Avatar

Please consider registering
Guest

Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

Register Lost password?
sp_TopicIcon
There's more to me than how I look
Avatar
Poppy
Star
Limited Access

Members
Forum Posts: 1066
Member Since:
Friday, March 6, 2015
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
16
Sunday, April 9, 2017 - 9:13 pm
sp_Permalink sp_Print sp_EditHistory

Too bizarre... I know you posted your chart, previously, capDB, but apparently, those topics have disappeared -  looks like.

What *is* Neptune transiting in your natal chart, currently? (Neptune, symbol of people's misconceptions, among other things.)

PS Neptune also rules things that aren't there, where we thought they were.

ETA: I found your chart, that you posted recently, after asking you that. Neptune isn't the culprit for  why this question, now. Except by possibly clouding your valuation of your worth as a person (2nd house, self worth, et al.) Looks like, Pluto, continuing to chew through your sense of who you are (suncapricorn, moonlibra). Maybe a better term would be "digging up," as in buried treasure.

(Btw, your 3rd house has an interesting duo of dogs - planets - at the gate - cusp: Mars closely conjunct Chiron. Among other uses for that, studying how to communicate effectively with people to help leverage their better well-being is one positive possibility.) ariessmily_gif

The following users say thanks to Poppy for this post:

capDB, Alethia
Avatar
BlueMagoo
Sun
Limited Access

Members
Forum Posts: 565
Member Since:
Monday, February 15, 2016
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
17
Monday, April 10, 2017 - 3:15 am
sp_Permalink sp_Print

"Be the change that you wish to see in the world " - Gandhi

I've always got this sense from your posts that with your ex- that you're more bothered by his looks and manners and how much he earns.

The widowed guy you went on a date or two with. You brought up how he was overweight and his clothes were a bit out of fashion.

Yeah you talk about some other stuff about them, but not much. I've got no idea whether your ex is intelligent, what he does for a job, what his talents might be.

If you want people to see there's more to you then you need to see there's more to them and value it first and foremost.

The following users say thanks to BlueMagoo for this post:

capDB, Alethia, Poppy
Avatar
Alethia
Planetary ruler
Limited Access

Members
Forum Posts: 398
Member Since:
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
18
Monday, April 10, 2017 - 7:38 am
sp_Permalink sp_Print sp_EditHistory

capDB said
Alethia - I guess I should have specified I didn't mean hygiene. That would be pretty intolerable to me, and I definitely take good care of myself in that way.

I just find that I'm always a bit relieved if a guy doesn't pay attention to fashion. I just don't want the pressure of it.

But I like how you talked about not making it your business what other people thing.

I've been noticing I have this weird "fear" of people pegging me for something - a hippy, a bohemian, a this or a that. Seems like more potential for rejection or assumptions. But I am working through that (and all of this) and trying not to care and focusing on being myself. On developing my personal style. Right now my style is very very earthy, neutral, simple - unadorned. But I don't know if that's "real" or me just trying to kind of hide and be unassuming.
 

I've been noticing I have this weird "fear" of people pegging me for something - a hippy, a bohemian, a this or a that. Seems like more potential for rejection or assumptions. 
 
I must confess this fear is not something I've ever felt... but I think people in general do this, no matter how you dress, it's human nature to try to put a person a certain label until you get to know her/ him. People either think you dress to impress or think you should change your style, shoes, hair etc. So I think the most important thing is you to feel good in your own skin.
 

Right now my style is very very earthy, neutral, simple - unadorned. But I don't know if that's "real" or me just trying to kind of hide and be unassuming. 

When the time will come, you'll feel it. When the real you feeling will come, questions about how people perceive you will fade away...  

From the outside, I'm sure it might look like it's easy, but it’s been quite a journey for me too… I've always enjoyed to explore various areas inside and outside, so I kept trying different styles... It's a good and fun exercise and still didn't decide what's my style after so many years and still feel great about having so many possibilities to explore. I like to play like this... I think the “real you” comes exploring… (Jupiter and Uranus in the 3rd house conjunct) but that’s just how I see things 🙂 

 
 

The following users say thanks to Alethia for this post:

Poppy, capDB
Avatar
max
Planetary ruler
Limited Access

Using Astrology To Solve Problems
Forum Posts: 252
Member Since:
Monday, October 19, 2009
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
19
Monday, April 10, 2017 - 2:32 pm
sp_Permalink sp_Print

capDB said
I've been noticing I have this weird "fear" of people pegging me for something - a hippy, a bohemian, a this or a that. Seems like more potential for rejection or assumptions. 

