Never say, "please" - Never say, "thank you"
I moved to the American South, eight years ago. People are most definitely polite here. I like it (Mars in Libra). I've had to raise my game which is fine.
Now here's my question and it is not contrived. It's begins with this person:
Whenever I text this gal, "Thanks" or "Thank you", she returns the message with a "You're welcome". This would be unheard of in Denver. "Thanks" would end a conversation... and might not even be offered. It doesn't mean there is no gratitude involved. The sentiment would be assumed?
Now they don't cut corners like that here... and age may also be a factor. It probably is a a factor but I am not sure the degree.
I am adaptable. I am also somewhat people-pleasing and highly Jupitertarian so I go with the "When in Rome, do like the Romans". But I have been here long enough, it's become remarkable to me - there are people out there who never say please or thank you, never mind dream of saying, "You're welcome".
Do these things matter?
I don't tend think they do, to legions of people. It's as if these phrases are cumbersome to a twit/text world. Do you think it matters?
I'm not saying it does. I can't decide anything, hardly ever, unless you give me about five years. I've only been thinking about this for three. But I do know people, right off the top of my head, who I have dealt with for years who have never, not even once said please or thank you. I guess they seem a bit machine-y to me. Like it's not efficient to say thanks!
I actually consider this when someone sends me a payment... like for an overage on a consult or something. If a person is "machiney" and I KNOW it, I just get the payment and move on. But I thank other people which I personally think is the polite thing to do. It lets the person know I got the payment as well as expressing my gratitude for their sending it!
So you may wonder, why not say "thank you" to everyone. It's because of my character as described above. If I know a person is machiney... well they don't care to open an email and read "thank you". Um...ok, boomer!
But around here, even very young children would never fail to say, "please" or "thank you".
What's your deal with this?
I love manners. I think they are very important. I always say thank you and please! I do not hang out with people who do not. To be clear, it makes me think less of you, if you do not say these things.
The reason for this is that by saying thank you, you are acknowledging the other person's time and showing them respect. This is essential to me (3 planets in 7th house)!
I like manners and live in a place where they are scarce. It goes beyond please and thank you - recently I texted someone back who asked to get our kids together, and then they never responded. They texted first! (This has happened a couple of times with different people.)
I realized that's just how things are now. Perhaps a product of getting messages from many different sources and just forgetting, or being scatterbrained, or procrastinating. Being busy and tired. I knew once the day went by I wouldn't hear back in that specific instance and said so, validating it with "This is just how people are now and I have to accept it." Honestly what else am i going to do? Keep texting them? Pretty please text me back? Nah.
I wouldn't dream of doing this to someone. If I get in touch with you to make plans, I'm going to follow through or cancel. It's so rude not to!
As for please, thank you and you're welcome, I'll 99% of the time respond with a "you're welcome" or "yw!" I don't like that this isn't common. I feel rude if I don't and, like I said, only recently realized that this is how people are now and they literally do not care if I say you're welcome or not. This is foreign to me! But I guess it's part of living in a time when we don't often communicate in person or over a phone conversation.
Good! I am not the only person who is grappling with this!
I'm a person who asks permission, not afraid to say please, and thank you in whatever form seems the flavor of the communication. Fewer communication is in person, so the use of emojis is what I mean by "flavor." Took me awhile to get used to that:) I expect the thank yous, but don't always get them. I think it's an age related sense of manners and the culture I grew up in. But as an off-shoot to this sense of manners between people I have experienced in the last month a "slippery" sort of communication via email when I ask a straight out question and instead of an answer there is nothing.
Perhaps I'm slow on the draw, or out of sync to the cancel culture living in my bubble of a world? The separating syndrome is dividing human interaction by leaving gaps ... that don't fill in.
The separating syndrome is dividing human interaction by leaving gaps ... that don't fill in.
Very well said. I'd add, there are a number of different reasons why this happens. Age is one but I'll tell you another... people who work long hours vs people who are retired or perhaps disable or whatever.
The first group cannot keep up with the latter. It's like my husband goes to work - is gone for 12 hours. You're not going to be able to reach him and if you tag him as a bad person, a rude person, a stupid person, you'd be tagging him erroneously.
I try very hard to communicate well with everyone. Anyone! But when a person consistently wants to badger me or send me puzzles or complaints - fuck it. "High maintenance" went out vogue 20 years ago.
Communication is a two-way street!