted me and my bro down. Get that fucking kitchen tidied. 
 
So I started to tidy but was tired and slow, I sowed down even more when dad was not looking but he caught me and I got a slap across my back with a wet hand. 
 
The next day he said because you did not tidy the kitchen your mother is not cooking any food for you, so i starved that day, only time that happened. 

 

I used to sneak late at night to steal food from downstairs fridge I always went after my dad’s cheese.. had a thing for cheese and still do that stuff is yum! 
 
He always found out but I just did not give a fuck. 
 
My dad loved horror movies and well he would put that on instead of anything a child should watch. I got so scared I could not even leave the living room but I would hide my fear, even to go to the toilet. I ended up pissing myself through fear instead of getting the courage to go to the toilet. Movies like CandyMan, Halloween, Christine, American werewolf in London. 
 
The same thing was happening to my brother but my bro was not as good as me at hiding it, I had strong bladder control and I would hold until it killed. Because of me and my bro being naughty at night I had to sleep downstairs on the sofa instead, and it was very hard for me to sleep. If I never had my eyes closed I would be shouted at to sleep. 
 
I used to turn the other way and look at the back Cushion and stare into it, just looking at the patterns and sometimes draw with my finger. 
 
If he caught me drawing with my finger though same thing, shouted at. 
 
I got pulled into a psychiatrist and I was diagnosed with ADHD and put on Ritalin. 
 
Ritalin caused me eventually have seizures and it got to the point I stopped breathing for 5 minutes. They panicked they undressed me because I had wet myself. 
 
And I was fine after visiting the hospital and staying over night. 
 
I continued to have fits but I said nothing to my parents, would wake up in seizure and my face would be twitching ferociously uncontrollably but I would be fully conscious and awake but not in control. 
 
Then went about my usual day. 
 
It was not until I got into care I was taken off meds because they insisted the meds did nothing to change my behaviour. 
 
I have never had a seizure since. 
 
It was concluded I had been misdiagnosed with ADHD. 

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Wednesday, June 13, 2018 - 1:11 pm
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M300, I wish I could help you make sense of it all. I have spent my whole life trying to analyze why I had the life that I have lived. I am so sorry about the abuse you endured. I also experienced that kind of abuse , but It came from my mom.

 I then married a man that continued the abuse. Our subconscious will play with our choices I think. My children have nothing but disdain for their father. I feel horrible about this because through all the abuse I stayed. I hope you are able to forgive your mom. We were raised in a different generation. I am so lucky my children still love me and have accepted my apology for raising them in that environment. I was lucky to get out after 19 years, sounds like your Mom was not.

 I don’t know if you have ever tried therapy but it will help you look at things with a different perspective maybe? I still struggle with what happened with my Dad, The complexity of it all I still cant wrap my head around it. Take care I wish you peace.

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Wednesday, June 13, 2018 - 1:14 pm
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Also support groups can be so helpful. actually I prefer those to therapy.

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Wednesday, June 13, 2018 - 1:14 pm
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Opalina said
M300, I wish I could help you make sense of it all. I have spent my whole life trying to analyze why I had the life that I have lived. I am so sorry about the abuse you endured. I also experienced that kind of abuse , but It came from my mom.

 I then married a man that continued the abuse. Our subconscious will play with our choices I think. My children have nothing but disdain for their father. I feel horrible about this because through all the abuse I stayed. I hope you are able to forgive your mom. We were raised in a different generation. I am so lucky my children still love me and have accepted my apology for raising them in that environment. I was lucky to get out after 19 years, sounds like your Mom was not.

 I don’t know if you have ever tried therapy but it will help you look at things with a different perspective maybe? I still struggle with what happened with my Dad, The complexity of it all I still cant wrap my head around it. Take care I wish you peace.  

I have chosen to do good and be right the right way, i want to endure a harder existence now to gain the fruits. I have accepted my path basically.

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Opalina
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M300
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Wednesday, June 13, 2018 - 3:34 pm
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This is what i meant in another thread by living in my Midheaven. Who i am becoming.

 

http://astroarena12.blogspot.c…..d.html?m=1

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Wednesday, June 13, 2018 - 5:32 pm
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Some of those problems include tight orbs (probably most importantly), a high preponderance of water signs and an afflicted Mars.

Your father’s Mars is actually OK from my reading but the other signs make sense.

I notice he has a lightly aspected Sun. This can make a person either A) In the good sense either religious or wise or B) in the bad sense a bit of a vampire. The energy has to come from somewhere.

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