Marriage in Trouble

Hi Elsa,

My husband and I are having serious problems right now. We’ve been married almost ten years. The list of issues is too long to go into, but I’m beginning to feel like I’m just waiting for the ball to drop. We can’t seem to get on the same page… and his family has created an even deeper rift between us.

Is there something, in our charts, that could help me learn some new tools to find my way back to him? Or is there something there that says that perhaps, other than the conception of my children, my marriage has been a waste of time? I’m beginning to feel that way. I feel like I’m underneath a truck and I can’t find the way out.

Doubting Wife

Dear Doubting,

Yes, there’s something in the charts! Your husband is in a complex crisis that has nothing to do with you. It obviously affects you, but it’s not because of you and he’s just going to have to live through this time in his life.

Your problem is much simpler and easier to address. Basically, your husband is wigging and you’re scared to death. No one can blame you, but you know what? It’s not helping, and he needs your help. So just stop feeding the fear and loathing. Take a deep breath and try to get your bearings. Where is your ground, maaaan? FIND IT.

Find it, because you’re disabling yourself, right when your husband needs you the most. And you really don’t sound like you want out, so I suggest you get in. All the way in. Commit yourself!

But you’re going to have to be the hero. You’re going to have to do this on your own. You may deserve his support, but what if he’s simply not in shape to shore you up right now? Because I really don’t think he is. But you know what?

If you can do this for on our own, your self-esteem will increase exponentially. You’ll feel strong and proud and focused and the minute that happens, all of this will ease and your whole family wins.

Good luck, and for the record. I’m betting on you. I have no doubt you can pull this off and your husband will be most grateful, first chance he has.

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