Forum

Notifications
Clear all

The cord cutting didn't work...I guess he's supposed to be in my life after all? 🙂

Page 2 / 2

Libra Noir
Posts: 2095
Registered
(@libra-noir)
Prominent Member
Joined: 10 years ago

I agree with Elsa! 

Also, (this is just my sense- toss it if I’m wrong) I see that what you are mainly trying to do is protect yourself from rejection or pain.  Whenever I’ve done cord cutting that’s what it’s been about. But I think that focus on avoiding rejection is making your mind jump to conclusions and try to figure out the meaning of everything he does as it applies to you. But people are complex, have their own insecurities and issues and don’t do things with other people in mind so basically….don’t take shit personally. 

Chances are he is not as focused on the details of your interactions as you are (it’s a generalization but men don’t seem to read into us as we do into them) but seems genuinely happy when he sees you and might not know how to bridge the gap. Maybe you could just kind of put yourself in his path. Don’t necessarily extend yourself but invite him in and understand that his pace might be different from yours. Wish we knew where his Mars was! Do you know? I feel that could be a good think to understand about him. 

Reply
3 Replies
jenfullmoon
Registered
(@jenfullmoon)
Joined: 13 years ago

Trusted Member
Posts: 86

@libra-noir I was trying to get over caring about him, specifically, since he'd "stopped" caring about me. I didn't want to care more than he did. It is true it isn't always about me and "doesn't know how to bridge the gap" sounds like him. Like I know he's had relationships in the past and I wonder how the heck they got together. He may be having hurt/fear issues himself, or at least was in 2019. I don't know if that's still relevant now.

Weirdly enough, I think I've gone Lloyd Dobler on "I want to get hurt!" Okay, not really, but I'm finally past the whole "I only have one shot left in me AND IT BETTER WORK OUT" thing I've had going for most of the last 20 years. If it works, it works, if it doesn't, we break up and there's another one down the drain, still better than nearly 2 decades of permasingle.

I don't have his birthtime (of course bloody not), but here's what I've got: Pisces sun, Aquarius moon, Mercury in Aries (we both have that one), Venus in Aries, Mars in Gemini, still in Saturn return range right now as he turned 30 this year.

Reply
sophiab
Registered
(@sophiab)
Joined: 5 years ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 257

@jenfullmoon "I don't have his birthtime (of course bloody not), but here's what I've got: Pisces sun, Aquarius moon, Mercury in Aries (we both have that one), Venus in Aries, Mars in Gemini, still in Saturn return range right now as he turned 30 this year"

Is it possible he has a Moon Saturn conjunction? Saturn in Aquarius people are having Saturn return and you said his Moon is Aqua. (He may have Neptune and Uranus in Cap, and Pluto in Scorp, squaring Aqua). 

Reply
jenfullmoon
Registered
(@jenfullmoon)
Joined: 13 years ago

Trusted Member
Posts: 86

@sophiab Has Moon and Saturn in the sign but not conjunct (Saturn at 3 degrees, Moon at 14). The rest is correct!

Reply
CocoPeaches
Posts: 552
Registered
(@cocopeaches)
Reputable Member
Joined: 11 years ago
Posted by: @jenfullmoon

But literally there isn't anyone else "better" out there and I still am interested even though I should not be.

Do you mean he's the very best that could ever be? Or do you mean that you're settling because you don't have any other options?

Do you mean you shouldn't be interested because you think he's not interested? Or do you mean you shouldn't be interested because you know you can do "better"?

Reply
2 Replies
jenfullmoon
Registered
(@jenfullmoon)
Joined: 13 years ago

Trusted Member
Posts: 86

@cocopeaches Hahahahah, this is a fun one to answer. Both?

1. In reality, the only people who have been interested in me in the last few decades after my last ex (if we don't count this fellow) has been the very occasional old man who's at least 20-30 years older than I am. Even if the guy is nice, I do not want a "daddy" sexually, thankyouverymuch, and I'm not a caregiver personality. I know I have Venus Saturn, but dear god, it doesn't appeal. Watching my friend who's mid 60's deal with her 80+ husband...she said she knew what she was getting into, but it's really sad now that he's losing his memory.

