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Rethinking Christmas
Its not about the stuff I In
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Ann
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Thursday, December 6, 2018 - 12:25 pm
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Parenting is hard. Be kind to yourself. These years with pre-teens are extra hard.

Parent guilt is real. I question myself as a mom all the time but I know I’m doing the best I can and I’m sure you are too. heart

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Libra Noir
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Thursday, December 6, 2018 - 12:48 pm
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Thanks for the support Ann:) 

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Sherry
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Thursday, December 6, 2018 - 10:39 am
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Hi Libra Noir,

I have a crazy idea. How about
opening up a minor child’s savings
account at your bank or credit union?

Perhaps since your son is such a
planner, this may give him a sense
of control? I did this for my son
when he was younger than yours.

Perhaps you could sit him down
and explain that you do not want
him to go thru the agony of making
such a big choice at Christmas?
You could “sell” the idea to him
by explaining that people often
get caught up in material items at
this time, only to regret their stuff
afterwards?

You could give him a sense of
control and decision with that little
savings account. The focus cannot
be on interest rate since they are so
low. Perhaps the focus could be to
keep the money safe until he decides
sometime during the year to splurge
on himself or his friends?

The object should not be on, Oh,
I have this money that I cannot touch.
Instead, focus on the fun idea of a
surprise time coming up in the future
year ahead where he could suddenly
find himself with a bit of money to
spend for the surprise discovery of
how to use it? You could even try
the concept of maintaining the
minimum balance and the joy of
adding to it if he finds an odd job
or two along the way. He may
already have a savings account,
I did not know. If not, this may
be a small project that his Sun/
Saturn may enjoy.

I dreaded Christmas with my son
growing up as well. I don’t like
Christmas at all so that made it
worse. Anyway, one Christmas
after my son opened up all of his
presents said, ” Is that all there is?”
I felt so defeated. My son was
your son’s age when we moved
to Texas. We had a nurses aide
come to the house a few times a
week to take care of my family
member. I found out speaking
to her that she had two small
children and her husband had
passed away. So, I talked to my
son and explained that I thought
he would not mind if we went
to the toy store and chose gifts
for her children instead. He
agreed and I was able to buy
her some great toys and I gave
her the receipts in order to
exchange if needed. I was very
surprised that my son agreed to
that, as he was always asking
for stuff all year round.

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Libra Noir
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Libra Noir
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Thursday, December 6, 2018 - 11:08 am
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Its weird, but I think this is more about my confidence as a mother, or the lack therof, and how it makes my son feel insecure when I give him too much control. Its less about the actual events than the underlying patterns Ive created. Christmas just amplifies the pattern. 

So what Ive been doing is taking small steps to take back power. Not waffling. Encouraging him to let it go, when he starts stressing about it. Letting him know firmly, what I will accept and what I wont. There was an incident yesterday where I stood my ground (I was proud of myself). 

I gave him a deadline of dec 1 to create a list. He created one which is actually really realistic. Theres three things on there and two of them are knives (which Im totally fine with, he collects them). 

I do appreciate the advice about starting a bank account. He wanted to open one last year, but the bank needed him to have an id, which I never got around to getting. 

I think Ill put donating to charity on the backburner for now. Im undoing years of parenting, and I think thats just a little too far away still. Ultimately thats where Id like to be though. And if I have another child, thats where Ill start. (Omg Id do so many things differently). 

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Satsun
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anonymoushermit
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Thursday, December 6, 2018 - 12:55 pm
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You’re a Libra, but don’t you also have a Scorpio stellium? It’s a perfect balance for a mother. You can juggle the nice (Libra) and the more ‘in control’ side (Scorpio) of being a mother.

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Libra Noir
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Libra Noir
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Thursday, December 6, 2018 - 1:07 pm
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Three planets in Libra and four in Scorpio. I think my son like the Libra side better:) 

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soup
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Sunday, December 9, 2018 - 7:19 pm
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I always think of you as a Scorpio with some Libra sprinkled in haha

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Libra Noir
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Sunday, December 9, 2018 - 9:14 pm
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Thats funny:) Its weird the stuff that comes across via internet. 

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Satsun
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Tam
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Thursday, December 6, 2018 - 5:37 pm
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My Aries Moon mom would have this all sorted out in no time! hahaha Take ya present and like it. 🙂

I hope it works out well for both of you. I haven’t said anything because I was terrified that you wouldn’t buy him a present for Christmas. Last year my mom didn’t want to draw names on her side of the family because she didn’t want to buy my first cousin’s children gifts because she only sees them twice a year and doesn’t know what to buy. So….I bought everybody a present, children, adults, uncle’s girlfriend. jupitercancer

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Libra Noir, Satsun
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Libra Noir
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Thursday, December 6, 2018 - 6:47 pm
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Lol:) Ya I need to take a play out of Aries book. I never wanted to cancel Christmas.

I feel like were doing better today. Theres two gifts under the tree. Hes begging for hints etc, but thats ok and normal. The list issue is buried, thank you baby Jesus! He knows I mean business when I said that its final on the first.

I just need to stop waffling, says the Libra or figure out a way to get space while I make a decision. Im firm once I feel comfortable with my decision but I know the process is agonizing for my son. Once Im comfortable with my decision its all good, everyones happy! Peace and harmony restored. 

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Tam, Satsun
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