You have the sun in your 4H. I would love to hear what others have to say about that because I don’t know other than to think out loud here…a home, your base, your roots, tradition, is part of who you are.
That’s very interesting. Might that be someone who needs to create here, to create their own here?
@allie120 I am very much a homebody... I enjoy my time. And I am very selective who I spend my personal time around aka my bf...
Your post is titled 'this is eating me alive' - how can you NOT discuss this with him right away? Or maybe the fact that you feel like you can't talk to him about it answers your question.
If you are thinking about marrying this person, it would seem that you should be able to easily discuss something that is 'eating you alive'.(That is a terrifying thought - being eaten alive - by the way.)
You need a good dose of courage, either way. If you are going to have the conversation, you need courage. I'm sure that's why you came to this group, to gather your strength. This is not easy. Wishing you inner strength. Wishing you mental clarity. Wishing you not to be eaten alive.
Do not mean this to be harsh. Just hoping to help you clarify what your heart wants to do.
Do not mean this to be harsh. Just hoping to help you clarify what your heart wants to do.
It did not come off as harsh. I appreciate your efforts.
But, part of this is my fault for festering and overthinking. I feel like I dont know which way to go and if I am to talk about it I want to have a more clear understanding of my emotions since they are so up and down right now.
I just do not want to say the wrong thing and hurt him. I do not want to make him feel bad about having kids.
@leobra1221 I like aspire’s wish for mental clarity for you. From what you’ve said, it doesn’t look like it’s really BECAUSE of his children. It’s the situation, the timing, and what each of you needs during this time. Maybe you need more time. Maybe not.
@allie120 I think it is a little bit of everything. One day I will figure it out, I just dont want to waste time if this isnt for me.
I feel I need to be either all in or or all out
Or maybe the fact that you feel like you can't talk to him about it answers your question.
This right here ^
I’ve read all your posts about this man and this is the common thread in them all. This is the blind spot that really needs to be examined. Why can’t you talk to him? Because you need a “clear train of thought or a “path”” WHY? Is there something about HIM that makes you feel like you cannot be open?
I tell my husband every single thing that bothers me. This is not the norm to shy away like this with someone you’re in a serious relationship with. You expressed yourself just fine here and it’s clear what you are thinking. He should have no trouble understanding.
Are you afraid he will tell you something you don’t want to hear? Are you afraid he will take away your clarity (manipulate you)? What do you think is the root issue?
@sirena-oceana Its not that I cant talk to him. I get overly anxious and I freeze up when trying to talk. Its more so a "me" problem.
Any time I have brought up issues he has been understanding. So I dont know why I get like this.
I guess I am afraid of hurting him
@leobra1221 I just looked at your charts and his Venus and Jupiter are right on your Descendant and NN. That’s nice.
If you truly love him, you may be able to overcome this. It’s a sacrifice, but only you would know if it’s worth it or not. I don’t know.. If you truly love him, and this is the love of your life or something, then if I were you I wouldn’t let it go. I wouldn’t bank on finding something better. It’s possible, but not guaranteed or likely even.
You can detach from the mom. You can decide not to let her affect you. You can keep your distance from it. It’s possible to detach from his and her whole dynamic too. You’re Leo, you just act above it you know? I have Leo rising and I wouldn’t stoop down to their level, I’d be a snob about it too. Like, I don’t know what your problem is but it sounds like a personal problem and I’d turn my nose up and walk away unbothered and go about my business.
Leo loves kids. His kids may end up loving you. In fact if the one mom is that unstable they may appreciate having a stable mother figure in their life. Then again they may not love you and things *could* get uncomfortable. If you stay with him you have to be prepared for how you’ll handle that. It won’t last forever. Kids grow up super fast. The 7 year olds will be adults in 11 years. The 4 year old will be an adult in 14 years. This time will fly by like you would not believe.
