Dori, I am sorry you are feeling this way. I recall we were born not too far apart and I think we have some of the same chart signatures. I adopted a dog and cat during a very tough period of my life and they have been such wonderful companions. There were times when I had nobody but them. It wasn't always easy as I moved around a ton during that time too, but I managed to find apartments or Airbnb's who would allow pets and it worked out. They are the best.
Have you read much about morning light? I go running with my dogs around sunrise almost every day and it has helped my overall health. Even being outside for just a few minutes for morning light is encouraged. If you can fit it into your schedule, it is worth giving it a try. Hang in there.
@tbb I adopted a cat year ago, and that's one of the best decisions I've ever made! It was just a few months after my mom passed, and she brought complete madness into my life, but I adore her. True, it's not easy. I'm glad you found an apartment for all three of you, I would love to have a dog, but being at work most of the day, I'll wait a bit with that, just to make sure, I do have time to go out with him because now, I have no time at all.
I love mornings, my favorite time of the day, but we haven't had sunshine for days, just dark clouds, and fog, and when I wake up it's still dark, when I go home from work, again, there is dark again... Coldness and dark, are two things I can't handle very well.
Yes, I recall the same about you. I'm sorry if I'm too curious, but how are you handling all these transits?
@dori glad to hear you have a cat to keep you company. Cats are so awesome, and are very in tune to your emotions. Treat them with the respect they deserve and they will return the favor!
I went through about a 5 year period when I was getting into work at 6:45am and coming home at varying times, so would also completely miss the sunshine for weeks at a time. Looking back, I am sure that contributed to some of my discontent. If you are able to get out for even a short walk, that may help. Understand about not having time for a dog. I know a lot of shelters allow volunteers to take dogs out for walks or little adventures, so maybe you can try that on one of your days off? And if you are open to it, the shelter may be able to pair you with a housetrained dog who is okay staying at home for periods of time without you, and it would give your cat some company too. Obviously you have to be ready for it, but sometimes I also think, the shelter dog just wants a home and some love. I say because my dog opened up so many avenues for me socially too when I felt very alone. When you are out walking your dog and come upon another dog, a lot of times they stop to sniff and you make conversation with the owner. Or someone asks to pet your dog, or asks about your dog, or you bring your dog to an outdoor event that you would otherwise feel odd attending alone, etc. Plus, you feel safer walking in the dark when you have a dog with you, so you can still get some air and exercise! I am biased but it has done wonders for me so thought I'd share.
And thanks for asking about me. I definitely go through waves of emotions. If I recall, you have a Cancer sun where I have Gemini? The air really helps me to divert some of my "loops" I am trying to figure out how to manage. Saturn in my third began with my sister ghosting me, and she was the only remaining member of my immediate family still talking to me. I've also had a lot of work presentations and teaching that is stressing my ability to communicate. I am trying to pay attention ahead of Pluto moving into my third. It really rocked my second but I also feel I learned a ton about how I do have value and need to behave in a way that is more true to it (stellium including NN in 7th has this show up a lot in relationships).
@tbb If I ever go to the shelter, first I will completely fall apart, and then, there is a huge chance, they will all come and live with me. 
I adore animals, but really, like really adore and if I have to pick, my company would always be animals and kids. I get way too attached to animals, more than to people, it was always like that, I don't know why. I was thinking to volunteer and give a temporary shelter for a dog, but I would get attached and soon I would have an issue. The thing is, it might sound strange, but I'm still learning how to be organized and live by myself, without no help. A few weeks ago, I had to take a business trip and my bf was checking on my cat. I was stressed because he made it stressful, he was insecure about everything, saying every day she is lonely and sad without me. He didn't mean anything bad, but I felt bad. I was so happy to see her when I came back, and she is a cat. Obviously, cats can get sad, but not much as dogs. I need to toughen up a bit and organize myself better and then, a dog is coming to be a part of our family.
Yes, but apart from the Sun I think we have pretty much similar charts. If you don't mind asking, why she began to ghost you? All of the sudden? Did you have a good relationship while you were growing up? My poor second is not rocked, it's devastated, but I'm building it from the scratch, what else we can do? I have NN in my 7th too, I guess Gemini, right? How are relationships going for you?
@dori I hear you about getting attached to animals. One step at a time, and if it works out, I think you would enjoy having a dog too!
Relationships are tough! I am truly thankful for my husband. My immediate family is dysfunctional. I've been learning to have boundaries but there has been a lot to un-learn too. The Pisces IC makes family very confusing. I woke up to quite a bit after my Saturn return and, shortly after, when Saturn left my 12th. I also learned to let go of the guilt, and understand where it came from (my husband thinks Stockholm Syndrome from controlling parents). Being loyal to yourself does not mean you are selfishly being disloyal to another person; more likely that is a sign they are trying to control you. Sometimes you have to test that, and that could mean you're alone again. It's okay. It gives you time to get to know yourself, which helps so much in relationships going forward. I think that is where our SN in the 1st really speaks!
@tbb oh, we do have the same chart. I have Pisces IC too, which I really connected with just recently and it explains a lot. And yes, the guilt, I'm also learning to let it go which is especially hard because I always feel it's my fault, or it's because of me. But I'm working on it. I'm glad you have your husband. It's very important to have a loving and supportive partner.
About the morning light, I gave my husband a light for SAD - seasonal affective disorder. I read about the lights from Elsa on her blog. He uses it in the morning during the 6 months of late morning light. It helps.
@sue-ellen thank you! I've checked articles about SAD here on the blog, it slipped my attention, thank you!
I am very lonely right now. I’m pretty much perpetually lonely but it’s pretty acute right now.
@libra-noir when I read your words, I could have felt them in every bone I have and I know exactly what you mean. You are lonely that much it aches, it's almost papabile and my heart is with you. I'm sending you so much love and warmth and tho we are far, I'm holding your hand. It's going to be okay 😘 If you want to talk, I'm here.
@dori That’s so sweet thank you. I realized at some point in the past year or so that I had been almost treasuring my loneliness for a long time. I think that I started to love it as a way to cope with it- if that makes sense. My connection to it holds me back for sure. Who knew that loneliness could be hard to let go of? It’s gotta be the Scorpio in my chart lol. Or maybe Venus in the eighth.
@libra-noir I know exactly what you mean. Last year, when my mum died, I won't deny this, but for a brief time, about a month or two, I felt free, I enjoyed the fact I'm living by myself, I wanted to be alone, but then something else happened. I've become very lonely but lonely in other people's company like I don't belong anywhere anymore and that made me connect with my loneliness even more. And maybe that's what's holding me back too, tho I resist it as much as I can. But at home, I'm coping better with loneliness than in the company of my brother and his family. With them, I feel like I have no one in this world. So yes, it's hard to let it go, but we have to. We need to try at least, to find a place, a person who will take away this feeling even for an hour. That's a step forward too. I have plenty of Scorpio in my chart, and Venus in 8th too, I like being alone, but I hate to feel lonely. But I feel lonely when I'm with certain people and when the holidays are near, anniversaries, special occasions...