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CrisLondon
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Finally I'm feeling more relaxed...it's bedtime now and my body's chilled.

Realising that despite my good efforts navigating this Covid reality and this year's astrological vibes I have an underlying anxiety that tends to be there in my body. Some days it's strong and some days it's mild.

Might need to get myself a Bach Remedy as a background support.

It's good to feel relaxed...

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JoFrance
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@cris, I can really relate to the underlying anxiety you mentioned.  Even though I think I'm doing well, when I sleep at night I am stiff as a board, all tensed up and I wake up with lots of aches and pains.  I've been clenching my teeth some nights.  I have these active and sometimes awful dreams that add to my stress.

 

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dolce
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I am feeling WAY TOO GOOD you guys. Jupiter is in my 9th and now opposing my Sun/Mercury and I'm concerned that I'm being stupid 😂

I can't begin to say how much faith I have right now - it's there, I can feel it. Nothing is bringing me down.

Jupiter will be hitting my MC soon too. 

I just feel so good that I must be missing something!

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strawb.
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@dolce love that Smile I felt the good vibes thru the screen, for real! 

Ive been doing a lot of inner healing work, and listening to spiritual teachings.. it's been helping. The world is bombarding us with fear and panic and I've had it, I'm refusing to take part. God did not give me a spirit of fear and it's not His will for my life. Period. 

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LN
 LN
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@strawb l really like the sound of that! It's true for all of us but most don't realize that yet. I hope thy will.

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LN
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 LN
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Oops. They not thy. I am not a puritan.

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NotMyCircus
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  • Gahh!! I hate Libra season.

At this time I'm still living with the lady with dementia. I was supposed to give my decision about staying or leaving to the daughters on Friday, but then one of them said they're both going to a wedding and staying until late. So I decided to tell them today that I'm leaving. Now I'm waffling, again. 

Maybe I should bullet-point the reasons why I'm iffy about staying since it's a lot:

  • The previous episodes of her acting out
  • Last week she started badmouthing the other daughter behind her back. Then started going through old paperwork because she is convinced this daughter is about to sell her house and vehicle underneath her. I heard ripping and shuffling sounds for a few days as she went through "junk.
  • (Her daughter has most of her files because her mom kept ignoring the bills a couple of years ago and her utilities got cut off. So bills and mail now go to her daughter--a very sore spot for mom.) 
  • She asked me if I would be her daughter. I said you already have two daughters. She said "Yes, but they're not good." I'm nervous that she will try to put a wedge between me and her children--she's tried that a few other times. Her daughters suspect that she got the previous caregiver to side with her and egg her on. 
  • Last week I told her I was taking a walk. She forgot, and next thing you know, her daughter is texting me to let me know she just saw her mother speed by her house on the golf cart, going the wrong way! She didn't slow down or anything. (Daughter lives on the far side of the neighborhood and it's big.) I walked back to the house and her mom told me she was worried so she went off looking for me! 
  • I suspect that the previous caregivers did not alert the daughters to everything going on with her. For example, I can tell their mom is not taking showers anymore. I'm not even sure she's bathing or changing clothes! When I moved in, I was told she showers herself, does her own laundry, keeps herself clean, blah blah blah. No--not really. She was changing her own sheets at times. Now she doesn't. Many times I come home in the afternoons and she hasn't eaten lunch nor taken her pills. I think her dementia is more progressed than I was led to believe. In my opinion, she is in the middle stages, not mild. 
  • This living arrangement could be a conflict of interest workwise, since I learned about it through a client's family member. I already had to list my second job as a COI with my main employer, because both jobs are home care and could be seen as competition. 
  • 90% of my belongings are in storage. The other 10% are in my bedroom or bathroom. I'm nervous that moving my furniture in, even while she's away on a trip, could trigger her the minute she gets back and sees things moved around. 

While the extra money really helps with building my savings and I don't pay rent either, I am also very tired lately. I'm concerned that I don't have the energy to give to this gig properly. Eventually I'll have to let go of one job, then the other as she gets worse. Sorry for the word vomit, I'm just tired of vacillating and afraid to give the daughters my decision. They won't like it and I feel like a wimp for not committing to this arrangement. Jupiter in Capricorn, you know? COMMIT. (What if by leaving I shoot myself in the foot?) Saturn's about to re-enter my 2nd house, too. 

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Elsa
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@notmycircus I'm just going to say this... your situation is difficult but if you can get particular skills when it comes to dementia, you will be able to write your own ticket.

This stuff is not personal. It's illness.

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NotMyCircus
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@elsa I've been mulling over this for a few days. Please forgive me for sounding ignorant, but what do you mean?