Meh. That's the Cap sun. Cap sun want some respectability. Moon in Libra is social acceptance. Mars in Aries wants to charge out there and get killed. Put Uranus on the moon and you need (and want, and cannot avoid) a certain amount flying your freak flag. In fact, being wary of being pigeon-holed might BE that Uranus demanding you be one thing today and something else entirely tomorrow.

The really restrained fashions make it sound like you're hiding.

(Really, I think that combo sounds like 'fashion blogger' - staid enough to love basic black, wild-eyed enough (but very tastefully so) to find the balance between basic black and putting a beehive on your head. Uranus conjunct moon in Libra sounds like the about best place to have it, because it's so mild.

These kids that are being born with Moon in Aries conjunct Uranus are going be 'WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH KOWABUNGA!' on a daily basis.)

 

max

['Maybe I exaggerate. A little bit.']

The following users say thanks to max for this post:

Tam, Poppy, Warped by Wuthering Heights, capDB, Alethia
Avatar
Warped by Wuthering Heights
SuperStar
Limited Access
Forum Posts: 1873
Member Since:
Thursday, February 20, 2014
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
20
Tuesday, April 11, 2017 - 11:23 pm
sp_Permalink sp_Print

I have an obscene quantity of clothes (decades of thrift shop treasures) of wide variety -- classic tailored, vintage, outdoorsy, resort, etc.  I spend most days in shredded jeans and rumpled shirts, but try to take the finery out for a spin on Sundays, often grabbing and tossing one item after another in a mad dash to get layered up for chilly air-conditioned church -- always late, I'm soooo not a morning person.  This week I ended up in Uggs (feet cold), bell bottom jeans, a turtleneck, sweater, blazer, and printed silk scarf.  Someone complimented me for the second time that I "always look so pulled together" -- hah, more like held together with safety pins and duct tape! 

What you see is not always what you get...

The following users say thanks to Warped by Wuthering Heights for this post:

Poppy, Alethia, capDB
Avatar
max
Planetary ruler
Limited Access

Using Astrology To Solve Problems
Forum Posts: 252
Member Since:
Monday, October 19, 2009
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
21
Wednesday, April 12, 2017 - 12:55 pm
sp_Permalink sp_Print

Warped by Wuthering Heights said
This week I ended up in Uggs (feet cold), bell bottom jeans, a turtleneck, sweater, blazer, and printed silk scarf.  

eek

Were you cosplaying an aging beatnik at Oxford, circa 1976? (Don't you need sideburns for that?)

 

max

['Fair point: I wear black jeans with black t-shirts and black boots and black leather jackets. So I'm not into the variety.']

The following users say thanks to max for this post:

Warped by Wuthering Heights, Poppy, capDB
Avatar
capDB
Planetoid
Limited Access

Members
Forum Posts: 74
Member Since:
Monday, March 6, 2017
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
22
Wednesday, April 19, 2017 - 1:28 pm
sp_Permalink sp_Print

I can't believe over a week has passed. I had a terrible flu. My daughter is in the hospital now. One word: Pluto.

 

I'll be back soon. Supposedly.

Avatar
capDB
Planetoid
Limited Access

Members
Forum Posts: 74
Member Since:
Monday, March 6, 2017
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
23
Wednesday, April 19, 2017 - 8:24 pm
sp_Permalink sp_Print

Meh. That's the Cap sun. Cap sun want some respectability. Moon in Libra is social acceptance. Mars in Aries wants to charge out there and get killed. Put Uranus on the moon and you need (and want, and cannot avoid) a certain amount flying your freak flag. In fact, being wary of being pigeon-holed might BE that Uranus demanding you be one thing today and something else entirely tomorrow.

 

Max, when you say "Moon in Libra IS social acceptance" could that be "WANTS" social acceptance?

I think this is the piece I'm struggling with most and that Pluto is pushing me into more and more deeply.

