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Weird Dynamic with My Bosses - Help Me Stay Sane
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alabaster3
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Tuesday, February 14, 2017 - 11:22 am
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Hi guys, I started a new job (I'm female) and have two new male bosses. Both married, of course and I'm single and about 8 years younger than they are. I'm seeing some odd behavior emerging and I'm getting a strange intuition that my professional relationship with these guys might go down the wrong path. And before you scream HR, we are all independent companies on our own really, just have a common goal that makes us spend a lot of time together.

Boss #1

He's just the typical chatty Aquarian, so we have a cordial dynamic you'd expect. Great professional communication, but I noticed some odd things. First, he started checking me out from behind and he does this all the time. Now, he will blatantly scan me head to toe while I'm talking to him and making eye contact. He does this on a daily basis. It doesn't seem arrogant because his body language isn't that smirk, alpha male type, but he tends to scan me with pretty much a blank face and it lasts about 5 - 8 seconds each time. Also, when we have meetings, I notice he scans the room to find where I am. Texts a lot, and got comfortable with texting me really fast, even joking, etc. in his texts, a bit too fast for my liking. He also gave me a raise (which would require input from boss #2) and I'm only a month into the job. 

 

Boss #2

I came in and this guy was using foul language all the time. Aries Sun. Was very angry my first few days and everyone who was under him bothered him. I made a simple comment to him along the lines of him having a choice how to react to things and he gave me this strange, long-lasting look like he was looking through me. After that, I have never seen him curse or be angry around me. Most other people have this odd vibe about should I, should I not go into his office, but I never really got that - I feel quite comfortable going to his office and asking him questions. I don't think that my comments really did it, but I've overheard a lot of people talking about him always being angry and cursing, and all of a sudden having stopped this. He and I have this odd dynamic. We seem to ignore each other when we are in crowds, but every once in a while he'll burst into this kid-like behavior when I show up and make a comment to him. He'll switch to over the top laughter, kid-like gestures and it's puzzling to see that after him being stoic and ignoring my glance. He doesn't do the rude body staring like boss #1, but he and I share these strange into-your-soul looks when we lock eyes. I've also noticed when we are near each other, about a few feet away, he tends to bunch up his fists and hit something - he'll lean in and then purposely bump his fist against the desk in between us, or hit the wall if we are standing in front of each other. Whenever we have meetings and he does his little 30-minute speech, he will NEVER make eye contact with me. He looks at everyone in the crowd and it's so obvious when you're 20 feet away from someone and you notice that "eye scan skip" once he gets to me.

Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but it's odd to have these work relationships where my bosses are deliberately avoiding eye contact, punching walls and scanning my body up and down. On my last job, there was an Aries man that basically wouldn't leave me alone and I don't want to go down that path again. I want my focus to be on my work and my success only here.

Now for the astrology part. They both have pluto conjunct my moon 🙁 And boss #2 is a conjunction of his moon to my sun. And I have Aries in my 8th house and as my Eros sign.

I guess my question is - my goal is to be successful at this job and I don't want any problems. Given the astrology dynamics here, how can I protect their egos while I work my way up in this company, without letting some weird sexual vibe lead to the wrong things?

 

ME:

Sun Cancer 13°32'39 in house 10
Moon Libra 7°21'26 in house 1
Mercury Cancer 27°23'49 in house 10
Venus Cancer 18°53'57 in house 10
Mars Scorpio 13°16'58 in house 2
Jupiter Capricorn 7°20'33 in house 4
Saturn Scorpio 9°45'04 in house 2
Uranus Sagittarius 10°17'16 in house 3
Neptune Sagittarius 29°40'16 in house 4
Pluto Libra 29°19'08 in house 2
True Node Gemini 5°58'57 in house 9

HOUSE POSITIONS (Placidus)

Ascendant Virgo 28°40'22
2nd House Libra 23°49'55
3rd House Scorpio 24°03'32
Imum Coeli Sagittarius 28°24'08
5th House Aquarius 2°50'14
6th House Pisces 3°15'29
Descendant Pisces 28°40'22
8th House Aries 23°49'55
9th House Taurus 24°03'32
Medium Coeli Gemini 28°24'08
11th House Leo 2°50'14
12th House Virgo 3°15'29

 

BOSS #1

Sun Aquarius 26°23'25  
Moon Aries 15°16'35  
Mercury Aquarius 11°33'44  
Venus Pisces 20°28'07  
Mars Capricorn 18°23'07  
Jupiter Pisces 22°37'39  
Saturn Cancer 12°35'26  
Uranus Scorpio 2°25'54  
Neptune Sagittarius 11°35'42  
Pluto Libra 8°55'02  
True Node Sagittarius 6°13'43  

 

BOSS #2

Sun Aries 7°54'00  
Moon Cancer 16°36'17  
Mercury Aries 20°20'30  
Venus Aries 21°21'08  
Mars Pisces 6°43'19  
Jupiter Taurus 28°51'43  
Saturn Leo 10°07'00  
Uranus Scorpio 11°02'36  
Neptune Sagittarius 16°07'00  
Pluto Libra 12°57'39  
True Node Libra 24°27'30  
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Elsa
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Tuesday, February 14, 2017 - 12:17 pm
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Welcome!

