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Mommy's boy

Dori
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I've been in several conversations/discussions and I realized every woman had her own definition of "mommy's boy". What is yours? What is your experience? Any chart placement?

 

My brother was definitely mommy's boy until he got himself another "mother". My mom always protected him from any housework, and she was doing everything instead of him. When she couldn't, she made me do it. I had to cook, clean, and wash for him, tho he was perfectly okay to do it by himself. I rebelled many times, but then there was my mom's emotional manipulation: okay, don't do it, I will do everything when you won't help. One of my exes was also mommy's boy but in a different way. his mother was deciding about everything in his life, our bed was included too.

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Elsa
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In my world, a man who prioritizes his mother over his partner belongs to his mom.

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Dori
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@elsa I posted a topic a few months ago, about my bf still rather living with his parents than with me, stating that he doesn't like my apartment (I live right next to one of the main roads) and that he would like us to buy our new house. Still, nothing happened, we still live as we do. I guess it has something to do with the fact that his mother still cares about him like he's 5. So, I agree with you. I think he belongs to his mother.

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Rapunzelsoldierfish
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I can relate a little 🙂 I wouldn't call my fiancé a momma's boy though - he has a great relationship with his mom and she will pamper him sometimes (make him something to eat and whatnot) but not to the point where it's detrimental. He still lives at home, but he's still self-sufficient in almost every regard except for paying rent LOL... I guess that's kind of a big thing to not be responsible for at his age (35). We're looking at houses but now that idea is going down the tubes with interest rates going up

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Dori
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@rapunzelsoldierfish cooking dishes he likes, I'm so okay with that. It's nice when a mother is able to do it for her child, so anyone who still has it, I always say: good for you, enjoy it. 

I think that the current situation is a kind of an excuse for my boyfriend because he always refers to money, and how we need more money, how everything is expensive. True, we need more money, inflation will not stop, it will take years for the economy to recover from the COVID situation, and the war situation in Ukraine, but if we'll wait, it will always be something else that will prevent us from living life. i think that when you love someone, you take the risk, and endure. 

My boyfriend is 40, not paying rent or bills, living with his parents, and showing no proactivity in building a life with me. he is strong on words, but there are no actions. And I think I finally accept the reason: he likes his life as it is, work, living at home where he has no big responsibility, he can be dedicated to himself and his needs, see me a few times a week and he is okay with that. What bothers me is when I met him, he seemed like a person who knows what he wants and he is ready to get it, but with time, something completely different came out on the surface. He has his comfort zone, and I believe his mother is part of it, so why would he leave? On the other side, I live a completely different life.

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elisa
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ive never dated or married momma's boys, except for mayyyyybeee my husband, (he's a little bit but has admitted his mother is cold and not warm person, but she's giving and helpful and supportive but still cold) not a huggy person and you dont feel warmth from her. i guess i never dated momma's boys because i subconsiciously dont want to deal with the mother and fight and argue over her boy. it's exhausting and i have no time to stress over that. maybe. but maybe it's just something we subconsciously gravitate to. but i have learned that it's good to be dating or marry a man who loves his mother and respects her, that means he respects and loves women (in general) of course there are weird cases. lol

in this world there's all kinds of strange things.

and from what i read of your boyfriend since he doesn't pay rent and bills, is that to go outside that " comfort"  zone, is suffering and hard work. It's too much and the stress probably gives him hives (just guessing of course) and it's FEAR. what if and what if that... so the fear alone seems to make him paralyze and not go outside that comfort relaxing zone. it might be something that will happen until his parents retire and pass away and you and him will inherit the house and he is still in his comfort zone.

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Dori
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@elisa actually you are quite right. 🙂 This kind of life is his comfort zone, and if he moves out and starts a life with me, think kind of "pampering" is over because I'm not his mother, nor I'll ever be. I do like to please, but I can't care about him the way his mother does. I have my work and I love my work, hopefully, I'll have kids and he is a grown man who wants to be a man but acts like a mama's boy because that's what he is. Yes, he is afraid that he won't be able to enjoy his free time because there will be no one who will provide it for him. Things need to be done. Or I could be like my mother who always protected my father, and pleased him so he wouldn't have to do it. She was unhappy, he showed so little interest in our everyday life, she has done most of the things and it didn't make her happy. I don't want that. Btw. his parents are retired for a few years now.

