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Going through a breakup and major life changes


Mariam.S
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Hello, 

I'm reaching out in the hopes that someone in this community can help me understand what is happening in my life especially in regards to my love life.  I'm currently going through a break up from a two year relationship. I've always longed for a long term committed relationship and have been involved with two long term scorpio suns and aries moons, ( Might be wrong but thats a double whammy in regards to synastry?) as depressing as everything looks at the moment, I'm hopeful.  Is anyone able to look at my chart/ transits to give me some info on who I'm most compatible with and when I'm most likely to meet them.  Sending much love to you all. 

 

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birthchart

 

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Justin
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Hello Maria123 ?

Firstly, may I wish you a warm welcome. 

Secondly...

I am so so sorry to hear about about your loss... but welcome to the club! There are a lot of us here who have suffered a similar fate this year, especially those of us who are late Cancer rising's. I'm afraid to say it's the astro weather!

Saturn has just crossed over your IC (Your foundational roots) at 28 Deg Cap and made a square aspect to both your Ascendant (You) and Descendant (Partner). This energy can work in one of two ways. It can either strengthen a relationship and increase a sense of commitment... Or, it can chop it off if it wasn't serving your best interests.

Please, please don't answer this, but ask yourself if it was a truly happy relationship towards the end, or if you simply didn't want to be on your own? If either statements were remotely true, the relationship wouldn't have been serving you. Jupiter is hitting that point soon, which may bring someone else into your life, or it will sweep the rubbish away, as the forum's owner, Elsa, puts it.

I can see from your chart that you are a gentle soul, very romantic, with powerful emotions, and very likely to be shy and have often felt quite lonely and a bit socially awkward... yes?

If the last part of that statement made your eyes open wide, it's because you have a Moon square Saturn aspect in your chart... and it can be really hard. It takes a great deal of courage for you to approach someone you like, doesn't it?

I know a few people with this aspect in their birthchart and they can't believe anyone can love them for simply being them. My last great love had that aspect in her chart and she ended up driving me away because she simply couldn't believe I really loved her. She was in her 40's!!! To me, she was truly the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She was a mess, granted, but I did love her. She didn't think I possibly could, as she couldn't see what I thought was so special about her, so she always lived with the insecurity that I would leave her. In the end, she made that a self-fulfilling prophecy by pushing me away. Does that resonate with you at all?

If any of that rings true, please may I offer you some wise words?

You need to work on liking you before you are ready to meet the love of your life. Honest. I've stood in the same shoes as you, and if you are not right with you, you'll end up selling yourself short, every single time. You might be hurting at the moment, but now is not the time to even think about looking for someone else. The last thing you want right now is for someone to take advantage of you, only for you to end up feeling worse because you've made a mistake. Try to learn what was truly good and truly bad about your last relationship, and be really honest with yourself about why it didn't work out. Maybe you gave too much, maybe he was too selfish, maybe he felt you were to clingy, maybe you felt he didn't care enough. When you have done that, you'll have a better idea of what you truly need from a relationship and, hopefully, won't settle for anything less. I can assure you, without looking at your chart, the right man will be out there waiting for you...but only when you are truly ready for it.

I bet there are so many wonderful attributes about you, but you have to sincerely acknowledge them first. If you are relying on someone else to make you feel happy about yourself and what you have to offer, you will always be your partner's prisoner... and you don't need or want that. It'll only end up making you miserable. If you are doing all the giving in a relationship, for example, the balance is all wrong. And, the more you give without getting anything back, the more miserable you will end up feeling because it will simply reinforce the feeling that you aren't worth anything. If these feelings become too ingrained, the cycle will never end.

I'm more than happy to give you more details about your chart, but you finding ways of being truly happy in your own skin has to be your first priority.

The reason why I am telling you this?

I spent many of my younger years wanting someone to love me, just like you, but I often ended up with what I felt I deserved... and my heart used to get badly broken because I wasn't alright with me. Each heartbreak simply reinforced the low self image I already had of myself. Many of us have been in that position, so it's not that unusual.

I promise you, when you are happy with you, it won't be long before the right man for you comes into your life. And... if he doesn't arrive straight away... it really won't matter because you'll be perfectly happy being you anyway. Either way, you win.

You will find the door is always open here, so pop in and out as much as you please.