@sirena-oceana Oh trust me I dont show she bothers me. i dont say a word. And I dont create more tension. I am the bigger person whenever something arises.
And yes there are alot of possbilities an alot of factors at play I guess I need to just follow my gut on this..
And talking about it will probably help calm any reassurance I may need, or it may not. That could have a play in it too.
i saw that you have libra mars, and i know that libra has anxiety about arguments and fights and confrontation and gives you hives, but thats my experience with them. I fight my son's battles for him, because i know he has severe anxiety and goes into depression and manic and i dont want that for him. I help him and if thats my role as a mother and knowing this knowledge in astrology i am able to help him as much as i can. And fight for him. While he can use his libra for diplomacy and helping in other ways. I dont really have a strong mars, but my sun is in the 1st house and i have a stellium in 8th. And anyone who has ever tried to do bad to me, has always gotten their karma, without me doing anything. But maybe its just me thinking that.
How can you approach him about your concern and fears? And how can he assure you further that he will take care of you too. He has to take care of his children and yes, they do come first but you can be there with him too to help. Has he been a good man to you? That is the biggest question and that is one that is very important. I like that he has a strong mars because i would be sad kind of if he had libra mars. lol no offense. Because I think a strong mars with Libra would be awesome and he can fight the fight when you can't do it. And that is good. (edit- and his libra venus would understand you and there is a need for partnership too)
I'm not good at reading charts and i suck at it, but it looks like he has venus in libra near scorpio in the 11th house? If he has libra, which he definitely has jupiter libra, that is good; i like venus influence in jupiter because that means he will have a nice home for you. I research alot of jupiters lol
How do you tell him without getting anxiety? just tell him in a normal conversation and be honest,and clear and and be truthful that you dont want to rock the boat. I hope his children begin to like you, but i'm sure they will, as long as you are a kind person and they see that their father loves you very much.
good luck!! let us know how it goes.
@elisa He has a 0 degree Scorpio Venus in 11th
Yes he has been a good man to me overall. We are like best friends, always joking and laughing and we spend alot of time together and we are affectionate. Although I feel I show it more sometimes but I dont know if that is just my love language differently.
I dont know how to tell him without anxiety because its so bad to the point i FREEZE up when I have to talk to him about something serious. But he always ends up listening and being understanding but I freak out and overthink.
I definitely do not want anyone to fight my battles for me I have too much Leo pride for that, its just the initial break through once I break the ice I can speak my mind.
if he's a good man, and you enjoy his company, i dont think you will be able to find another similar, because it's difficult to find the right connection in my opinion.
besides, there's always going to be sacrifices made with scorpio. You have to, if you make the ultimate sacrifice they will be with you through thick and thin. I think thats also why he hasn't been able to defend you, (this is just me thinking that ...and i thought maybe he's passive aggressive about it) but thats not my experience with scorpio. And also he doesn't have libra in personal planets so there's no wafting around, similar to your libra mars/moon, you take a long time to decide; wafting around, you want to consider your options. Its called a detriment in the mars, and a "fall" in the sun, but the decision if you make a good one, will be good for your future. (although strangely its not fall or detriment in venus and moon but people with just these placements still wafting around...so why? its like a template for some astrologers to say, watch out if you have libra because you will have to decide..and it will take alot of TIME.)
the baby momma thing with the 2nd woman should not be a problem for him in my opinion. He doesn't even have to deal with her, only his child, and make it so in court that he has custody to see his own child and not her around. If she wants to spend the thousands and thousands in court over it, then so be it, but i dont think she wants that, since its important to have a father for a child, if there's a good father -- she better take advantage of it. So many bad fathers OR fathers who are absent.
i'm just saying, he probably in my opinion puts up with it because he wants to see YOUR decision. I mean why is he with you? Because he feels that you are something to consider to be worth something for his future. If he is asking you to be with him in the future.
