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Sick of being flexible.
I don't think it's serving me anymore.
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Libra Noir
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Friday, May 19, 2017 - 5:09 am
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BlueMagoo said
LN - you're on the right track with all this.

Suggest having a look at your 7th and particularly your 8th house of giving-receiving to see how their rulers and contents and any aspects being made might have been leading you astray previously!  

That's not something that I've studied bluemagoo. Maybe you could lend some insight. I have a zero degree Capricorn asc. So cancer seventh, empty. Leo eighth. My north node is there. My sun is in tenth house conjunct mc. My moon is in the 11th. 

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BlueMagoo
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Friday, May 19, 2017 - 8:49 am
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Libra Noir said

That's not something that I've studied bluemagoo. Maybe you could lend some insight. I have a zero degree Capricorn asc. So cancer seventh, empty. Leo eighth. My north node is there. My sun is in tenth house conjunct mc. My moon is in the 11th.   

Nothing obviously problematic stands out about those placements.

Tentatively therefore I'll throw out some thoughts ...

Cancer in 7H, Moon in 11H you might be strong on 'mothering' your friends and social groups and therefore relating to them in an parent-child way rather than adult-adult. I presume your Moon is Scorpio in 11H and being a giver can be a way of staying in control particularly as being a receiver can put you in the debt of someone else.

Also Aqua must be on the cusp of your 2H of values along with the south node. Aqua energy is big on doing stuff for the group rather than for the self. Also consider that to receive help is an admittance that one has 'dependency needs' and Aqua is pretty much the last sign that wants to admit it's not independent.  This also plays into your 11H.

With your Leo NN, this is what you have to work towards. Remember that Leo is the sign of the child and therefore depends on others - even when it sees itself as royalty, a king or queen's reign is really only as strong as their subject will allow them. It would seem that the Pluto Leo men you're meeting are there to challenge you and help you grow in this area.

Final thought is that with Cap Asc you're going to come across as very solid, dependable and decided on first meeting. With Pluto transiting the 1H, you're likely meeting intense people who will see you as unyielding and therefore want to challenge you because they perceive you as being very secure and stable. The people you're finding difficult are projecting their own needs for stability and authority onto you, but then your Libra Sun and possibly Cancer desc are relating to them in a much more yielding fashion. You may actually be making them feel insecure by not giving them a definite "yes" or "no" - so they keep pushing until their demands are so outrageous that you have no choice but to do so. If that's the case, once you realise that definite answers make them feel secure and happy - you may find it easy to actually give those if you're a people pleaser!

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Tam
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Friday, May 19, 2017 - 9:42 am
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Speaking from the customer standpoint, I want to be told what is expected from me, lay on my stomach or back to start with and to know what we are doing. I'm naked with a stranger and a lot of the time I can't see what is happening. I don't want to look stupid (Aquarius Midheaven, Saturn in the 10th) and I need to feel safe (Pluto Moon in the 4th). I don't know if that might help you with your job.

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Friday, May 19, 2017 - 2:34 pm
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Tam said
Speaking from the customer standpoint, I want to be told what is expected from me, lay on my stomach or back to start with and to know what we are doing. I'm naked with a stranger and a lot of the time I can't see what is happening. I don't want to look stupid (Aquarius Midheaven, Saturn in the 10th) and I need to feel safe (Pluto Moon in the 4th). I don't know if that might help you with your job.  

Thanks.  I'm clear when it comes to that stuff. It's kind of hard to talk about here but I really think it is an issue specific to the kind of taboo work I do. From what I've heard it's very common for clients of this type of thing to feel more free to push boundaries. There's already a social boundary that's been crossed in a way. But I think what you're saying can be applied in another fashion to what I do. 
BlueMagoo said

Nothing obviously problematic stands out about those placements.

Tentatively therefore I'll throw out some thoughts ...

Cancer in 7H, Moon in 11H you might be strong on 'mothering' your friends and social groups and therefore relating to them in an parent-child way rather than adult-adult. I presume your Moon is Scorpio in 11H and being a giver can be a way of staying in control particularly as being a receiver can put you in the debt of someone else.

Also Aqua must be on the cusp of your 2H of values along with the south node. Aqua energy is big on doing stuff for the group rather than for the self. Also consider that to receive help is an admittance that one has 'dependency needs' and Aqua is pretty much the last sign that wants to admit it's not independent.  This also plays into your 11H.

With your Leo NN, this is what you have to work towards. Remember that Leo is the sign of the child and therefore depends on others - even when it sees itself as royalty, a king or queen's reign is really only as strong as their subject will allow them. It would seem that the Pluto Leo men you're meeting are there to challenge you and help you grow in this area.

Final thought is that with Cap Asc you're going to come across as very solid, dependable and decided on first meeting. With Pluto transiting the 1H, you're likely meeting intense people who will see you as unyielding and therefore want to challenge you because they perceive you as being very secure and stable. The people you're finding difficult are projecting their own needs for stability and authority onto you, but then your Libra Sun and possibly Cancer desc are relating to them in a much more yielding fashion. You may actually be making them feel insecure by not giving them a definite "yes" or "no" - so they keep pushing until their demands are so outrageous that you have no choice but to do so. If that's the case, once you realise that definite answers make them feel secure and happy - you may find it easy to actually give those if you're a people pleaser!  

Wow that's very astute! Especially the part about giving definite answers. 

