Dear Elsa,
I am married to a wonderful guy but last year I started working for a married guy who began flirting with me endlessly. I realize now he just wanted attention and validation of his attractiveness. But unfortunately, in the process, I fell for him and have incredibly strong feelings… enough so that I fantasize about him sexually constantly, and sometimes even cry because I long for him.
I don’t know what to do about this.
Sign me,
Tortured
Dear Tortured,
If you want to keep your marriage… keep your wonderful guy, you should probably quit your job. Do you want to keep your marriage? It sounds like you do. It sounds like you know this guy is a cad at heart. You know you are being used, and ultimately one way or the other, you will be sacrificed.
If you screw him, there goes your marriage. It will never be the same. And will you wind up with this guy? Of course not.
If you don’t go that route, ultimately you’ll have to quit, because eventually your boss will either crank up the heat so high… that’s his hand between your legs… or alternately, he will turn on you.
This is because if you won’t play, then it’s no fun for him. If you will not writhe around in your bed at night, thinking of him it’s no fun for him. And at that point, guess what? You’re fired!
If he doesn’t fire you directly, he will manifest the same result in a passive aggressive way. He will cut the flame completely. No heat for you! He’ll freeze you out. Getting this?
You are an object to him and you know it. I say, walk. Today if possible. And don’t worry about getting another job. Everybody wants to hire a hard-working Virgo / Capricorn like you. There is no need to put up with sexual harassment. Good luck.
Right on. Wtf.
at my age, i’ve seen several affairs and how they impact the people involved. i’ve NEVER seen one come out well. ever.
every time, all of the people involved directly and even those indirectly connected have been profoundly impacted in a negative way. husbands, wives, kids, friends, family. everybody gets burned.
the thoughts you feed are the ones that grow. elsa’s right: get out of that office before you’ve done something that not only you, but everyone else will live to regret. good luck!
Great advice.