Hello everyone,
i wrote here a few months ago saying that i was quite stuck in life, didnt know how to handle life, work and etc. Since that time some things changed, i moved in life, progressed in it when it comes to career, education , new people and etc. Im kind of fulfilled. I just focused on my goal and did what i wanted. Nothing disturbed me.
The whole pandemics last and this year made me think of myself more as an individual unit. I am not a people pleaser anymore. I almost have no friends , i spend time alone after work or with my family ( sister, parents) or some random friends who are in the same 'life' situation as me. It suits me and i am in a comfort zone of being alone, doing my thing, working, and being happy in life. This alone-time helps me to slow down and meditate mentally. before i was surrounded by many drama and oud friends who were absorbing my energy. But i let them go.
It sounds great but i am no longer interested in any relationship. MOREOVER!!! What happened is that when i completly shut down from people in social media, when i quit and refuse meetings with people ( group of friends or individual) people want to spend time more with me and its them who initiate contact with me! The more i hide and focus on myself the more men ( my male friends ) start to be interested in me. And i dont know what to do.
In the past i was kind of a people pleaser. I wanted to be in a relationship but everytime there was something happening i was failing. Men didnt want me, male friends were not choosing me as a girlfriend or even some sex friend because of 'something'. There was always 'something' that they were deciding to quit the relation. Since that time or maybe 2018 i am no longer in any relationship. I have completly changed, when it comes to my appearance, my looks, way of living, my attidute and etc. BUT i pushed those people from the past away. Im not longer interested but they start to be interested in me! AGAIN! On other terms! Its like this weird circle of a cindarella.
BUt I do not have any urge to be in a relationship. Or even to DATE. Sometimes i am afraid of myself because i can be seen as asexual. I am not asexual but i am not searching for anyone now. I dont know how to search for someone and how to communicate the world i am single and maybe i would like to be with someone in the future. Im getting older, im 31 but look way more younger than it was 5 -6 years ago. Im more matured, grounded, my Capricorn moon did its job and helped me ground myself. But somehow i feel blocked and i cant express my emotions, im heartless and sometimes cold. I do not operate on emotional level. Only to some close people as family or sister.
I'm afraid i will not have anyone and i will get older without children and etc. I want to have children in the future but i dont wanna be desperate and only catch a guy to have a child....
What do you see in my chart? WIll i have someone, ? Will I get married in future? I know i am a late boomer, but maybe i will have someone?
Thank you,
O
Saturn is transiting into your 7th house. You will be working on relationships for the next 2.5 years. Your feelings at this time are completely normal. You're right on schedule, wrapping up you 6th house, behinds the scenes work to do! 
@elsa thank you so much. what behind the scenes work to do? what do you mean? work related or personal issues related work ? im just being curious.
@okkkk I meant Saturn is leaving your 6th house which rules Virgo stuff. It's heading into your 7th. You are ready to tackle relationships.
@elsa thank you do you think that my 3-year - lesson concerning my work- life and work ethic is ending? im asking because i ve just had a shift in my career, i applied for phd and got in. it made my boss to change my agreement for more 'wishy-washy'. so im not protected by the work law now- im again a student protected by the university law now. so the boss can get rid of me easier than before. and im thinking that if this 'era' in this woffice is going to end soon or not. its like - now im not dependent on 1 stream of income ( from my boss) .
It sounds like you are living proof of the law of attraction. You let go of the very idea of having romantic relationships, only to have those relationships start coming to you. Who knows, when your Saturn position changes, those people who have been coming to you may be suitors.
"But somehow i feel blocked and i cant express my emotions, im heartless and sometimes cold."
I'm curious how this perception of yourself really does play out. You may see yourself to be this sort of person if you head, but is that really what people see on the outside? Have people said this about you before and that's how you know?
@rapunzelsoldierfish hmm its not only me telling this. some old friends who dont change and cant understand that people usually change in life can become other person in period of years or etc.
my family also thinks im cold and heartless. i remember them telling me this some years ago during family meetings but now they kind of hmm congratualte me on having strong will power and being focus on what i told myself in the past. - for example if i didnt want to be friends with someone because of some reasons im still not friends with that person. its like i started being more 0-1 which i know is maybe not natural because the world is not only 0-1 but in grey-ish colours but when i started treating people and situations very strict and having strong boundaries- i feel better. im not being overwhelmed. and its not my armour and trying to show others that i have changed for more assertive and etc. i dont know probably im less assertive than in the past and more of an introvert. but being frank and honest with myself and keeping my goal and aim in what i told myself, makes me strong and as i said even family recently told me they were wrong and they congratualte me on doing what i want in life not to prove people anything, just being me on my terms.
