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Stop hiding our truths


Rapunzelsoldierfish
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How often do we hide our truths in life? Maybe it's more often than we think for some of us. Whether it's the book we're reading whose cover we place face-down on the table so others can't see it, or when someone apologizes to us and we say it's okay, when really, it's not. Etc, etc.

 

There's a preteen boy I see for occupational therapy and I work on handwriting and emotional regulation. A staff member saw he was wearing a necklace but it was hidden under his shirt. She said "What's on your necklace?" He replied, "I don't want to say." He looked so uncomfortable. I knew what was on his necklace since I'd seen it before.

A minute later when we were in the therapy gym, I said, "It's okay if you don't want to show your necklace. I have lots of necklaces, some have crystals, some have a cross on them" and so on.

Then he showed me his necklace and it had a cross on it, too. His discomfort melted away because of our common ground.

This just about broke my heart! I wondered what experience he had to make him want to hide his crucifix, and I hoped it wouldn't have a profound effect on him and make him want to hide his values.

Sometimes we can be afraid to speak our truths - there's times when it gets too risky to do that. But can we at least learn to not hide our truths? 

A truth I can stop hiding is my patriotism. I'm getting an American flag decal for my car. In California there's potential risk of my car getting keyed for showing patriotism, but come what may.

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Libra Noir
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I’ve thought and meditated on this A LOT. Thank you for posting.

I think there’s two things here. One is hiding something out of shame and one is hiding something to contain its sacred power.

The shame is self explanatory and is probably simply (simply but not easily because it takes courage) balanced by being open about things. 

For me it’s the other theme, when working with energy, sharing too much of the things I treasure makes them less potent to me.If a symbol or totem is sacred to me, it does something negative to it to share it, it dirties it, especially with someone who doesn’t understand and is a fool or is judgemental and looks down on it.Basically for me, it’s that some people don’t deserve to know what I value with my heart and soul but also even sharing with someone respectful can mess with the nature and meaning of something. It’s like an energetic principle. Secrecy and silence add potency to things like symbols and amulets and totems. Showing people things sometimes is almost like giving it away. 

I also understand where you are coming from and there’s also power in “living out loud”. In my mind I think maybe it’s more about balance on our own personal path and what’s right for us individually, what we are working on and what’s really the motivation for secrecy. 

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Rapunzelsoldierfish
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@libra-noir Wow that is very eye-opening... thank you for this perspective which is shared by many across the world, I can imagine. In the case of a crucifix, the reason for concealing it could definitely lean more toward protecting the sacred power. My immediate thought was that he was hiding his. I come from a big, loud Italian family that puts a lot on display so I didn't think of this possibility. Thank you!

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Warped
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That boy may have been bullied or threatened.  He may have only recently embraced Christianity and feel too much will be expected of him if he proclaims it to the world with a symbol.  Doing so may have brought him some confrontation or mocking.  Boys/men traditionally have worn any cross or religious medal on a chain tucked inside their shirts. Only in recent decades have necklaces become routinely worn as fashion by men. Wearing it outside the shirt does make it feel like a fashion piece or a statement, not personal or private.  It may have been a present from someone special to him.

How sadly we've changed.  Twenty years ago we were all driving around LA with those little flags flying from our rear windows after 9/11.  Now a flag emblem gets you keyed.

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Rapunzelsoldierfish
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@warped Right - it's hard to know exactly why he was intent on staying quiet about it, but no matter what, I think it's an important symbol to him. Thank you for your insight on this. I have 3 planets (Saturn, Pluto, Venus) transiting my 2nd house right now so this is all very interesting to me! 

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Estella
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Interesting Q. I don’t think it’s always about hiding but choosing to selectively disclose. 

Eg. I have Aspergers. I stim, talk to myself and do a bunch of things that if seen by a neurotypical (NT) would weird the person out. You read of people with Aspergers “masking”. By that it means we try to behave like what an NT would. We try to make eye-contact, we try to ask you what you are doing, we resist stimming and Info dumping. There’s more to it, but you get the general idea. 

Some of us, like myself, have such excellent masks, you will never realise that we are not NT.  

The reason we mask is to make our largely NT audience more comfortable in our presence. We’re not ashamed of who we are. We know who we are. Unfortunately it’s very hard to let you see who we are behind the mask. That probably requires therapy. 

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Rapunzelsoldierfish
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@estella Interesting perspective! I work with children/young adults with Aspergers in occupational therapy. I help them to emotionally regulate and develop life skills. When I first started this career, I worried about whether I would end up being a quirk-quasher (I need to coin this term lol)... there's definitely a balance between assimilating and maintaining sense of self that needs to be done with this population. I'm glad to hear the term "info-dumping." I think a lot of my clients could benefit from hearing it phrased that way. 

Thank you for sharing your story! I see your lion there... you have Leo, right? I wonder if that has made it easier for you to be a part of the crowd and blend in a little more? 

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Estella
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@rapunzelsoldierfish Don’t worry about crushing the quirks. They will still be very much there. Did you know that 70% of Autistics have normal to superior IQ? The reason I asked is because research shows the higher an Autistics IQ is, the more likely that they can learn to behave (we call this “masking”) in ways that are inoffensive to the NT population. 

For our own mental health, we will always need to stim, talk to ourselves etc etc and this need to have down time. Alone time. 

It’s like this: Let’s pretend you move to Japan where there is no eating and walking, no talking on the train, no talking to the person beside you etc etc. For an American, all these are very very strange behaviours.

But to not stick out like a sore thumb, so Japanese society won’t point you out for being rude etc etc, you learn to behave like them. There is a “mask” in place that teaches you to lower your voice, don’t have too much eye contact, no touching the other person…When you get home, you will be exhausted because that isn’t really you at all! 

There is now this movement in Autistic-care to encourage young Auties to unmask, at least some of the time within a day. Because as you can see, it’s a necessity. 😁

I have Merc, Moon, Venus and Saturn in Leo, all in my 10th, Merc is square Uranus RX on my Ac. Sun Conjunct Jupiter in Cancer. My strongest planets are Sun, followed by Jupiter. Publicly I am a lion. That picture is a of a lion that cracked me up. Can you see the puzzled expression and the writing under the picture?

People find me warm and caring and almost no one would realise that I have Aspergers. I learnt how to make myself a good mask decades ago as a child with no friends, totally bewildered by 1-1 human dynamics. 

I read somewhere that you have Moon opposite Neptune. Do you find that helps in the provision of care? 

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Estella
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@rapunzelsoldierfish I meant Sun followed by Uranus. Should have coffee first. 😅

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Calliope
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I have always been very selective with what I share. In the first part of my life, until 20 something, I was extremely selective. I just didn't feel like sharing. After 30, things started to change... I started to share, but still being very selective. 

I guess my signature is a very selective one. I feel more encouraged to share if:

1. I feel someone is energetically/ on a soul/ mind level with me.

2. I know/ experienced something and that something can help another person. (But here I pay attention a lot, because as much as I would like to help or share, not everyone is willing to listen to stories about astrology, energy work, shamanism, etc.) I usually use my intuition as a guide.

 

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Estella
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@calliope That’s true. Not everyone will benefit from the share. It takes a willingness to examine experiences, beliefs and cultural backgrounds every different from our own.

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Rapunzelsoldierfish
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@calliope Thanks for sharing! 

I think the type of person highlighted in your #1 there can be a way to practice sharing in a safe way. Then... when we see a #2 person come along, we've already practiced sharing and it's easier to allow them to benefit from our knowledge!

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