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Poppy
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Tuesday, February 14, 2017 - 1:02 pm
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Hi alabaster3. smile I think you have this, already, in what you said to angry-swearing-boss. I think if you silently remind yourself, simply, plainly, that what matters to you more than anything is your standing as a professional, that you'll cope with whatever comes up.

Likewise, if either of these eccentric guys makes a sexual overture, you'll be practised, from your silent message to yourself, to say something similar to him. Looking at their data, they aren't delicate flowers - if you do find yourself having to say that to either of them, he won't crumple and cry.

Might be good for you to spend some time outside of work, engaging your own intensity (pluto), in some energetic activity. And, taking the lead (you have cardinal signs sun & moon: well within your abilities) in the tone between you & each of these guys. I think you'll learn that the raise was because they have high expectations for what you bring, professionally. You might need to have a moment of introspection - why are you (in your thoughts) giving them power, e.g. engaging in deep-soul looks, when what you want is to be viewed as a serious professional? You have mars in scorpio. You can handle this, if you decide you want to. Analyze, and hatch stategies. Look at it as on-the-job training in striving to develop your standing, as a valuable colleague, in your workplace.

geminismily_gif

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Tuesday, February 14, 2017 - 7:24 pm
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With boss#1, you have an exact Venus (yours) opposite Mars (his). That can be hard not to notice and can create some attraction. Personally, I have always found this to be potent aspect. With boss#2, you have Venus (yours) conjunct Moon (his). So they are both probably noticing your beauty and charm (Venus) since your Venus is being aspected in such a strong way. I think boss#2 acts more kid like because your Sun and Venus are on his Moon (inner child), so you are bringing out the more child-ish side to him.

Nevertheless, there is no excuse for them not being able to keep it professional, you should be careful if ever it crosses the line. I dont know it doesnt sound like they crossed any lines except the checking you out awkwardly... hopefully that doesnt stop you doing your job?

If they are both married, the chances of this escalating are probably slim... I would hope it wouldnt come to that!

If I were you, I would just continue to keep it polite and professional, no matter how they act (unless it gets out of hand), and just shrug it off like you don't notice. Dont feed into it. Like you said...

I made a simple comment to him along the lines of him having a choice how to react to things 

I wouldnt think in terms of protecting their ego, their ego shouldnt be involved in this way to begin with, so keep the focus on the work you need to do and doing the best you can at it.

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Tuesday, February 14, 2017 - 7:54 pm
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You didn't mention how it makes you feel when they behave like this. If I had to guess from your post you sound more bemused than anything. It almost sounds like you might be attracted to the Aries. If these behaviors aren't making you feel uncomfortable I wouldn't do anything different than what you're doing. Keep your integrity. Always. Noones going to trick you into having sex. 

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Thursday, February 16, 2017 - 9:57 pm
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Libra, just puzzled, that's all. I don't need to get involved with married men, there are plenty of single ones out there. But yes, boss #2 is really awkward. Today, I barely convinced him to sit down with me to ask him a few questions about some paperwork at work. We'll walk through the same door frame and I will normally look at him and he will completely ignore me. How do you walk past someone literally a foot apart and hold the door and all and don't make eye contact?! I try to give him space since I notice he is awkward around me. But as a result, I have felt like walking on egg shells. I have lowered my tone, cut down on some of my words and aren't as friendly with him as I am with other people in the office. And again to give him space, I end up having to find out information on my own that may or may not be accurate. Hopefully he relaxes a bit because quite frankly, I'm a bit too old for all that.

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Friday, February 17, 2017 - 7:52 am
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I expect the two of them sat down soon after you started and had a typical locker room chat e.g. "she's hot" ... "yeah" ... "she's got a nice ass" ... "I'd like to do her" etc, etc. So now Mr Aries-Sun and Mr Aries-moon have stoked the fires of competition.

 

Boss #2 ... cancer moon, pisces mars ... with aries planets ...

You called him on his bad language so he's changed his behaviour.

But don't expect him to have stopped being angry, he's just holding it.

Look for passive-aggressive BS or talking about you behind your back.

Note however that transit uranus has just hit his mercury-venus conjunction so you may well have given him food for thought.

 

Boss #1 ... he's obviously got the hots for you.

Ordinarily that aries moon would be chasing by now.

But he's got mars in capricorn and as he's married he's probably worried about the effect it would have on the marriage. So he's in a state of no-win.