Also, if you have a career, with him thats good too because his children will spend time half with the mothers and when its with him, should be with him doing things together and if you're there, great. Yeah of course you wont be number one, but later you WILL be number one at the end because when you grow old, who is there with you? he will. His children will have marriages and they will have their number ones. you see?? You must think of the future.
Make also sure he is not a gambler, (because gamblers will destroy homes and family due to loss of money and loss of home, everything gone, and same with no alcoholism and no drug addictions, that will also destroy and you will be stuck with an addict that you will be constantly be miserable with all your life and then destroy your family) there is a spiral ...the spiral will continue.
He is not doing shady underground stuff like bad things, doing illegal things, that is a no no!!! because if he has mafia tendancies or bad things doing illegal things, he can go far with that and that will also make you miserable and make you a bad person because of your association with him. Even though you are not a bad person but others will associate you with that. Look at the mafia women, they dont do anything to get out or try to change the man. Plus they can't change who those people are. they will do what they want because there is no feeling of moral compass and feeling bad for others. this is selfishness to the extreme and taking it all for the greed and not caring about the human population much less family.
so many things to consider.
@elisa He is a good man and I enjoy his company a lot. We are best friends.
With baby mama, the issue is there is no court order...so he feels she holds all the power and I think this is why he just goes along with whatever she feels.. to keep things as smooth as possible. But i think there needs boundaries for our future to flourish. But he is a great father I hope she doesn't take things too far if we are to proceed in escalating the relationship.
Luckily he is not a gambler and not involved in anything sketchy... which is great. Obviously neither am I.
I refused to ever have a relationship with anyone who had kids. It was a rule for me. Kids. No date. So, I never had the possibility of a stepmother role. I also know for a fact that I would never love someone else's child like I do my own or my grands. Knowing myself and knowing that I couldn't put myself or someone's child in that position, I just refused no matter the chemistry/attraction. Now, that said, I adore children. I have also seen the pitfalls of step parenting.
However, I have been on the other side. Boyfriends/girlfriends. We went to counseling before we divorced. There one rule. No girlfriends or boyfriends around our kids. And I stuck to it. Eventually he did not. The first one decided to be in the house all the time around my kids. We had joint. The agreement was I have them one week, he has them the other. Do what you want on your free week. She bled into his week with the kids.
I got a call from my oldest son. I went there. I walked in. The house had a finished basement. Oldest was in his room. Youngest was in the basement family room watching TV. They were both young. I go upstairs and they are screwing with the bedroom door open. I walked in, pulled the blanket off them and threw it on the floor and naked asked her where her daughter was. She said with my mom. I said but you are here F'ing in front of my kids if they decide to walk upstairs. Put your clothes on and get away from my children. He was livid. I was ready to throw down. I am little. 5'3 was 100lbs ready to go wild... I do not physically fight people... ever.
I am very protective of my children. And aggressive. I don't play. You get one chance. Scorp 4 in the 4th Cancer rising.
When I got my kids back that weekend, I had my atty file a motion. He didn't get to see them again until the court date two months later. Then I took my children away from him. The oldest one opted to never go back. The youngest saw him twice a month on Saturdays. He lost his kids. One chance. Can't be trusted. Done.
Scorpio will never let go of their children and their children will always come first. I'd say the same for the other two water signs and Virgo... I know all parents love their kids. But these are NUTTY about them. 😳
Girlfriend and married are two different things. Girlfriends come and go, and many times marriages do to. The kids are just in the crossfire and damaged from it all and they didn't ask for it.
You're a Leo? I don't care what is in a birth chart... Scorpio and Leo Square. That will be trouble later anyway without the kids being a part of it. How do I know? I loved a Leo for years. No matter though... there was no making that last. Good sex. Fire and water have good sex. Eventually that is all they have and then that is ruined. Water puts out fire. You will at some point feel defeated. From what I have read, and this isn't the first post ... you already feel hesitant.
