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Scorpio woman in love with a cancer man who turned cold

Mrsfreeze
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Here it goes….

We met online beginning of december, hit it off like crazy and quite fast have met two times for a few days every time. 
 
Some short info:
We live far apart
He has two children
His divorce is roughly 9months ago, children took it hard
 
So during all december, we texted the whole day, talked for ca 3 hours every night, met on two occasions when i professionally had to be in his country and spent several days together. During all this time he was super attentive, emotional, wore his heart on his sleeve, he even told me he has fallen in love. 
He then had his kids right after new years, there was some type of crisis with them and the dealing of the divorce, and he started to become more and more distant. It became so visible that i last week asked what is going on. Apparently «it is just a difficult time for him» and «he has to figure this out on his own» and «it is a lot of change in this short amount of time». At some point i offered that i will not contact him and that he knows where i am, and stated that i want to give him the space he needs. 
Problem is: i am usually not easily swept off my feet but that guy really has left an impression like no other and i have such a hard time seeing if he is just plain and simple ghosting me, which also would mean he has used me. Tomorrow will be one week where i heard nothing from him. And i will also be in his country for work again - originally, we planned on meeting again of course. Now i have not heard anything…
What should i do??
22 Replies
Elsa
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 Elsa
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Welcome, Mrsfreeze. I hate to say it but it sounds to me as if he bit off more than he can actually chew.  I would not chase him. I know it's painful but he's letting you know he's headed in the other direction.  I'm really sorry.

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Mrsfreeze
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@elsa i have been reading so much about cancer men and the mood swings and needs for space and time, so was kinda hoping it might be a «normal» thing. But yes, also my intuition tells me that it is not happening. I still would love to get an answer from him though, some type of closure. And also tell him that this is immature behaviour and unfair. But that’s probably more for my own feeling of closure. 
Goddamnit, for once i did let my guard down and than this…..

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Elsa
 Elsa
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@mrsfreeze you're a Scorpio. This is meant to help you.  To empower you, rather.

https://www.elsaelsa.com/astrology/getting-closure/

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Mrsfreeze
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@elsa thank you!! This «getting closure» and give a proper ending to things has always been an issue. 
mand got even worse after my father committed suicide 6 years ago. No note nothing. 
Will read this one closely

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BellaDonna
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I agree with Elsa and would add that the distance and space already is an answer... and time will let you know otherwise. 

"And also tell him that this is immature behaviour and unfair."

I mean, it's only been since Dec., 1 mo. I don't know if it is fair to say it's immature. You both hardly know each other despite the initial heated encounter. Putting his children first is honorable and unfortunately dating again is difficult territory to navigate and so I agree with Elsa he prob got in over his head without realizing. 

I would definitely not chase. Watch John Gray for why. You will push him away if you do that. Give him the space he needs. That's simply how men make sense of whats going on for them emotionally, it's not personal. You of course are entitled to your feelings and you can express those if the moment presents itself, but attacking him by saying it's unfair and immature won't get you far. 

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Mrsfreeze
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@belladonna maybe it was a bit unclear, i just meant i find it immature that he is ghosting rather than stating «it is not working». 

the rest: i agree and i will just have to let it go. So really Thanks for great input!!

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BellaDonna
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@mrsfreeze yeah I understand, and that's why I say you are entitled to feel how you do and your feelings are valid. But, I feel like women get really tripped up in hurt because men just process and deal differently than we do. I don't disagree with you, but people do what they do how they do it, and you are better off just accepting it and giving the space and when/if he comes back around, sharing how you feel from a place of vulnerability because defensiveness does not allow a man to bond with you, sharing authentically how you feel *at the right time* does

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Elsa
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@mrsfreeze I think you got lucky in that it's clear what his priority is and chances are you would also be second fiddle to you children. This is what has emerged. So now you are free to go.

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Libra Noir
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The minute I read that he got divorced only nine months ago, I knew that he probably still had some healing to do. Nine months isn’t very long and he has kids. That’s already a lot. Then this passionate and intense and beautiful Scorpio comes along and it probably felt overwhelming. I think some people with Scorpio (myself included) forget sometimes that not everyone can live at full intensity all the time. And being overwhelmed makes it hard to formulate a way to express that- the best he could do was pull away. It felt like ghosting to you but its often survival for other signs.

