My Boyfriend Wants Date Other Women

Hi Elsa,

I have known this guy for 11 years and we’ve always been friends. Not real tight, but we knew of each other. Then in June of last year we re-met (that’s what we like to call it) and though his ex-girlfriend was living with him, we started seeing each other.

She got a little jealous so I told him we should wait until she moved out and across the country, which was only a week away. So we did. Things were hard on him because he has a daughter, not with the ex (long story about the mother) but she was upset. So I took it upon myself to see someone else. He had no idea at the time but he does now.

Anyway in October, we started seeing each other solely. Things were great – he is my best friend, we are completely honest, we never argue… it’s great. But we broke up in the beginning of January and for two weeks both of us were miserable – of course we were still seeing each other, just both of us yearned to have more. So when I said something, he said he felt the same way but didn’t want to feel like he had to call me everyday. He also wanted to be able to see other people if we wanted, even though neither of us are.

Anyway now I am meeting his daughter tomorrow and I am confused about what he really means. He really tells me everything. I am just not understanding how he says he “doesn’t want to be committed” but then says he can “see himself spending the rest of his life with me”. Plus I am meeting his daughter!

Any advice?

Girlfriend

Dear Girlfriend,

When a man tells you they want to be able to see other people, it means exactly that. It means he does not want to be committed to you, obligated to you, etc. But I can understand your confusion. I can see how you could be misled by the fact that he is introducing you to his daughter so let me explain that.

It’s very hard to be a single parent. Single parents want adult company. They crave it. They also want to get laid! They are supposed to be perfect around who they introduce and expose their kids to, but this is an imperfect world.

I am not defending his actions. I’m just saying you should not read too much into the fact you will be meeting his daughter as this is very likely a matter of convenience. So that’s that, but here’s what really troubles me about this.

You’re concerned about what he thinks and feels but seem to have very little awareness of your own feelings, wants and needs. For example, how did you feel when he told you he wanted to be able to see other people? Were you hurt? Surprised? Angry? You don’t mention any of that, so this is my real advice:

You’re a feeling Pisces with a Cancer Moon.  When you find yourself detached from your feelings like this, it’s a very bad sign. I’m sorry.:(

Good luck.

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Comments

My Boyfriend Wants Date Other Women — 1 Comment

  1. Your advice is awesome – it’s not always what someone wants to hear, but hey, life isn’t sugar coated! Thanks for inspiration into my own life and affairs…

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