In the past week, I noticed this from a different angle - not fashion or appearance but more standing in my own REALITY - my own truth - and how I very easily get misunderstood - pegged as one way - or will easily lose my truth/self/reality in others. Probably that's a product of being a codependent and enmeshment - but it's coming up in this other area, and I'm having to stand FIRMLY in my reality despite every one else's reality (except a handful of people) wanting to negate mine - outwardly, overtly, subtly.

And it's as if I'm having to ground ground ground - down deeply into my own reality and swim in it, embody it, exude it - so with all that going on - I think a) my outward appearance kind of all to the wayside as so much of this is internal (and mental) (and on a soul level) and I'm in this morphing state -

 

The really restrained fashions make it sound like you're hiding.

OMG. I love this. This may even be all this comes down to. I don't like pegging other people - but other people seem to "dress the part" and want to be pegged? As I said early, I'd rather get to know someone and often rarely remember or notice what someone is wearing, what their hair is doing, etc. It's like I'm drinking in all of them on many levels in an encounter.

Avatar
capDB
Planetoid
Limited Access

Members
Forum Posts: 74
Member Since:
Monday, March 6, 2017
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
24
Wednesday, April 19, 2017 - 8:44 pm
sp_Permalink sp_Print sp_EditHistory

Oh, and BlueMagoo - I don't particularly recall talking about my ex's appearance; I think, if anything, I went on and on about our miserable dynamic. And if I did talk about his job, it was more out of my frustration with his ability to work and unwillingness to help coparent - or the money he made and his unwillingness to contribute to our child's medical needs.

I just sat with him in a hospital room since late last night, and after I spent 7 straight days around the clock caring for our very sick child and then got her finally admitted (we had to go to the ER 3 times) and he was unwilling to see her or even come or help or any of that - he managed to let me know how good the "tea girl" looked and wished she'd come back and kept joking about the tea girl.

Me? Totally invisible (apparently) to him.

HOWEVER - I'm not (no longer) totally invisible to me - and that's the big change a-happenin'

But, yeah, the very overweight guy I dated - I tend to "over-focus" on people's appearance when I fear getting close/commitment, someone very available.

And like I said in my original post, I'm not innocent from this putting emphasis on appearance; I'm just kind of examining it from all angles right now and noticing how much resistance I have around it in general (not just when it's being done to me).

Avatar
max
Planetary ruler
Limited Access

Using Astrology To Solve Problems
Forum Posts: 252
Member Since:
Monday, October 19, 2009
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
25
Thursday, April 20, 2017 - 12:16 am
sp_Permalink sp_Print

capDB said
Max, when you say "Moon in Libra IS social acceptance" could that be "WANTS" social acceptance?

That's correct. Sorry.

In the past week, I noticed this from a different angle - not fashion or appearance but more standing in my own REALITY - my own truth - and how I very easily get misunderstood - pegged as one way - or will easily lose my truth/self/reality in others. Probably that's a product of being a codependent and enmeshment - but it's coming up in this other area, and I'm having to stand FIRMLY in my reality despite every one else's reality (except a handful of people) wanting to negate mine - outwardly, overtly, subtly.

Are they trying to negate you, or are you wanting to negate you so you maintain (Sun in Cap) appearances/respectability? (You could be drawing in people who do the job of negating you for you.)

And it's as if I'm having to ground ground ground - down deeply into my own reality and swim in it, embody it, exude it - so with all that going on - I think a) my outward appearance kind of all to the wayside as so much of this is internal (and mental) (and on a soul level) and I'm in this morphing state -

My argument is, is that you can dress like a freak if you want to, or not. Obviously, someone (like me!) might find your choices on a particular day amusing. I am saying though that Moon in Libra plus Uranus needs to fly its freak flag from time to time. If that means having a non-respectable (but pleasant) relationship, or just wearing shiny electric pale pink ribbon in your hair, then do that.

OMG. I love this. This may even be all this comes down to. I don't like pegging other people - but other people seem to "dress the part" and want to be pegged? As I said early, I'd rather get to know someone and often rarely remember or notice what someone is wearing, what their hair is doing, etc. It's like I'm drinking in all of them on many levels in an encounter.  

Sure. Again: moon plus Uranus isn't necessarily going to care about clothes (that's Venus!), but moon in Libra will care about maintaining relationships. I don't see why you should constantly preempt yourself to make other people happy when they may very well not care either. (Or they might like it.)

max

['If you don't let Uranus out to play, it's going to break out anyway.']