Cancer has a shell so they use that when they need to breathe- and this guy just got out of a relationship- a divorce! He probably had no idea how to handle this whole thing.

I say give him a break. Do your thing, date other guys don’t contact him. 

As far as closure- that’s always an internal process anyway. He can’t give it to you. He’s incapable or unwilling or both. Scorpio needs this to let go right? I’m not a Scorpio Sun but I do have a Scorpio Moon and some other planets there. I have struggled to release things but have found some things that work.

Rituals have been especially powerful for me. Like burning paper with their name written on it and then burying the ashes. In one I took a piece of string that represented our bond and cut it. Maybe offer a willingness to forgive too (forgiveness is sooooooo powerful for Scorpios- have you forgiven your father? You don’t have to answer that here but it’s something to consider). Remember to wish him well because resentment is the ultimate thing that will prevent you from moving on snf that makes us feel sick inside (at least it makes me feel sick). You could even write him a letter or write yourself one from him with the words you’d wished he’d said then burn that. I don’t know I’m just brainstorming. I continue with these ritual until I feel better.

Stuff like that gives me my power back- because THATS what closure is really about in my experience for Scorpio. You just gotta figure out a way to get yours back. Making him an asshole in your mind is one way to do that, but I think there are healthier ways like the one I talked about. 

 

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Rapunzelsoldierfish
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@libra-noir Wow this is all amazing advice. True wisdom here!

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Warped
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Are you sure he's actually divorced?  Might want to check court records online, free public access in most areas.

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BellaDonna
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@warped I do have to say that actually crossed my mind as well, so I'd say that's a solid suggestion...

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soup
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 soup
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Scorpio woman in love with Cancer man who turned cold. 

We met online in December

Reading that this way, see how this looks. It's January 11th

This thing came and went fast. I would say count yourself lucky you know what you know now. Do not call or text this man. 

I am a Scorpio. There isn't anything I don't understand about this. Also, to a Cancer sun those kids will always be first. I have Cancer rising. I know this too. 

You are blessed with knowing everything you need to know right now. He is fresh out of a divorce. He ran back to his shell. He is either not interested or cannot do it right now. When he said he needs time.... give him that. Give him space too. Like, all the space he will ever need and then some. Bye boy. 

In fact, knowing what you know... I would not go out with him again after this little ghost episode. If he can do it now, he can do it anytime. Cancer men are moody. But they are also Cardinal. Cardinal signs go after what they want. 

This sucks, it hurts and its awful. I don't think anyone gets gutted as deeply as a Scorpio. And we never forget it. Use that amputation device you were born with and CUT him off. 

It takes a special person to put up with a sign as moody as Cancer. Scorpio gets them and loves them. But romantically? I don't know. I mean, a moody Cancer with a Scorpio? Scorpio may be water, but we are fire water. Flaming fire water. 

People show you who they are. We never want to see the flaming red flags in the beginning. Many times, we think we can change people or screw them into oblivion, and they will change... 

This? In the very beginning? No. You just got a preview. You are lucky. Imagine if he pulled this crap 6 months in, or a year in. 

Closure comes from within. Nothing anyone can say or do can give that to you, but yourself. 

Your special gift is amputation. USE IT 

 

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Estella
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@soup Amen to all that! ?

I have a Cancer sun and Scorpio rising. Other stuff of course, but I totally agree with what you said: Cancer Sun priorities in life, our renown moodiness, the fact that as Cardinal Suns we can and do go after what we want. 

And I agree with you that we totally could go AWOL som time I’m the future as well. Refer to the list of priorities. 

And I totally agree with the advice to amputate. I know my brother Crabs. If he were into you, you’d have met his mother, heard all about his family, seen his childhood home etc etc We grab hold of the things we love with those claws and never let go! 

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soup
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@estella  When a Cancer sun targets a partner that is it. They go after that person. They take them home to meet everyone and they lock that down. They know exactly what they want. My best friend is a Cancer Sun. I have watched her operate for decades. 

