I carry a lot of childhood baggage. I’ve managed quite well by accelerating out of my past, wheels spinning. But I am approaching the last part of my life (W 65) and I have to expect some frail years. Not right now, but at some point. And I fear that my past will catch up with me then. I’ve read a lot about how psychedelics can help PTSD soldiers, the dying, etc. I thought I’d give it a try now. So, this summer I found a tripsitter and had a psilocybin trip. (not legal in my country.) I suppose I was hoping for – comfort? A sign that “the universe” will be gentle with me during my final years?
Here’s what happened.
First, a wall of intense nausea. Then, and this came in a flash, I was in a pre-birth conversation with – who? someone in power. I was begging to not be born into “that family”. The power answered that I would have to; I had “duties,” and “tasks to perform”. I was sobbing and pleading to not be forced to live. In real life I don’t beg. But here I was howling for that power to spare me this life.
Then I was back to being me now, in summer 22. And I was almost levitating with fury. “Is it enough now?” I shrieked. “What was all this SH***T for? It was USELESS, not good for anything AT ALL! (I don’t agree with myself here, my life was good for something, and I’ve had many lovely experiences, and I’ve loved and been loved, but this is what I felt during the trip).
Then I morphed into some kind of “story-room”. Grimms’ fairy tales were extremely important to me in my childhood, and I was within Cinderella for a while. She was sweeping up messes, because that was her duty. My duty. And I was wondering out loud: “But I’ve heard this story before, haven’t I? This is a story, right? Just a story? And it’s been told many times?”
And then I was patting the earth and asking: “Can I be a tree now. I’d like to be a tree please, that would be fine. Can I be a tree?”
And then that part of the trip was over.
I’ve heard it said that we always choose our lives. You can understand why I’m not so sure. Have any of you had a pre-birth experience? What’s your story? I’d really like to hear it.
Scorpio moon, Pluto square moon, 8th house stellium.
Wow! Super interesting. Welcome, Falada.
Welcome Falada and thanks for sharing! I haven't had a pre-birth experience but did have a past life memory of being in prison facing an impending execution.