Love, Infatuation, Obsession, Limerance
I think limerence is not just pining although that naturally goes with it, but it's a state of unwavering loyalty in love. In lots of ways that can be a good thing.
Long term limerance can be excruciating. Often, you have to suffer in silence as nobody can really “get it” unless they have experienced it. For this reason it can feel isolating at times. People just expect you to get over it and move on so you learn to deal with it’s ebb and flow privately. I don’t think too many people suffer from it, (or admit it), so I rarely, if ever hear about it. Great to see this forum discussing this subject.
Very true. It also feels pretty inescapable and never ending.
Somehow I feel the only way out of this is to genuinely wish the other person love and happiness even if it's not with you. Part of limernece, I think must be an underlying possessiveness. My Pluto/Venus doesn't want to give up control and tends to project ugly thoughts onto anyone who threatens to impenge on what I think belongs to me and that also ends up only hurting me. I think a true gift would be to find a way to let go of control.
"Limerance" came up today in the comments, here:
Funny, I was just thinking about this last night, of my nearly ten year obsession with a seeming long lost soul mate I knew only for a brief and platonic month. I fell hard in just a few days. It was a business situation, his wife's business. She sent us off on projects together daily. He was the perfect combo of brains and brawn, strong but playful, wise and witty. We were so sympatico, finished each other's sentences, communicated with just a glance...
By the end of the first week I'd observed her treating him very harshly in front of others. I wanted to Rescue him, and said as much. He put up with it, was reconciled to it, said it was too late for a new life. Promised to keep in touch but never did.
What broke the spell? One day I simply realized he was henpecked and evidently chose to be or he wouldn't be. And realized how little respect I have for henpecked men.
The astrology? His Sun conjunct my Jupiter in 5th, his Saturn/Jupiter conjunct my Venus, my SNode/Uranus conjunct his Chiron/Venus/Mars/Mercury stellium, our nodes square.