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why am i still single at 33?

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VDN
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Screenshot 2021 10 06 at 7.22.01 PM

 

Please opine on my natal chart. I am 33 and have been single for the last 10+ years.

 

Thank you.

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Elsa
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That's a good question. I would not expect this, based on your chart. The reason might be tied to the choices you've made.

Welcome!

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VDN
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@elsa Thank you, Elsa. That is an interesting reply because I always felt I am single because of my fate and not because of my conscious choices. Is there something I could have done differently?

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VDN
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However, I have had an above-average number of men in life. Just no one I could home with.

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Elsa
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@vdn well, you are choosing to spend time with men who aren't suitable?

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@elsa That reminds me of Mira Nair's creation, 'Suitable Boy'. That is where I feel I am being hit by fate. I have not met this suitable boy. Why is he so elusive? 

I have frankly broken off associations as soon as I realize he is not suitable. Therefore, had higher than usual encounters with men.

After, several consultations with healers/readers, I still stare into a blankspace when it comes to identifying reasons for singledom. They all say I am supposed to have one. 

Where do I look?

Thank you and gratitude for your replies.

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jenfullmoon
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@vdn The problem is that there's just not very many suitable boys out there. From the research I've done, it's the commitmentphobes and the avoidants who are always jumping back into the dating pool and there's far more of them to weed through than the decent guys who aren't in the pool very long before being snapped up.

I've been single for 17 years. You see how well it's going for me in the search...but my chart basically indicates I'll never find/have love or have it work out, so that's not a surprise.

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VDN
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@jenfullmoon Thanks for your insightful reply

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VDN
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anyone else has any views?

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buendia
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The Moon, ruler of your DSC, is square Pluto which can indicate a struggle with emotional intimacy, or relationships/encounters with people for whom emotional intimacy is difficult. The desire is there, the depth of feeling is there, but also fear and the awareness that accessing that place can be painful and scary.

Saturn, which rules your ASC, and Uranus are both retrograde heading back towards an opposition with Venus. It’s a super duper wide aspect in your chart, but considering the direction of the planets and Saturn’s rulership makes me want to take it into account. Saturn/Venus aspects tend to indicate some delay in relationships, usually around not feeling good enough or wanting to avoid being let down. These aspects often require one to adjust their expectations over time.

Also, you’re chart is heavily Cardinal and angular. Pluto has been traversing the sign that contains your ASC for over a decade. Elsa has written a lot about Pluto through the 12th, so you may want to search that. It’s not a transit that’s averse to relationship, per se. I imagine people who’ve undergone this transit learn the real value of having someone to stick  it out with them. But it can be a really lonely, isolating time, too, since lots of people find it hard to be in that place with you. This is compounded by the aspects mentioned above. With your Sun on your DSC, I can feel how extra lonely or disappointing it’s felt going it alone.

Overall, this past decade looks like it’s been an occasion to get to know yourself, for some things to fall away and other truer things to take their place. To prepare, and as lonely or difficult as it’s been, you’ve likely been equipped with what you need for a relationship in the future. Things have been tough for cardinals, no doubt. But I don’t see your chart as a relationship desert, at all, and think you’ll have a really good chance of finding what you’re looking for once Pluto leaves Capricorn for good. Pluto is smack dab on your ASC right now, so that’s something to keep in mind.

My final advice would be the last paragraph. If you haven’t already, take the time to get to know yourself. Get super real with who you are, so when the time comes you’ll be able to attract what’s real and right for you. If you already have been doing that, keep going. Moon/Pluto is a vast abyss.

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StarF
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@buendia several years back, Elsa posted something about people who keep having really horrible outcomes in relationships where the other party is always X sign. She said something to the effect of basically, refuse to date another person who is X sign. That “the universe doesn’t like a vacuum”. If you reject that sign enough, someone better suited will come along to fill the vacuum. (Something to that effect. Don’t quote me on this). 

i think of that a lot because the entire last decade, every single person I have dated has been a Scorpio sun/Leo Moon/Sagittarius Rising. They’ve 4-5 have had the Oct. 26th as their bday. 2 have had Nov. 5th as their bday. A spectrum of ages. (I am a Léo Sun/Aqua Moon/Cap Rising…a lot of Libra and mars in cancer on my 7th house. THAT is where I put my energy. I do not enjoy being alone. My parents left me alone a lot as a child. And it’s become an actual nightmare).

