How common is this in couples?
How does one overcome it?
Is it more important to have fireworks at the beginning (sparks can fizz over time - witness Mars Square Saturn synastry) or is it more satisfying to build up to it through good communication?
I think my ex would have rather mothered me than porked me. He was the best mother I've ever had, honestly. We had lots going on in the 4th and 5th houses. Nurturing and smiling. But sex... not so much.
I have no idea how to overcome it.
Probably more common than you think, based on my own observation and listening to Savage Love.
How to overcome it? I can think of three ways: Compromise, open it up, end it. I know that's pretty blunt, and I'm sorry, but I don't think any of those really need much explanation. And I don't think "being miserable" is a good option, but hey - feel free to choose that as an option, you know?
I never understood people who dumped people due to not having sexual compatibility. I mean, unless a partner is into some seriously degrading shit and the other person can't fathom doing those things to them...you know, where sexual tastes are REALLY divergent. If I love you and feel close to you, that's really what's important. The sexual stuff can be taught, and practiced as much as necessary. I am a very good teacher (3rd house Mercury and Saturn ).
I think sparks at the beginning is overrated. Please, what happens after that? It's nice to have, sure, but I think it's fairly obvious that you need to have more than that to go the distance. I like to think of sexual compatibility as a kind of rhythm. Sometimes it takes a little bit of time to find that rhythm. If there's love and respect and friendship there to begin with, an investment of time in the sexual arena to learn about each other and teach each other is almost always worth it.
I haven't had long enough to know but I don't know that Mr. Capricorn and I seem sexually compatible, at all. I mean, in theory, yes - flirting is hot. Sexting is hot. Sexual role play in online games is super hot. But in actual physical presence, it's ARIES MARS vs AQUARIUS (in like everything) and I'm sorry, but Aquarius doesn't meet up to Aries' standards. 😛
Aquarius is all about IDEAS. Mr. Capricorn is not sexually aggressive and he prefers his partner to take the lead. It's okay sometimes, but not all the time. He also claims to be always ready to go, but the evidence suggests otherwise.
Where as Mr. Gemini is a Cancer Mars and an Aries VENUS, so it's much better in aspect to what my natal needs seem to be.
Can't get either one to be as rough as I like, though. Which is why I disagree "sexual stuff can be taught". Mr. Gemin is not CAPABLE of rough sex. He's not into it, it does nothing for him and he can't lose himself in the moment in a feral way like I want. When you have to hold back because your partner's not into what you are -- as in, when you want to get wild and throw being inhibited to the wind just screw like rabid animals.....it's really limiting, to me.
I like sex well enough with Mr. Gemini, otherwise, so it's not a total loss. Those moods aren't a frequent thing, so that's okay. We're matched at least in every other way but that one, so it's a small consession on my part. I'll live.
But Mr. Capricorn....I don't know. It might be an issue, but seeing as we live so far apart, it hasn't been overly worrysome because it's not a constant problem.
And disclaimer, I don't compare them to each other in terms of worth vs each other, ever. Merely that they're both in relationship with ME and I like certain things.
Anyway, sex is important enough to me that if I was with someone who didn't meet my sexual needs in -any- manner, yes, I'd totally end the relationship.