Staying Attached When Your Lover Has Moved On

love lockLet’s say your partner dumps you and takes up with someone else.  Do you stay attached? I have seen people stay attached in circumstances like this for five years and more and I can’t say that I understand it. In one case I know of the person had a mental illness but by large people who do this are perfectly sane, they just get caught somehow.

I have a 7th house Uranus so if you’re gone, I’m gone like the wind.  I also have very little in Fixed signs, I am a leaver (Jupitarian) by nature and have enough Neptune to slip out from a noose around my neck.  I’d say this explains why I don’t get stuck but what about the people who do?  What’s in their chart?

Also, here is the sorry news:  As much as I am a sucker for a love story, I have never seen anyone who had stayed true and/or obsessed or attached to an ex who had gone on to form other attachments, wind up with the person.  When both people leave, maybe. My husband and I are an example of that.  But I have never seen someone, male or female, come back to someone who was waiting for them so if this is as rare as I think it is, the worst possible thing you can do if you want someone back, would be to stay attached to them.

What do you know about this? Have you ever held on long after the partner has let go?

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Staying Attached When Your Lover Has Moved On — 28 Comments

  1. So what happens when your body and your brain moves on, but in the deepest most secret private place your hearts stay attached?

  2. Even though my Venus is in Taurus… and makes me attached to those i love… as well as i have most of my personal planets in fixed signs… i still have this Venus in the 9th house, so im able to let it go at some point, Air is majority on my chart, Moon is Aquarius, mercury, neptune and uranus are far more aspected than my Venus…

    so even when i dished my ex, without breaking up, just turned my back and moved on… even loving her… i managed to force myself into new dates, meaningful ofc, and not simply one date after the other at each friday… and after 10 dates, 2 years… i finally met someone worth my Virgo rising. (i still love the ex, but i like myself & the actual even more)

  3. When I was growing up in school, I would like a boy even if he didn’t like me and daydream about him, a lot. After I started working, I became the opposite – if he didn’t like me, I immediately lost interest.

    I think my Saturn Venus in Aquarius trumps my Pisces Moon and forces me to prefer reality, thank goodness. I still daydream all the time, but now it’s to create the future I want. I’m working on attracting the perfect guy for me right now.

    I don’t understand a stalker like my ex’s ex-girlfriend (before we even met). How is it fulfilling to chase a person who clearly finds you unattractive?

    With Uranus Pluto in Virgo in the 7th, I will be tenacious up to a sudden point where it’s over – and then it’s over forever for me.

  4. Venus in leo, 7th house aquarius w/chiron. Left my first husband aquarius, over too many issues to count. And it was pretty easy to do. I do get really emotionally attached, probably my leo fixed. What I can’t take is not being treated right. I will up and leave and not look back. Sagittarius rising?

  5. I have a Cap Venus which builds and invests, and a passionate and fixed Taurus Moon. I stay attached for years – for at least a year obsessively, and often long after in deep way.

    Once a man has become a part of me, of my psyche, he is ALWAYS there and I always feel deep love for him – even if I don’t like him any more. Lesser loves I can detach from completely as soon as the infatuation has passed, esp if we never got to base/bed 😉

    I’ve more than once got back with a lover after splitting up – the Man is the prime example as we had many breakups and a very long and major one even before the final split over the winter – but the same incompatibilities have usually reared their heads again, or just ‘life’ has thrust us apart in a very physical way (different countries etc).

    I don’t chase the man btw, though I once did (with First Great Love, whom I never meant to lose – we did end up trying again, by going to the island together the first time, back in 1970). I just pine way in my chamber… and dream a lot: I’ve written about this on the other thread on the boards

  6. I’m it! i’m the perfect example, the case study of the girl who never got over the one who she thought was IT. I believe it has something to do with my lilith conjunct pluto in the 12 house, other than that, i believe i am insane. I’m 5.6.71 Melbourne Aust, he’s 22.12.71 Brisbane Aust. Its been a painful and drawn-out unrequited obsession to say the least. I should be a lesson to everyone as to what not to do!

