I’m a tango instructor and I’ve been dating a fellow dancer for 6 months now. I told myself that I would never enter a relationship with one of these male dancers that frequent my club, and I still ended up breaking my rule.
Argentine men, especially the men that frequent milongas, are notoriously promiscuous. When I met this guy, the chemistry was so intense and so authentic that I felt it wasn’t just a 3 minute dance floor illusion. However, now I’m not sure. He used to be so attentive to me and now he flirts with every woman within arms length. I don’t know if he does this to boost his ego, but it’s getting to the point where I can’t stand it! I mean I don’t mind moderate flirting, but it’s so in your face and obvious that my friends have even started to notice.
He says he loves me and he has been in many long-term relationships, but this one is the most intense he’s ever had. He said that life is about sharing – but when I brought up the idea of moving in together, he went silent. He says he looks forward to being with someone he loves, but then he doesn’t call for a week. Then the week after, he calls incessantly.
What the hell is going on? I don’t know if this relationship is heading anywhere. I’m in no hurry to rush to the altar, but is this guy commitment phobic? Is he just some illusion?
I get the sense he is chasing some ideal—and as a woman I don’t feel like I can measure up to his ideal. It’s exhausting and mentally draining for me. I’ve always been a head-strong/independent woman, but around this man, I turn into a blabbering school girl who can no longer stand up for herself.
Is there any indication in his chart for such behavior or am I just imagining things? Perhaps he’s not fickle but I am, and I’m just projecting on him.
In A Tango
Help is on the way! I think you are in love with an Argentine man, don’t you? And this is his bigger than life personality, which I think goes along with your bigger than life personality in many ways. But I feel for you in your confusion so will try to clarify some of this.
First, culture aside, your man has Venus and his Moon in Leo and there is a certain amount of attention, adoration and appreciation he neeeeeeds to feel good. Is it for his ego? Of course! ::smiles:: But so? It comes with the territory, don’t you think? You want a flashy man, don’t you? One who is smokin’?
I think you do, but here’s the thing. You have Saturn in Leo and he is triggering your insecurities. So you can dump him but I think it would be a cop-out. You have Venus in Aquarius opposing Saturn and you are capable of looking at this in a mature and detached fashion. He needs attention, so he’s getting it. But is he in love with you? He probably is. So this leaves you work with your feelings of unworthiness, and I’ll tell you how you can do that.
You can resolve this by discovering (or rediscovering) your real value. He’s a peacock? So what? You’re a peacock and a half!
He’s got this sexual undertow? Well he does, but no more than you!!
You get the idea. This guy can actually dance with you. And as an instructor, you are used to having the upper hand. But this situation is actually ideal and here’s a story I think will help…
My sister is a dancer and she also teaches dance. And some years ago, she was teaching these kids, and she was going to dance a couple of the numbers in their show. And there was one kid, a boy, who could really dance. He had some mojo and she featured him of course and also invested a lot of herself in teaching him.
So I came in for the performances and was watching dress rehearsal. Here’s the conversation I had with my sister later that evening.
“That kid is showing you up,” I said.
“I don’t know. It just doesn’t look right. It’s like he’s trying to upstage you. He wants to be seen for sure.”
“Well that little bastard! He’s not supposed to be doing that.”
“Well he is. And it looks funny. It looks funky from the audience, he’s messing up the show.”
“I know exactly what he’s doing,” she said. She explained the mechanics. How one dancer can do this to another, or the rest of the dancers on the stage. “Well, just watch what I do to him,” she said. “Watch the next show…”
Next show she came out on that stage with this kid and she danced him into the ground. As she put it, “she danced on his little head,” which I think was a penis reference. ::smiles::: The kid quit messing with her at that point and this is what you can do… but you must find your confidence and your carriage. Get your prowess and your power back. Dance on this guy’s head and make him respect you. Get it? Be more. Rise to this occasion, because I really don’t think you want a lesser man.