I am the pickiest person on earth as well and I rarely like anyone. I don't exactly have fish in my sea to choose from. The sea is empty of fish except the occasional barracuda who tries to eat me. So on a realistic level, this is the best I've done in years. I do not expect to find someone else I can be interested in very easily. I'm more likely to have a live unicorn show up in my back yard at the rate I am going here.

Re: interested: a good chunk of my friends are being all "You can do better!" Except see above 😛 I don't think I can do better, per se, but I get why they think I should no longer be interested because he's not exactly insta-relationshipping with me like most of my exes did.

However: I also really really do like him. I'm not saying he's like the perfect man or an ideal or anything like that. Y'know, there's a few flaws, like anyone else. Everyone has their own shit to deal with. The food allergy is inconvenient, but hell, there's worse out there to deal with, I could deal with it. Him being younger weirds me out, but I could deal with it. (He's 30, not barely legal.) He's a lovely person and sweet and adorable and funny and loves cute things and is extremely talented and the hugs are amazing. I admit it seems hard to me to find anyone else to be interested in other than him right now. I was trying to eyeball cute dudes while hanging out at an event on Halloween to force myself to develop interest elsewhere and while I saw one I found attractive, to some degree it was "oh, he's reminding me of crush the way he's bopping along to the music," hah hah. I didn't feel strongly enough to go pick up on a stranger there. Ah well.

Hope that clarifies it!

Reply
CocoPeaches
Registered
(@cocopeaches)
Joined: 11 years ago

Reputable Member
Posts: 552

@jenfullmoon Lol - it can be a challenge to peal back the layers of circumstantial emotions to try to understand what's really at stake between two humans! Always worth the effort though, in my opinion. If it were me in your position, I would probably approach it as an adventure. Be genuine and open-minded, see where things go, and find out what he has offer. Expect that it could end in heartbreak for you and/or him, knowing that's the cost of finding out how deep your connection really is. You're not getting married to the guy. Just exploring and mining for gold. You might be surprised by what you find. If not, at least you'll learn something and be that much more prepared for the next time. Good luck and have fun! ❤️

Reply
jenfullmoon
Posts: 86
Registered
Topic starter
(@jenfullmoon)
Trusted Member
Joined: 13 years ago

I talked it out with my therapist about asking him out and she said that I should NOT use the word "date" because she thinks that would scare him and he needs to get used to hanging out with me one on one and not worrying about being socially awkward by himself, etc.

Well, I tried asking him out yesterday. I said "Would you like to go to (see local show) with me?" and he said yes, then we discussed when to go, and THEN he wants to invite the entire gang of friends along. And Mr. Inhibited actually did the work later to go ask people.

So....either he's clueless and I need to try again and spell out the word, or that's my answer: that he doesn't want to be alone with me on a date.

Sigh. Yes, I know I didn't do it perfectly right, but this is my second time asking someone out and I haven't been with anyone in most of two decades, so. He seemed happy to see me otherwise, at least.

Reply
3 Replies
Elsa
 Elsa
Admin
(@elsa)
Joined: 17 years ago

Noble Member
Posts: 5835

@jenfullmoon he may just be nervous to be alone with you as opposed to not wanting to.

His answer was "yes". Focus on that and reserve judgement. Smile

Reply
jenfullmoon
Registered
(@jenfullmoon)
Joined: 13 years ago

Trusted Member
Posts: 86

@elsa Right, I'm just debating whether or not to try again spelling it out this time or just let it go if he literally doesn't want to be alone with me.

Like, we HAVE been alone (recently, even) but usually our alone time was after other people left whatever group activity we were doing.

Do you have any thoughts on the next eclipse? It's on my Venus in seventh exactly, so I'm pondering trying to take advantage of that?

