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Modern dating: Are women today too picky?
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anonymoushermit
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Friday, December 7, 2018 - 6:05 am
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I’m not trying to diss women, or anything like that. I’m just curious to find out if today’s women are too picky, not necessarily out of cruelty, or viciousness. But because our culture gives them leeway to be that way, partly. 

I mean, I’m not a straight guy, so I get it if I were a young woman, and if I had many choices, I would be as particular as possible. Like, if I were to pick between a guy that’s 5’7″ and a guy that’s 5’11”, I’d pick the guy that’s 5’11”. 

However, if I were a straight woman (I’m guessing, of course), I might overlook a guy’s ‘flaws’, like being only 5’8″, if I like the guy’s personality!

I will simplify, and define ‘modern dating’ as dating during the past 15 years. 

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MariaR
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Friday, December 7, 2018 - 11:30 am
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I’ve thought about the women I know and I wouldn’t say they are too picky.

I think nearly all are realistic. They are not expecting a man to be perfect.  Most are in relationships or want to be, even though they have careers and independence.

Some men I know seem to be more picky, especially about looks.

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anonymoushermit
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Friday, December 7, 2018 - 5:04 pm
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Oh yeah, it goes both ways. There are men that are picky about looks! They can be vicious too.

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elisa
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Friday, December 7, 2018 - 6:44 am
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I was just reading about why women marry these days because it seems to be a good trend of discussion.  And that more and more single women these days are able to stay single and be resourceful and financially set. In the olden days,it was for financial security. Men were the providers so they worked hard while the woman stayed home and took care of the household and children. Nowadays, even alot of modern day articles states that many single women stay single because they no longer need a man to keep them financially held. 

In my circles, I’ve noticed alot of young women, from their 20s to 30s, even 40s, have what they call an arrangement of living together, even if they have been living together for five to ten years, and they have same benefits as if they were married by law. There are some down sides or upsides, but mainly they can, if they break up, just leave. Many single women can enjoy financial security because there are many opportunities for women to have a nice, full time employment /career. I see this with my girlfriends too, who are from cultures that are strict and marriage is important. However in less religious backgrounds, like say, if they are athiests, non-denomination, they will enjoy living together. 

A financially set career woman who is from a culture /religious background usually ends up married though because the religion is very strong in their upbringing. Plus, you have the mothers/matriarchs who will get on your case for not having uphold the marriage vows. It gets really hard, to live with that so they usually choose the marriage route. Also, it feels better too (for those from religiuos/backgrounds)  I notice those from athiest backgrounds, don’t have this stigma, so they don’t really care about that, although they do respect other people’s religious backgrounds so that is nice they do that. I like that other people respect other people’s choices. 

In your case, i think you are discussing more about “looks” lol ;p   Like height and appearances, well i dont honestly think it matters; what i feel is the energy of the person though. how they feel with you together. If you’re super comfortable with them and enjoy their company then that’s usually the person you want to be with. someone who doesn’t judge you too much or gets on your case too much. 

Edit – maybe because i live in a first world society, that having children is not a big issue anymore for couples. I notice this. Yes, they still do have children, but it’s getting more and more around me, that it’s not important. Even the seniors around where i live, they have no children and they lived together for decades sharing a household. To me, it seems like they just love eachother’s company.because why would they be together? 

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anonymoushermit
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Friday, December 7, 2018 - 8:01 pm
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I think I’m talking more about online dating than anything else. 

Some women online wants:

-A guy who’s at least 6’4″. But I prefer 6’7″.

-Has to have at least 22 inch arms.

-Drives a Jaguar.

-Is a billionaire by age 30.

-Has a tan.

-Has a kind personality.

-Has to have at least 40 friends.

-Has to be a rocket scientist, too!

-Has to have played sports back in College.

-Has to have six dimples.

-OH, and he HAS to be funny too!

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Thesecondphoenix
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Friday, December 7, 2018 - 8:27 pm
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That kind of guy will definitely be trolling dating sites.

I heard once that, for interest, a guy got a picture of a hot woman and put it on a dating profile. He started getting tons and tons of messages, some would be weird (dick pics) and some would be normal (like ‘hi’); just loads to the point where he didn’t want to log in because he would get a panicky feeling that people would see he was online. He shut it down after a month.

Very instructive, in consider how such an ‘input’ may encourage a person to see the world.

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MariaR
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Saturday, December 8, 2018 - 3:49 am
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Didn’t realise you were talking about online dating. I can definitely see now what you mean.