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elisa
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@dori 

sorry to hear too if you are unhappy in this situation. it is going to be difficult for him in the future though because when parents get very old, they will need care and it's HIS turn to take care of them; so unless he is able to take care of his elderly parents it's gonna be tough work and alot of stress. Many caregivers need respite and have burn outs if they dont get some rest and respite help.  So ...right now he is relaxed and enjoying because his parents are still young enough in their old age to move around and prepare their own meals and perhaps drive and shop, and still have the brain ability to function with their financial day to day and banking. Later... he will suffer alot if he doesn't prepare and understand .. he will have to give back. Or he can help them prepare and save enough money and make sure they will be cared for financially in old age and there is a caretaker to help. 

so right he is enjoying and feels safe, but that safety is temporary. We will all suffer some way no matter what. I mean its honorable and respectable work but suffering in the way that if he's pampered, he's gonna work very very hard to make sure they are cared for and that's alot of stress and worry.

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Dori
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@elisa I am. We are two grownups and we approached this relationship almost 4 years ago with great love and passion. For him, I thought: Finally a man who knows what he wants and finally a mature man. Which he is, but as the time passed I realized in the relationship he still loves his comfort and comfort zone of his home and the things his parents are still providing for him. Yes, he will have a hard time, and from my own experience which was completely heartbreaking, it's better if you leave your parents sooner than later. If you stay too long, it's going to be harder, for everyone. I've been through it all, sickness, caring, deaths, I know how it is, I know what sadness it brings. He doesn't and thank God, he still doesn't. Maybe I don't understand him anymore because of my own experience, my world is different now. But that doesn't change the fact that I would really like to have a home, family of my own, I want it long before my experience. He does too, but he appreciates his peace and quiets more. Too bad he is too blind to see, he can have it all.

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elisa
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@dori 

hi dori, i read somewhere your boyfriend is Aquarius sun/Gemini moon right? and he has a gemini rising?  That kind of gives you some hope. What are his mars and venus?  I only say " hope"  because gemini is mutable and its in the personal planets too, so thats good. And mutability can ADAPT.  it is not only super fixed. Imagine if he's a double fixed, double aquarius or triple fixed. that would be awful. nothing could budge that guy.  Well, maybe appeal to the gemini aspects of that energy?  What does please or make or can coerce gemini energy to adapt to your situation?  Also, i thought about... that gemini is an energy that can't really stick to its course because it runs out of stamina and can't finish projects (UNLESS) it has some cardinal energy to help them out. You have alot of cardinal energy and fixed moon too. But you know your boyfriend better than us. Also, from what ive learned, gemini always needs a partner, as mutables love partnering. And to go off from another person or bounce from.  He can't go the stamina mile as say capricorn or taurus, but with partnership he can. I thought it was just an idea that came to me. So maybe that might help somewhat. Take care!

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Dori
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@elisa well, good you asked, Mars is in Libra, 5th, and Venus in Cap 8th house, but... he has Venus square Pluto, Mars squaring Venus, and also Saturn squaring Venus. Yes, he loves having a partner, I don't think he has ever been by himself for a longer time. I would be happy to see him move out of his parent's house, even if he wants to live alone. That would be normal for me. It's not the money, he has IC in Leo, when he wants to live somewhere else, he wants it to be a kingdom. I have IC in Pieces, I would very much like to have my own home, my own family. It just doesn't have the sense to me, that grown-up man, in his 40s runs home when his mom calls for dinner. He has a stable job, good salary, nothing is actually stopping us, nothing but something inside? Right? He really hates pressure, so do I, and I'm not making one. People say you need to put him in front of the wall. It's dreading me to do such a thing and already I know him, he would walk away, he hates such situations. I have a lot of cardinal, but also fixed energy, but tho he has fixed Mercury and Sun, I'm more ready to adapt, to change, he's not that much.

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MediumMarie
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@dori Yikes! IMHO a man should want to start his life with you and leave the one he had with his mother. That's a normal progression. I wouldn't find that attractive--I like people who truly strike out on their own. Even my kids all left and haven't come back because they were so excited for their own lives and adventures. If they wanted to live with me and stay home, I would consider myself as having failed as a mother. This is just my opinion, but I'm pretty sure that's what these comments are for 🙂 You sound primed and ready to go! Maybe find someone who actually wants to create a life with you and who will DO it <3

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Dori
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@mediummarie you are right. If I will ever have kids, and I hope I will, I'll make sure they start their own lives as soon as possible. I stayed at home with my mom, for too long, and wasn't good for her or me. She couldn't let me go, and I had a very hard time cutting the cord, but unfortunately, the cord was cut in the worst way and it left me in a limbo where I didn't know how to live without her presence. I wish I left home earlier.

