My Ex-Fiance Is Getting Married – Should I Call Him?

Hi Elsa,

I feel as though I’m at a conundrum here and am in need of advice. My ex fiance is re-engaged. He never told me about it either, not that it needs to be any of my business anyways. I feel as though he and I need to have a final chat before he gets married, just to air things out that have been left unsaid for years. I’m not looking to change anything or change his mind despite my unrequited feelings. My thing is that I don’t know what to do. Should I just leave things be and not bother with him at all? He didn’t bother to tell me about it which makes me feel that I no longer have any significance, which is acceptable. Or, should I reach out to him to both congratulate him and ask him for a final chat before I no longer have the opportunity?

Wondering

Hi Wondering. It’s normal to consider something like this and while you can call him, I don’t think it’s a good idea.

This is not because you are no longer significant to him.  You have no way of knowing that. But he is choosing to commit his future to another woman. He’s not waffling or asking for interference.  He’s given no indication he wants to talk to you.

I realize this is probably painful for you, but consider this: what if the day comes when you are engaged to be married? And your fiance’s ex decides to contact him for a “final chat”?  Chances are you’d be pissed off out of your mind. I know I would be.

For that reason alone, I would leave them be, even if it were ripping my guts out. Because if you do this, it will come around someday.

Beyond that, he’s bound to reject you. This means your contact is going to make three people feel bad. If you can contain your angst, only one person will feel bad – you. But this favor may be returned to you some day. Do the hard thing!

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Comments

My Ex-Fiance Is Getting Married – Should I Call Him? — 3 Comments

  1. Good Lord. Trying to get some emotional satisfaction from a man who no longer has any obligation to even speak to you, inserting yourself where you’re not wanted in an attempt to siphon off some of his attention so he gives less to the woman he’s marrying- it’s humiliating, be glad you asked for advice before making this mistake
    .
    OP, I understand it’s hard to swallow, I really do, but dig for self-esteem in a different yard.

  2. I hope she didn’t reach out. If an ex contacted my soon to be husband I’d be LIVID.

    Leave the past in the past. He’s clearly moved on.

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