also OP has 4th house stellium and sun in 4th? and 12th, i think like what @elsa said, she can have natural tendancies for motherhood.
I noticed those celebrities with children and they put their children first, along with if they have a great partner, it becomes really good. For example, Megan markles is a Leo sun, in the 1st house (strong ego) but her pluto is in the 4th and she has cancer mars in 12th.
and a cancer rising.
so i notice people with cancer placements and lots of 4th, have strong tendancies for motherhood and family. Even Angelina Jolie who is a Gemini sun, has Cancer rising and cancer venus and she took her motherhood seriously and said, go away Brad Pitt (sag with lots of capricorn) because her children came FIRST.
that made me think what @Elsa said about 4th house and cancer energy, because not all Scorpios or Geminis or whatever astrology make up are really interested in parenthood.
As a Leo with Libra rising and moon, I do enjoy being #1 to my bf. I’ve dated a man once with a daughter . It wasn’t super serious. But his daughter was young. I was in my 30s and I wanted other things. Whe both decided that it wasn’t meant to be.
its a tough situation you are in. Even tho people with libra planets can indecisive , in the end I want somebody to come home to, and I love being cherished and doing things together. You have to share him. And can’t spend time with him in your free time. If you are ok with that that’s fine.
but I think in the end it wouldn’t work out for you. You would feel miserable.
you deserve the best. Don’t settle for less.
Dahlia
@carmen what exactly made you decide you wanted to part ways?
I have to decide if the man I love is worth keeping even if he isn’t just mine…
my Leo craves that whole man to myself
@leobra1221 I decided first , his child but he also put himself 1st. And I wasn’t ready for the role of second or stepmom. and he was too laidback. The world had to evolve around him.
I give a lot , I’m very caring and tend to give too much, and mostly don’t expect something in return. Still working on that tho. . And I decided I deserved a partner whom I felt equal to. And it was during my 1st Saturn return . His sun was conjunct my Saturn in Virgo. So I needed to learn that.
Equality, it’s about feeling worthy enough and respecting yourself enough . And even tho you love him very much. You are allowed to love yourself too! And put yourself first.
but I understand you, I’ve often asked myself why I am this way. Ok it’s the crappy childhood .
learning along the way to say no, and say yes to myself more.
I guess Saturn in Pisces return will give you boundaries where need be. Not drowning away into an abyss.
I saw you have Venus in Leo too. Venus in Leo loves to be admired. I love that too. And nothing wrong with that. after 2 long relationships and a few short ones. I finally found my love. It’s equal , it’s balanced , just like my libra moon and rising loves.
Think good about what you want in relationships. In the end it all is about love . But what kind of love ?
@carmen I give a lot as well, and I tend to put my partner above myself.
I feel he does care and does love me but he does put himself first. I don’t quite feel he sacrifices as much as me.
in the beginning he was wayyyy more but you know after honey moon and he gets comfortable it slows.
im not saying he’s bad at all. We get along great, affectionate, great sex, spend a lot of time together other than the weekends when he has the kids.
I just very deeply crave a love that matches mine and I have a hard time finding it like you said equality.
it used to feel more equal, I don’t feel he loves me less but just puts less effort than he used to when I put more with time.
@leobra1221 o I see that Saturn is coming for your 12th house next year. So a lot of soul searching. And your IC does point to a warm and cozy homelife. Are you sure you don’t want kids? It shows you love a nurturing environment. And 5th house Leo should be great with kids. I like to picture you as a very warm and funny mother.
You see as a Leo you have dreams. your sun still falls in the 4th . House of roots and family. What are your dreams if you leave your scorp out of the equation? What do you want ?
my sun falls in the 10th . It should mean i would love to be in the picture careerwise. But my upbringing made me different. I don’t like to be in the spotlights, but that’s more due to insecurity.
I have Pluto in Libra in 1st house , it should make me controlling. But it’s just the opposite , in fact ive been walked over. Because I was afraid to say no, didn’t want to hurt people.
What I’m trying to say is, what are your deepest wishes , but also what are your deepest fears ? I think you already know the answer to your question about your bf.
And if he’s not for you, there will be others. He’s a learning experience along the road. Not to minimize it. Because you love him. Like I have to learn to love myself more , and to find out what I really want in life . Find out what it is that you want.
And as a Taurus rising you will make up your mind and find that stability that you need.
altough how is your traveling spirit ? Since Jupiter rules your 9th? Also your 8by the way. It gives me the feeling that maybe you will be better of alone for a while, roaming the world. It will change your perspective enormously.
