Keeping Promises, Following Through On Threats & Lack Of Consistency

This is an old post, from 2009! I think about it a lot and I don’t think I wrote it very well so I’m going to try again.

It’s related to something I wrote in 2007 – Keeping Promises. I was bothered at the time at how few people do what they say they are going to do.

I still marvel at how rare it is people do what they say they are going to do. I’m just not like that.  If I make a threat (or a promise), I am nearly guaranteed to follow through.

Some people are stunned by this. I’ve realized it’s because their words don’t meant anything. Consequently, they think my words don’t mean anything. It seems a rare quality to find people who mean what they say. A woman tells a man she is going to leave him but she stays. This is common. Examples abound.

The message here is this: Some of us mean what we say but there is another angle…

My husband has a “theory of consistancy”. He doesn’t think you can be happy if you lack consistency. I’ve thought about this for long time now and I believe he’s right.

My grandfather (Henry – an authentically interesting person) taught me that a man’s word was his bond. I’m one of those people who know the truth when I hear it so I internalized this.

This is all Saturn stuff.  If you can’t keep a foot on the ground…well you’re just going to have trouble. To keep one promise but not the other is to lack consistancy.  With Saturn fixing to leave Sagittarius, this is a really good time to commit to some philosophy or truth. Words to live by.

Do you mean what you say? Do you have a consistant theory?

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Keeping Promises, Following Through On Threats & Lack Of Consistency — 36 Comments

  1. Good point, if you lack consistency do you lack character, commitment, honor? Who is truly happy if you do not possess those traits. A man is only as good as his word.

  2. I just re-read that older post and was surprised to see I wrote “I have a sordid history of unfulfilled promises”

    I don’t even have one teensy clue what the fuck I was talking about…did I mean other people are inconsistent with me? Am I inconsistent??????????:::draws a blank::::

    I do have Uranus opposing my Sun and my Mercury…I can change my mind on a dime and so in lots of life-circumstances I ask other people for a ‘get out of jail free card’

    If they say, no motherfucker, you’re doing this for me, I need you! yep, I’ll do it. Saturn aspects every planet in my chart. So I need my flake-break sometimes:)

  3. Oops, almost forgot as far as this being a saturn thing, could it be “cracks” in the foundation in someones character or their “blindspot”?

  4. Thanks Elsa!!! Saturn is my ruling planet, but then sometimes Mars thinks he is in charge, and then Venus and Neptune disagree. I am as consistent as cement, except when I am stirred up, which happens from time to time. Maybe I am a work in progress, but most of the time I do what I say I am going to do. Thanks Saturn, you old bastard.

  5. oh I do it! and it took me a long time (30years) to realize that other people don’t mean what they say. if I’m wrong I’ll say I’m wrong, but I will do just exactly what I say.

    When I was a very little girl I got in trouble at school for biting an aide who wanted to see a picture of me, and I said if you don’t let go I am going to bite you. She got bit and I went to the principals office completely unrepentant.

  6. I pretty much always follow through with what I say I am going to do – I take promises from others seriously as well, and if someone breaks them over and over, I walk away.

    I know people can’t always come through, but if there is a pattern of that, I just can’t keep expending energy on the relationship. This applies to anyone – even family.

  7. i don’t even think i go around saying I’ll do anything to/for people much. i just do whatever i need to do when the time comes.

    the people close to me know that i’ll do anything for them, pick their kids up from school or whatever. and if i’m not sure if i can do something i’ll just say so.

    the more i write about it, the less i think this circumstance occurs in my life much, at all.

  8. I try never to make promises unless I’m sure I can keep them, so I always hedge. But I’m amazed at how often people think you said you were going to do something (not for them but in general) when you said you were kind of vaguely toying with the idea of doing said thing.

    I guess it’s all about communications there. I have Mercury in detriment so perhaps my style is a little floaty on occasion.

    Was that wishywashy enough?

  9. i wish everyone would give the astrology when they comment, i know it is an open blog but it is so much more interesting when the astrology is indicated… i am not trying to be rude. just a comment… my 3rd house is picies and i tend to speak in a dreamy somtimes confusing way, mercury in scorp- do not like to divulge too much, saturn is my chat ruler,cap rising and saturn is on the dsc (the handel of a bucket aspecting everything else). i don’t always follow through, most of the time i do- but not always-sometimes it is just not possible.. but regarding constency and happiness… i interperted this differently, i agree that consistency is fundamental to be happy (the only earth in my chart is the asc) but for me being consistent is who i am- i don’t change for others, my core has always been the same, rock solid, the same me for everyone and anyone from all walks of life. that is why two people who have nothing appareantly in common at my party (aqua moon) can both laugh when they are roasting me- because whether at the white house or at the local dive bar- i am me, consistenly me (spelling errors and all). you can take the girl out of peoria, but you can’t take the peoria out of the girl. same goes for saturn.

