The friend who betrayed my son earlier this week has apologized and restored the friendship. I am skeptical since this boy has a distinct pattern of becoming very close to my son and then dumping him coldly.
It has never made sense because they hang out together at one house or the other 7 days a week so I always wonder what this kid thinks he’s doing. He is entirely compatible with my son. I have never witnessed conflict of any kind so I have no idea what this kid is acting out but apparently it is something. And I think he is fortunate because my son can transcend but what a baffling situation.
My son got off the bus and I asked how his day was.
“Awesome. We’re friends again,” he said happily.
“You are?” He had sworn him off.
“Yeah, he said he was sorry. He was really sorry.”
“Well I am glad of that.”
“You don’t look happy,” he said.
“Well I am glad you’re friends again. You know I like him and I think you should keep your friends any way you can but I do think he will do this again.”
“He was reeeeally sorry and he’s been missing me every day.”
I smiled because I couldn’t help myself. “Good enough! You got your friend back, is he coming over?”
“He has to go to the dentist today.”
“Oh, okay.”
I thought about warning in some way but realized I already had. Walking home, I glanced over at him and realized the warning I did issue was irrelevant because in fact the kid does not have a gullible bone in his body. So what then?
What is it that he has figured out that allows him to have anything in the world happen to him with little (ultimate) consequence to his person hood?
I don’t know but it runs in the family.
Personal strength.
He’s not gullible, he’s just strong. No one’s ups and downs can get to him for long…he just keeps bouncing back. Saturn people are like rocks 🙂 And the friendships they form are durable…no matter what.
I’m sorry, but as a dyed-in-the-wool Sun/Saturn with an unfortunately-mirrored kid, I know that when you’re desperate for friends (he’s going through a hell of a lot of domestic changes right now and NEEDS peers to keep him sane), you’ll even keep the ones who are intermittently crappy and unreliable because you don’t have anyone else and can’t cultivate new ones in this state. He’s got the Libra, so even this “friend” will do. He CAN’T be alone right now and is willing to sacrifice quality for a quantity of one. He is well aware of what he’s doing, though, so I wouldn’t worry about him.
Actually, this is a good thing. This will teach him about boundaries, payoffs and self-worth.
And…don’t forget what a great job you’re actually doing as a parent Elsa! I’ve known an Aquarian or two who are so (beautifully) intent on permitting their child personhood they actually forget how important a parent’s view is?
Meaning: he can fuck up in all kinds of ways and having his mum love him and listen to him will SUSTAIN him.
Oh, absolutely, Elsa! You’re providing all manner of domestic stability. The thing is, he’s in the middle of so many changes at home – the situation with his sister, and the new father figure who’s there and not and then there again and then not, and while I’m sure his real dad is a cool person, he’s back and forth with him, too. The only constant in his life is that he goes to school every day, and that’s also where he gets his sense of self out there in the world. If there’s someone out there in Otherland who can validate that Vidroid’s a cool guy and is one of them, he’s going to cling to that for dear life.
“…he’s going to cling to that for dear life.”
Avery – you’ve got this wrong sort of like the way you see the soldier and I and how we fight. My son is not this way at all and he does not see the soldier as here and gone, here and gone. He sees him as on his way and not here yet… there is a grand plan here and he is in on it.
Not that your theory is not solid, it just does not fit this situation.
Also Vid sees his father (he a mile away) 3 days a week and no way does he feel it is “back and forth”.
I should add something else and I hope it does not seem defensive because I am really just trying to explain this. Vidroid is not destabilized now, he is in the process of stabilizing for the first time in his life.
Not sure how long you have been reading Avery but my daughter is acutely ill and I have been taking her to and fro and picking her up from school (and taking her back and picking her up again in the same day) for about 4 years. I did this on average 3-4 times a week and this is the tip of the iceberg so big as to be unfathomable.
I have the intention of talking about this but obviously fall short of time on a daily basis so hopefully it will come to the front and get out before something else comes up instead. Or these days. at times it is more important to change light bulbs than it is to try to explain my life.