I Am Jealous And Threatend By My Friend

Dear Elsa,

I have a friend who I get along with when we’re doing something simple like coffee. But when it comes to painting the town red or talking about boys, I get jealous of her and angry (not that I tell her that) because I find her very threatening and I feel like I’ll never have a relationship with her around.

I feel like a pain in the ass to my other friends when this happens. What’s my problem?


Dear Gemini,

What a great question and what a great time to be asking it. This is your problem: You are insecure. When it’s just you and your friend over coffee, that’s one thing because you are probably able to control things. But when other people enter the equation, you quickly realize you cannot control the group and so you panic.

Now you’re very young and I commend your awareness of this. I think it’s impressive but resolving it is going to take a good deal of effort on your part. Because while the idea of accepting things are out of your control is simple in concept, it is not so simple in practice, especially when (aside from your Sun in Gemini) you have a chart that is overwhelmingly Cardinal: that is, you want to control things.

The ultimate solution is found when you become conscious first of your need to control things; second when you discover what it is appropriate for you to control yourself and your life, and third you become accepting of the fact there are some things you are not going to be able to control at all… i.e., you don’t run the world.

Once you get that accomplished (again, this will be a process), the next step would be to realize what a great gift and relief it is to not have to run this world.  And when this hits you, you’ll be happier than you ever dreamed possible.

Good luck.




I Am Jealous And Threatend By My Friend — 2 Comments

  1. yes, major props for having the courage to ask!

    i had a friend like this (also cardinal with a prominent pluto) but she was 1/100 as self-aware. hence the ‘had’.

    btw, you’re a gemini — break out that breezy, charming, and delightful side! i have no doubt you can be a major social player…but competition is ugly.

  2. I always had running buddies who were hot and fabulous. know what it does? it weeds out the guys who are just in it for a lay. I think it’s true that you wouldn’t really want anyone who’d want your friend over you anyway. best you know right up front. consider her your wingman, eliminating the ones who don’t see YOU as the shining star! excellent!

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