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Your Theories About Others

Elsa
Posts: 3963
 Elsa
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chum

I admit this was a line I heard on the program, House. But I thought it was insightful.

"People hate people who have theories about people."

What do you think of this.  I feel it's a (stinging) truth but I also feel this may be personal to me.

I've put my life out here for so long... legions of people have theories about me; most of them are farfetched if not completely sickening.

Having theories about others allows you to avoid developing theories about yourself.

You'd be surprised how often people talking about me, mistakenly email their communications about me, to me. This usually happens when someone forwards my newsletter to their friend but hits reply-to-all or something.  It's astonishing, the how detailed and delusional their analysis is.

I usually just delete stuff like this - it was not intended for me but once in a blue moon, I respond. I don't know why, exactly.

Recently someone went on an email tear about actions I took to protect one of the regulars around here; never mind, the gal has been a client for fifteen years or more.  I was really sick... Mercury was retrograde. I was trying to respond to this gal's heartfelt (and righteous) plea for help.  So I did this and I informed the other party of what I did and why.

This resulted in a rapid response, flurry of emails about my character flaws... well, I was trying not to vomit, I was so sick, so I just wound up deleting them.

I did this because there were a bunch of them...and my lack of response was taken as proof of their theories about me... my lack of response in a THREE minute period, this was. And then a five minute period or whatever.

Let's think about this.

You write a person about what kind of rat bastard they are and they don't get back to you in a matter of seconds, really.  Not even a few hundred seconds pass and here comes several more waves of this other kind of vomit. 

I actually intended to respond, initially.  But I would have had to compose the mail and think about it and calm down because they person was so feverish.  I would have done this to be both polite and professional (Libra and Capricorn) but I was slimed to such a degree, so quickly - well I wrote the person off. Permanently.

Why? 

Because life is too short.

I have said this many times but I am going to say it again. It's really good policy to give people the benefit of the doubt. If you're hell-bent on twisting everything a person says or does into a bad thing, you've got a problem.  And I'll take this even further...

This problem you have has been modeled for you by the media, which creates soundbites and throws them out there for people to feed the same way fish react to chum in the water.

What's your ratio of theories about others vs theories about yourself?

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Libra Noir
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I have tons of theories about others but tons about myself too. I think it’s all ok, but I don’t see the need to show someone my analysis of them. Seems like it’s better to keep it to myself for a reasons. That’s all my Libra and Scorpio. 

As far as benefit of the doubt, I always do leave room for that. I guess it goes both ways too. If I want the benefit of the doubt from someone I have to be willing to extend it to them. Although in all honesty my theories are usually proven right about people. It’s rare that someone surprises me. I wish it weren’t true. 

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Elsa
 Elsa
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@libra-noir This is interesting. I don't have theories about others.  wonder if I'm simple.  I tend to take people at their word.

I think this is my grandfather's influence. He taught me that most people were well intentioned. He said I should expect the best of everyone until and unless they proved themselves to be disagreeable.

I'm glad I'm this way.  I think it may also be a Jupiter thing, which my grandfather had in spades.

I also think that online interactions are not the same as real life. Too much context is missing.

I'm sure about this, just based on how people react differently to my writing than they do if I speak the same ideas on a video or even on the phone.

Inflection and visual clues tend to clarify things.

Last, I think it's very easy to think you're right when you're really horribly wrong. This is due to all the ways we've been tricked all our lives.  Even more reason to be generous with others.

Not that this is easy, but I think it should be easy.

It used to be easy so I'm trying to get back to that mindset. 

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Libra Noir
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@elsa Oh ya, emails and texts I give a lot of leeway too.

I think most people are well intentioned too. I’m sure that person that sent you those had good intentions. I mean, everyone thinks they are doing good. Doesn’t mean they are doing good. I have to look at my motives if I want to be really honest with myself. Ive not seen many who have pure motives. 

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TBB
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I give people the benefit of the doubt and put my best foot forward too. But I also subscribe to not laying pearls before swine.  I form theories about people when their actions and words don't align. I also have super radar for those actions that are supported by words that do not follow logic. In my experience, it means I am being lied to and manipulated. That's when my theories about others start. I have a 7th house Gemini stellium (including Venus), moon conjunct mercury, and a lot of 12th house Scorpio which I think contributes. Also my Pluto in Libra - let's be fair now!

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la_sirena
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Elsa, it’s your Mars/Mercury in Libra which is just a part of who you are as whole person. How we think is one aspect of us, and then there’s *who* we are, and thats a whole different vibe apart from how we think. How we think usually doesn’t have much to do with our actual personality or presence. I’m with you that visuals and inflection are everything. They tell you more than a persons mere words and thoughts about something. And as you mention, there’s context missing. 

9 times out of 10 people surprise me with who they really are. 

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Research101
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Plus, critical thinking skills have long since gone by the wayside in general. Add the many layers of societal BS over the last century across the board, etc. Live and let live, by their deeds you shall know them. It comes out sooner or later. Why I usually keep to myself.

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