  7. oh, and im talking nearly nine years of unrequited love. Mystic medusa once referred to as as ‘in the grip of Neptune’

  8. I do know people that have held out and had it work A friend of mine was in a relationship with a woman that wanted kids, but he wasn’t ready. She ended up leaving him for another man (she cheated and then kicked him out of his own house), got married had a child with this other man.

    He held out. She eventually divorced the other guy, reconnected and then got back together with him.

    They were together for 10 years and had a daughter together before they eventually called it quits. But I think that part of the story is irrelevant, beacuse it was 10 years after the initial stuff, which is the focus.

  9. hi elsa, thank you for making me welcome. i’ve only recently found you but i felt connected from the first para. It’s really not my style to comment on blogs but here i am. x

  10. What do you know about this? This is a way foreign concept for me. However I have known of many people who do this. They often get into relationships with people who look like or resemble their ex in some striking way. (Weird)

    Have you ever held on long after the partner has let go? {NO!} I have never held onto anyone that wanted to leave. I am a Scorpio with Pluto and Jupiter at 28 degrees of Leo in my 7th house. I personally like amputation my self and please all I ever ask is let me know where I stand. If you want me around great if you don’t tell me I will be gone just ASAP! Rarely do I have to be told I usually know when it is time to leave.

    I tried to leave husband 2.0 after 7 years of marriage. I was in school getting training when poof there he was. He talked me into coming back to him. Dumbest thing I ever did then I was stuck for the next 12 years of pure hell. I have very few regrets but that is a huge regret in my life. I have resolved it and I did learn when I have a gut feeling I should stick with it no matter what. The damage my ignoring my internal alarm has done my children and my self is irreparable. It was purely stupid on my part and I am the only one I can blame. I chose to go back when I knew deep down inside me it was a bad mistake.

  11. If someone is not interested in me, why on earth would I be interested in him or her?

    7th house Sagittarius moon is chomping at the bit as it is – this horse has greener pastures in which to frolic.

  12. No, I haven’t and I don’t understand it because when I don’t make changes I know I should (not pining), the universe steps in and makes them for me. I couldn’t pine after an old lover if I wanted. I’d get the reality smackdown, post haste.

  13. I’m gem sun scorp asc and believe me i knew full well the ridiculous insanity of it, but he literally up and disappeared one morning and i didn’t hear a word for eight years. Perhaps i was obsessed by the mystery and definitely pissed off by the lack of closure. I had always been the one to walk away…. in control. Anyway this set of eclipses seems to be bringing the closure, … the shift i have so desperately needed, and sought, to slap my clearly delusional self into reality. It’s only now that i would ever confess this stuff, it has been my deep dark secret for soooo long and here i am telling it to complete strangers on a blog, the changing tides will never cease to amaze me. thanks all.

  14. I was just thinking about this. What a timely post Elsa, as always.

    With venus in aquarius I move on, but Pluto square mars and venus never lets me forget.

  15. I usually let go, too. I’m not that experienced in relationships, and this guy kept coming back, when I’d tried to let go for my own sake. He would act in a certain manner, and then pull the rug out from under me, and he did that one too many times, and when I was feeling very, very low. It was with his help, that I ended up at my lowest, last year, and this year.

    Over the past year, he may as well have just kicked me in the teeth repeatedly (even though there were brief times when he obviously thought he had a chance, but would then do this arrogant thing of his, and he would not *listen* – I had to adjust for him, or it wasn’t happening, and god forbid that he admit to any faults of his own).

    I can’t let go, because I don’t feel good about myself, and because I can’t believe that I let myself get into that situation with *anyone*. And at my age, with my little experience, it was downright demoralizing. Then he would come back with, “I really do love you, you know” or “it should be obvious that I care, because I’m taking the time to talk with you” but it was all one-sided, and his being some shimmering beacon of love and wisdom, when he was just an asshole. Sorry, but it’s true. The lack of letting go, is about me, though, because I wouldn’t want him now, Seriously, we should have had no contact since late 2009, or even January of 2009.