 

Still lots of hard pluto, uranus and saturn transits to hit each of their charts ...

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Friday, February 17, 2017 - 11:17 am
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alabaster3 said
Libra, just puzzled, that's all. I don't need to get involved with married men, there are plenty of single ones out there. But yes, boss #2 is really awkward. Today, I barely convinced him to sit down with me to ask him a few questions about some paperwork at work. We'll walk through the same door frame and I will normally look at him and he will completely ignore me. How do you walk past someone literally a foot apart and hold the door and all and don't make eye contact?! I try to give him space since I notice he is awkward around me. But as a result, I have felt like walking on egg shells. I have lowered my tone, cut down on some of my words and aren't as friendly with him as I am with other people in the office. And again to give him space, I end up having to find out information on my own that may or may not be accurate. Hopefully he relaxes a bit because quite frankly, I'm a bit too old for all that.  

I hope I wasn't coming off as accusatory. I wasn't implying that you'd sleep with him. Only that there might be feelings between the two of you. There's a big difference between having feelings and acting them out and I get the sense that you do not want them acted out. And I know what it feels like to see when men are attracted to you. I think mars in Scorpio (I have it too) picks up on these things. I work in a female dominated industry for that reason. But when I do go out in the world and I do make a man get all drooly I just let him feel his own awkwardness. I don't go out of my way to make him comfortable. I've only decided to not do that after many attempts at trying to make them comfortable. I've discovered a few things. That it doesn't work. That it's actually a control thing to want someone to feel differently than they do. And that it really makes the communication muddy.

So If you were my friend I would tell you to just be your beautiful gracious self and let them own their own feelings. Don't let it affect you. And accept it for what it is. 

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Friday, February 17, 2017 - 10:19 pm
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Libra Noir said

I hope I wasn't coming off as accusatory. I wasn't implying that you'd sleep with him. Only that there might be feelings between the two of you. There's a big difference between having feelings and acting them out and I get the sense that you do not want them acted out. And I know what it feels like to see when men are attracted to you. I think mars in Scorpio (I have it too) picks up on these things. I work in a female dominated industry for that reason. But when I do go out in the world and I do make a man get all drooly I just let him feel his own awkwardness. I don't go out of my way to make him comfortable. I've only decided to not do that after many attempts at trying to make them comfortable. I've discovered a few things. That it doesn't work. That it's actually a control thing to want someone to feel differently than they do. And that it really makes the communication muddy.

So If you were my friend I would tell you to just be your beautiful gracious self and let them own their own feelings. Don't let it affect you. And accept it for what it is.   

Hehe you're so sweet, but you're right. Why should I be anything other than who I am? I guess all that cancer and libra in me wants this ultra sweet environment where everyone is nice to each other. They're adults, let them figure it out for themselves, I will do my job the way I am supposed to! 😄

By by the way, last week boss #1 wasn't staring, so maybe things will get to normal. Hopefully I will have just been a shiny new object and over time we will just be normal and down to earth with each other.

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Saturday, February 18, 2017 - 8:28 am
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alabaster3 said
... yes, boss #2 is really awkward. Today, I barely convinced him to sit down with me to ask him a few questions about some paperwork at work. We'll walk through the same door frame and I will normally look at him and he will completely ignore me.... I notice he is awkward around me. But as a result, I have felt like walking on egg shells. I have lowered my tone, cut down on some of my words and aren't as friendly with him as I am with other people in the office. And again to give him space, I end up having to find out information on my own that may or may not be accurate. Hopefully he relaxes a bit because quite frankly, I'm a bit too old for all that.  

First, I really think a better tack is to set firmly in your mind, "both these men are somewhat odd - that's them." And let your own demeanor be one of "I'm all about the business, all about the work we're doing." Meaning, act as though you don't notice anything odd. Or, as though there's nothing to attend to (they'll behave more like you expect professionals to act, or they won't - and it doesn't matter, itself - as long as no one is undermining anyone's ability to get the jobs done). This is an opportunity for you to learn to relate differently with colleagues, than you would with friends, or family, or potential partners. It starts with you deciding firmly what the nature of your relationship is.

Maybe Libra Noir is right, maybe our marsfunction includes sensing when others are attracted to us. Hmm. Mine is in cancer... I agree with everything she said about only making everything messier (socially & emotionally) if you try to address the matter. And anyway, attraction is what it is. The key is learning to behave appropriately, whatever minor discomfort is happening on your part or theirs.

I agree with what strawb. said, that their behavior is nonprofessional. (I suspect some degree of eccentricity, fwiw.) However, no matter what, the only part you can manage is your own - including setting boundaries for what you expect to not matter, in the context of work. Besides marsscorpio, you have mercury in aspect to pluto : you can handle this with panache, if you have a clear idea of what you want. smile

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