When she retreats, that is it. She doesn't do it with a flame thrower, she just backs off. She is kind about it. But that person could pursue her till the end of time, and she is not going to respond.

That is not for me she says. And I won't lie, she may have slept with the person. After, she knows. They never hear from her again. 

They are loveable and they also know what they want. And if it's the object of their affection they will usually get it. The kids come first with these forever mothers and fathers of the zodiac. You cannot change that, that is who Cancer is. 

I also don't think two people having sex that is mutual is one using the other. We can always wait before we get emotionally invested in someone to see behavior. Priorities is right Estella! And to a Cancer sun the priority will always be the child. (I only have the rising and my kids come before all else. I wouldn't care who I slept with- that kid comes first, and I don't care how old the kids are either) 

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Estella
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@soup When you described your Cancer friend, I thought you were describing me! ? True, I have plenty of Leo and in my 10th too, but at the end of the day, I’m still a Cancer Sun. I think my public roar hides the fact that I am a big softie. ??

Yes, our babies and home means everything to us. It’s like me telling my husband to stop criticising our daughter in her absence. The criticism is warranted but  I don’t want to hear it!?

And sex, well, that’s just a bodily function. Cancers can be surprisingly practical when it comes to such things. We are self-protective and not cowards - people confuse the two. 

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Estella
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@soup I agree with you on the need to withhold emotional investment until the situation is right. We don’t go pouring our feelings into things at the drop of a hat. 

I also agree with you that the kids age is pretty much irrelevant. My eldest is almost 17. I accept that she will need plenty of hand-holding to get to “proper adulthood.”

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soup
 soup
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@estella  There is no mistaking a Cancer mom. That is a woman that will take you out over her child. And never criticize a Cancer's children or family at all. They know the good and the bad and they may even say it at some point, but by God you can't haha

Sex is just a bodily function to Scorpio too. We can also go without it and become completely celibate and not give one rats ###! No sex could ever be worth my kids or theirs. No relationship comes before them. We get the rap that we are the sex sign. I fall out in laughter. There is a whole lot of something else going on when we are talking sex... 

The thing I hold dearest to my heart, my children, forsaking all others. I know this is no way to be married, but I could lie and say otherwise, and it still would not make it the truth. 

My best friend will not be swayed. If you cannot except her children, you are not on her radar. I think anyone who steps up to a Cancer and wants a relationship, and accepts their children are good people. Because a person that understands a Cancer knows this and loves them enough to do it. And that is to be admired. Maybe even more. It takes a lot of strength and love to become a stepparent. You can't fool a Cancer either, not when it comes to their kids. They notice everything and protect as necessary. My Mother is a Cancer. She has been off the reservation for a variety of reasons, but if you come for me, you are going to get a beast. There are no limits to how she will protect. 

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Estella
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@soup Cancers are mick and mild until anyone comes for our children. Then it will Holy Mother of God! I didn’t see this beast coming! ?

I agree with you that it’s hard to be married when the children come first. My first slept in our bed for 9 years. Our second has been in our bed from birth and he has just turned 8.

Even their father is jealous. No matter how busy I am, how many things I have to juggle, if they say they need me, I’m there like a shot. 

I have lost friends over the eldest; like you say, it’s one thing for me as their mother to moan about them, it’s another thing coming from someone else. People just have to trust that if the children do something wrong, I will correct them - and I will - but not because someone else expects me to. 

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soup
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@estella  And that, is Cancer. True, every word. So, when they take off running for the kids, you may or may not see them again. Not until those kids are okay. 

Same here. Co-sleeping. Overprotective. True to those kids first, and I only have the rising. I say this openly without care, without them, there is no me. 

You have to be the kind of person that understands that to keep a Cancer with children from a previous marriage. It takes a very special person to do it. And Cancer knows it and adores the person doing it. 

A Uranus transit sent me hundreds of miles away from my children. And, come to find out, it was exactly what my children needed because otherwise I would have never let go. My Uranus transit has been their blessing. Every one of them needed me off their grill!!!!! 

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