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elisa
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@dori 

ohhhh that mars libra, awwww. plus gemini moon. sigh. {blue}:formalsmile:  

that explains ALOT.  awww well. you are gonna have to have alot of patience and LOVE. and if you dont want to be around that and you are more into what you want then this guy will be sadly (after a lonnng while if rejected) will be with another woman or look for one after a lonnggg time. but like you said, your boyfriend hasn't been long single. I know lots of single libra mars and libra suns, but they are coupled with their jobs that give them lots of support and responsibility and are never lonely as they have family they live with. Just like your boyfriend.

that libra mars will not be aggressive like a go getter. There's lots and lots of good articles here about libra mars on this blog 🙂

they usually like to weigh things, and it takes awhile. if that's not something you like, and it will make you unhappy due to your needs and wants, i think the best options are just working together. Help him weigh out the good side of living together. give him a reason to be living away from his parents while they are still strong enough to be independent. This boyfriend of yours will always have some trouble because of his libra mars IF the significant other wants a go getter. This libra mars wants to work with others;  its a good placement for working and living together and be part of something he will feel secure and supported. You have to be the go getter type to balance this out. Like an Aries most likely. 

well it's up to you, dori. you know astrology pretty well i think, and those placements need support and partnership. It's considered detriment in astrology plus his sun sign too. The energy is more or less blocked, and isn't comfortable. Mars is action and he is non action. Sun shines and his sun is like the winter sun, far far away. I would say poor guy but i dont think so, he's got you and hes got his parents that love him. and like you said, he has a good salary and good home and loves his mother. 

its just that your own needs are not going to be answered unless you help him out with  those placements and have a deeper understanding and acceptance; it's just how it is.

 

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sophiab
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@elisa reading your post made me think about placements that encourage doubt/doubting. Libra and Gemini, I experience it that way. It takes more effort to have a sense of conviction that comes from the body, which I guess is the fire polarity.. Aries, Sagittarius. Mars will enter Gemini soon for about 7 months while Jupiter will continue being in Aries (so they will be in sextile), so there's a mixed bag ahead of potential doubt and taking initiative. Mars rx in Gemini will be interesting!

@Dori I wouldn't rule anything out, or assume you know what your man (Mars) is going to do between now and next year. I think focus on your own independence (Jupiter in Aries) but with a sense of openness and faith towards your relationship while under these current conditions. Saturn in Aquarius (Square Uranus) is a b---h in regards to feeling restricted at times! I'm literally counting the months now (7) although I know I'll be grateful for how it's strengthening my core through adversity!

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Dori
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Dear @sophiab and @elisa, thank you for your answers and points of view ❤️ I'm not sure yet what I will do, part something inside says to stay. Maybe it's a wrong intuition, but I'll give it a go for a while. I'm already trying to give him perspective on how it would be great to have a life together. I believe you can have it all, and nothing needs to be ruled out just because you don't live in your comfort zone anymore. I'm a person who also loves her freedom and I respect him too, so he won't be losing that if he comes to live with me. He can still have his family, friends, home, anything, but due to his astrology placements, I also think that Mars Libra is having a hard time deciding and being a go-getter. I'm a go-getter. Sometimes I need some push, but I get what I want and what makes me happy. For years I was living other people's wishes, I was a people pleaser, but now I feel finally my time to be happy has come and I would very much like to be with him. But... what is bugging me, does he feel the same? In theory, he loves it, but in pratice, he does nothing. I don't know for how long he thinks we can go like this. We've been together for almost 4 years and I don't want to convince him to live with me, he needs to feel it and wants it. My mom always told me: that you can't make anyone love or want you. And that's why I am seeking help and support here because I really need it, I'm seeking an explanation because I don't quite understand him. As I said, he loves theory but does nothing in reality. I can go like that for a while, but if something doesn't change, I will have to try to find happiness somewhere else, because I can feel this weighs on me and that waiting for him to decide, makes me sad and unhappy. I was unhappy a lot, I want to be happy again. @sophiab I'm counting too and I'm already feeling I'm stronger than a year ago and whatever happens, I know I will get out of it stronger

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elisa
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@dori 

well, i wish you luck in what you do. i have no clue with these types of men, so i'm just helping out with my perspective; So maybe he is still unsure. Which is not good for both of you because you too are unsure if he loves you or wants you. Because he is all theory and no action. you say you are not happy and well, it also sounds that he's not enough for you. It might be because you're very watery with fire moon and he's like 80% air. {blue}:formalsmile: so maybe thats why too, that he's not giving you the passion that you want. 