  10. I keep my promises, but have learned not to over promise. I thought about this some more and realized that with Jupiter way up on top of my chart, I tend to believe that I can do great things, and sometimes I can, but if there is someone I tend to over promise, to it’s myself.

  11. “i don’t even think i go around saying I’ll do anything to/for people much. i just do whatever i need to do when the time comes.”

    110% concurrence! I don’t promise, I just do. And if I do actually promise something, I will deliver. Maybe not always on time, but I will deliver.
    One of the things that my parents always said about this when I was a child stuck with me: “Don’t threaten what you can’t carry out.” So, applying that to non-threatening things, I learned to only say what you were willing to back up, period. It’s like honesty, it makes your life simpler if you and the people around you know you’re good for your word.

    Is it any surprise I have Mercury conjunct Saturn? *laughs* Responisble communication: I has it. 😉

  12. I can’t tell you how much this touched me. Maybe because I’m an Earth sign? Or maybe because I have Mercury Opposite Saturn? Or maybe because I would SO enjoy others being who they say they are and doing what they say they’re going to do.

  13. Thanks Elsa for the insightful post. I read this just before going to bed last night and then couldnt sleep cuz my brain was on fire with thoughts regarding all this.

    I agree: yes–it is rare to come across people who actually do what they say and say what they mean. The soldier is right in saying that lacking consistency makes real happiness (self-fulfillment, goals and dreams, etc.) more elusive. A recent situation regarding this principle helped me make an important change in my life…

    I had told myself that if my at-the-time partner did not fulfill a simple (but crucial) need of mine within the relationship by summer’s end, that I would leave him. Simple as that. Basically I had made that contract with myself in order to stand up for my rights and respect. So as September rolled around, nothing had changed or even improved…but I found myself still in the relationship, unhappy and as confused as ever. There was a deep moment of realization when I saw my folly. Finally, I came up with the strength I needed to walk away when I realized that I was going back on the promises I had made to MYSELF.

    I find it easier to keep the promises I make to others than the ones I make to myself. Deep down, I think that this signals a sort of inner disrespect that can be quite damaging to your core.

    Now, to apply this principle to the other aspects of my life…not just to the romantic but professional, creative, familial. The whole nine. This has something to do with responsibility and it makes sense that it has a hell of a lot to do with Saturn.

  14. Hell, I know exactly what you mean! and it took me forever to realize that people say stuff and mean nothing by them. I find words to be immensely important. You just don’t say stuff you don’t mean. I surprised quite a lot of people by standing up to what I said, especially when those things were hard things I said would do (one of them leaving my boyfriend if he continued to treat me the same way). The thing people don’t understand is that I take their words as seriously as mine and they have no weight behind them. That is the hard part for me.

  15. I am happy to read that I am not the only one that struggles with the lack of commitment follow through from so many. I have noticed that a generational thing has also come about with this. Perhaps it is my Saturn on my Asc and my Virgo moon, (not in aspect) but I always do what I say I will do and really don’t get it when others don’t. My word is good, always. The younger ones I find, just don’t really even care if they don’t follow through. It seems that their word is only good for what ever is in front of them at the moment, then once a new day comes, yesterday’s commitments get forgotten. How do you teach that other than trying to be an example such as your grandfather? Generational aspects are so interesting to notice as we age.

    • Beadart, “Generational aspects are so interesting to notice as we age.” Yes. I will celebrate 70 spins mid-November and am in the process of keeping a very difficult promise. Saturn aspects every one planet in my natal chart, and Pluto is parked on my 12th House cusp not far from my natal moon. Keeping promises is etched in me so I know when I don’t keep them, they will come back and demand payment. Keeping this very difficult promise has become a transparent process, awkward truth. Old School and New School channels face off, and I love the messy outcomes even tho they are tough to live through. Saturn and Capricorn is bringing me, and many others, to our knees.
      Wearing my knee brace often, Mokihana

  16. why would a woman say to a man she’s going to leave and then stays around anyway? it sounds like she’s threatening him, making him uneasy and he needs to shape up. i think that’s kind of cruel thing if she does that. she just needs to accept him how he is. you can’t change people. that’s the reason why she was with him anyway. well, that’s how it imagine it in my head. lol

    • Just another perspective… It’s pretty common for a woman to say to a man that they’re going to leave, but then they become afraid or their commitment to leave wanes, and they end up staying, much to their detriment.

      • You’re right.

