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DO you hate your parents
parents anger family trauma astrology
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Veronica
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Thursday, July 13, 2017 - 11:39 am
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Does anyone here have an extreme disdain for their parents or one of their parents? Im writing this in hopes someone can give me some insight. Im really trying to be a better person and lose my temper but it only seems to be getting worse. I have recently cut my mother from my life, but Im hoping I can find a way to forgive her and let my anger go.
Thank you 

I ask, because I do. I truly dislike my mother. I dislike her so much that I can no longer even see the good parts of who she is. All I see is the evil, vile and horrible parts of who she is. It feels like everything she touches leaves a darkness to it. 

I had a nice childhood. My mom and stepdad (an amazing man) took us camping all of the time and on small vacations. We had nice houses and they helped me buy a car at 16. Our house was always cleana nd always had dinner on the table at 5pm.

 But she always lied about dumb things, white lies that she taught me how to do. She once told me that my friend lied about being adopted... I ended up finding out years later that the girl WAS adopted and had just found her birth mom.. why would she lie about something so stupid??

 She never prepared me for the real world. Never taught me anything. She spoiled me and never set boundaries for me so I went into he real world thinking that everyone owed me something and it was all about me. Now I think I have a lot of narcissistic tendencies.

SHe tried to control everything I did, but when it came time to go to college she wouldnt even help me with my applications. She never came to my sporting events. 

I moved out when I was a senior in high school. I moved 2000 miles away from her after graduation. We had a good relationship then.. being far away and then I met a boyfriend and we would go home to visit and she pressured us to get married. We did eventually and then for 6 years she pressured me to have kids so I did.. and then I told her the sex of my first child her words were "MOTHER FUCKER." It was a boy and she wanted a girl so that she could have the relationship that I shared with her mother. 

Fast forward 12 years to my divorce... she took my husbands side and let him move in with her... FOR FIVE YEARS... he just moved 6 months ago, but continues to spend weekends at my parents house. 

SHe has texted an ex boyfriend of mine before to negatively conversate about me and tried last week to text my current partner nasty things about me... 

So much going on here and I have so much hatred for her. She has a back disease and is on loads of pills and has been for 20 years... she is a pill addict I think now. 
 

She is a Pisces sun, Scorpio moon.. this is her. 
Im a virgo sun 11H, Taurus moon, 7thH Chiron in 7th as well and a scorpio rising with mars venus and uranus in scorpio.

Free Chart 100%

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Thursday, July 13, 2017 - 12:21 pm
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I used to hate mine, Veronica. Both of them were very hurtful to me in different ways. One walked away from me (double Virgo father), the other used me to serve her own purposes and lashed out at me whenever I didn't enhance her self-image to outsiders (double Capricorn mother).  Disloyalty enrages me too.

The biggest mistake I made was believing the hate gave me power. It didn't. But I believe the hate response is your body/mind's way of acknowledging that what was done to you is wrong.  And it's not this feeling that needs to be shushed or guilted or shamed away by people distract themselves from their own uncomfortable emotions by judging yours. 

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Thursday, July 13, 2017 - 12:26 pm
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My mother also lied to me about random things too (said I was accepted to a college that had actually rejected me), and would later offhandedly admit to lying and try to justify it. She also verbally attacked any guy I dated after initially seeming fond of him once it became clear the focus of my attention was elsewhere. So I can relate. 

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Thursday, July 13, 2017 - 12:46 pm
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ScottishFoldSoul said
My mother also lied to me about random things too (said I was accepted to a college that had actually rejected me), and would later offhandedly admit to lying and try to justify it. She also verbally attacked any guy I dated after initially seeming fond of him once it became clear the focus of my attention was elsewhere. So I can relate.   

Wow, Scottish, that's really vicious of her to do those things to you! 

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Thursday, July 13, 2017 - 12:52 pm
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I don't hate them, because I'm not around them, mostly.

I pray that they change their ways, but I just look at them as having personality disorders. I feel sorry for them the way I feel sorry for someone who doesn't know any better.

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Veronica
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Thursday, July 13, 2017 - 12:59 pm
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ScottishFoldSoul said
My mother also lied to me about random things too (said I was accepted to a college that had actually rejected me), and would later offhandedly admit to lying and try to justify it. She also verbally attacked any guy I dated after initially seeming fond of him once it became clear the focus of my attention was elsewhere. So I can relate.   

Its odd that a parent would do those things that we both described. I wonder what in them makes them choose to behave this way. 

I also ask myself all the time... why did I choose these parents and what are my lessons to learn in this incarnation? That one has me stumped so far! lol 

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Thursday, July 13, 2017 - 2:50 pm
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I don't hate my parents anymore. But I did. And they weren't very good parents by traditional standards. 

I think just allowing them to be who they are helped. And understanding that how they treated me had nothing to do with me. It didn't say anything about me. Everyone is always just expressing how they feel about themselves.

