Overcoming Problems In Love

Recently, I worked with a man who has a real gnarly situation with a woman he’s dating. He loves her.

They have some bad patterns established that have created resentment on both sides.

To work this stuff out, they’ll have to dig deep and expose the ugly and the vulnerability on both sides.   It will take courage and commitment to do this successfully.

I think they can make this happen, if they’re willing to traverse some difficult, complicated (Saturn in Scorpio) terrain.

Most people don’t want to to do this. But it seems to me that working it out with someone you  love is a lot easier then spending your life with someone you don’t love.  This is true, even if the process is grueling.

Did you split with someone in the past, when you probably should stayed and worked it out?


Overcoming Problems In Love — 12 Comments

  1. As a Virgo Venus and Moon, I always try to work it out before I call it quits. Sometimes way too long, way too hard..I have never regretted not having made the effort. Nonetheless, I have regretted either putting too much energy in unworkable situations or going for it the wrong way (that also led nowhere good).

  2. Nope. Never. I’m a Virgo Venus, Sun & Pluto…I try until I am at the point of complete emptiness & exhaustion, nothing left to give.

  3. i feel like im going through this now with the person ive been dating on and off for almost 5 years. there is old resentment that he holds, and i feel like he doesnt want to talk about it, but i think we should, and have to. i hope we get the opportunity.

  4. Being a Libra, I try to make it work to the point of self-denial even though it is blatantly obvious that the other party has no interest in “making it work” because it’s “work”. Stupid, really, but I do hang on for too long; childhood patterns. Trying to get love where there is none.

  5. Good point, Mia: you can’t get love where there is none…and you have to see the situation as it really is (Saturn in Scorpio) rather than what you wish (aka Neptune) to gain this type of understanding

  6. I almost did this, just a couple of weeks ago. Did do it, kind of, by leaving home for a week. We couldn’t even talk on the phone without pointing fingers. But, after a week, and a couple more days of sleeping in seperate rooms, we opened our eyes to the fact that we both DO have so many more reasons to stay and do that grueling work, than we have reasons not to do it. We are doing that work now, and it is tense at times. Heavy. But worth it.

  7. Yes…I’m with a girl now that I had split up with late last year…I definitely feel I’m holding some old stuff still that sort of makes up some odd patterns. I know I do love her…so it becomes a bit confusing…
    I’m truly understanding that it can work…
    It can get ugly…not so much at the moment…but I know it doesn’t have to…it’s just very easy to set off a spark.

  8. Quite the opposite – Cancer- I know I hang on too long. My car is 17 years old, my cat is almost 24, my husband and I have called it quits 11 times and I’m still here. If there’s no Plan B, why cause myself angst.

  9. The most important part is that both people want to stay and do the hard work together. Together is the key word.

  10. I used to occasionally wonder what would have manifested if I would have stayed with my first boyfriend. It wouldn’t have worked out, I’m sure, due to his family.

    More times than not, I look back and wish I would have left earlier in some of the relationships I’ve had. I would often just keep on trying. A relationship ended when Pluto conjuncted my Moon in the past couple of years; that’s when I truly began to understand about letting go early when it wasn’t going to work.

  11. Yeah… My ex and I. On and off for the last 7 years. We’re friends now which is cool for me but when we broke up and he wanted to discuss about it cause we slept separately for a few days all his accusations came out. And after all he said and all the fingers he pointed we won’t be getting back together. He doesn’t want to take responsibility for his part which is quite sad because Saturn in Scorp says to me to own your part, maybe that’s my stellium in the sign talking, and take your part. So oh well now. I think he wants to get back together but for me its a no-no. I’m not only hurt by him but I’m disappointed in his actions and disappointment is more than hurt.

  12. I just don’t see it in terms of “working it out”. When you partner with someone, more often than not you are usually partnering or drawn to the inherent problems in the relationship as you are to the benefits of them.

    For example say a guy is into the manic pixie who says goofy things all the time but then he’s outraged she has no interest in budgeting and saving for a house or retirement. Or a woman falls madly in love with a rock and roll musician and ten years later is bitter because “his” rebellion and lack of interest in being civilized have resulted in no financial ( or social ) security whatsoever.

    Get to a certain point in this analysis and what you realize is that you are married to yourself, and the magic of the whole endeavor depends on several types of conflict. Projection and fantasy are pretty much required for any type of sexual/romantic chemistry; drop the veil and what’s left are two naked, deluded people.

    When people get tired of fighting, most often they quit the relationship rather than “working it out” since the fight was really most of the whole thing to begin with. I think when you get to the point that something “can’t be worked out” what’s really happened is that you’ve worn through the exercise enough to integrate it and move on to a new scenario.

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