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Elsa
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@notmycircus i mean that you're in a super challenging field. But there are legions of families dealing with dementia. People with the patience and skills and willingness to care fir these patients are in great demand and this will probably continue to be the case.

I have seen you struggle with money and such, for years. I have a lot if confidence in you; you're a very good person. I would love to see you find a profitable niche. This seems a possibility.

I have known people who do this. Live in (or near) an elder, who they care for. The family may be out of town or whatever. I know it's daunting but I think you may have everything it takes to do this and more. I mean to offer my vote of confidence in you. Smile

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CocoPeaches
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@notmycircus Write your own ticket = name your own price, and give yourself the fat raise that you deserve! I add my vote of confidence in you, NMC!

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NotMyCircus
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Thanks for the votes of confidence! 😎

Call me crazy, but I have decided to stay with my housemate for the winter and see how things go. (Dementia's progression varies from person to person.) She has become more comfortable with having me live here, and has asked me numerous times not to ever leave. I had a discussion about my concerns with one of her daughters today so that we're on the same page. (I was assured that if I'm at work and something happens at home, I won't be held responsible.) Her daughter said her mom says nice things about me all the time now. The other day I made a pot of chili for me and the mom and she loved it! I think she's warming up to me. 

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Warped by Wuthering Heights
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@notmycircus

Yay!  This is starting to feel like a Little House on the Prairie episode -- and that's a Good thing!

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Libra Noir
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@notmycircus I live with someone with dementia. It’s a lot to handle and emotionally exhausting. There’s tips and tricks to help the one with dementia, for the caregiver it’s just a fucking grind in my experience and dementia generally gets worse, never better, so there’s only worse coming down the pike with this. 

 And if I were you, I wouldn’t want to come home after a day of taking care of people and have to take care of another one. That just seems like a lot of “output” to me. Money can give you some energy and is not unimportant, but it can’t replace well being. You have choices. 

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NotMyCircus
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@libra-noir It is exhausting. Lately she's been calmer and super-nice (I guess from getting used to me) but she pulls a stunt now and then that keep a me on my toes. Yesterday I found a note in the mailbox asking the mailman to send her mail to HER box. Her daughter receives her mail (for a reason--she kept forgetting to pay her bills) and she doesn't like that.

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LN
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@notmycircus You do not need to beat yourself for not feeling firm in your decisions and the uncertainty that goes along with that. Most of us waffle internally, if we are being honest. Listen to your intuition. Your bullet points are a reflection of your knowing. Your higher mind is speaking. It is your voice that matters! Other voices are secondary and can be taken into consideration.

I know you are concerned about this election and there is a heightened sense of peril that is associated with this. I am not saying this is totally unwarranted but try to hold this in particular in balance. You will vote, and after all is said and done there is nothing you can do about any of this. We are going where we are going regardless of our fear. Try to take a deep breath and find an element of detachment if you can.

Do not feel like a wimp. You are not a wimp at all. You are very brave in dealing with your clients, your work in general and your life circumstances. Everyone here would agree with me on this l know.

I doubt you should beat yourself up by saying you are a failure with an inability to move positively in this situation you are in currently and as a reflection ofJupiter in Capricorn. This could also mean you need to commit to YOU for once in your life and to allow space, boundaries and value for self. Money is important, l know, l am not trying to dismiss that. It is not the only currency that should pertain to Saturn entering your second house. It is your value and it is so much more than money.

Be kind to yourself and go easy. You have been given some time to look around and make a decision in a little while when it is right. You are going to get there. I wouldn't  worry about moving in winter. Lots of people do and it is not a hot and sweaty affair that way. That is kind of a bonus right?

 

 

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NotMyCircus
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P.S., I've had no luck finding another place to rent. I was looking at two different places, but both places decided to rent to someone else. There's not a lot of decent places for someone at my income level, either. I'll keep looking, though. 

My parents have kindly offered to let me live with them for a bit if I need a place to go in a hurry. The daughters have also said I can stay as long as I need to in order to find another place. So thankfully if I can't find a place soon, I won't be on the streets. 

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aspire
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Living there is not good. Moving is not good - or at least not yet. Sounds like you have the option to say you’re leaving and keep looking. If it gets to a crisis, you have a back up. So really, you have everything you need to calmly look for the place, whatever your next step is. 

one step at a time, you’ll get there! 

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NotMyCircus
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@aspire Thanks! This whole situation, internally, is driving me crazy. Wait...wait...wait...wait. Meanwhile, winter is coming, and so is a huge election. I just updated my driver's license even though I'm not sure where I'll land in the next few weeks or months, because I'm not about to sit out this election waiting for the planets to align properly!

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