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Teresina
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Friday, May 19, 2017 - 5:04 pm
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I used to have a problem with this when I was very young. My Plutonian frenemy would keep tapping me for favors and using me all the time, and I would feel guilty because I felt I couldn't help myself but say yes. I felt like I was betraying myself because if I initially said no, she would convince me to say yes by tapping into my greed. "If you do A for me, I'll do B." Like a confidence trick. After 2 years, I started saying No, No, No, No, No and sticking to it. I was trying to be self-protective. She had tapped out all my favors. I had no more favors to spare. I also withdrew because I felt I couldn't control myself or trust myself to not betray myself. Self-preservation. After months of -no more favors-, she cut ties with me when we started at a new school. Then, she tried to be friends again because I think other people thought she was horrible person for dropping me as a friend. She was trying to make nice to get in good graces with the popular people she was trying to be friends with.

When I met her in college, she suggested that I let her use my dorm so she could pass out drunk there. This pissed me off, because she was being pushy and presumptuous like usual. She never changes. I'm sure she has people wound around her finger to buy her things and do things for her. She is very charming and persuasive. She also suggested that I use other people to do favors for me, which I felt was disgusting. It makes my Capricorn crawl. There is a difference between asking for a one-time favor and turning it into a regular, habitual favor. She will exploit the first to get the latter. She takes advantage of other peoples kindness as a matter of course. She knows that people will do things at least once to be nice or helpful, and then she'll exploit that to get freebies or have them keep helping her. She was a master at guilting.

I did help her one more time with something Plutonian because it was very important, and I concluded it was something no one else could help her with it. My 8th house was essentially helping her with grave work. My last favor.

I am so glad I distanced myself from her though. Imagine if that went on for 10 or 20 years. Eventually, I got solid boundaries, but it took years to develop. I had to work through getting in control of myself and then getting strong boundaries and backbone. My boundaries were extremely porous when I was young. I haven't had problems with people tapping me for favors since her, but it made a big impact on me because it was intense. I eventually learned that most people are not like her, by far. She is an unusual person, which is why I found her interesting to study at first.

I used to occasionally wonder if I was the one in the wrong, and whether we could be friends one day? If it was my fault? If I was to blame? I was so confused for awhile, until I got my head around this experience and figured it out.

So, if you don't want to have the same experience I did, get strong boundaries. You're way older than I was when I encountered this, so you've already developed some boundaries. Don't give your energy to pushy people. They only want more and more. They're insatiable.

Can you lay down the hammer? I'm wondering if you generally give off a sexual vibe, and they're responding to their own presumptions about what you do.

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Libra Noir
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Saturday, May 20, 2017 - 10:25 am
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Thanks teresina. Yes I give off a sexual vibe. It's kind of complex though and this is the gray area where I get lost. The gray area is that I use my sexuality as part of the ritual I perform. And in that I have no qualms about. It's beautiful and great. But when it comes to booking appointments, the consultation, etc, I don't see any need to Be artificial. I'll use my natural charm:) but im not going to butter the client up. It's just weird how some people like to be pandered to like that but they're also the ones that don't understand that I might have a personal boundary. It's almost like they don't care if it's real or not. I find that disgusting honestly. It does seem to be the men that objectify women in general. I don't mind being objectified at all btw. But I can't objectify them! 

To use a bad comparison it would like how a man woukd rather get served a drink by a young beautiful woman as opposed to a crusty ol bartender. The drink is the same though. 

So I guess I have this little question in my mind. But I like my own analogy because im sure that bartender has to deal with guys that ludely or nicely ask for sex, her time, or fall in love. It might just be the nature of the deal. I've thought long and hard about if I can handle that kind of energy. I want to. And I'm determined to learn how to keep an open heart while still maintaining my integrity and my boundaries. So that's work. 

 

In my personal life, its more like expressing  my thoughts and opinions is becoming more important than keeping the peace. For instance, telling my mom the truth about why my son doesn't want to hang out with her. Before I would avoid any discussion on it to spare her feelings. But I just told her straight up the other day, it's because he's seen you verbally abuse me when you're drunk and it scares him. If anything I felt like I betrayed my son by telling someone how he feels but it was weighing so heavy on me.  She told me that I was making it up. I didnt stop her from saying anything back but I also didn't accept it as the absolute truth. Before I would have examined in my own mind wether or not I was making it up. Am I being manipulative? Am I pitting my son against her? Etc ad nauseum. So I would put myself through the ringer tiptoeing around her feelings and if I ever did blurt something out that was the truth but hurtful I would try to figure out how to wiggle out of that stance or justify my guilt about hurting someone.

Now! I know in my heart that my intention was not to hurt her. But my heart is so heavy with secrets that that trumps any others feelings right now. I have security in myself that my intentions are loving. I wasn't always so sure. I think I'd been fed some toxic perceptions of myself by some really sick people. It's weird that the hardest part to accept of myself was actually my kind nature. But I think I've come to a place where I can allow people to hold their own lives in their own hands. In my moms case, not supporting her denial about her drinking. 

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Thursday, May 25, 2017 - 12:13 am
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So an update. I am learning to have a more open heart with discernment. Because it's all in me. So in this case I could see how my own perceptions were closing my heart. My perception of being taken advantage of was not serving me. Having an open heart does. Because it makes me feel good! If I think about what people are not giving me (appreciation, recognition, love), I can not give them appreciation, recognition and love. It really does all start in my own mind and soul. I can't have what I don't give. I obviously was not giving those things. 

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Saturday, May 27, 2017 - 12:16 am
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Libra Noir, just tell them "I would do it this way", so that they realize your elastic limit. If they do not understand you should be good enough to make them look your way. Sell yourself.

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