How important is confrontation?
I will admit I don't often confront people. I don't fear confrontation, but I usually calculate that it's not in my best interest. Usually I think it would just leave me exposed and do nothing to change the other person's behavior. So if someone does little things that upset me, I tend to let them go, thinking that we all do hurtful things from time to time. If someone is really being awful, eventually I distance myself from the person without an explanation. I have Venus in Scorpio.
I'm actually not sure this is a good thing and I'm thinking about changing my ways. I am left still feeling resentful in the end.
How important do you think confrontation is? Does it help you to get something off your chest? Do you see it in your astrology?
I’m very very very confrontational. Learned it from age zero up. I had to always confront dad against mom. They didn’t need a kid and woops there I was. The adult in the family. At age zero.
I hate conflict. I address it, make amends and move forward.
There are so many different confrontational situations.
I have Mars in Leo 6th house.
I would jump into a train for my dog or your kid. I’d take a bullet for the kid found in a kidnapped situation. I get into that stuff. Because of my childhood. It’s all I knew. I always stood up for mom s money, her care, & safety. That’s surviving skills I know, but it made me aware. I always fought my dad. And I’m a girl.
I think it's smart to think twice before confronting people. But it sounds as if you're realizing that your MO could be tweaked.
"I tend to let them go, thinking that we all do hurtful things from time to time. If someone is really being awful, eventually I distance myself from the person without an explanation."
This suggests you're forgiving but also afraid? Then you bolt which is a defense / avoidance. If you continue in the pattern, all your relationships will end this way... all because you do not want to confront?
I don't know. This is a guess, based on what you wrote.
If you also do the same thing, in all your interactions, it's usually a sign you should try something new.
This sounds saturn/neptune to me. Fear/Disappear.
I'm like WoodenBowl, except I confronted both my parents because they were both abusive narcissists. Because of my violent childhood training, I confront people a lot, especially when I witness strangers being abusive (i.e., to a cashier) or racist or even littering. I'm Aries sun, with a 5-planet Taurus stellium, and Aquarius rising. Stubborn warrior triggered by injustice.
I often get away with my confrontations because I'm a woman, and I think abusive dudes are inclined to get more aggressive with another dude confronting him. But I won't be surprised if one day I get seriously attacked and injured. Then I might reconsider my targets or preparation. I have no combat training and don't carry a weapon, so it's a risk. In personal relationships, I'd much rather speak frankly, argue it out, then either come to consensus, agree to disagree, or say goodbye permanently.
My aunt was the opposite of me, and she died young. Pisces Sun, Mercury, Venus, opposite Moon & Pluto, square Mars. She kept everything bottled up inside. She pretended to be cool, friendly, peaceful, and wise, but she was disingenuous, untrustworthy, selfish, opportunistic, and entitled. She used people for money then ditched them. She confessed that throughout her life, she always fantasized about killing her mother (my grandmother, who was a bit bourgeois and critical, but was my saviour from abusive parents). I've never wanted to kill my parents, despite their abuse. I expelled my frustrations by yelling and fighting with them, instead. Now I just don't speak with them at all.
My aunt died of blood-bone cancer (multiple myeloma) at age 60. Her mother lived to 100. My aunt was physically healthy, privileged (medically, socially, genetically, and residentially), so her sudden cancer didn't make sense. I suspect my aunt's unexpressed spiteful feelings might have contributed to her death by cancer. I hate to 'blame the victim' like that, but the grim reaper operates in mysterious ways.
We have similar aspects, Leda. I have my Mercury/Venus in Scorpio. My Moon is conjunct Saturn in Scorpio and I have a Sagittarius Sun. My first house is Libra, but I have Mars/Neptune there. I always like to keep the peace and hate fighting, so I let little things roll off. I pick my fights.
If I need to confront someone though, I'm right on it whether I want to or not. I just do it and I'll deal with the aftermath later. I'd rather take care of things now than carry the baggage that I didn't act. I can be brutally honest (Sagittarius) but my Mars in the 1st house is the great fighter. Neptune is my veil, but it also cringes when Mars gets loose.
You had asked in a post if a house position trumps a planet. It doesn't, but if you are missing an element in a chart, it can make up for the loss, somewhat, of that element. I have no Earth planets in my chart, but my Scorpio planets are in the 2nd house which is a fixed Earth house associated with Taurus in a natural chart. That placement of my planets really brings me down to Earth.
With elements, there really isn't a gold standard of perfection. Yeah, its nice to have a planet located in all of the elements for balance, but if you don't have that you can make up for it in other ways. Even through other people.
I think I didn't do a very good job of articulating my question, so I'm going to try again.
I think what I'm really looking for is a way to be less sad about things that have happened and continue to happen. So I'm wondering, does it help you to tell someone how they have negatively affected you? Or does it not matter? Maybe you are able to move on and let it go without ever confronting the person. I imagine people might be different in their answers to this and it might show in their charts.
Maybe "confrontation" isn't even the right word, because that sounds like an angry thing. Underneath the anger is probably just sadness, in most cases.