Random Thoughts Thread 2
I just had a gal wishing me happy holidays. She loves them too! I told here this fact - I sing carols all year.
I sing "It's beginning to look a lot like, Christmas..." to my husband, every morning. So he can groan.
I got hit by a bus today.....again. Yes that's right I have had 2 school buses back up into my car. One at a stoplight a few years back and one at a stop sign. No one got hurt. But jeez.... I don't tell anyone about this because it's just too weird.
Interesting OW. The first thing that comes to mind is Uranus interacting with my Mars/Venus/Sun conj. Expect people to be unpredictable in their movements?
The bus's bumper was high so my hood got compressed down as the bus moved toward me. It stopped right before my windsheild. I think I would have been decapitated if I wasn't blowing my horn. I probably should have jumped out. The driver was a complete mess afterward. I called my husband because I didn't have my insurance card; we had gotten new insurance and forgot to put the card in the glovebox. My car was driveable and I went into work because I had so much to do getting ready for report cards. It didn't really impact me until I got home from work lol I was exhausted.
I wish as young girls we were taught a simple mantra to combat heartache. The easiest way to get over your lost object of affection is to talk to them! They will soon show you why it didn't work in the first place.
Spent the last few days an absolute weeping, howling mess, packing the house husband I set up together. Last night, seeing our wedding cards, notes to each other, financial planning for our future life, I bent over in sheer heartbreak. I hope neighbours did not hear anything.
This morning, I reached out to him, and realized the idiot needs to learn his own life lessons. He will wade through his own treacle (borrowing @Justin 's phrase) and grow the hell up on his own time and dime. Anything I say or do in this phase will only make him more stubbornly bullish, no matter the cost to him. Love is so not enough. Both parties need to have the mental maturity to contribute equally to the relationship. I am done doing the heavy lifting. DONE.
So, come March, I will initiate the finalization of the bloody fucking divorce. My heart will break. I will cry every time I touch anything belonging to him or hear his name. My family will be devastated but relieved to see the end of this 3 year saga. My children will be born without a father. Hopefully, the ass realizes the life lessons God has planned for him and comes back to me, instead of running from his responsibilities. But soon, because I am not waiting. I am starting fertility treatments the day after the divorce. I will be an awesome mother AND father to my child(ren).
Soulmate or note. Love of my life or not. Object of forever promises or not. He is an ass and a man-child. There, I said it. I will not twist myself into a pretzel anymore so his Sun-Saturn opposition feels worthy.
My psychologist added my right frontal lobe protocol back into my neurofeedback treatment on Thursday. I had a five hour run of just feeling happy with no anxiety or fear, slept for eight hours that night and then woke up yesterday feeling like I hadn't had much sleep at all. Today was more normal and I had no thoughts that made me feel anxious although I did feel a bit fatigued. I go back in Monday for another session so I'll bring up the fatigue to them. If I remember right, that can happen due to my brain needing to get used to it again. It's still a good idea to let them know regardless.
I'm also going back to my natural hair color or as close to it as possible. I bought the hair dye for it already; I just need to wait until it gets shipped to my address. My natural color is on the ash brown spectrum as it has tones of both the medium ash brown and the dark silvery brown. Since I'm growing my hair back out, I really don't want two vastly different colors.
I also have an appointment to get my eyes checked on the 8th of next month. I'm excited for that because I also get to pick out new frames and I'm going to see if I can get a pair of black cat eye ones. And I'll be able to have anti-reflective coating on the lenses. That means bright lights won't hurt my eyes as much.
I figure if I want to express myself, I can do it through tattoos and piercings and the way I dress. Hair color doesn't matter.