How Can I Be Happy When My Husband Is Depressed?

saggitarius vintage pendantDear Elsa,

My husband has been suffering badly with depression for nearly a year. I don’t know what to do above and beyond the pills, therapy etc.

How do I stay the optimistic one?

Concerned Wife

Dear Wife,

I am sorry for your husband, but I don’t think you need worry about “staying” optimistic. With your Moon in Sagittarius and Jupiter conjunct your Sun you are optimistic. Like having black hair, or a big nose, or a high arch in your foot… this is something about you that just “is”. I know it is challenging to be around a depressed person and I can understand your fear. But being optimistic is inherent to you and if you can grasp this, you can let go the worry over something that will never come to pass.

Further, you can support yourself with this knowledge. He is depressed, however you are not because this propensity is simply not part of your nature. And though this seems simple, you’ve got quite a bit of Piscean energy – which means “separation” in general is a challenge. So I can understand how you could confused about the idea his illness could bleed into you, I am telling you, it can’t. It’s as if your husband has the flu, and you have immunity to the flu!

And this is not to say you’re living in some kind of panacea with your optimism either. Because it’s another kind of hell to live happily (whether you like it or not) in proximity to someone who is depressed. And for that, I have no remedy. So I would say, do what you’re doing. Be yourself. Stand by and hope the meds get under him. But don’t waste your time and energy worrying your plane is going to go down when in reality, it’s crash-proof.

Much love and good luck.


How Can I Be Happy When My Husband Is Depressed? — 3 Comments

  1. My ex has sun trine jupiter, moon in Sag and it was his optimism and good spirit that first attracted me to him. I have battled with depression on and off my whole life and he was like a big shining light at the end of a dark tunnel. Ok so we broke up but we’re still good friends and i still find his positivity inspiring. On the minus side i did often feel that we could never truly connect cos he doesn’t understand ‘the dark side’ and how hard some people struggle just to feel normal. But it seems you are trying to understand and in time i hope your husband will get thru his dark time and appreciate the light that has stood beside him. Good luck!

  2. I lived with a depressed partner for years and it was HAAARD.
    my experience was that there was nothing I could do other than keep on being myself. I tried to be the best me I could be so I didn’t complicate anything. still, it was his problem and only he could address it.

  3. Thank you for the comments! Satori – you are right it is hard! especally being the ‘logical’ Aquarius and not ynderstanding when he has paranoid thoughts! However the ‘meds’ seem to be kicking in of late and he is a bit more logical in his thinking lately. However, I am trying real hard to be supportive, even through the ‘we are moving house’ times which are most every day. he believes everything outside him is what is causing the depression. Hard to explain it’s what is happening inside that has to be sorted. Gte this – he nearly bought a sports car today because he thought it might make him feel better! Mid Life crisis? Yeah but he is only 43!

    Any way thank you again for both your comments – nice to know I’m not alone out here!

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