Forum

Notifications
Clear all

Who can you be your “true” self with?

Rapunzelsoldierfish
Posts: 505
Topic starter
(@rapunzelsoldierfish)
Reputable Member
Joined: 1 year ago

I realized today I can only be my real self with two people - my mom and my BF. Maybe I’m lucky to have any people like this at all - I’m sure there are some people who can’t show their true or hidden self to anyone. 

By real/true/hidden/self, I wonder if I am talking about the moon in astrology. My Pisces moon (squaring Venus) means I’m sensitive with flip-flopping emotions. I’m not too proud of this but thankfully my mom gets it and my BF has learned to accept it and is very patient about it. I hide this from the world and I tend to over-smile and people-please. Only these two people get to see the real me, the Pisces moon that can’t always handle the world. 

Who can you show your “real self” to? Maybe it’s everybody? Maybe it’s no one? 

10 Replies
Dori
Posts: 200
 Dori
(@dori)
Estimable Member
Joined: 7 years ago

Only with my two BFFs. My bf doesn't quite understand me and he is annoyed with some parts of my character, so I decided to adjust and not to show my true self. for example, when I'm angry or upset, I can be quite dramatic, I yell a lot, blame it on my Moon in Leo. Smile Well, he doesn't like that, it's too much drama for him, so I never act in front of him like that. But, he felt left out when once I said I can do this kind of acting only with my late mom or my BFF. 

Reply
1 Reply
Rapunzelsoldierfish
(@rapunzelsoldierfish)
Joined: 1 year ago

Reputable Member
Posts: 505

@dori  Aw I know how that feels to not be able to show your real side to your SO. Mostly I felt like I couldn't tell anything and everything to my ex - he was so judgmental. But he could handle me being overly emotional.  Current BF gives me a lot of leeway and doesn't hold anything against me, but was perplexed in the beginning and still is sometimes. 

I bet your fiery moon gives you backbone though!! 

Reply
Elsa
Posts: 3979
 Elsa
Admin
(@elsa)
Noble Member
Joined: 18 years ago

My husband and all of my actual friends. I consider myself lucky!

I also think this is a good thing to consider.

Reply
2 Replies
Dori
 Dori
(@dori)
Joined: 7 years ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 200

@elsa out of curiosity, what do you think is why you can be real with them? Are they mature? Flexible? Open-minded? Do they love you more than anything? What would you say that it makes them accept you for who you really are? I've made an example with my boyfriend, but actually, this is something I've been fighting for all of my life. my mother used to tell me, before family lunch, Christmas, and Easter when we would meet the family: "You just be quiet, don't talk, please keep your mouth shut because God knows, when you open them, nothing good can't come out." 

 

It's true, I can be harsh, and unapologetic, I say what I really think and some people just can't stand it. I can be quiet and destructive, or loud and destructive the same, but the thing is, I was always suppressed by my parents, later by my friends and bf's, and not to be who I really am. So I wonder, maybe it is me who really has a problem, but even so, wouldn't we supposed to love each other with our flaws and good things? Accept it and just love each other because of it?

Reply
Rapunzelsoldierfish
(@rapunzelsoldierfish)
Joined: 1 year ago

Reputable Member
Posts: 505

@elsa That's great!!

Yes I think our answer to this question can say a lot about either ourselves (and how secure we feel) and/or the people around us (how open-minded good friends they may be). So I see why Dori asked the question above!

Reply
Elsa
Posts: 3979
 Elsa
Admin
(@elsa)
Noble Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posted by: @dori

out of curiosity, what do you think is why you can be real with them? Are they mature? Flexible? Open-minded? Do they love you more than anything?

What a good question. I don't know about "love me more than anything" but the other things - yes.  I think high intelligence is the main thing. Truly intelligent people grow up, and are open and able to learn and adapt.

I may be a friend to someone who lacks these qualities but anyone who is a friend to me, has them.  Humility is another quality, which is also tied to intelligence in my mind. 

