The soldier is clearly a Taurean….
We got in the car.
“Yet another gay boy all over you,” I said. “Everywhere we go this happens.”
His turned to look at me. “What? That man was gay?” he asked.
“Gay and hitting on you,’ I said.
“You gotta be kidding me. How do you know this, P? How can you tell a man is gay?”
“How can you not tell?” I asked. I was a little pissy. I was a jealous.
“Well I have no idea how to tell who is gay and who is not. How do you know this?” he asked.
I sighed. “Everything about him was a gay. That guy was a gay billboard. His clothes, his hair, his earrings, his manner, and most especially his fawning over you. Can’t you tell when a man is fawning over you?”
“No, P. I don’t notice things like that. I didn’t notice one thing going on in there.”
“Well it’s the way he looks at you. And does not look at me. He was all over you, never mind he just gave us our dinner for three dollars and fifty cents!’ I laughed. “$3.50! What do you think that was about? Why is he not charging you for this food we got?”
“It’s because he’s gay? He said it was because…”
“No. Gay people charge for food. Gay people make you pay. Except maybe if they see someone they’re interested in and want to get their attention. You know. Look at me. See me, I am here. Dump that gal and come back why don’t you?”
He stared. “Well I don’t know what to say. I didn’t see a thing. I didn’t notice one thing about that man.”
“Well he saw you. And we’ve got this cheap food because of it. Courtesy your good looks.”
He shrugged. “I can’t believe I look good to men,” he said.
“You’re kidding, right?”
“No, I’m not kidding. Why would a gay man be interested in me? I’m not gay.”
“What? That has nothing to do with it. Gay men like men for Godsakes. That’s the definition of a gay man. A gay man likes men. And what do you think you look like?”
“Well I know what I look like. I look like man I would hope.”
“Wrong. You look like a stereotype. A prototype I mean. You look like Boba Fett or something. You could be a prototype of a man actually… of a certain type and there is no way you’re going to go anywhere and gay men not notice you and I can’t say I blame them.”
“What? Look. I think I’m going to let you worry about these things, okay P? Hand me that BBQ sauce, would you? Boba Fett? Men are attracted to me because I look like Boba Fett? Okay. Well at least now I can say I’ve heard everything. Give me that sauce, P. Hand it to me. I’m going to do something simple like eat while you figure out the rest of this.” He shook his head. “Boba Fett. The things that come out of you, I swear. Apparently there is a whole world out there I’m not privy too. A world where you can get a discount on your food if men think you look like Boba Fett. I hope you don’t mind if it takes me awhile to figure this out. Do you mind? Because this almost beyond my comprehension. I didn’t see a thing go on in there.”