It happens all the time but with kids it's hard for a couple reasons. The first is that it's hard for both parent and child to see that they are not extensions of eachother. (Society is in a bad place with this mindset. It's fucking up a lot of mothers and children). As a kid it's hard to realize that everything is not a statement about you. The fallacy is that mom lies to me because I'm not worth the truth (or something along those lines. I can't verbalize it for you). But mom lies because that's how she survives. 

I didn't realize until I became a mother that I'm not responsible for my child's happiness. And in turn my mother is not responsible for mine and never was. I just made the mistake of taking on her ideas as truth. 

The second reason is just the close physical proximity. You get inundated with your parents ideas. You can't hide your ugly shit from your kids. No matter how hard you try. It seeps into your mind as a kid. And that's why you can travel across the country and never see them again but it lingers, because you still believe it. 

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Thursday, July 13, 2017 - 3:00 pm
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Libra Noir said
I don't hate my parents anymore. But I did. And they weren't very good parents by traditional standards. 

I think just allowing them to be who they are helped. And understanding that how they treated me had nothing to do with me. It didn't say anything about me. Everyone is always just expressing how they feel about themselves.

It happens all the time but with kids it's hard for a couple reasons. The first is that it's hard for both parent and child to see that they are not extensions of eachother. (Society is in a bad place with this mindset. It's fucking up a lot of mothers and children). As a kid it's hard to realize that everything is not a statement about you. The fallacy is that mom lies to me because I'm not worth the truth (or something along those lines. I can't verbalize it for you). But mom lies because that's how she survives. 

I didn't realize until I became a mother that I'm not responsible for my child's happiness. And in turn my mother is not responsible for mine and never was. I just made the mistake of taking on her ideas as truth. 

The second reason is just the close physical proximity. You get inundated with your parents ideas. You can't hide your ugly shit from your kids. No matter how hard you try. It seeps into your mind as a kid. And that's why you can travel across the country and never see them again but it lingers, because you still believe it.   

I half disagree with you, respectably. I do believe it's a parent, and parents, jobs, to make the child comfortable. So it's okay for a parent to project their anger onto their child, because 'it's not their job to make their children happy'? It's okay for parents to abuse their authority, and power, as parents, because 'they just can'? It's funny, people tell young people to 'take responsibility for their life', yet they don't do so the same themselves. They blame their kids, project their anger onto their kids, then preach about 'being a good person' and 'taking responsibility'! Such inconsistency! And 'inconsistency' is a nicer word for another word.

I believe parents are supposed to guide their kids, not necessarily make them happy. But it's also a horrible excuse that 'just because they're parents' that they can treat their kids crappy, or like a rag doll. 

I half agree with you, nobody can make you happy except yourself. But I won't excuse parents' bad behavior just because they feel entitled, or 'because it's culture'.

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Thursday, July 13, 2017 - 4:32 pm
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Probably. There have been times I've hated my parents, and there are times I hate my parents. If they leave me alone, I am very content. I hate them when they aggravate me, but I can't help but care a little bit. My parents have good and bad points, and this was something I evaluated after flipping between how horrible they were and how good they were. They're not saints, but they're not evil. They were financially supportive but emotionally abusive. They're control freaks, but so am I.

I think you're over-blaming your mother. You might hate me for saying this, but you asked for insight. While I'm sure there were flaws in your development, some of the things you listed are neutral or just life. Your mom is human. She is flawed. She can be a bitch. She might be a horrible person, but I've seen worse. I'm not excusing her for her actions. What you learned from her or didn't learn from her are your problems to deal with. You are your own person. She can't be everything you wanted her to be because she is her own person. She also cannot teach what she didn't learn or have.

My parents pressure the hell out of me to do things I don't have an interest in doing, which is part of why I don't like them. My dad sometimes pressures me to do sketchy, illegal things, lol. It's my responsibility to do what feels right for me. I can't really blame them for my actions if I submit to the pressure. I had to learn boundaries because my parents have none.

It might infuriate you that she is behaving how she is, but you don't have any control over her as much as she doesn't have any control over you. She has a Cardinal rising, and you probably have some cardinal emphasis in your chart, too.

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Thursday, July 13, 2017 - 5:11 pm
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If you're born in 1954, that means you're 63 years old. I get it, your mother can be, well, antagonistic towards you. I'm sure she does it on purpose at times too. Hehe. :.nervous laugh:.

If she did teach you naughty things, it's your responsibility now to unlearn them. Teach yourself, you can do it! If she did tell lies about other people, it's your job to teach yourself to be more honest, that is if you want to be a more honest person.

If you have all your limbs and your mental health, and are over 18, people usually will respond that it's time for you to move out. And it's obvious that you have. And if you've moved out they usually have even less sympathy towards you.

