This is eating me alive
You have the sun in your 4H. I would love to hear what others have to say about that because I don’t know other than to think out loud here…a home, your base, your roots, tradition, is part of who you are.
That’s very interesting. Might that be someone who needs to create here, to create their own here?
Your post is titled 'this is eating me alive' - how can you NOT discuss this with him right away? Or maybe the fact that you feel like you can't talk to him about it answers your question.
If you are thinking about marrying this person, it would seem that you should be able to easily discuss something that is 'eating you alive'.(That is a terrifying thought - being eaten alive - by the way.)
You need a good dose of courage, either way. If you are going to have the conversation, you need courage. I'm sure that's why you came to this group, to gather your strength. This is not easy. Wishing you inner strength. Wishing you mental clarity. Wishing you not to be eaten alive.
i saw that you have libra mars, and i know that libra has anxiety about arguments and fights and confrontation and gives you hives, but thats my experience with them. I fight my son's battles for him, because i know he has severe anxiety and goes into depression and manic and i dont want that for him. I help him and if thats my role as a mother and knowing this knowledge in astrology i am able to help him as much as i can. And fight for him. While he can use his libra for diplomacy and helping in other ways. I dont really have a strong mars, but my sun is in the 1st house and i have a stellium in 8th. And anyone who has ever tried to do bad to me, has always gotten their karma, without me doing anything. But maybe its just me thinking that.
How can you approach him about your concern and fears? And how can he assure you further that he will take care of you too. He has to take care of his children and yes, they do come first but you can be there with him too to help. Has he been a good man to you? That is the biggest question and that is one that is very important. I like that he has a strong mars because i would be sad kind of if he had libra mars. lol no offense. Because I think a strong mars with Libra would be awesome and he can fight the fight when you can't do it. And that is good. (edit- and his libra venus would understand you and there is a need for partnership too)
I'm not good at reading charts and i suck at it, but it looks like he has venus in libra near scorpio in the 11th house? If he has libra, which he definitely has jupiter libra, that is good; i like venus influence in jupiter because that means he will have a nice home for you. I research alot of jupiters lol
How do you tell him without getting anxiety? just tell him in a normal conversation and be honest,and clear and and be truthful that you dont want to rock the boat. I hope his children begin to like you, but i'm sure they will, as long as you are a kind person and they see that their father loves you very much.
good luck!! let us know how it goes.
I refused to ever have a relationship with anyone who had kids. It was a rule for me. Kids. No date. So, I never had the possibility of a stepmother role. I also know for a fact that I would never love someone else's child like I do my own or my grands. Knowing myself and knowing that I couldn't put myself or someone's child in that position, I just refused no matter the chemistry/attraction. Now, that said, I adore children. I have also seen the pitfalls of step parenting.
However, I have been on the other side. Boyfriends/girlfriends. We went to counseling before we divorced. There one rule. No girlfriends or boyfriends around our kids. And I stuck to it. Eventually he did not. The first one decided to be in the house all the time around my kids. We had joint. The agreement was I have them one week, he has them the other. Do what you want on your free week. She bled into his week with the kids.
I got a call from my oldest son. I went there. I walked in. The house had a finished basement. Oldest was in his room. Youngest was in the basement family room watching TV. They were both young. I go upstairs and they are screwing with the bedroom door open. I walked in, pulled the blanket off them and threw it on the floor and naked asked her where her daughter was. She said with my mom. I said but you are here F'ing in front of my kids if they decide to walk upstairs. Put your clothes on and get away from my children. He was livid. I was ready to throw down. I am little. 5'3 was 100lbs ready to go wild... I do not physically fight people... ever.
I am very protective of my children. And aggressive. I don't play. You get one chance. Scorp 4 in the 4th Cancer rising.
When I got my kids back that weekend, I had my atty file a motion. He didn't get to see them again until the court date two months later. Then I took my children away from him. The oldest one opted to never go back. The youngest saw him twice a month on Saturdays. He lost his kids. One chance. Can't be trusted. Done.