Reply
Rapunzelsoldierfish
Registered
(@rapunzelsoldierfish)
Joined: 7 months ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 184

@jenfullmoon Rooting for you!! I was curious about the eclipse conjunct your Venus and found this:

https://www.astrolada.com/transits/lunar-eclipse-in-conjunction-with-venus.html

However, since it's exactly on top of your Venus though, wouldn't this be called combust? I couldn't find anything on a lunar eclipse combust Venus...

7th house makes this sound even more meaningful for you. I wish I knew more... but it definitely sounds like something important could happen!

Reply
Elsa
Posts: 5835
 Elsa
Admin
(@elsa)
Noble Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posted by: @jenfullmoon

Do you have any thoughts on the next eclipse?

I'm sorry. I haven't even looked at it.

I've been tied up. This is why there's no newsletters or posts.  I keep thinking, tomorrow, but the day comes and I am still engaged.

Reply
1 Reply
jenfullmoon
Registered
(@jenfullmoon)
Joined: 13 years ago

Trusted Member
Posts: 86

@elsa Hey, when you get to it is fine, it's not until next week anyway!

Reply
jenfullmoon
Posts: 86
Registered
Topic starter
(@jenfullmoon)
Trusted Member
Joined: 13 years ago

Well, I was TOTALLY AND UTTERLY WRONG.

I asked him out. He thought that was a group activity, but nobody else wanted to go, so we went alone. I asked about having a romantic relationship and he said no. Apparently he has NEVER been interested in me Like That despite all of the intense hugs and whatnot over the last few years. "You're a good friend, but." And then he started trying to hold my hands again and I was all, why the hell are you doing this?

Suffice it to say I feel like complete embarrassed crap and I read everything wrong and I feel misled. Why the hell would you have more intense physical behaviors with me and nobody else if you aren't feeling it?

Even worse: I talked him into auditioning for the same show and he got in, so now I get to see him very frequently until the end of January and right now I'd prefer to never see him again.

People are arguing with me not to throw out the friendship, and unfortunately I need to stay on good terms in public through the end of January anyway. But if not for that, I'd never speak to him again at this point. I got everything wrong.

Reply
2 Replies
Elsa
 Elsa
Admin
(@elsa)
Joined: 17 years ago

Noble Member
Posts: 5835

@jenfullmoon I'm sorry. Quite the mixed message!

Reply
Libra Noir
Registered
(@libra-noir)
Joined: 10 years ago

Prominent Member
Posts: 2095

@jenfullmoon Oh man I’m sorry youre embarrassed. I’ve been there…too many times. Not trying to diminish that but I can’t help but see some positives.

The first one is that now you know exactly where you stand with him so you don’t have this energy tied up with him that was used in wondering and hoping. This will open up that space in your life for something else. Maybe not a romantic relationship (or maybe) but something that truly feeds you and not this mixed message bullshit energy draining mess. Thank goodness you finally got some clarity! It seemed like that was as much a desire as anything else in this situation. 

And one more thing I gotta say is that if you do see him I hope you don’t let him hug you. I feel really icky already that he hugged you like that and then it was not put into perspective. Something about that really irks me. And honestly I wouldn’t want to be friends either. Wether that’s right or wrong I don’t know. I don’t know if he’s a bad guy or not or somewhere in between. I just know that our dignity is something to be cherished and you should do what you can to preserve yours in your own eyes whatever that looks like to you. If it means never seeing him again and reliving that humiliation then so be it. Life’s too short to force yourself to be uncomfortable.

Reply
sophiab
Posts: 257
Registered
(@sophiab)
Estimable Member
Joined: 5 years ago

Ugh. Please don't blame yourself. Your intentions were positive. I've been in this situation with someone and the flirtation and interest went on for years until I forced the issue. I confronted the person and from their responses, I realised they had a split personality. It was quite shocking when this "other" person emerged, who was sadistic and hated women, but that knowledge once revealed helped me get free from my affectionate feelings that the "nice" version of the person had been milking for their own needs (ie, they were empty with no self love inside). It hurts now, but something is protecting you. You may see/discover more between now and end of January, keep your eyes open. 

Reply
Page 2 / 2