If I knew a person felt hesitant and may not want to share the responsibility of my children, I would leave them in that moment. A Scorpio will do that. So, you are not going to be able to tell him that. In fact, you will have no voice and if you do, he will immediately take the children's side.
I was very fortunate. I married a Pisces. Very fair, very grounded, very generous. BUT it still came with problems. Like when my youngest son decided to act like an insane teenager (like they all do) this was a trying time for Pisces husband. I mean... he was headed toward over it. He even said... I am not sure I can live with him. He said I will get an appt and I don't want a divorce but I dk if I can keep doing this. I told him to get out. Period. I love you. My child comes first. Get out. I was not kidding, I meant it. See, I can get over a man, but I cannot get over the loss of a child. So, there was no contest. He could leave. In fact, you knew I had this before you decided to sign up. So, leave. He didn't. Kid grew into a fine man. It's over. But there were still issues at times with my sons as adults. Difference. I took my husband's side. They are grown. They have NO say in my home now. They love him and never have a problem with him as adults but if they did, I would say you have your own home, this is his, and mine. Go home. I would never let an adult offspring dictate who I am with unless that person harmed them in some way.
I only tell you this so you can see the mom side, the problems you'll face in the future and how hard it is. Those are not your kids. They are going to drive you nuts. My own kids drive me nuts and I would die for them. I would not put up with the shenanigans of someone else's teenager. Even though I expected my husband to. Not fair. I know.
Your life will be instant motherhood with no voice about anything. He has two exes already. Not marriage material at all... I am being honest. Marriage fails easily without all that. You'll be cooking for kids you cannot correct. You'll be helping to financially support kids you cannot correct. You'll have no say in their upbringing. You will clean up after them, do their laundry and if they decide when they are older to tell you to go straight to hell, and they may... you won't be able to do a thing about it. Mom and dad are boss.
I would tell my own daughter to run in the other direction. I would sit down with her and tell her walking away will hurt right now but in the future, you will be glad you did. I would tell her to hold out for a love that will be her own with the child between them being their first. I would tell her if she felt hesitant at all that is a sign to cut it off and walk through the few months of heartbreak and wait for a love without baggage. And if she were a fire sun, I would tell her to steer clear of Earth or Water. Find a nice fire or air sun.
I am living with a man for decades. We could not be more astrologically compatible and at times we still drive each other nuts.
I love fire suns. That is all I had ever been with for decades. It always ended badly. Like fatal car crash on the freeway badly. Both hurt tremendously. I love me some Sag and Leo. For me, I am moth to flame over a Sag or Leo man. But it just doesn't work over the long haul. Maybe someone will come here and say... oh I am a (fill in the blank) and I have been with mine for decades. That is rare. Very rare.
I have 3 grands. One Aries, Sag and a Gemini. I would tell my girls to run from a Scorpio and do it so fast their legs are on fire. Cancer Pisces Virgo...and probably Capricorn can really handle a Scorpio. Everyone else, RUN. I am telling you this and I am a Scorpio through and through. A mom. A divorced more than once woman.
I married two fire signs. They both told people after we were over that they have never been more destroyed. Never hurt more deeply, and that it felt like a physical death after our marriage was over. Try to imagine a Sagittarius telling someone they felt as though getting divorced from me caused the very death inside them. That they were physically ill over the divorce, and it took a very long time to recover. I didn't mean for that to happen. But I also left and never cried a tear. They were dead to me. They suffered greatly. Further, I left them and never took a dime from either of them.
You do not need that.
You are saying 'It's eating you alive' already and you aren't even engaged.
There is your answer. Get out now. Those women will never let you have any peace. Leo likes to be the queen bee and you will never be allowed to be that in any capacity. You will be third to the throne. You will be cleaning up poop, pee, vomit, dirty clothes, snot noses, childhood illness, you'll be a taxicab, a maid, and after all that you will have NO voice. Not very sexy. Not hot at all. A natural parent doesn't mind these things. Most stepparents do.