"being cold and heartless" here explains how i present myself to the world when i am focused on sth. i cant have 'normal' emotions when im in this work related process. its a 'whole aura' of a cold work environment that i am in'. and i know people can be surprised or scared of that because they didnt know that side of me. i remember soem 5 or 10 years ago during my university time i wanted to have friends and be very open and nice but on the other hand i had this inner urge that if i wanted to become good in my profession i needed to work hard and sacrifice. and it was usually my 2 sides the external one- aries- and internal - capricorn with very good and cold work ethic. and those 'external friends' didnt know that i worked that much and etc because i never showed them. during my saturn return and after that everything changed - i kind of balanced those two elements - aries and capricorn and i decded that i wanted to become more of a capricorn not an aries like ( for now). so that is why those people from the past were surprised of my attidute and etc. i had many talks with my ex- friend who was telling me that i was too serious and 'dark' thats why i didnt have a boyfriend. and i remember that my 1st thought of an aries was like - maybe she was right because she was always all over the place ( sagittarius, aquarius) beng dissorganised always asking me for 'serious' help when she needed. but my inner capricorn was telling me that it was real me and its only her who cant project this 'dark side' on me because she was used to me being like her - pen, loud and dissorganised.
@okkkk You sound very resilient! Perhaps the opposite of the "highly sensitive people" - I'm somewhere on that highly sensitive people spectrum (pisces moon and some venus moon stuff in my chart). I get bogged down by others' energies. Perhaps this is not something you need to worry about, and that can be a good thing. Both ends of the spectrum have their benefits.
I bet you will form a relationship when the time is right. It sounds like you know when something isn't right for you. I believe there is someone for everyone - someone looking for certain qualities in the person. It sounds like you may not be the type to get overly attached to people, aren't needy.
Some Aries-type people may like this. My Aries sun doesn't like an overly need partner - whenever I'd get a little hint of some kind of neediness in a partner in the past I'm like "who the F do you think I am, your own personal ass-wiper?" But I will be nurturing when I want to be, haha.
@rapunzelsoldierfish thank you i actually needed to learn this resilience. inside im very sensitive but i built up this wall - unfortunately maybe. i only open up to very few close people. and i try to keep this 'confident and resilient ' character on the outside. i was a sponge for others energies before but i put up some strong boundaries and now i try to 'mirror' people's behaviour when i see their dark side or suspect something. sometimes i need to chill more because since a few years i started to be on this 'stand-by' emotional level all the time- not to be bothered or surprised ( as it was many times in the past unortunately when i was taken for granted many times or i was the 'last' one' or forgotten' one sometimes) it ended.
@okkkk I know what you mean by building a wall. There may be a lot of emotional energy that you harbor in your body. Right down to the organs - the liver holds onto emotions you've had your whole life and holds them deep in there in a place where you can't access them. I am currently having an organ cleanse with restorative supplements and colonics. It's restoring me to how I was as a kid - very sensitive with strong emotions, but in tune with others' feelings. I remember certain movies that were philosophically profound in a depressing way leaving me in a state of mild shock for days.
I built a wall over the years to protect myself from others' energies - I didn't have to feel it if I tuned it out and stuffed my feelings down into my liver/intestines with carb foods! It sounds kind of out there, I know. A colon hydrotherapist has taught me a lot about this recently. I get it now because I've experienced the reversal of it.
@rapunzelsoldierfish thank you. i didnt think of that like of a 'demage of my inner organs'. i should read more about it. but its true- every emotions and stress that i absorb and put inside me can have some impact ( bad or good) to my inner body, organs). i remember my mum was working with handicaped and mental sick people for the last couple of years before she got retired. for her ( an artist) it was a shock but she only did that to retire because with her age noone wanted to hire her for the 'last 4 years until retirement'. she got so stressed and discunftional in her mind that her stressed caused inner pain, she still goes to many doctors and they finally told her that her pain is caused by stress. she couldnt even open her jaw for some time because of the muscle and bone pain- it was all stressed. so i am sure that stress and emotions can have a huge impact on a body and inner organs.. thank you for reminding me. i cant hide emotions but i am more of an introvert now, before even until 2015 or 16 i was very open and very 'outside', 'external' person. now i am more of a 'inner' person.