Scorpio will never let go of their children and their children will always come first. I'd say the same for the other two water signs and Virgo... I know all parents love their kids. But these are NUTTY about them. 😳
Girlfriend and married are two different things. Girlfriends come and go, and many times marriages do to. The kids are just in the crossfire and damaged from it all and they didn't ask for it.
You're a Leo? I don't care what is in a birth chart... Scorpio and Leo Square. That will be trouble later anyway without the kids being a part of it. How do I know? I loved a Leo for years. No matter though... there was no making that last. Good sex. Fire and water have good sex. Eventually that is all they have and then that is ruined. Water puts out fire. You will at some point feel defeated. From what I have read, and this isn't the first post ... you already feel hesitant.
If I knew a person felt hesitant and may not want to share the responsibility of my children, I would leave them in that moment. A Scorpio will do that. So, you are not going to be able to tell him that. In fact, you will have no voice and if you do, he will immediately take the children's side.
I was very fortunate. I married a Pisces. Very fair, very grounded, very generous. BUT it still came with problems. Like when my youngest son decided to act like an insane teenager (like they all do) this was a trying time for Pisces husband. I mean... he was headed toward over it. He even said... I am not sure I can live with him. He said I will get an appt and I don't want a divorce but I dk if I can keep doing this. I told him to get out. Period. I love you. My child comes first. Get out. I was not kidding, I meant it. See, I can get over a man, but I cannot get over the loss of a child. So, there was no contest. He could leave. In fact, you knew I had this before you decided to sign up. So, leave. He didn't. Kid grew into a fine man. It's over. But there were still issues at times with my sons as adults. Difference. I took my husband's side. They are grown. They have NO say in my home now. They love him and never have a problem with him as adults but if they did, I would say you have your own home, this is his, and mine. Go home. I would never let an adult offspring dictate who I am with unless that person harmed them in some way.
I only tell you this so you can see the mom side, the problems you'll face in the future and how hard it is. Those are not your kids. They are going to drive you nuts. My own kids drive me nuts and I would die for them. I would not put up with the shenanigans of someone else's teenager. Even though I expected my husband to. Not fair. I know.
Your life will be instant motherhood with no voice about anything. He has two exes already. Not marriage material at all... I am being honest. Marriage fails easily without all that. You'll be cooking for kids you cannot correct. You'll be helping to financially support kids you cannot correct. You'll have no say in their upbringing. You will clean up after them, do their laundry and if they decide when they are older to tell you to go straight to hell, and they may... you won't be able to do a thing about it. Mom and dad are boss.
I would tell my own daughter to run in the other direction. I would sit down with her and tell her walking away will hurt right now but in the future, you will be glad you did. I would tell her to hold out for a love that will be her own with the child between them being their first. I would tell her if she felt hesitant at all that is a sign to cut it off and walk through the few months of heartbreak and wait for a love without baggage. And if she were a fire sun, I would tell her to steer clear of Earth or Water. Find a nice fire or air sun.
I am living with a man for decades. We could not be more astrologically compatible and at times we still drive each other nuts.
I love fire suns. That is all I had ever been with for decades. It always ended badly. Like fatal car crash on the freeway badly. Both hurt tremendously. I love me some Sag and Leo. For me, I am moth to flame over a Sag or Leo man. But it just doesn't work over the long haul. Maybe someone will come here and say... oh I am a (fill in the blank) and I have been with mine for decades. That is rare. Very rare.
I have 3 grands. One Aries, Sag and a Gemini. I would tell my girls to run from a Scorpio and do it so fast their legs are on fire. Cancer Pisces Virgo...and probably Capricorn can really handle a Scorpio. Everyone else, RUN. I am telling you this and I am a Scorpio through and through. A mom. A divorced more than once woman.