That Scorpio will never let you say a word to his child. Or his exes. You'll have a very hard and never romantic job and no say in anything while they are little.
My kids may have been brats. (They were) I could correct them. It was rare I even let their own father correct them. And NO stepparent was ever going to say a word to either one of them. I do not say any of this to be in any way rude. I am telling you to heed the warning. I am telling you from a Scorpio parent POV. We are very fixed. We are very territorial about the few people we allow in our life. And we do not budge when it comes to our children. To say something to a Scorpio parents' child (water sun, packed 8th or Pluto moon also Scorpio rising or moon) you are going to have to fight them. Maybe physically. You will be shocked when he sides with baby momma one or two and you become the enemy because little what's his or her name want to make you the villain. And one of those kids will.
Kids never naturally want to be with the step. They want their natural parents. They stir shit because they are kids... and it will leave you exhausted, and you will leave anyway. Because a Leo is NEVER going to take all that... Leo is regal and proud. They are fixed and usually very loyal. But they are not putting up with all that bullshit. You won't. A Virgo/Cancer/Pisces will, they jump in headfirst to help. Leo will not do it. Not if you are denied a say.
You are hesitant now. Do not do it. Imagine you can walk away from a future catastrophe before it becomes just that. Leo and Scorpio have such good sex and they adore each other, until they don't. A Scorpio will cut you off and never look back. Leo gets hurt.
Just from the people I know here... Sirena, Libra Noir... if someone said a word to one of their sons, they would scratch their eyes out. 😳 I am trying to imagine either of them dealing with a step that would come in and correct their child. Woohoo... lord have mercy.
You have everything going for you. You deserve a life without hesitation. People with young children that are happily married have a hard time being romantic... have sex. They can't even put themselves first. There will be no dates. This is pee, poop, childhood disease, crazy exes, snot noses.... ask the moms. It is intense. What happens if one of the exes dies? Now you are fulltime and no say in any of it. Just the poo... you'll get plenty of that.
I love Leo's. I really do. They are so shiny and talented. Usually, gorgeous.
I am a Scorpio telling you to run from Scorpio. People get involved with us thinking that damn hot sex and romance is going to be the thing that will pull a relationship through the worst of times. A Scorpio is capable of leaving a wound you will never recover from. A Scorpio can become vicious. Mean. Vindictive. They play head games. They are capable of making you think you are literally insane. (So can Cancer, Pisces, Virgo. Scorpio meets their match with them, and those signs have no problem handling a Scorpio's bullshit) My Pisces husband has no problem handling me on my worst day. He just looks at me. He also has no problem crossing over to the twisted dark side with me.
A Scorpio is capable of being celibate for years. Cutting it off and not caring in the least. If that Scorpio man didn't want to put up with those baby mommas, he would not. He would cut them off without hesitation. And still see his kids.
Protect yourself.
@sirena-oceana the thought of having to go through that again Sirena makes me want to take a nap. It was horrible and hideous. One thing after the next. Always some soap opera dynamic that ruined most good days. I would never get involved in that again, but it is behind me, and I can see it. One of those... had I only known. The memories I have ... to me are gross, unnecessary drama that I could have avoided had I listened to my intuition. I didn't and everyone suffered. Looking back, if I could do it all over...I would rather stay single. Love and marriage are hard enough without the added bs that comes as a package deal. I don't, wont and couldn't love anyone enough to go through it again. I would take care of me. God, being the caretaker of my grands came at a heavy price when something didn't go right in the DIL's world, and I did it for free for 12.5 years. So, I moved. It took a long time to detach from that. I will never fully detach as I love them so. But am I glad to be out of it? Hell, yes, I am. I would NEVER do it again.
