Conflicted About Committing

Hi Elsa,

My life is going perfectly, and yet I’m not happy! Or rather, I’m a worried, anxious mess. I recently got engaged, to a wonderful man who I’m absolutely head over heels in love with. My daughter is a delightful, intelligent, loving little girl. We just bought a beautiful house in a nice neighborhood and I just got a new job with a really cool non-profit.

But I just can’t seem to feel better. It’s like I’ve struggled so long to get to where I am – I mean, really fought HARD to achieve this – and now I can’t relax at all. It all seems so precarious. And I’m normally a fairly happy-go-lucky person.

Am I crazy? Am I not astrologically cut out for comfort? I’ve actually had dreams of having an affair, and I would NEVER have an affair! My guy is my best friend. I’ve also been looking at houses online, even though I adore our house. It’s like I’m still questioning all of these choices.

What the hell is wrong with me right now?

Signed,
Uncomfortably Engaged

Dear Uncomfortably Engaged,

Yeah. You’re not cut out for comfort. This is true in a sense, but there’s a better way to frame it. See, there are people out there who are fairly simple. It’s pretty easy for them to get their needs met; but there are others who are deeply conflicted and you are one of them.

Now you don’t need to go jump off a roof or something. Do you really want to be a simple animal? A cow, for example? I don’t think so. Much better to be you while figuring this out, and with that I can help.

You have a Cancer Moon. Means you want to have a family. A traditional family, for that matter. Just look at you going on about your house. That’s Cancer stuff: home and hearth. This is terrifically important to you and you’re not going to be able to deny this and thrive.

So that’s that, but then the plot thickens. Oh my God, girl. You have a freedom urge a mile wide. You simply can’t tolerate restriction. Give you a rule and you wanna break it. This is what’s going on with the cheating urge. You will be beholden to no man!!

So how to resolve? There is no simple solution. This is a lifetime challenge. But understanding it can help immensely. Bottom line, you’re not going to be able to serve these two sides of your nature simultaneously, but you can hit them both up daily.

For example, feed your man breakfast, and then get the hell out of there. That’s what I do! Take your space and take it frequently. The main thing is to get hip to the fact you need space and it has nothing to do with this man in particular.

Good luck.

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