None of the Scorpio-ships ended well. I will never date a Scorpio man again. I do not think they are like Scorpio women. Who I know to be very strong and methodical, intelligent, and pretty honorable too….not sure how else to phrase that. The men though, every last one….a total coward. 

That whole “mysterious” bullshit and don’t cross a Scorpio nonsense because they’ll just amputate you. That doesn’t make them desirable. It makes them pieces of shit. It makes them cowards. They disappear and then amputate or block you without any explanation not cause they’re so cool and mysterious. Because they’re fking cowards.

They’ll do stuff like…ask you to marry them after 5 yrs, and right before your 6th anniversary, say they’re going to bed one night, a year into your engagement, after you just got your wedding dress and HE just picked up your newly fitted engagement ring that Same* day, demanding to put it on your hand “because I’m going to be your husband and I want to be the only man to ever put a ring on this finger”. Cut to: 5 hrs later, you walk into your bedroom and he’s not there. Then you realize his work car is gone….AND YOU NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN. He even abandoned all his clothing. His PERSONAL car, and…HIS DOG. 

He moved back in - rounding 36 - with his parents. Does not have a car now. It’s been 2.25-ish yrs. Plays video games 24/7 while he sleeps in his mommy’s craft room…on a military style-camping cot. No living expenses. Able to save all his money. And also goes on unemployment every winter. Yet…won’t still lives there and won’t get a vehicle.

Oooooo, how mysterious! …or just a total idiot and an outright loser. He was - quite simply - a embarrassment and a coward. Too much of a little btch to even face me to end it. 

Every Scorpio was a long term thing. Everything is always fine. I am not needy. I rarely bother them. I keep stuff pressure free. And yet ALL of them ended horrifically like this. Like “I’ll be over later tonight.” After yrs. He NEVER shows up and I never ever hear from him again. Then I’m “crazy” if I keep trying to contact them to make sure they’re not DEAD in a ditch somewhere. They’re a super classy bunch. 

I’ve had a long term boyfriend (3yrs or more) since I was 14 years old. Back to back. I’ve spent the last 2.5 yrs …alone. First time in my life. Because before I was 14, I had my family and friends. I only have one ovary. After spending 6 years with the last fool, at my age I will likely never be able to have a child now. Because of him. If I ever do meet someone and get married, I’ll never be able to have my dad walk me down the aisle, because COVID killed him. He basically starved to death for a year because they couldn’t ween him from the ventilator. 

Had I said “NO MORE SCORPIO FCKS” when I read Elsa’s post. I sincerely believe I’d have met a good man and had a family. Now I’m on antidepressants, sedatives, spend all my time watching streaming app show - I guarantee there is not a show on these days that i haven’t seen - playing video games because I missed that idiot so much it made me feel closer to him, and mostly talking to my dogs. I also think I’ve become an agoraphobic. I can’t remember the last time I left my apt. 

i remember walking into that bar. And before I opened the door, through the window I saw him. His bday was the day before. So people were talking about it. I KNEW it. I fking knew it. Don’t even acknowledge him. Walk away. But I didn’t listen, and now I’ve ruined my life.

So start looking for guys the opposite of what you like. Especially if you have like Neptune nonsense, like Venus/Neptune. That basically means you will choose to love con artists and liars. Be like George costanza. Do the opposite of everything you would normally do.

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buendia
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@starf I’m sorry you’ve struggled so much. Cardinal signs have really been put through the ringer, especially Cardinal risings. I’m sorry you’ve had such painful experiences in relationships, and I’m very sorry about the recent death of your father. If you ever want some more input on your chart, make a thread and I’ll weigh in. I’m sure others will, too.

I remember that post Elsa wrote, too. It’s one of my favorites and it’s proved true for me. But I don’t think you meant to respond to me, but to the original post, correct? There are a couple different user reply buttons.

It also looks like OP doesn’t have any Venus/Neptune aspects, either, but I know Elsa’s written much on that topic, too, so it might be a good place to start if anyone reading this is interested.

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buendia
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Correction: t.Neptune has been squaring your natal Venus for awhile now, OP, so it would definitely be a good idea to search Venus/Neptune on this site.

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VDN
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@buendia Thanks for your insightful reply.. will look into it

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Elsa
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Here is one of them but I think there is a video as well...

https://www.elsaelsa.com/astrology/dating-the-same-sign-over-and-over/

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