  16. (And I hate it when I do this – I feel so weak, and hate the way people might be ‘seeing’ me. I wish I could delete my comments at times – like the one above. he was there and then he wasn’t – he was wishy washy, and had it happened to anyone else, I would wonder why they were with him at all.)

  17. I’m one of those people who has trouble letting go. In high school I’d try to be friends with my exes, and it didn’t really work. Secretly each of them hoped to get back together with me. Several years later I dated a guy for a couple of years (long-distance).
    After that one faded out, I didn’t date for four years. (I still have love letters from him and some of his stuff. See what I mean about letting go? Taurus moon in 5th). Two years ago I dated a guy who would call about every 2-3 weeks. This was confusing to me. He had a Venus/Uranus opposition (Uranus in Libra) and a lot of Aries. I kept wondering if this was normal behavior for guys, if he was testing me out, or what. After several months of this I accepted that he “just wasn’t that into me” and my sister introduced me to a guy. Physically we hit it right off but he dropped me after two weeks (he had a Venus/Uranus opp AND Venus in Aquarius. That’s tough even for Sag rising and Venus in 9th to stomach).
    I haven’t dated since (it’s been well over a year), but am still tortured by memories of him. Not sure I want to put myself out there since the last guy proved to be a con artist and I don’t trust my own judgment on men anymore.

  18. hi elsa, i am scorp/scorp rising w/ venus and neptune conjoined to my sun. virgo stellium (moon, pluto, uranus). i love for life. if i love someone, even if we split, or get pulled apart by life, we come back together. i am a tenacious love. but have only pined a few times… and when i do, it’s very hard to shake the depth of passionate conviction.

  19. i should have sais it’s a mars/moon/uranus/pluto stellium. what a pile up! and saturn in the 5th in pisces. the planets seem to favor separations from lovers and sacrifices, too. with my north node in 7th, it’s been a lifelong journey to find my soulmate and i am still single.

  20. oh yeah….

    12th house venus in Taurus. If I love you, I love you. I’ve not stopped loving anyone I once loved. I just realized I couldn’t live with them.

    And there’s one I’ve just never gotten over.

    But with Uranus in Leo in the 5th, if you’re a dalliance I have no problems walking away and staying gone. Out of sight, out of mind.

  21. Oh, I totally do it. Huge amount of fixed signs + Venus Saturn. Nobody else is going to come along for years (if ever) if someone breaks up with me, and they all dump me, I am doomed to years of loneliness and nobody else is going to come along to replace him. Of course I pined. Even when I knew better. I can’t have contact with exes because I always wonder if I should get back together with them if I hear from them. Even though I don’t want to get back together with one and the other wouldn’t have me, I wonder because there is nobody else that has come along.

  22. I have a difficult time of letting go. I chased a guy once for two weeks and then I realized that it was a stupid thing to do. But if they screwed me over, I have no problem with just walking away. It really depends on the circumstances.

  23. i have uranus venus. when i’m gone, i’m gone. and i was almost always the one leaving.
    when i wasn’t, it was my saturn venus running the thing. in one case, i needed to define what the relationship was before i let it go (which didn’t take too long given his atrocious behaviour post breakup.)

    but, well, let me tell you about Capricorns I Have Loved… as a young woman, the things i had the hardest time finding in men my age were self control, and wisdom. having the cap fifth house, they were also sexy. i could maybe trust a guy like that. a big deal for saturn venus and intimacy.
    it took three years after my first real relationship before i dated again, and it was a disastrous for awhile, as i guess i gave up on looking for saturn and tried to just see what i could find.

    we did get back together, about two years after that, but it was strange and painful and, eventually, cathartic. i didn’t wait around for him. and i found he wasn’t the only man in the world who had what i needed.
    (there were a couple other, similar, capricorney interactions, but this relationship taught the primary lessons that those drew upon)

    eventually i found my husband. who does have those qualities, although no capricorn. though he does have the cardinal… and strong saturn/jupiter… and he’s much much older than the men i was looking at back then.

    so, if you’re wondering about why people get stuck on someone, i’d say look at saturn.

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