If things don’t workout with my bf I wanna find a forever partnership. I don’t have to have kids but if the right person wanted them I’d compromise. But I don’t feel the urge that I must have them.
I do love myself, and I think that’s why I have a hard time settling for less than I really want. To be someone’s #1, their world.
my biggest fear is leaving my scorp and deeply regretting not trying harder to see how life will really be. I’m terrified of letting go and making a mistake. Because I will forever beat myself up about it.
jupiter is actually in my 8th and I’m thankful for this placement I feel it always helps me see the light at the end of the tunnel in dark times or to be able to pull myself together in times of loss. Find my inner strength.
this Libra side of me is what’s killing me. The anxiety and indecision is so consuming and takes forever!
my Leo side has a pride, and wants what it feels it deserves…. They are at battle! Lol
I will be unhappy without him but I think I’ll be unhappy tying myself to a life I don’t know is for me.
@leobra1221 I know what you mean! My libra placements got me into codependent behavior. Had and have a hard time standing up for myself. I wish that my Leo side would come more to the forefront. But I’m making baby steps.
I understand that you are afraid. But I would rather move on than stay in a relationship that wouldn’t give me the feeling of being equal. It would only end in resentment you know ?
Im blessed in the relationship department. My struggle is more with friends and family , who use me to their advantage. And there is or was is the fear of abandonment. I need to live for myself more instead of living life for others. And you should too. But at your own pace. You will find your way , and some transits will katapult you in another direction. For you it’s 12th house matters during your upcoming Saturn return. Like fear of abandonment.
in 2012 I left on my own on a trip to the USA , I’ve never been in an airplane. And it was all new to me. I impulsively decided to buy a ticket. I was in a rough spot that time, ex cheated and left and I didn’t have a home to go to. And I had malignant cells in my uterus . They had to be removed. So i thought instead of panicking and freaking out until the scheduled surgery , I’ll fly to America on my own. And it made me feel strong while I was there. Getting my mojo back. My strenght.
And Saturn was moving trough my Virgo 12th house.
when I got back I got an apartment , new job and income . As if the universe orchestrated it for me.
just make sure you take good care of yourself ! Like I said in my other post : you deserve the best. If it’s with the Scorpio or without.
- @carmen I feel detached from family and friends often too. Normally feel the most connected with my partner which will be awfully lonely to give up.
- I just got a promotion at work so I want to be able to focus on that as well.
- I have my own home and own career so I’m blessed in that department. Not dependent on a partner other than emotionally.
- I workout regularly and eat fairly decent. My only stressor is relationship related and “what’s next”
@leobra1221 you are a beautiful shining example of a strong Leo!
never forget your worth! It’s the same for me, I feel very comfortable with my partner, he’s my rock. And always supports me, while my toxic family sucks out the life out of me. I’ve moved 250 miles away from them.
How wonderful that you got promoted! And that you have your own home. I remember how sad I was when I had to give up my own home. But financially it was better to move in with my bf. And where I live now, I don’t have toxic people around me, and that’s a blessing.
You don’t have to decide now. You will be steered in the right direction.
if you need to talk come to the forum. We all listen and help you.
And i will too.
you’ll get there where you need to be!
@carmen sorry to hear about your family. Mine isn’t necessarily toxic. Just grown distant in recent years. But will always be there for them.
Thank you so much! I appreciate your time and efforts to help a stressed out Leo!
@leobra1221 You are welcome!
We Leo’s can help each other. If you need to talk I’m here.
sending you lots of strength and light!
Im sure most of the things are good between the two of you. Maybe it’s the opposite attracts kinda thing, your rising opposing his rising. He’s a Scorpio with scorp rising. They feel deep but don’t show their emotions on display . My bf is Scorpio too but with Libra moon and rising too. So we blend very well.
You know deep down what’s needed.
I once read in a book that Pisces in 12th points to fear of abandonment. I don’t know if you feel it like that. Have you been in a long relationship before ?
@carmen I do have fear of abandonment. I’ve always been the one to leave really…
we have similar humor and hobbies. Everything outside of the family life matches wonderfully and he isn’t an ass to me, doesn’t cheat etc.
Hi Leobra2012,
You have gotten a lot of good advice but I don't think anyone has mentioned the time component. You may be "eaten alive" because subconsiously the baby clock is ticking louder and you have to get moving. Time goes by so quickly and I believe young women have been misled through the media regarding the reproductive possibilities in your later years. Lots of women have problems and/or don't have the funds to augment the process. So if having a family of your own is in your plans, do you have the time for your man to learn how to manage his shyte? It takes time to find someone new and get to know them usually so that needs to be factored in.
