Your Significant others Baby mamas?
I am currently Dating a Scorpio man who has children.
He has 3 kids from 2 separate mothers. I have been around 2 of them periodically.
But I am not involved. We have known each other decently for 2 years, We have been talking/dating for almost a year, but officially in a relationship for 6 months. He has told the 2 first kids' mother about me and she knows they may be exposed to me periodically.
But it is the 2nd mother of the youngest that he wont tell about me. He has told me how she is/was, controlling and manipulative. He says things he has seen about narcissists relate to how she is.
When they first broke up they were still living in the same home for about a month or 2 due to they had to sell the house and split the money etc. They were never married but bought the house together. While they were broken up but still living together we began talking. We had known eachother through work. Apparently she went through his phone/watch while he was asleep and seen he was texing me. At this point it was friendly talk, we were not sleeping together and maybe hung out a time or 2. We were not together. The texts she seen were just regular talk, joking around. But honestly I supported him through the break up process and all the crap she was putting him through. He slept on the couch for months, let her take more money for the house than him. Gave her extra money. She gave him guilt trips saying he was abandoning his son etc. She put him through it pretty rough.
She accused him of cheating with me, and that I was the reason he left. We were not talking at the time he left her, and I had gone through a break up recently as well.
So this was a year ago... and he tells me he is scared to tell her because she is petty, as well as because it is me and what she already assumed on her own. He is scared she will make his life hell with his son, and use it against him. Which may very well happen and I totally understand this and support him. But at the same time, I feel like I am some-what hidden.
This man tells me that he wants to marry me, claims he has a ring, and wants to propose on our vacation in September. So it is not like he needs time to be sure. Because from what he tells me, I am it and we are forever. I love this man greatly. He is such a wonderful partner, lover and best friend.
I understand he needs time, but if he is going to Marry me... dont you think he should have a talk with her?
The only reason I have become a little more impatient with it is because he told me he wants to propose. I would like to see how things would REALLY be. As in, being around his kids and trying to establish some sort of bond. Seeing how the reality of our relationship would be, not just the time i get with him during the week when it is just us and it is great. Because in reality I feel like I am his "other life" not in his life. I wouldn't be feeling so needy about this if he was not trying to make it so serious. I am no one to rush the kid thing, but he seems sure of me.
I do feel bad for him because i know he still feels powerless to this woman that broke him down over the years. And she still obviously instills some fear in him. But I also think he needs to stand up to her. And that I deserve to be known. I cannot even post my relationship on Facebook for gods sake because of this woman.
He still has his as single, and I know Facebook is silly. Doesn't mean everything but id like to be able to express what id like and what I care about, which includes him.
So I know it is a hard situation and I see it from both angles and I dont want to pressure him or make him more uncomfortable than it must already be. But at the same time I hate that he has to feel like this with her. But I also want to feel like he is 110% in, like he says he is.
I am an overthinker and sometimes my mind gets the best of me and I wonder if he still cares and maybe that is why he doesn't tell her.
He is a Scorpio Sun, rising, venus, merc. Sag mars, Virgo moon
I am more than understanding but I also have feelings too.
Am I wrong? Or have you dealt with similar situations? Any advice or stories are welcome
You’re not wrong at all. Have you told him all of this? If you’re going to be marrying him, shouldn’t you talk to him about this now? If he can’t handle this, then he won’t be able to handle you when you get married, or probably any woman for that matter.
No, you aren’t wrong. That ex is a manipulative cunt btw. I hate women who use mens children to have some sort of power and control over them. They make me sick.
We haven't heard her side of the story! I'm sure she has one.
Outside of that, I agree with la_sirena. If you're going to be married, you should be able to hash this out,
hmmm i would be upset too that he hasn't made it known you are together; something doesn't seem right. I know you mentioned it's alot to do with the 2nd mother of his child, but he cant even handle that?? and i hate to be 2nd fiddle to the ex's demands too. This may make your life a living hell in the future if he doesn't do something. I'm sorry i have not dealt with this situation, as i never meet men with children. I always meet men who dont want children or if they do, they never had children before. Maybe because i was much younger. I always meet the 11th houser types or non committment phobes. But it sounds like this guy also sounds non commitment phobe too. he never married the previous. And i wonder if he's just not met anyone yet until you. But why the lack of spine with the ex? yes i get he has the child with her, hmmm but it makes me think.
i also agree with la_sirena, and if he can't handle this BEFORE you marry, he's honestly gonna give you a hard time and stress and sadness if he doesn't take care of this.
I think Scorpios tend to hide things that they want to protect and keep safe, all things being equal. In other words there are no crazy red flags other than this one issue right? He seems devoted correct? Everything points to him not being a scumbag, but moreso that he’s protective of you. That’s of course the interpretation you seem to be giving here.
Unfortunately if it bothers you, it may backfire on him because it will destroy the thing he’s trying to protect.
But you always could just decide to trust his judgement if you wanted to because that’s what it really comes down to- trust. But he knows her better than you do so honestly he’s probably in a better position anyway to know how to best deal with her.
Or you could decide to not trust him- put him in a position to have to decide wether or not to expose your relationship to potential toxicity through the ex and how he might react to that.
Also, possibly the perception that she is controlling him is wrong. It seems that he is controlling her. I think he probably understands that if he lets her in she will try to destroy you two. You could always ask him directly too. You could ask him “Why?”
That sounds awesome. It does make sense that he would want to really take his time to lay a solid foundation with you. Three kids by two different mothers, one of which is unstable- that is a lot to handle and I think it does show some maturity that he’s not trying to rush anything. Of course you know how you feel about him and he feels about you but he has a lot more to navigate than just himself. He’s probably trying to protect his child too.
I understand your end too. You have strong feelings and you want to be with him with no secrecy. And at some point he’s going to have to face her even though he knows the shit might hit the fan. He can’t avoid her forever.