21 Years Old and Never Had a Boyfriend: Taurus Sun Opposite Saturn In Scorpio


Dear Elsa,

I am nearly 22 and I have yet to be in any romantic relationship. As a matter of fact I’ve never even had a boyfriend. Though there were many “potentials”, nothing has ever worked out in the end.

I find myself wanting to be in a relationship, but I tend to push people away once things reach a certain point of intimacy. I don’t know if it’s because I am afraid of commitment or getting hurt, or if its just because I am afraid of opening myself to someone else.

Being in pharmacy school, I am either at home or at school just studying. Having very little time to socialize with others (except for school people), it’s hard to meet people. And I have 3 more years to go.

I feel by the time I graduate I will be too old and finding someone would be impossible. I feel like I am ready be in a commitment, but do ‘my stars’ say otherwise? I find that timing is everything, so is right now the right time? And should I make more of an effort to put myself out there, or wait for someone to drop right in front of me?

Busy Bee
United States

Dear Busy,

With Saturn opposing your Sun in Taurus, your stars suggest you are defended against love and relationship and your letter supports this. You state very plainly you have no time, space or energy to socialize and that if someone does manage to penetrate your security system, you push them back. Considering this, I don’t think that waiting for someone to drop down in front of you is a viable option. Because it’s happened before and what do you do? You failed to cooperate. You said no to the universe, to relationship, and to love. So why do you do that?

That same Saturn suggests you are afraid. I would not call it a fear of commitment though. People who are afraid to commit are freedom loving and do not want to be limited or restricted in any way. And if you think about it, this is not your personality at all. Because what do you do? You restrict yourself constantly. You’re buckled down with your school to an extent you have no time to socialize when you must know it is possible to do both!

So I think what you fear is rejection and that’s okay. You have to name these things in order to work on them. You have to define them. And I am hoping this blog will help you see your problem clearly so you can decide what you’d like to do about it. And if you want to try to start to venture into the realm of relating to others I’ll tell you where to start.

Do you remember “Star Wars”. It was a plan to have a shield around the United States that would deflect missiles. This is what you have erected around yourself so if you want someone to get through you are going to have to dismantle at least some of this thing you’ve constructed. You will have to leave some cracks in the armor so some enterprising young man has a chance to get to get through!

And when he does, you will have to face your fear around having him near you and this will probably be very hard. But you know what? It will be even harder when you’re 30, because right now what you are doing is making a habit. And anyone can tell you it is easier to break a habit of 3 years than it is to break a habit you’ve had for 10 or 20 years. So based on this, I suggest you start knocking your wall down today.

Good luck.



21 Years Old and Never Had a Boyfriend: Taurus Sun Opposite Saturn In Scorpio — 8 Comments

  1. I have the same issues. I’ve already adressed them to you Elsa and you gave me great advice.
    It was in october 2005, if you remember.
    My Saturn is also in Scorpio. Not an easy placement. Deep trust issues, fear of rejection…
    This post really hit home.

  2. i too have saturn opposing my sun in a fixed sign. some of my key character traits include: defensiveness, jumping to conclusions, and a major fear of rejection that leaves me dysfunctional at times in social settings.

    oh to be 22 again and choosing to cultivate trust in the universe that i will be okay no matter who comes into my life. now at my mid-forties, and never having had a “romantic” relationship of any sort, i am finding this choice difficult to exercise, but not altogether impossible so long as i practice.

    all the best busy bee & thanks for this response Elsa

  3. Saturn square Venus and nearly 30 here. I have to agree that you gotta act NOW. I don’t know if I can even break the habit after 3 years of total singledom. And there are no men left my age that aren’t already married to someone they met in college. I don’t think I’ll be able to date again until they all get divorced.

    I hate to say it, but your odds of nailing down an SO after you get out of school are reallllllly low. I wish I hadn’t wasted half of my college career mourning after my college boyfriend who dumped me, I wish I’d found a decent guy with a degree instead of my post-college ex-fiance. Now I don’t trust myself to pick out a guy, and the pickins are nonexistent anyway.

    If you actually want someone, you gotta start now, move now, MAKE THE TIME. Because in a few years, your only hope for someone to make out with will be the 30-year-old ex-gang-member who wants to cheat on his pregnant girlfriend. (I wish I’d made that up.)