I wish you the best,
jana
@jana I am unsure if that is something I need, is children.
But you are correct it takes time to meet someone worthwhile and to have time with them to know if they are worth having a life together with so I get where you're coming from on that point of view.
Like I said If things were to not workout with my Scorp. If i find the right partner and they must have kids id compromise but id also be okay with not having any in a relationship either.
I finally talked to him almost 2 weeks ago.
asked him how come he never makes an effort to have me around this kids if he wants a future together and the longer we wait to build that I have more doubts.
I told him I feel he’s more a priority to me than I am to him and that I care more than him… is how I feel.
he told me he wasn’t intentionally not having me around that it just wasn’t on his mind. But he also doesn’t want “everything” to be on him. Told me I’m welcome anytime I to jus come when I want. I told him I don’t wanna invite myslef I wanted to feel wanted to come over and o want to feel an effort for him to have me around them.
he said he wants me, and happy to have me. And wants a future.
I sucked up my pride and asked to come over last weekend, even after expressing my discomffot with inviting myslef around his kids bc I didn’t feel it was my say and he has to make that effort. So I went and I asked to come over and I colored with his daughter and made a real effort.
it’s been another week and he didn’t invite me this weekend. I was hoping me making the first move would get the ball rolling and that he could incite me next so that one person didn’t feel it was all on them and we both actively making effort.
but no, nothing this weekend.
it almost feels as if he just didn’t take the seriousness of my conversation.
I NEED effort. I’m sick of the one making effort. Begging for it. It feels so unbalanced and I can only do so much without building resentment.
im going to give it another weekend but if he doesn’t start putting effort then I can’t continue. I clearly told him what I needed in the conversation and he said he didn’t realize that was soemthinf he wasn’t showing up for.
bit still isn’t and expects me to just come over… I want to feel he wants me over and is making effort!!!!
@leobra1221 I'm really sorry you're going through this very challenging situation. My sense is he doesn't currently have the inner resources to manage your interactions with the children on top of his work, looking after the kids, home, and negotiating the exes. I think it's a gamble on your part. You could risk the process of self-managing the interactions and taking the burden of responsibility in that area so as to preserve the relationship, not expect him to do it. At some point his load will lighten but it'll be a good few years. It seems like he's a single dad who would like to be in a relationship but doesn't have much emotional resources available. So then it's to decide whether you want to stick it out with him or look for someone with more resources (internal not money).
Based on current climate maybe these relationships which are more reality based in the sense that everyone is struggling in some way, less fairy tale, will become seen as the norm but the transition is hard based on Hollywood lol. What I'm saying is, Saturn is more prevalent now, do you want to deal with Saturn or try to find a bit more Neptune.. Or find the Neptune amongst the Saturn! In the small moments, gratitude. It's a tough one. Depends if you think he's a keeper despite his stuff, and also knowing what you can ultimately bear.
You got a lot of good advice. I personally would leave. That all sounds exhausting and if he's not romancing you now, and you're feeling neglected now, it doesn't look like it's worth it. I'm sorry. He'll only give you less attention once he has you committed.
I have to add - I like reading advice columns. Unfortunately, there are always so many with divorce issues and children. Like constant. The kids and the exes and so on. Jumping into that situation when he's low effort now seems like it would be a mistake.
I'll add onto what soup said about fire and water - you're shiny, Scorpio is not. We water signs need a lot of time alone. I don't know how this guy has energy for all these kids and exes, but he's going to run out quickly and you're going to get the scraps. On top of being second fiddle you're not going to be appreciated, and will possibly be resented, even by him (like when he doesn't feel like defending you against that one ex). I could be wrong, you know the dynamics, but from your description it just doesn't sound good. Add in, he is 29 and already has 2 exes with children, he doesn't sound super commitment oriented.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this! I hope you can figure out what you really want to do, and I think it's smart you're thinking about it now before you're in too deep. If you decide he's not worth it, I hope you quickly meet someone who is and who wants to romance you and make you his #1.
@dolce thank you very much….
he put in all the effort in the beginning…. Now it’s barely there. I’ve voiced it many times and I don’t get what I need. I can’t keep feeling like this. especially only a little over a year in.
and for someone to hint at proposing for months and me thinking things are getting more serious it’s only natural to wonder why you aren’t more involved or getting the same effort as before. I can’t keep pouring or my cup will be empty. I need him to pour into my cup too…
I love him dearly but it’s not like I haven’t tried. I can’t keep doing 80/20…