@rapunzelsoldierfish Had another thought about this... your boyfriend's critique about your communication and listening skills made me think about the classic Gemini-Sag opposition/polarity. Gemini being detail orientated and more micro level and Sag being expansive or macro level. These energies are very different and need to try to meet midway. 

Libra Noir, always coming in to say exactly what I was thinking!
Though looking at this again, what I'm hearing is less about the validity of growth than the validity of the side-effects. I'm hearing, "I've grown and changed, and this situation doesn't feel right for me anymore. Is it okay to feel this way?"

The answer to that is yes. You are absolutely allowed to outgrow structures of your relationship. You don't need to justify those feelings. What you've got now is a situation where you can either decide to work with your boyfriend to build something that feels good again, or to decide to break away to find something that makes you happy and fits who you are now. Only you know if it is worth it.