@soup trust me, thinking about reliving all my past relationship drama makes me want to take a nap too. So exhausting. I hope the OP does listen to her intuition. It’s a hard decision she has to make. God, especially for someone with Libra. I’m not a Libra but I do have Libra in my 3rd with Pluto in that house. I think and process sorta like a Libra. It’d be eating me alive too having all these factors to consider…
I don’t know… no situation is going to be perfect and we are always going to have to make sacrifices in life. You have to figure out who is worth it. Then you have to make a solid commitment. Libra can do this once it decides. Saturn exalts in Libra because relationships require commitment, dedication, perseverance. No relationship or person is going to be perfect but we can decide to commit anyway. Through “thick and thin” and all that.
Anyway, you’re right that looking at it through the lens of having been through a lot of crap, letting it go and choosing to having a peaceful life away from the drama sounds pretty good. It’s something to consider for sure.
@sirena-oceana Elsa will make these profound statements from time to time when you ask her a question. Sometimes you don't even have to ask.
She said to me one day, if you can dream it up, you can UN dream it up. If you can manifest that crap into your life, you can just as easily make it go away. I read that. It stung a little. I thought... wait a minute. I did not dream this up or call it in.
Truth is. We do. We can stop something before it turns into a lifetime of misery if we just pump the brakes before we jump.
I have asked for advice here many times. And I have called and presented my case. Someone on the outside listens, has been through it, knows the pain that comes with it. And if you are talking to Elsa, she will call you out on how you are adding to the situation. There are no victims. What is your role? Did you make a decision that got you here? Now you are stuck. How do you get out or make it better? It's a mess. And when something starts as a mess it only gets messier.
Earlier today I asked my husband hypothetically, would you do it all again. I made a list of all the bad things we have been through. A list of all the PIA things my kids did. Would you have done it knowing what you know now?
Answer? Absolutely without hesitation. I said, you have to be kidding. When this happened? When that happened? He said... you loved me so hard I didn't notice the impact like you did. And I loved you back and I wanted to be in all of it with you. So, there are people that commit and will walk through these trials with us. He asked me, would you do it all again knowing how many times I would lose a job and we would be walking a tightrope until I found another? Answer... without question or hesitation I would do it all again with you.
She is so smart to ask people who are living proof that some things just won't work, and others will work in spite of the situation. I am coming at it from a position of .... woman who loves three little girls and wants them to have an easier time than I did. That said, I don't get to dictate their life journey. They may need all that for some sort of lesson or soul growth. And I will help them clean it up if I am still alive or if they ask.
@soup oh I totally understand where you are coming from. It’s legit and it respect it. That’s why I bowed 😂
My dad told me the same thing. That was his one piece of advice when I had decided to be single. “Don’t get with a man with children.” He has lived through a failed marriage with a horrendous step mom who had kids of her own… and life with my now step mom wasn’t always easy either. They’re doing well now but her children caused my dad a lot of grief, at least the son did. Talking about stealing and drugs and the whole deal with this kid. He was a lost soul and still is and it’s sad because you are absolutely right that it’s impossible for most people to love a step child the way the child deserves to be loved and unfortunately this was the case with this child… who didn’t turn out ok. He is still struggling and he’s 31 years old now. He needed more guidance growing up. He needed a strong father figure. My dad did what a normal step would do and he was in the background. The kid has a mom and a dad. And at the end of the day we are biological creatures and that’s nature…
I have so much respect for my mom who never married until every one of her kids were grown. My mother is so smart. Virgo.
My husband on the other hand…. He was overall a good step parent. He crossed the line several times and we had quite a few fights over it. Our situation was a little different in the natural parent was out of state. But still… he had to be careful and I’m sure it was hard for him. However, my son turned out great. We must have made a good team. We made a lot of mistakes but my son is straight. He is smart, responsible, self motivated and heading where he wants to be. I have no concerns.
I don’t know why I can’t sleep but whatever… for the OP … my son was always an angel and my husband will say the same. He never gave my husband grief. He was a good kid. It was just me who gave my husband grief anytime he tried to overstep me as a mother.