The following users say thanks to max for this post:

Alethia
Avatar
max
Planetary ruler
Limited Access

Using Astrology To Solve Problems
Forum Posts: 252
Member Since:
Monday, October 19, 2009
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
26
Thursday, April 20, 2017 - 12:18 am
sp_Permalink sp_Print

capDB said
I just sat with him in a hospital room since late last night, and after I spent 7 straight days around the clock caring for our very sick child and then got her finally admitted (we had to go to the ER 3 times) and he was unwilling to see her or even come or help or any of that - he managed to let me know how good the "tea girl" looked and wished she'd come back and kept joking about the tea girl.

1) I hope the kid gets better quick.

2) Ex- may be nervous about your child and basically being a jerk because of that.  Or he might just be being a jerk. Or he may think you're OK with him talking about that (i.e. viewing you as platonic friend).

max

['Which is not to say that isn't tacky at best.']

Avatar
Libra Noir
Galaxy
Members
Forum Posts: 4854
Member Since:
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
27
Thursday, April 20, 2017 - 10:40 am
sp_Permalink sp_Print sp_EditHistory

One thing that this brought up in my mind, which may not be true, but I'll just say it. Sometimes people who have experienced sexual abuse have a hard time with expressing and feeling comfortable with their own beauty. Sexual abuse (in my understanding, but might not be the general understanding) can range from rape to more subtle forms, like being used for sex.

On some level, in our culture, every woman, and some men have experienced being objectified and therfor have had some part of them be abused (at least that's the victims perception) . Even if a woman overcomes being seen as an object, she has had to undo her part of the collective unconscious that implies that a woman's value is tied up with her appearance. Every time a woman gets validated or rejected because of, or for her appearance that gets reinforced in her psyche. 

It sounds like that's the issue that you might be trying to unravel? Like it's a social game you've tried not to play but ended up becoming a pawn in anyway. Avoidance of social games doesn't work in my experience. It's about finding your own integrity within this realm of appearances.

And appearances get even more subtle than "looks". Even things like manners and verbal expressions are a form of ego expression. When you drink someone in on all levels, you are still getting some kind of created structure. Because ultimately theres only so many subtleties a personality can have here in this realm. If you look deep enough into somebody you will only see the essence of the universe, which is completely trans personal. And if you go from there out? Well you will start to see that all of it is an expression of that essence, no matter how seemingly shallow. That divine energy works on ALL levels. To label one level as more or less important than the others is to deny something within yourself. 

In my case, I take no credit for anything, including how I look. When someone gives me a compliment on my beauty, I like to see it as them acknowledging that beauty does exist. They see it in me but they are really acknowledging a more profound truth about themselves. Physical Beauty inspires people, men and women alike. Just imagine a world where everyone knew they were beautiful and weren't punished or rewarded for it. I like to:) 

The following users say thanks to Libra Noir for this post:

capDB, Alethia
Avatar
capDB
Planetoid
Limited Access

Members
Forum Posts: 74
Member Since:
Monday, March 6, 2017
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
28
Thursday, April 20, 2017 - 12:27 pm
sp_Permalink sp_Print

Max, you crack me up. I like your style.

"which isn't to say it isn't tacky." Ha.

Are they trying to negate you, or are you wanting to negate you so you maintain (Sun in Cap) appearances/respectability? (You could be drawing in people who do the job of negating you for you.)

That's a killer of a question.

I keep saying "I want to be seen" and then with a question like this, I may want to run and hide - haha.

But you're right. I just wrote in my journal last night how my ex and my sister are my teachers -

But, yeah, that's quite a sentence. It clearly rang true. I keep reading it over and over!

I am saying though that Moon in Libra plus Uranus needs to fly its freak flag from time to time.

I guess I thought Moon in Libra wants social acceptance - but is it the Uranus that makes it want to be seen/fly its freak flag. This wasn't clear. But I can kind of intuitively sense this combo. For me it feels like that trouble I get between connecting to myself/being me/showing up as authentic  and looking outside me/wondering what people thing/how this impacts dynamics/wanting to be likeable (deep down I think some part of me *isn't* likeable b/c I'm just "too much" - too dark, too deep, too intense).

What's a "non-respectable" relationship? 🙂

 

Sorry so many questions; just that you brought up lots of interesting stuff here!