        I used that example because I once had a bf that kept kicking me to the curb. Scorpio w 4 planets in the sign…8th house. But he had an Aquarius Moon and rising. So he would get to wanting his space and toss me…

        This went on for three years. Then one day I told him, “This is my toothbrush. I am bringing it to your house for the last time. If you ever send me home with it again, you’ll never see me again.”

        So of course he kicked me out again. Fixed, right?

        Well he did see me again…in courtHOUSE. Because when he came over to my house, banging on the sides of it with pipe, after I ignored fifty of his emails, I called the police.

        I ain’t playin’ that’s all.

        He wound up in supervised-whatever for 18 months because of that.

        I actually told them that I thought he would be okay…being arrested was enough to get his attention. But it was considered “domestic violence” by the police and the rest was mandatory.

        I had to go to the courthouse, as did he. They placed a restraining order told me it went both ways…fine with me. Again, this was all mandatory, done by the cops.

        So this what I thinking of when I wrote that. Some women aren’t kidding…like me, for example.

        • @elsa, i dont blame you, i would feel horrible if a man kept kicking me out. i want a man to stay with me all the way. i wonder if that ex of yours ever got with anyone consistently to stay with him, from the sounds of it, he doesn’t want to keep a woman full time at home. O.o

        • Oh my. Scorpio and Aquarius both in a chart. That’s a piece of work. Hehe.
          You have the Scorpion stingers, and then the icy detachment of those darn water bearers! Brutal.

          • Well, I loved him and I think he loved me, at least to some extent. This went on for three years!

            He really didn’t think he could lose me…he was quite wrong about that.

            Capricorn will lock the door on Scorpio in a second, flat. I mean, fuck you, you know? I’ll only take so much humbling and after that it’s buh-bye.

            • Not trying to brown-nose, but I’ve always believed that Capricorn is the only sign that can slay a Scorpio.

              I’ve seen Capricorns fight, or shield themselves before, it’s a bit amusing, LMAO.

              • It’s just boundaries. Wait until Saturn hits Capricorn. Karma ball. The other shoe drops. Whatever you want to call it. It’s like when they put you in a cell and slam the door. It’s not a joke and at that moment, you know it. 🙂

  17. I try not to make promises or threats I can’t keep. I don’t take people seriously if they don’t follow-through, and I feel people don’t take me seriously if I don’t follow-through either. I have been guilty of over-promising in the past, and I always feel guilty when I overpromise. If I can’t keep a promise, it’s often because I overestimated my ability.

    • i wont even make any promises cause i’m afraid i wont fulfill it. that’s my fear. i’ll tell them i’ll try but other than that, forget it. my husband on the other hand, he’s really awesome with his word. He does things that amaze me, even when there’s no words. he will just quit something and drop it.

  18. “My husband has a “theory of consistancy”. He doesn’t think you can be happy if you lack consistency.”

    Seems like a very Taurean theory. Very fixed.

    I personally feel following through is a fixed quality belonging to the fixed modalities. But, I also think you can have this quality if you have many personal planets, especially the lights, in fixed houses.

    I am a mutable in a fixed house and most of the time my word is my bond but that doesn’t mean I dont change my mind. It just means that if I tell someome I’m going to do something for them, I will go through hell and high water to get it done. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself any other way.

  19. I want to say, the ONLY time my word hasn’t been my bond is in relationship… like, “if you do this again, I’m going to leave you” It’s always been just a threat, until, it’s not. When it’s not anymore, it’s really not. But I attribute that to Pluto opposite Venus. It’s more about power balance or lack therof in my romantic relationships with Pluto. It’s still a work in progress. As always, we are all multi-faceted beings.
    .

  20. I mean what I say and I say what I mean and that’s just how I am. As for the theory of contentment, I agree, but think that is more a sense of peace with myself vs being happy. But then again, I’m usually a fairly happy type of person, so maybe it is happy.

  21. I have Saturn conj Uranus. Oppo Mars, Chiron and moon in MC.
    Trine Venus.

    I say what I mean, I mean what I say. I’m very consistent. If I say I’m gonna meet up my friends at 8th a clock, I will be there for sure (30 min 8 a clock). I can’t stand people saying yes to stuff they don’t wanna do and then backing of wth bullshit reasons. I have a friend who has been stringing me along several times for lunch meetings, so I now never invite her, since I can’t trust her.

    If I’m unsure about if I wanna do the thing a person asks me for or not, I will say “maybe” and will never make promises. I know a lot of men complains about that “one can’t trust a womans word etc”. They have simply not met a saturnian woman!

    same goes for compliments. If I compliments someone on something I really mean it and would never “fake” compliments someone!

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