Demanding What You Need

Having planets in Libra, it’s easy for me to see both sides of a situation. I admit to being irked when things are off-kilter or out of balance.

I often see people demanding their needs be met in relationship, or in life in general. These same people have no concern whatsoever about the needs of the people they make the demand of. It’s babyish.

When you are screaming and stomping your feet about what you want or need that you don’t have, do you think about the needs and wants of the person you’re making demands of?

Well, do ya?

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Demanding What You Need — 23 Comments

  1. Stellium in Libra… yes. I always take in consideration the other party’s needs. I have yet to master the art of balancing both sets of needs however. That’s still an elusive act for me (and them).

  2. I have Saturn opp Mars, Jupiter, Venus (1-7 house axis). Of course I’m very aware. I’ve been raised in a family where ”screaming and stomping your feet about what you want or need that you don’t have” just doesn’t work.

  3. Stellium in Libra as well and I do think of the other person’s needs. But I do get frustrated when I feel like I have bent over backwards to give them what they say they want or need and they can’t do the same in return for me. I guess it’s the balance aspect.

  4. with 4 planets, 2 asteroids and my midheaven in libra, there is no way i CAN’T see both sides of a situation…. which often sets me between to waring parties. i have to be the peace maker and inter-communicator quite often. but with pluto on my MC i have no problem bearing the root of everyone’s issues, and sometimes the brutal shock clarity is just what opposing factions need.

  5. I have very little in the way of Libra but have no trouble seeing opposing views. I think this is because of the oppositional nature of my chart.

  6. Neptune in Libra, sextile Venus and Moon in Sag. I look at other people’s needs from a loving perspective, but may be a bit off target the way they see it.

  7. 2nd house pluto in Libra/ Virgo ascendant. My COMPULSION is to consider the needs of ‘other’ in relationship/ to serve. My only resource for emotional nurturing was my paternal Grandmother who died when I was 12- the same year I lost my virginity to rape (Pluto transited my Scorpio stellium in the 3rd house).
    After working hard to gain financial independence from my family- 8 years of college and deeply in debt by 25, I have built a world for myself that operates separate from the one I was raised in. It is here that I learned to survive on my own. But, while my career life was smooth and easy to accomplish and manage, my interpersonal life was always a tumultuous mess.

    My Grandma’s love came back to me in a dream 20 years after I had lost her. For the last 5 years, I have felt connected to her from the other side. And I now see the importance of having so much absence in my life- it forced me to go deep.

    Through this foggy time as all that Pisces sits opposite my ascendant, I am letting time pass. I do not have to work so hard, I tell myself. Let yourself go so process can transform you. I just woke up to discover the root of my compulsion- I was blind to the level of narcissism my mother was capable of (Capricorn moon). Until I gave up the life I had built in order to give her two years of my life and help her through cancer therapies. Instead of being supported in return for this time and sacrifice, I am being thrown out of her life because she is not willing to share in important family decisions. Instead of support, I am walking away with the key to my ultimate lesson: if I can learn this one, perhaps I will get to have a real live healthy love relationship!! 🙂 So how do I NOT automatically think of other? Or is there a person I will someday be able to trust? Who has managed their own compulsion well enough that we can mutually support each other in the management of our own personality quirks?
    And most important of all- I want to learn how to THRIVE instead of just survive.

  8. Stellium in Libra. Yes, I do. It wasn’t always like this for me, however, but Life and experience can teach everybody. I had to learn the hard way with much patience and effort, but nowadays I’m perfectly able to see how important it is to understand the other’s need is just as important and worthy of consideration as mine.

  9. I do work to balance as much as possible, however, it always seems that I’m the one of the receiving end of the demands. I’ll give you an example, two weeks ago, the hubs was griping that he just doesn’t have enough space. He doesn’t have room to put his stuff. Long story short, turns out he’s got his own walk in closet to keep his clothes in, while mine are all on a few wall shelves and the little ones have to share a closet. Then he turned to having a space to put his stuff, long story, short. He’s got a 9ft x 9ft space in the basement where he’s piled all his stuff (and not done anything with it) while the rest of us don’t even have that.

    The good news is that I’ve learned A LOT about boundaries and how to hold them, from stuff like this over the years. Our living situation is very temporary and expected to change before summer. It was an agreed upon move to free us up for a giant leap. One way or another, it’ll change in the next 2 (3 at most) months. So it’s just a matter of being patient and making due for what we really want,

  10. I admit…that between having stelliums in Leo and Taurus that I am OFTEN one of those people. But I ALSO make a point of considering other people as it’s the honorable thing to do.

  11. That was such a funny post! I bet you write some good comedy. You know I would really like to see you write a book about a fictional family that has some human problems or are a little dysfunctional with some humor in there. I bet you can do that cause you come across all kinds of people.
    The twins in me have all kinds of needs, I am pretty needy, so I know I get on people’s nerves, wah! (no pun intended haha)

  12. I make sure I’m doing everything that pleases them before I demand anything. That way if it is known that I’m actually trying to make you feel the way you want to. My problem is doing all that and never getting much in return. I don’t do it to expect it, but I would like for it to be reciprocated. Treat others how you would like to be treated, right?

  13. @ theshaman

    I feel you, the return I don’t get much, probably because I don’t ask for anything in return. Generous to a fault. I should probably start stating my needs as well. Yet sometimes, what I don’t receive from others, I receive from the cosmos in grace and understanding. And peace.

  14. My demands go like this:

    I meet your needs x, y, z and my needs a, b, c are not being met. Please let’s trade because if I don’t get any a, b, c then there won’t be anything left of me to keep offering you x, y, z. Usually about the time I hit exhaustion I make these demands.

  15. I don’t understand why people give with expecting things in return???? Why give then if you expect something in return, isn’t that selfishness?

  16. I have never had a problem seeing all sides when it came to my children…but ~ I had to learn this the hard way. It took more than one divorce to learn the error of my ways. I am different today…but I had to have my (blank) handed to me a couple of times to stop what I was doing.

    So I will be the first to say I was very selfish…but didn’t see it. Selfish people usually don’t. I have the life scars to prove it.

  17. Jupiter in Libra. I live and breathe for balance for all of humanity. All injustice in the world disturbs me greatly.

    My Libra mind tends to go for the collective. What is best for the group, family, relationship. I’ve had a large family — so I see the dynamics of balance daily.

  18. Not only am I Libra rising, but I have Mars in Pisces. My assertiveness is greatly diminished. I do however, make up for this with my overly critical Virgo Moon!!

  19. I try really hard to do both: meet people’s needs and make sure they meet mine. But it’s difficult, especially in romantic relationships. I’ve a Jupiter in Libra, Capricorn Rising, and Mars in Cancer – and a Capricorn Moon.

    A little bundle of contradictions, as Anne Frank said? I suppose.

  20. mudlikesubstance, I agree with you – it’s only at a certain point that I throw up my hands and say, “Listen here, you’re not giving me this and I’m giving you that, so please, if I’m not giving you enough, can you tell me?”

    That usually seems to work. Either that, or they tune me out…At which point, I walk away. Usually they straighten up right quick. That’s how I gained my Aries boyfriend – I’d always be there for him and he’d never be there for me, and I stopped being there. Straightened him out pretty well, and fast.

  21. Libra stellium here too! Sun, Ascendant, Mercury, Venus, Saturn (possibly moon too – Virgo 29.35). I feel having so many planets in Libra plagues me in seeing the other’s point of view! I can be a real push over and make excuses through rationalising the possibilites of another’s behaviour.

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