Avatar
capDB
Planetoid
Limited Access

Members
Forum Posts: 74
Member Since:
Monday, March 6, 2017
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
29
Thursday, April 20, 2017 - 1:48 pm
sp_Permalink sp_Print

You guys blow me away!

LN -

It sounds like that's the issue that you might be trying to unravel?

Possibly.

Like it's a social game you've tried not to play but ended up becoming a pawn in anyway.

Yes, so I've basically withdrawn.

Avoidance of social games doesn't work in my experience. It's about finding your own integrity within this realm of appearances.

Sure. And, yes, that's what I think is happening here.

And appearances get even more subtle than "looks". Even things like manners and verbal expressions are a form of ego expression.

I see this and I'm sensitive to it (in others) so I'm probably trying to find out in myself how to "show up" as me. Without borrowed expressions, glasses that look like other people's glasses, a certain "look" that ascribes some kind of message/denotes some kind of group I belong to

 

When you drink someone in on all levels, you are still getting some kind of created structure.

Sure. But I think it's more a sensing energy. There are energies I am very drawn to - crave, feel nourished by, enjoy being around. And there are energies that drain me, irk me, deplete me, etc. And so it's kind of more in that realm.

Because ultimately theres only so many subtleties a personality can have here in this realm. If you look deep enough into somebody you will only see the essence of the universe, which is completely trans personal.

Cool. I don't know if I ever thought of it this way, but I know what you mean/agree.

And if you go from there out? Well you will start to see that all of it is an expression of that essence, no matter how seemingly shallow. That divine energy works on ALL levels. To label one level as more or less important than the others is to deny something within yourself. 

I get stuck here. Would love to learn more. I think in the phase I'm in - it's almost like when a baby learns "me/not me" as separate from the parent - I'm very much in this kind of separation/individuation phase right now and trying to express me - my heart - my soul. Is that even possible, then? Are we just all one? This is confusing to me.

 

Physical Beauty inspires people, men and women alike

Sure, an the thing I think I'm looking at and making "conscious" because what I've been kind of doing in a sleep-walky way is feeling somehow resentful for not being seen by people for "who I am" - meaning, inside - my heart, my ideas, my warmth kinda thing - and that some gorgeous woman can walk by and get all the attention, can "inspire" - and I might look haggard and saggy and graying and tired and frumpy, but am I doing good work in the world? Caring for my child? Trying to be a reasonable human - I guess it's just an observation. Where we place soooo much value. (Where I've placed value - so just for anyone thinking I'm trying to say I'm not guilty of this, lol).

Avatar
LisLioness
New Jersey
Celestial sphere
Limited Access

Using Astrology To Solve Problems
Forum Posts: 3687
Member Since:
Friday, February 6, 2009
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
30
Thursday, April 20, 2017 - 4:46 pm
sp_Permalink sp_Print

Do you feel like looks conflict with depth and soul?

Yes.  I say that because I have Plutonian daughters.

Take my beleaguered Saggie.  She's gorgeous, like model gorgeous, but way too short to model - she's only 4' 10"!  She also looks a lot older than 15.

The boys at her school, most who are only into hook-ups, see this beautiful girl.  Then they actually TALK to her.

She scares the crap out of them.  Take her ex, for instance.  He said she was overwhelming and intense.  They were friends first, so why was this an issue when he already knew what she was like?

They get distracted by her pretty and think she's going to be one way when she's the total opposite.

It frustrates me as well, because I have Venus/Pluto conjunct and t. Pluto is exactly square my Libra Moon.  I want my child to be happy, but not at the expense of dumbing herself down or playing ditzy.  She's worth more than that.  Someone - I don't know how or when - will eventually come along and appreciate her depth and quality instead of wanting a beautiful blonde on their arm and silently expecting her to play the dumb blonde role.  Nope, sorry, she won't play that game.

The following users say thanks to LisLioness for this post:

capDB
Forum Timezone: America/Chicago

Most Users Ever Online: 196

Currently Online:
37 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

Newest Members:

ccor

AriesRising

eribov

j888

jackiek29

nova12

Forum Stats:

Groups: 1

Forums: 12

Topics: 18222

Posts: 254737

 

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 434

Members: 2713

Moderators: 0

Admins: 4

Administrators: Elsa, Jilly, Satori, Brandon C