I married two fire signs. They both told people after we were over that they have never been more destroyed. Never hurt more deeply, and that it felt like a physical death after our marriage was over. Try to imagine a Sagittarius telling someone they felt as though getting divorced from me caused the very death inside them. That they were physically ill over the divorce, and it took a very long time to recover. I didn't mean for that to happen. But I also left and never cried a tear. They were dead to me. They suffered greatly. Further, I left them and never took a dime from either of them.
You do not need that.
You are saying 'It's eating you alive' already and you aren't even engaged.
There is your answer. Get out now. Those women will never let you have any peace. Leo likes to be the queen bee and you will never be allowed to be that in any capacity. You will be third to the throne. You will be cleaning up poop, pee, vomit, dirty clothes, snot noses, childhood illness, you'll be a taxicab, a maid, and after all that you will have NO voice. Not very sexy. Not hot at all. A natural parent doesn't mind these things. Most stepparents do.
That Scorpio will never let you say a word to his child. Or his exes. You'll have a very hard and never romantic job and no say in anything while they are little.
My kids may have been brats. (They were) I could correct them. It was rare I even let their own father correct them. And NO stepparent was ever going to say a word to either one of them. I do not say any of this to be in any way rude. I am telling you to heed the warning. I am telling you from a Scorpio parent POV. We are very fixed. We are very territorial about the few people we allow in our life. And we do not budge when it comes to our children. To say something to a Scorpio parents' child (water sun, packed 8th or Pluto moon also Scorpio rising or moon) you are going to have to fight them. Maybe physically. You will be shocked when he sides with baby momma one or two and you become the enemy because little what's his or her name want to make you the villain. And one of those kids will.
Kids never naturally want to be with the step. They want their natural parents. They stir shit because they are kids... and it will leave you exhausted, and you will leave anyway. Because a Leo is NEVER going to take all that... Leo is regal and proud. They are fixed and usually very loyal. But they are not putting up with all that bullshit. You won't. A Virgo/Cancer/Pisces will, they jump in headfirst to help. Leo will not do it. Not if you are denied a say.
You are hesitant now. Do not do it. Imagine you can walk away from a future catastrophe before it becomes just that. Leo and Scorpio have such good sex and they adore each other, until they don't. A Scorpio will cut you off and never look back. Leo gets hurt.
Just from the people I know here... Sirena, Libra Noir... if someone said a word to one of their sons, they would scratch their eyes out. 😳 I am trying to imagine either of them dealing with a step that would come in and correct their child. Woohoo... lord have mercy.
You have everything going for you. You deserve a life without hesitation. People with young children that are happily married have a hard time being romantic... have sex. They can't even put themselves first. There will be no dates. This is pee, poop, childhood disease, crazy exes, snot noses.... ask the moms. It is intense. What happens if one of the exes dies? Now you are fulltime and no say in any of it. Just the poo... you'll get plenty of that.
I love Leo's. I really do. They are so shiny and talented. Usually, gorgeous.
I am a Scorpio telling you to run from Scorpio. People get involved with us thinking that damn hot sex and romance is going to be the thing that will pull a relationship through the worst of times. A Scorpio is capable of leaving a wound you will never recover from. A Scorpio can become vicious. Mean. Vindictive. They play head games. They are capable of making you think you are literally insane. (So can Cancer, Pisces, Virgo. Scorpio meets their match with them, and those signs have no problem handling a Scorpio's bullshit) My Pisces husband has no problem handling me on my worst day. He just looks at me. He also has no problem crossing over to the twisted dark side with me.
A Scorpio is capable of being celibate for years. Cutting it off and not caring in the least. If that Scorpio man didn't want to put up with those baby mommas, he would not. He would cut them off without hesitation. And still see his kids.
Well, I read the newer comments. I agree with LibraNoir.
He hasn't proposed yet or asked you to move in. There is no need to make this decision right now. Why not just let it play out and see how things go? No need to have a talk if you're undecided. Try to let go of having all the answers and I'm sure the answer will come to you in time. Easier said than done, I understand, but based on everything you've said I think that's the best course. No answer on here can be better than lived experience as the relationship unfolds.