I can sympathize, however, because I just feel like sympathizing. My mother made fun of my mental illness once, and disregarded taking care of me until I became stabilized. So I have a lot of bias and sympathy for those who have had less-than-perfect parents. I won't baby you, but there's nothing wrong with hearing another person blow off a little steam, once in a while!

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Thursday, July 13, 2017 - 5:18 pm
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What made me hate my mother was not that she made mistakes or got upset and frustrated, it was that she took visible sadistic pleasure in causing me psychological anguish and she felt entitled to do it because she put a roof over my head and paid the bills.  It was my job to be useful to her and if I wasn't, I deserved whatever cruelty she felt like dishing out.

Realizing she was too damaged to be capable of loving me in a healthy way helped ease my hate because I realized it was beyond her. To rage at a wrecked overturned car for not running smoothly doesn't make sense. At least that's how I look at it. 

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Thursday, July 13, 2017 - 5:19 pm
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anonymoushermit said

I half disagree with you, respectably. I do believe it's a parent, and parents, jobs, to make the child comfortable. So it's okay for a parent to project their anger onto their child, because 'it's not their job to make their children happy'? It's okay for parents to abuse their authority, and power, as parents, because 'they just can'? It's funny, people tell young people to 'take responsibility for their life', yet they don't do so the same themselves. They blame their kids, project their anger onto their kids, then preach about 'being a good person' and 'taking responsibility'! Such inconsistency! And 'inconsistency' is a nicer word for another word.

I believe parents are supposed to guide their kids, not necessarily make them happy. But it's also a horrible excuse that 'just because they're parents' that they can treat their kids crappy, or like a rag doll. 

I half agree with you, nobody can make you happy except yourself. But I won't excuse parents' bad behavior just because they feel entitled, or 'because it's culture'.  

If I said what you thought I said, I wouldn't agree either. But you misconstrued and put words in my mouth. I didn't say anything that you're arguing against.

But either way I'm just speaking about my own experience and how I healed something. I'm not speaking in shoulds. I'm telling of my own experiences which is a whole different thing and unarguable really. 

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Thursday, July 13, 2017 - 5:19 pm
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The hurt, however, never goes away.

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Thursday, July 13, 2017 - 5:25 pm
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My mother was 17 when she got pregnant with me. She and my dad married because that was the right thing to do back then.

Then when I was 8 months old my dad left my life because of bad choices he made and my mother handed me off to my grandmother who raised me until I was 8 but still helicoptered over me all my life.

My mother was an still is an alcoholic. She married my stepfather who was an alcoholic too. The two of them stayed in a stupor until I was in high school which left me to raise all my little sisters. And, I was just a little kid raising kids for them.

The stuff in between is just a bunch of garbage that you have all heard about addiction and rage. We all witnessed it. We were all beaten with things like belts or whatever was unreasonable to hit a kid with. No reason to go over all the tragedy that my sisters and I lived through. The bottom line is we all came out the other end in really good shape. My sisters are something to brag about. I am very proud of them....an attorney, a CPA, retired military and a computer programmer.

Also, it seems my own children have finally grown up and they are something to brag about too.

So, no ....I do not hate them. They all actually taught me what *not to do*

I knew was alcoholism was when I was a really little girl. I knew it looked ugly and it ruined lives and families. I learned the same about all addiction. So did my sisters. We also got a close look at what an uneducated derailed train wreck looks like. We got to see poverty and decided that was not for us, we got to see domestic violence and got to decide we would never live with it.

The lessons were huge. Not the kind of lessons a helicopter parent raises a child with....the scary scared straight kind of lessons.

I was heartbroken when my stepfather died on my birthday in 2005. I loved him. And I love my mother truly with all my heart.

They fucked up. But I decided I was not going to carry that around. That is a heavy load. I decided that if its a person I love, I may not like what they are doing or how they live but ....its easier to just love them anyway. I wont take part in any shenanigans and I wont lend or give money to the cause. But if my mother needs me, I will help her in any way I can. Why? Because she is my mother and my grandmother loved her dearly .....and my grandmother was my guardian angel ....and if for no other reason, I'll do it for her. Just like she took me in and raised me when I needed someone.

Yes, I love my mother. My father that decided to make poor decisions and leave my live when I was a baby has come and gone over the years. But, I really don't know him. So, I guess I love the thought of having a father. I am glad I know who he is because I am the spitting image of him, so is my oldest son and my middle granddaughter. Its almost frightening .....I mean the genetics are so strong.

I don't have whatever it takes within my heart to walk away from or not love my mother. All my sisters have walked away from her. They haven't talked to her in years.....I will never abandon anyone. I don't care what they did....I just cant do it.

That's not to say I don't get pissed and rant like a lunatic..... I have Mars in Gemini square Pluto....I can cuss like a sailor on leave. But, then....it passes. I always love them. I love them all.

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Thursday, July 13, 2017 - 5:28 pm
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I deeply regret NOT cutting ties with my mother and having nothing to do with her once I reached adulthood and that is the truth. 

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