  4. I’m going on 24 and have not had a boyfriend. Admirers yes, but like you no relationship. I use to tell myself it was because I was still in college and had more important things to do than jump into a relationship. I’m no longer in college and really crave a relationship, but I just haven’t found that “quality” person to be with.
    I have a saturn in scorpio too! And I just don’t trust people.
    My best friend has a saturn in scorpio and is 33 and has never been in a relationship or kissed by a man for that matter! And she’s an intelligent and pretty woman, so most people would be surprised if they ever found out. Relationships happen naturally, perhaps you have high standards and want to be with someone you can trust completely before you jump into a relationship, and that’s healthy.
    Taurus tends to be a cautious and practical sign. I have a stellium in Taurus, so I tend to think things over. But then again Taurus is also a senual, earthy, and physical sign too, so you probably have good long-term relationship potential.
    Understand that you are not ALONE and that there is nothing wrong with you :-). Good luck to you, Sadge, and Violet. Everyone is deserving of love. Sending you good thoughts.

    Fellow Saturn in Scorpio.

  5. “I feel by the time I graduate I will be too old and finding someone would be impossible.”


    So, I can see me now: I’ll go up to the fellow I’ve been dating this past 18 months and say, “Honey, I’m sorry–I’ve just discovered that it is impossible that we found each other as we are–and were–clearly too old, so I guess we have to pretend not to know each other any more!” (I’m 40 & he’s 41)

    Oh, gosh, and I suppose I’d better let my daughter’s grandma in on that age=no relationship knowledge, too…’cause she broke up with her boyfriend last fall (the one she became involved with 5 years ago…er, when she was still young? Um…well…whatever…) and has recently signed up with a couple of online matchmaking sites to find someone new. In fact, she missed one of my daughter’s games last weekend because she had a date… (she’s 59)

    Uh, yeah. ?? …

    I can definitely agree that timing is everything, tho’. After taking an extended break (several years, actually) from dating, as I had spent a good two decades failing miserably at romantic relationships (as in, only one ever lasted past a couple of months!), I eventually got lonely and horny enough to decide that it was worth trying again. Because, y’know? It would suck to die celebate when I really do like sex! And so I decided enough was enough, it was Time.

    So naturally, since I made that decision, it really WAS Time.

    Good timing, yes? Heh.

    Oh, and the other bit, a part that I finally dealt with during this dating hiatus: I had also decided to accept myself as-is, period. And to understand that any rejection I might receive was less to do with ME than with the guy who might deal it out. After all, do I not know many fellows who are pefectly acceptable persons with much to offer, just not especially appealing to me personally? Well, then, DUH.

    Amazing how things just worked out, once those few issues were settled…

  6. HA HA HA!!! Tinkerer you made me laugh out loud! I agree that
    age=no relationship knowledge is total nonsense. My parents met in their 40s and ended up having 3 children.
    My mum spent all her single time depressed she couldn’t find ‘a man’; my dad spent all his time drinking with his buddies and living high on the hog. They’ve npw been married for decades!

    One day you will AGREE that others are allowed to fit into your life, warts, bad breath, bad attitudes, vulnerability and all.
    In the mean time, remember that your fellow humans are, for the most part, pretty okay to be around.

    Your rejection= someone else making a decision on how to spend their time.

  7. Saturn in Scorpio too. I can totally ralate to everything you said. But you know what happens when you keep pushing people away, pushing people away, you end up alone. I have major trust issues steming from abuse, but the more i looked at others and let people in, the more i realize i am not alone.

  8. By 23 I was practically in a panic, and basically took the first (well, actually the 3rd) guy to come along. After two kids and maybe around 16 years, the veil started to lift, and I was like, “WTF am I doing?” Boy was that a tough time for me, I started to have a nervous breakdown at the thought of taking my two kids and starting over.

    No I don’t regret it (except all the time). I guess I am trying to say that life really is a hell of a long time, so don’t panic that you’re not with anyone yet. Just keep yourself open to people, and don’t think (like me) that you can “make things work”. Each day is your life, so try to enjoy it whether you’re with someone or not.

    Okay, lecture over. ;O)

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