Wonder it mostly younger people who are so picky. I think as we get a bit older we mostly become a bit more realistic about dating.

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Libra Noir
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Saturday, December 8, 2018 - 10:12 am
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Ive only looked at a few womens profiles. Most of them arent like that, but Ive seen a few. Ive seen a few mens profiles like that too. 

The difference is that men usually do the initial contact. So instead of rejecting the woman, he just doesnt approach her. Wheras a woman has to negotiate how to reject the guy somehow, if shes not interested. 

I think what youre talking about used to be a trend. When online dating first became a thing, it seemed like you could just order off the menu, there seemed to be so many options. And like I said, women are always going to pick man thats closest to their ideal,  from the available suitors. But I think most people are now seeing (at least in my age group), that the “market” style doesn’t bear any fruit. I know many who are disillusioned with it, myself included. 

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Libra Noir
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Saturday, December 8, 2018 - 10:23 am
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Ha:) 22’ arms. Lol. 

I actually know a guy kind of like this. He’s 6”4’. The most gorgeous man Ive ever seen in real life. He’s physically flawless. Makes six figures. Has his shit together, in so many ways, including ethically. Hes single! I figure someones gotta get him right? 

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elisa
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Saturday, December 8, 2018 - 1:56 pm
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gay men are similar to women in alot of ways in their thinking. I have close family members who are gay and they say they want similar things to what a woman wants except, with gay men, they still maintain their masculinity. I dont want to go in depth about it because its a deep subject and there’s plenty of types, same with women — we have plenty of ‘types”.

those views of online dating are really ridiculous though LOL

even if i were single, that would be too hard to reach, and besides a rocket scientist would not give me the emotional support i needed.  I’d need TWO men LOL joking aside. The intellectual man who doesn’t spend time with me cause he too busy with his experiments and the emotional man who will spend time with me, (maybe a more effeminante man) and in that case, i’d end up athiest anyway cause of the two men thing. ;p  

the billionaire by age 30.   If he is like that, he probably won’t have anything to do with me. I have a low self esteem for those type of guys anyway. caues he would be looking for the woman with the rich/same wealthy background maybe. i have no clue. Like why would he even bother lookng at me? when there’s tons of gorgeous women, with good education and good family background?  Naw, i think personally that women are really realistic and aren’t always, “privileged” thinking. I think personally many are very humble and dont think that they need those type of men. how about those type of men that are just decent guys who work hard? ;p

I like the “kind”   personality on the list. However, kind can also be ….doormatt LOL  like what if he turns out so kind that he allows every woman to chastise him and he follows every woman’s words and to the point that it frustrates you cause he will follow them over yours? Then you begin to think…omg, what if i married this man and he will never support my ideas or support what i want /desire, and supports other women over me cause he is too kind? that can turn out to be a nightmare! ;p

the entire list is cute, but realistically all these thoughts would go through our heads cause first off, we would have to “test’ out their style of “love”  and if it does not fit…well.. back to the front of the line 😀

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Libra Noir
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Friday, December 7, 2018 - 11:45 am
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I think women usually go for the best that they have available to them. Nothing wrong with that. If youre picking the father of your children then you should pick wisely. Thats how we’ve survived as a species. 

I think there might be a deeper question here though? Not quite sure what youre getting at hermit? I need more context. 

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anonymoushermit
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Saturday, December 8, 2018 - 4:45 pm
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“If youre picking the father of your children then you should pick wisely. Thats how we’ve survived as a species.”

Libra Noir, yes!

This thread was based on what I’ve heard from some men. That some women are too picky. Definitely not always true, or even the majority. I was just curious as to what people think. 

Yes, some men use the quote, ‘Some are too picky’ as a coping mechanism, or what we simply call it today, “COPE”!

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Elsa
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Friday, December 7, 2018 - 12:08 pm
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I think women are like gay men, who are actually honest about stating that people who are a “4” tend to go after a partner who is a “10”. This doesn’t work!

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Saturday, December 8, 2018 - 6:49 am
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“This doesn’t work” – truer words were never spoken!!!

It’s the law of the market!

But, unrealistic wishes keep hopes up, otherwise people would be completely discouraged.

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MariaR
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Saturday, December 8, 2018 - 8:15 am
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So who is a 10?

The men I consider a 10 (committed to a spiritual path, vegetarian, non-smoker etc) probably wouldn’t be a 10 to every other woman. Likewise I doubt that a man who’s considered a 10 by others would be a 10 to me.

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