How are the kids? What’s the vibe? A consult with Elsa could help. Maybe have her look at everybody’s charts.
I will say that sometimes I did notice a weird competition thing with my husband toward my son. You mentioned you were afraid of coming second. I think my husband felt that too. I will never forget my son being 5 years old and my husband not letting him win at bowling. I can’t forgive him for to this day. My son cried and cried and my husband said he “needed to learn that sometimes you lose. He needs to learn sportsmanship” or some shit like that. I was so livid and I couldn’t stop bringing it up for weeks. He wouldn’t change his stance. To this day sometimes I start broiling inside when I think of it. Then the times when he was a little older and he was teaching my son to play chess…(great right?) same thing… would not let him win. But in this case, I had a real proud moment as my son got good quickly and started beating him. And I would rub it all in his face …
Just more things to kind of think on/consider
@sirena-oceana My oldest son has been divorced since my grand was 2. He raises her. He has no dates, no women. He works and raises his daughter. He said he will have plenty of time for that when she goes off to college. He will not bring a string of women into his home that may or may not love her. May or may not resent her... and he doesn't want to have a knock down drag out when someone is unfair with her.
I know he gets lonely. But I am proud of him for making sure she comes first. Proud of him for his conviction and parenting style. He is a Libra with a Pisces moon. He has a great job. He is such a handsome man. He is Libra... they are always gorgeous. Women ask him out. He just won't go right now.
He says I saw how hard it was for you. Not so much for us because you would have gone death spiral on anyone that hurt us. But I don't want to deal with any of it until she is older.
She's 12. He has another 6 years before she goes to college. He says, I can wait. He also refuses to deal with anyone else's small children.
Youngest is trying to keep his marriage together. He refuses to divorce. Says he will make it work. No stepdaddy near my daughters. Will not deal with anyone else's small children. He says if we cannot make it, we will NOT make it when youngest daughter goes to college and not a minute before. He is sticking like glue.
They are 45 & and 38. They will not ever do it.
They are far from perfect. But they are clear on what they know they cannot do. I think you have to figure out what you are not capable of before you move forward. What is the thing that just won't work for you? For me, it was someone else's kids. Even today if something happened between he and I, I would not deal with someone else's kids. I am way past that point. I literally wouldn't even want to meet them. In fact, I am done with men. This is the last one. There will never be another one. NEVER.
Someone who doesn't know me would think this is harsh and cold. I can tell you it's the opposite. I just don't want to be in the middle of anymore heartache, drama and pain. I have lived through enough of it.
@soup I dont even know where to begin!
Thank you for your honest insight as a mother, and a scorpio's view as well.
I am in no way wanting to tell the kids what to do or try to be their parent...I don't want any part in being blamed for anything in their upbringing that can be negative. I guess I would be mutual and coordinate with parents. But seeing as the mother is impossible to deal with from me I dont see that end ever being a possiblity.
i keep thinking of reasons to stay and only thing I can come up with is I love him.
Sometimes love isnt enough, compatibility matters
I have a huge fear of walking away and regretting not trying. But I also dont want to waste time when I feel it wont work anyways. I am in a constant head vs heart battle!
I know I should just talk to him and leave but as a leo being very fixed its hard for me to let go, and when I normally do leave I drag it out and give every ounce of effort before I "give up" because I don't like to just give up on people or relationships or more importantly letting myself down.
I am also really sensitive and things about the dynamic of the whole situation bother me.... I need to feel 110% reassured alot. And having an ex and 3 kids kinda hinders that for me.
@leobra1221 If you marry a man with 3 kids at some point you will be alone with them and have to tell them what to do. You say you don't want to, but you will be in a position of authority and will have to.
Maybe they want to jump out the window.... who knows. They are kids. When they report it back to mommy and they will, the story will be completely different. I mentioned this only because moving forward these are the pitfalls of being a step.
