Saturn Rx pressure mounting
This Saturn retrograde goes exactly (I mean exactly) to the point of my Natal descendant then goes direct on the same spot. It's very close now and I've been feeling it for weeks. It's like a pressure cooker as it gets closer and closer.
For too long I have been under the spell of "It's not me, it's them"... oh no, it's definitely me! Saturn is haunting me with everything I do wrong.
This may be the chance of my life to learn my lesson.
I'm starting to get hints of this Saturn cycle wrapping up and moving on. I think people will be shocked when Saturn leaves Aquarius at the level of distortion in perception we have been existing with. It just got flatter and flatter as we went further in to the transit. The way we are thinking and thinking and feeling right now is very specific to Aquarius, the personal heart based energy has been really flattened, personal/subjective reality is not supported, it's all homogenous collectivity, even totalitarianist in quality. Ptsd, avoidance, detachment, annihilation, coolness. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe with this energy.
I'm currently feeling it too for my Saturn Return. A lot of, "no, it's not them. It's me" as I sift through my past experiences to navigate future ones. So definitely a lot of self awareness, responsibility, learning boundaries and detachment. I've had to detach from a lot which has helped me because I'm a triple Cancer with so many gosh darn feelings haha. Things don't hurt me as much anymore. I've become a bit more objective. The past 2 years has been all about working hard on structure and stability which is still an ongoing process, but everyone around has taken notice of how hard working and responsible I have become and I've made quite the name for myself in certain places.
I've also become more of an unapologetic homebody and even in the process of losing a friend group of 10+ years due to it and honestly, I don't care? I've been feeling this friendship break up coming for awhile now. We're just not on the same wavelength anymore. I'm much more focused and with everything that has happened and with what I'm going through.. they don't understand. Yet they get upset if I don't want to go out and party or hang out which would lead to partying. I love them and maybe this is just a hiatus that we're taking, but right now is avoidance as they have ex communicated me from the group chat without a word and I'm okay with it. I couldn't breathe and needed a break. Quite frankly, this isn't the only time we've taken a friendship break either.
So maybe I have developed a bit of detachment and aloofness towards certain situations and maybe I'm being a bit cold too, but when I say it was needed for me to survive because of the pressure.. I'm ready for it to be over though. I'm ready for the pressure to be over. It's all in my 4H too. It hasn't been that fun, but staying inside my shell, reinventing myself (1H Pluto) has been the best course of action for me and I'm thankful for the newfound growth that I have achieved. Learning to let go and let Allah.. I literally said "I give in. Whatever I'm supposed to learn or happen, I'll roll with it." Still not through with my rebirth yet, but I'm remaining open to it and the feeling.
Pressure makes diamonds.
@Draco you have two years to sort things. Saturn transiting Cardinal houses is generally really productive.
Thought I'd bump this post up as Saturn is now direct!!!!! I'm quite sensitive to energy, so I'll add some things I've noticed.
Yesterday I went on my usual walk (I'm a Pisces moon and need to walk long distances regularly ..feet!) and I always climb this really steep hill which clears my energy field/chakras really well. It's a tough climb but yesterday it was nearly impossible, it was like climbing in concrete. Also my body felt very tense and uncomfortable the whole time and I couldn't properly relax/tune out, i just wanted to get the walk over with.
This morning, now Saturn is direct, I feel like a weight has been lifted off me, specifically around my heart chakra. It's like a big boulder got rolled back and off and light and air is starting to get in. Starting to have mild sensations of heart based feelings (Leo!) whereas I've noticed how numb that whole area has been during this Aqua transit and particularly the rx.
I have found this rx period since June 4th very tough. Just been getting on with things and knuckling down like I'm in the military or something. I'm excited to feel my heart stirring again.