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The Silent Treatment

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Allie
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My husband does this, too, although he used to do it more frequently in past years. I never knew the reason. Sometimes it would last a week, sometimes 2-3. At most he would mumble at me and it seemed he would just “check out”. It would have been easier if he was just physically gone.

I used to be so hurt by it. And afraid. And I would tiptoe around, believing everything was my fault, I caused [what the fuck ever]. I never begged or pleaded with him because that would get me nothing. 

I would rebel in small or secret ways because fuck that shit. 

It’s taken years. He rarely does it anymore. (I am still not sure of the reasons but it seemed to be less frequent after his last job in 2015. But still: I am not fucking responsible for whatever twat did or didn’t do to you at work.) But during that time I learned to fake not caring if he was in a snit. I would bolster myself up and self-talk my mind into saying, it is not my fault and I am not responsible for whatever it is. It didn’t always work at first and it’s still a terribly unsettling feeling, but I no longer pussyfoot around and I no longer care as much.

This was just one of the bullshit things he would do when he was mad/depressed/whatever. I know it was a learned behavior because his mother told me that his father would do it, too. Like, it was just fucking normal. Well fuck that shit.

My husband has Cancer sun and Mercury in 8H, which no doubt is some serious shit. He also has a Libra moon (not square his Cancer signs), so there could be a lot of high, pretty expectations that don’t feel met.

Oh well. Put on the big boy panties and deal with it like a man ??‍♀️

Yeah, my Cap Merc is fun like that.

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Allie
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I can see staying quiet when you’re so pissed. I do that, too, but it doesn’t last long...a few minutes as I try to collect my thoughts. Because I, too, am afraid I will say something that would burn a bridge. But I do try to state that I am furious and need to take a break atm.

My mother has sun and Mercury in Aries. She’d start yelling or lecturing me and I’d zip my mouth because I was a torrent of emotions. She hated that. She couldn’t stand when I wouldn’t fight back! 

Now I understand and when we’ve had disagreements, I know I can debate her or talk to her, and she is very receptive to giving or receiving and apology or explanation. Aries are cool like that ?

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Ann
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I've gotten better with time but my logic is when I'm mad I think things I'd never regularly say to someone I love. I have my moon square mars and uranus. My emotions are quick and erratic but I do have Mercury in Cancer. I don't like hurting peoples feelings. I'd rather sit and talk when I'm not at level crazy 100.

My husband with Aries moon and Mercury talks and acts without thinking. Then I feel bad and then he feels like shit because he's a Pisces after all. LOL

But I remember early on my husband telling me he'd rather we fight and let it out than for me to just sit there not communicating. LOL Aries. LOL

He gets over it in 2 seconds. I don't. shrug_gif

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Nan888
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I wish I could do it for an hour, but w/ a Gemini Moon, it's not a reality! I just say what's bothering me, what a concept. Smile My husband doesn't get angry very often, but if he's really mad he'll go to the bedroom and close the door for a short while.

I had an aunt who would do that to her husband. I think I remembered her telling us that she wasn't talking to her husband. It would go on for days. I was young, maybe 10, but remembered that.

I had a boyfriend in my teen years that would do that. I just remember it now. He'd go days without barely a word. I remember how awful it was. Just freezing you out. I'm glad that one didn't work out!

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LisLioness
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Big Cap used to do this. He hasn't in years. He learned it at home.

It drove him crazy that he wasn't getting through to me (Leo Sun and Mars IS explosive but also very stubborn), so he used it as a control tactic.

Scorpio rising, Pisces Mars, Cap Sun...be a mind reader and sense that I'm POd at you about whatever.

Uh, no. I don't get or like that shit. I was raised by Gemini Moons. That saved them from pulling the silent treatment BS - they're Scorpio and Pisces.

They told me never to go to bed angry. That stayed with me.

Two of my three kids have Pisces Mars. I have to educate them on the mind reading crap. Other than that, they don't do the silent thing either. Everything spills out with brutal honesty. They all have lots of Sag.

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greygirlgo
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I don't know that I would call it the "silent treatment" as it applies to me - I will speak when asked a question.  Like others have mentioned, I need time to collect my thoughts, reflect on why I'm angry and then put the pieces together into a package that will make sense when I try to explain it.  

Being silent when upset has always made sense to me - you make it clear that something is bothering you while eliminating the possibility of saying something that you may later regret.

Reminds me a little of the quote "No message is a message."

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LN
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@greygirlgo That is a great quote for sure!

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