My youngest son the Gemini can tell a really juicy story. And when he told his version of what happened it was never the same as what actually happened. My ex did remarry. Son hated her. And she was not that fond of him. It was an ongoing nightmare for a decade or more and still, even now. I just tell him I don't want to hear about it now because he is grown.
When he was a teen, he decided he didn't want to listen to me. He took off for his dad's house. She was clear. It's either him, or me. I am not living with him. And left my ex-husband. These are things to think about. They divorced. My kid was her breaking point. And she was a fixed sign too.
Love can be beaten to death with family problems. His ex loved him too. But my youngest son was too much for her. Now he didn't do anything that would require the authorities, but he gave her a lot of grief.
These are things to think about. That is a full plate. There are 300 plus million people in this country. Plenty of fish. I thought several people were the love of my life. The problems that came with the ship beat the love out and looking back I am not sure I loved them at all.
Blended families work all the time. And they don't work all the time.
This is NOT you... so hear me out. I am not pointing at you. Just speaking in general. I have read all the comments. I cannot change my mind. Those kids come first. What is best for those kids? You get one shot with a kid. ONE. They either thrive or they don't. Adults do all kinds of self-serving things. Love, sex, money.... The kids come first. I would not date a man with kids because I knew I would not love them like my own and would never play a role in a child's life in that capacity with my limited ability to love them as deeply as my own children. And I do adore children. I just don't want to live with any that don't belong to me. This is as honest as it gets. What can you take? What can you stand? What is acceptable for everyone.
You hesitate. It's eating you up alive.
Is this the same man that didn't do the birthday right? If it is, birthday's will be the last thing you'll be worried about. Being a bonus mom is a big job and one I respect for anyone that can do it. That baby momma drama you already have is questionable. What a headache.
Who wants to be older going through divorce proceedings because the thing you hesitated about was your internal intuition telling you RUN.
I was just sharing some thoughts on how things go when you blend. I have been in the blending story twice. Second Sag ex swatted my kid while I was taking a shower. I got out of the shower and saw the mayhem. Then there was a new mayhem. Me. This was the beginning of the end of us. One swat. That was all it took. Dishes, coffee mugs, mop, broom...all flying around in that kitchen that evening. I was the one chucking them. I am just sharing this and in no way suggesting you would swat a child... so hear me out... I am saying ex did it. And I finished it. These are the pitfalls of being a step.
You could have this beautiful peaceful life without all that drama and be a Leo that loves the drama and spotlight on your special wedding day and first child free from all that chaos. If I could explain to you how many people, I have thought I loved over the years ... we could have a really good laugh haha Not just me. A lot of the women here have thought they loved someone, and it turned south.
IDK.. I look back at my mistakes and I share because that is big. Maybe bigger than the both of you. It's a lot to take on and you will have no choice but be involved. And I am sure he pays child support. There goes his income. He is paying two women. If he isn't, he will be. If I had to relive it, I would punch my own self in the face. Just be careful.
@leobra1221 PS... keep this in mind. If you decide you want children, your special first child will be his 4th. Not first. 4th.
i agree with many things you say, such as this man would not put up with those baby mommas if he didnt have to.
also i never gravitated to men with children. nothing wrong with that in my opinion though, but i noticed my sister did, and she has cancer jupiter and i'm sure if i analyzed there's sometihng more.
Well, I read the newer comments. I agree with LibraNoir.
https://www.elsaelsa.com/forum/relationships/this-is-eating-me-alive/#post-91701
He hasn't proposed yet or asked you to move in. There is no need to make this decision right now. Why not just let it play out and see how things go? No need to have a talk if you're undecided. Try to let go of having all the answers and I'm sure the answer will come to you in time. Easier said than done, I understand, but based on everything you've said I think that's the best course. No answer on here can be better than lived experience as the relationship unfolds.
@leobra1221 I apologize, I misinterpreted that part of your post. I was thinking it was more an up in the air conversation like hinting at the proposal. Going with your gut is probably what's best then.