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Dori
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@elisa thank you and thank you for your advice and help. and yes, I guess, we are both unsure about each other, which is definitely not good. I wouldn't be unsure if I had just a glimpse of him, to see that we are going somewhere, but other than words, every now and again, I haven't seen any action or wish for action from him, and that's what's making me unsure does he wants it at all? Does he wants it with me or he's just okay with how it is and not having any plan to go further? Once I asked does he really wants to live with me, he said yes. But when I asked him twice to move in with me, he said no because he doesn't like where my apartment is, it's too noisy for him. So, how not to be unsure? And he has 3 planets in Libra, I know he's always weighing, but once you have to make some kind of decision.

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elisa
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@dori 

yw but i just realized when something pops in my brain, lol  that being fixed sun isn't the problem, and yes the libra stellium can cause problems due to weighing things alot and indecision;  but i remember about this famous actress Molly Ringwald who is an Aquarius sun, 8th house sun, Scorpio moon 4th house with cancer rising capricorn venus and aries mars, married more than 15 years with a Cancer sun husband, i dont know his houses but he's gemini moon it looks like, hes a writer, taurus mars and leo venus.  Just the fact that the 80s iconic actress is an Aquarius sun with Scorpio moon (double fixed) AND her sun and moon are in the water houses, seems to show that she's got a good understanding with him. And he has enough fire and air to get her too. 

so you see, i dont think its the budging or fixedity or even cardinal libra, although i didnt see any libra placements with either of them. just pluto libra generation on his part. and i think she is pluto virgo. that might also work out due to the fact his pluto virgo attract to the sun sign. (edit i meant his pluto libra and her pluto virgo to his mars taurus) I'm just thinking because of the fact those two have enough water together to " get"  eachother and water houses combination. and he has enough air and fire, it works. 

so even though i thought that maybe double fixed or triple fixed might not budge, it wouldnt matter. He seems to have enough mutability too, to adapt as well.  We had an uncle who was a Pisces sun, with stellium pisces and moon in Libra that married a Leo sun, with cancer venus leo mars and scorpio moon. but even she was double fixed, but he had enough mutability and a libra moon to get her sun sign (sextile) so there's alot of room to understand eachother's love nature. 

just a heads up, that  it might be too difficult to stay with this guy of yours, but i know that cancer placements have a difficult time to let go, and want it to work. Maybe sit down and have a good talk with him. his many airy placements will like that. he can mull about it and think on it and give him time to weigh out things. ^^

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leobra1221
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Seems your man does not like change, is stubborn and stuck in his ways.

In my opinion after 4 years he will not create a life with you, and make you guys fully know. That he may never will

When a man wants something he makes it happen. No questions.

Seems he has some form of hesitation... what does he tell you when you bring these things up?

If I were in your shoes I would tell him shit or get off the pot. you do not want to waste more time with someone who cannot fully commit 100%

 

You deserve to be shown off, given what you give back.

Life it so short to settle

I wish you luck. Maybe have a firm conversation...possibly with an ultimatum.

If he wont fight for you. there is your answer

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Dori
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@leobra1221 you are right. my mom always said the same thing: when a man wants something, he makes it happen.

he says he would love to have a family with me, that he wants to live with me, theory from his mouth sounds great, action, none. A few times I have brought up the subject, but I heard only nice things, nothing that I could say: okay, you don't give a shit and you are just wasting my time. But I won't settle, that's for sure. 

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leobra1221
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@dori You have to be willing to walk away in order to get him to move it seems

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Dori
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@leobra1221 it can happen, but I'm still not sure when I'll be able to do it. I have huge struggles inside myself, and one side will win eventually. Maybe rather sooner than later

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leobra1221
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@dori I can understand that dynamic, i always have constant struggle internal as well. too understanding and it tends to blurr lines when I look at things from all perspectives. Libra problems lol

You will find your way and I wish you happiness

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Dori
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@leobra1221 thank you and I wish you a happy birthday! Hope you had a great day!

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leobra1221
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@dori Thank you!

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