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"You're an embarrassment to your parents..."

Elsa
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I just saw a clip where the CEO of a company said a group of people were "an embarrassment to their parents."  He was on CNBC.

This is a sentiment I have not heard in a long while. It's strange things are inverted from how they were say, three decades ago. It was a thing... not to embarrass your family (name), your parents in particular.  People cared what their parents thought of them.

What do you think of this? I think my kids care what I think but not that much. I mean, they're going to do whatever they want, and may even take pleasure in doing something they know I would not approve of, but they still care. Even if they say they don't, I know they do.

And I think this is because deep down they know I am a good and moral person.  Very different from "perfect" by the way.

My mother (Aquarian) used to have a thing she'd say, that terrified me. She said (more than once), the worst thing that can happen to you, is that decent people want nothing to do with you.

I have to agree with her... and in fact, I always have.

Your thoughts?

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gogol
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I think that at the core, love and respect are things one has to earn. It isn't a given, even for parents. I care very much for their opinion because I care about them. Not everybody is in the same situation.

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Dori
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I had very loving, caring and affectionate parents who really loved us very much, but... I had three rules when I started dating: no other race, no other religion, and no foreigners. I never understood why not. But, I broke every rule. Every. They never knew because I would have been a disgrace to them, an embarrassment. So, some of my deepest sadness was hidden from them, I didn't want them to know how I really lived my life, what I did to make myself happy, tho it didn't end well, but they never knew. For many years, I lived under huge secrets about my ex-boyfriends. My secret life was happy, but also sad, but I could never share that with my parents because they would never approve of the people I loved. I can completely relate to this sentiment... If I'll ever have kids, I just want one thing: whatever it is, I would very much like them to come and tell me without any fear that I will not love them because of what they did. We don't need to be friends who tell each other everything, but I want them to know I'm here for them, no matter what. Living in a fear, I want to break that chain.

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elisa
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@dori 

aw dori, i am kind of similar, where my parents and family background, all married within their ethnic background and country. i'm the only one in my family that defied all the rules. and i've read that Pluto 8th house does that alot. I have that in my chart natally. All or nothing and i never hid it thats the thing. because i have no shame sometimes, or that i just " knew"  that they would accept it. my family has alot of love but their love isn't very nurturing and loving; they express it differently and they were able to show me they accept every man i've brought home, even if they were criminals and bad guys. (of course they didnt know they were at the time, but these men chose to go the easy way, to be bad guys)  and they -- my family still accepted me. My sisters chose men of their same background and ethnicity, and all the cousins and distant cousins too. For me, it's like i broke all the rules and everyone saw it with their own eyes. They still asked me to go to their weddings, parties, anniversaries and many of them are decent good people. I even brought these men to their parties and events. And i remember my ex told me my family were such good people that he felt shame and wanted to be part of it. So i wonder, i think maybe they -- my family really truly just accepted because they knew me as a child and was loved dearly by both my grandparents. Maybe.

i'm sorry you couldnt show that with your parents, and the fear held you back. You sound like you'd be a great mother someday ^^ 

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Sue Ellen
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In my younger days, it wasn’t just the parents, but all four grandparents I didn’t want to embarrass. 

I think there is a definite difference in today’s world. For one, there is a smaller percentage of the population that lives in rural settings. In the urban areas, people often don’t know the people next door.  In my rural town, we knew neighbors and their relatives going back 3 or 4 generations. —That’s how we kept from marrying our cousins! 

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dolce
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@sue-ellen side note on urban: my husband grew up in a city. His dad grew up there, as did his grandparents. They all lived within a few blocks of each other. There was nowhere my husband could go where he wasn't recognized as "R***'s son." He always says he could never get away with anything because it would make it back to his dad who was a hardass. And this was a big east coast city. Still tight knit back in the 80s, held together by generations remaining in their neighborhoods. People knew your family, your name, your parents and grandparents. Now it's a mess and falling apart and everyone's moved out to greener pastures and that cohesiveness is all gone. Such a loss.

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dolce
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1. Coinciding with the general break down of the family I think is a rise in the understanding that we need our family and our roots and we want to be proud of them, the same way they want to be proud of us. But without a cohesion in our culture to back this, it's near impossible to achieve this. There's just too much difference between people, even within the same family (see Jackson Reffitt for an extreme example). But there seems to be agreement that rootlessness is a negative. It's sad.

2. We're in a tumultuous time where everything is fragmenting very quickly. Where rebelling against family and tradition has been the norm now for about 50-60 years, the tide seems to be turning to me, even if just a trickle. I think that results in people caring more about being a part of their family and it's legacy, and caring about their parents' opinion of them.

3. It's pretty easy to see the fruits of destroying the solid base that is necessary for a healthy society made up of healthy families. With imperfect people of course - I feel like that disclaimer is always necessary because when you talk about this stuff people tend to point out how damaged they were by their families and roots and so forth (myself included) but I think there's more to it, and it certainly doesn't justify destruction of that foundation entirely.

TLDR:

I think people care. They might joke about how they're an embarrassment to their parents as a way of coping, but I think everyone needs and wants their parents to love them and be proud of them, regardless of what the current culture might be pushing.

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Elsa
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@dolce I think they care too, they just avoid thinking about it.
It's jacked when your family is jacked!

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dolce
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@elsa It is really hard. I make peace with my family situation over and over again, and it gets undone over and over again. It seems this is one of those things we're all meant to struggle with, to one degree or another.

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elisa
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i think i am maybe an embaressment to my parents (in the past when i was younger) but weirdly i dont care. I just wanna do my own thing and experience life. It's like i come into this world and want to see with my own eyes what it's like. I've seen alot of bad gross things though; and yuck. well, maybe because i had chosen bad men and didnt pursue a terrific career like my sisters and cousins. but my mother always says i am lucky because God loves me; she's quite religious (due to the bad things that happened to me in the past) well, I will always take care of them and make sure their life is well into their last phase of life. I want them to have the foods they enjoy and good care. As long as i am alive i'll make sure they will be happy and not want for much.

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