How Does Self Hatred Manifest?
How do you see self-hatred show itself?
In how a person treats other people or interpret their motivations
Also in their general features, specially the eyes
I think it can stem from that Pluto-Sun phenomenon that you recently wrote about, when people project their shadow. People identify something external, that they don't approve of for reasons x, y, and z, because it doesn't fit within their narrow view of the world -- without realizing that the same thing also exists within themselves or their way of life, albeit in a slightly different form. The self-hatred manifests below the surface, and the difficultly of reversing it depends on how committed they are to hating that external thing. Does that make sense?
I've known people who seem to be self destructive with relationships, addictions, or financial fiascos due to some early experience or situation they blame themselves for. Also some who behave irresponsibly but blame others for their failures.
Personally, self-hatred is a state of being at war with myself. I couldn't fix what I blamed myself for so I tried to fix something else, or Someone else, often creating a new disaster...or distraction.
Observing the foibles on full display in classic literature as far back as ancient mythology can help you stand back and view yourself with a more rational and philosophical perspective.
Hating someone or hating yourself is the meanest thing that you can do to yourself and to your body.
I have had self hatred. I was an unwanted pregnancy, and biological dad reminded me daily how much he hated me. He had issues and I know now he was a suffering soul. But, his cruelty did plant seeds in me that grew into self hatred that raised its head a few times… Sometimes I’m currently triggered and start to hate myself again- it’s a hard curse to break!! Horrific traumas!
I do my therapy and self care and understand I’ll always have this to conquer till I die. It’s that packed 12th house lol ! Horrible childhood with that man.
But- I have that beautiful Chiron conjunct Jupiter conjunct my Ascendent which has been like an Angel in my pocket my ENTIRE LIFE!! Wounded Healer and Jupiter is my favorite aspect! Yes I’m a very wounded healer and I’ve been so blessed to learn Astrology! That beautiful chart I have come to adore-and be grateful for. I see my soul when I stare at my chart and I love every aspect- hard and easy!
Unfortunately I was a cutter and at my lowest point I admit I have cut myself. I know now that was the hatred of my hopelessness- not believing I could ever get this rage out in a positive way. Rage towards my biological dad. Then someone told me that hating him was the meanest thing I could do to myself. And I don’t want to bring anymore harm to me because I deserve to have peace and joy.
A lot of therapy and a lot of good self care and - boy can I pick up on hatred out in the world. I see it and feel it. It’s scary out there. But I also believe there are good, loving, & kindness out there too. I feel it as well.
To answer the question- For me personally, self hatred manifested by me cutting myself. I cut myself the first time when I was 7-8…. On my inner thighs— it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know why my inner thigh-😞
Cutting self is a manifestation of self hatred. I know. - Emotional pain. Self harm/ then shame from cutting…. 😞
I didn’t cut for years and then I cut when one of my most beloved people was in a car wreck. I felt like I had let that person down that day. And I did it to hurt myself, to punish or release that energy that was raging from childhood (pre-therapy). Self- hatred can easy for me. But I also love myself so much.
I’m at my best and happiest when I’m doing hospice work with the dying. That’s my thing. My drug. It’s bliss. I love helping people. I love nurturing. I sat with a man once who passed and I tended his anxiety and his fear and felt a greater power take him when he took his last breath. I was holding both his hands and felt it pass through me- It was sweet and love. I believe helping others defeats hatred.
Aren’t we so complex. I am. I can relate to others who are hurting or damaged or hate themselves. Some don’t want help. Some do. Self- hatred is also projected. It’s been projected onto me. My dad hated himself, He didn’t know what he was doing. He was also in pain. His childhood was also hell I found out- It’s like a curse that can be passed down generations. I stopped it though.
His self-hatred did effect me tremendously. But man I did the work and I’m proud of my testimony.