Reply
2 Replies
Dori
 Dori
(@dori)
Joined: 7 years ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 200

@elsa thank you. I think you are right, but I also do think they love you very very much Smile I do believe in unconditional love, the kind of love that will give you the strength to let this other person be her true self, a part of being intelligent and flexible, and open-minded. You are a wise, unique woman but more than anything, wise and very loving. I've never met you, besides a few messages that we interacted with here on the forum or in your blog. But from the way you think, speak and handle things, you are wise and I feel your husband is a wise person too. My boyfriend is a highly intelligent person, with a very high IQ, knows a lot and he takes great pride in being so smart, just as my father did. My grandad was wise, as you and he had the most unique life-path, that made him wise. He was also a bad-tempered person, he was not easy to live with, and very demanding, but on the other side, very warm, loving, and wise. But he was always true to himself, never apologizing for being who he is, which was not easy too. I loved him more than anything, even today, after I found out many bad things he did, it's still unconditional love, even greater than it was before. But he was wise, loved me so very much and he taught me things, my highly intelligent father and boyfriend would never. So, I think wisdom is giving us humility, and intelligence not so much. But, that's just my opinion. And love is a key point where other people accept us for who we truly are. Why I have put you in the middle of this? Smile You remind me of my grandfather. You both share a rare gift of being true to yourself, wise, and full of love, and when you are like this, then your answer can be only what you wrote about how can you be your true self with your husband and friends. Smile Sometimes I lose myself in what was the point of me writing the whole paragraph, but I hope you got what I meant. Smile

Reply
Elsa
 Elsa
Admin
(@elsa)
Joined: 18 years ago

Noble Member
Posts: 3979

@dori I think it's a matter of defining intelligence.

An intelligent person, in my vernacular has the qualities you mentioned.  Take my neighbor. 3rd grade education.  But knows everything important in life.  Love thy neighbor, for example.

He knows that he's a person and I am a person. He does not have expectations for my behavior. What I do is my own business.  

He never bothers anyone. He goes out of his way to help. He's says no when the answer is no.

"Do you want some snow peas? 
"No."

He doesn't complicate things with all kinds of extraneous bullshit.

He can be trusted. 

He will help anyone he ever sees who needs any help he can possibly provide.

Now lets compare to an educated person, full of themselves; feels they're smarter than you.  There are legions of people like this out there.

Judges, constantly, by every measure under the sun.

Constantly looks for evidence of their superiority (which takes so much energy, there is no brain cell for them to learn anyone or even find out who the other person is).

Believes they know more than others based on whatever criteria. Consequently, they're never wrong the the hole they live in gets deeper day by day and year by year.

Divides people using stupid criteria like race, education, appearance, clothing and such, rather than anything having to do with character.

Virtue signals rather than being actually virtuous. 

No boundaries.

Cannot be trusted.  

I could go on but my point is, if you live like this, you may not be as intelligent as you think you are.

So to close this and tie it to the conversation - my friends are all like my neighbor. 

Here are more examples of intelligence:

w****** who used to post here:

Married with two grown kids. 
Offers practical help when she sees a person needs it, to the point of driving 'cross states to lend a hand, though she's busy with so many things.
Fair, thoughtful and generous.
Unfailing kind and polite but if you push her - whammo!
Loyal
Takes care of elderly family members... for decades.
Utterly trustworthy.

Can you see how this is not a stupid person? I don't think she has an "education" but I also don't think she needs one.

Intelligent people like this don't hate you for no reason. They don't pick you apart, criticize you, try to trap you or dominate you or best you.  They also aren't easily baited or controlled.

I'm telling you, it comes down to boundaries, more than people realize.  If you can't see you're not the other person, you're in big trouble.  If you try to be the other person, same thing.

Making assumptions is another big one.  Especially if your assumptions tend to be negative.

It you take just a moment and think about just that last statement, you can see how that attitude will ruin a person's life. No need tp get to know anyone because for sure, they are bad! Is that not stupid?

Reply
la_sirena
Posts: 741
(@la_sirena)
Reputable Member
Joined: 5 years ago

The older I become, the more true to myself I am. I feel comfortable with who I am. I accept myself pretty fully, even my flaws. So, I would say I am true to myself with everyone I meet and know. Now, opening up to just anyone is another story. Do I feel I can bare my soul to anyone? No. I think it’s the norm, but there have only been a few people who have come into my life that have connected with my soul. 

Reply
1 Reply
Rapunzelsoldierfish
(@rapunzelsoldierfish)
Joined: 1 year ago

Reputable Member
Posts: 505

@la_sirena I like the delineation you made there. There's the act of removing any sort of pretense, and then there's allowing the parts the sun doesn't usually shine on to be seen. And yes, that makes sense that true soul connections would be more few and far between. Those are reserved for very special people! <3

Reply