Wishing you the best

J Smile

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Mariam.S
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@jswtrinity

I would like to say thank you from the bottom of my heart  for taking the time to respond with such wisdom and compassion. I feel seen and understood by you and your response made me tear up.  This break up was initiated by me and it was absolutely the right decision for the both of us even if I was still in love with him. I've been in therapy for the last year and will continue to work on myself.  I'm happy to report I will not jump into dating until I've done some major healing and reflecting. the moon square saturn aspect explains so much.  IT ALL MAKES SO MUCH SENSE. you truly nailed it. I'm honestly shocked.  Thank you Justin for such a warm welcome and healing advice, I'm grateful! You have found a friend in me. 

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Justin
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@maria123 Oh bless your heart Maria! ??? Thank you so much for your lovely, touching reply!

I'm so glad you are taking the time out to heal because it means you really will manifest your dreams sooner rather than later. There are signs and wonders everywhere and, when I saw your horoscope, I knew you had come to the right place. There were signatures in your chart, that were similar to mine, that brought me here too! Elsa, the forum's creator, is an absolute gem! Please sign up for her newsletter, you will learn so much. If nothing else, it will imbue you with an understanding that there is a plan for your life. Really knowing that can bring so much comfort. I know it has me.

We all have far more in common than many of us realise. I had to learn that self love, self care and self respect aren't selfish behaviours, they are essential if you want to be happy. I was nearly 40 before I learnt that lesson, so it pleases me greatly that you've got the sense and wisdom at your age to start looking out for you now. When you are at one with yourself, and your heart, everything flows. I promise you, you'll see.

I'm relatively new here, but I have found this a wonderful place to be. No one judges anyone, everyone genuinely cares about each other, and it's a very, very friendly place to be. Here, you can simply be who you really are and know you will be accepted on those terms. I really hope you will join us, whenever you feel you would like to, as it won't be long before you make plenty of friends on this board. I have genuinely been moved by some of the stories I've read, and I can promise you are not on your own in your sorrow. Here you will see sad stories... but you will also see happy endings too.

Just like you, I still love my ex, more than she'll ever know, but doing the right thing isn't always the easiest thing. I don't need to tell you how much it hurts to give someone up to the hands of fate, you already know. Letting your ex go, despite still loving him because it's the right thing to do, shows great wisdom and maturity. That, alone, will serve you well when the right man comes along. And, do you know what? Judging by what I've gleaned about you already... I really don't believe you will be waiting all that long. I'd put a wager on it!

Please keep in touch with us here. I, for one, would dearly like to know how your journey develops and unfolds.

Take care

Best, always

J ?

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Mariam.S
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@jswtrinity Thank you for reminding me of how connected we all are, the human spirit is beautiful, loving and resilient.  I feel we are kindred spirits.  I'm curious to know your birth chart.  I'm seeking to learn more so thank you for letting me know about the newsletter, I signed up Smile I agree with you, I can already feel that I have stumbled across a good community of people.  I look forward to contributing and helping in any way I can.  My heart feels for you and the pain you had to endure with the ending of your relationship despite all the love you have for her. I don't know you or seen your birth chart but I can tell you are a very loving and kind individual, I'm sensing some heavy water placements. I would like to keep in touch, learn and contribute.

 

Best,

Mariam  

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Justin
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Hi Miriam,

"I'm sensing some heavy water placements." Wow! I'm actually genuinely impressed! That Moon of yours in Scorpio is certainly perceptive! Yup, quite heavy in water. Cancer rising, Moon and Mars in Pisces in my 8th house, with the Moon forming a near perfect trine with my ASC. Lots of asteroids in water too. Just glancing at your chart, the kindred spirits you mentioned can be explained quite easily. Your Sun and Chiron trine my Sun-Neptune conjunction, your Pluto trines my Moon, and your Moon trines my Mars on your Venus. There are a number of other connections too, as your Neptune-Uranus conjunction sits on my DSC, your Lilith sits on my North Node, your POF sits on my Moon, your Mars is sextile my Venus, your Mercury is trine my Jupiter and your Saturn is sextile my Jupiter. That's quite a list, thinking about it. So, yes... there's quite a few connections there! Quite a few members of my family are/were born on the first day of spring, too, with one of them (my Grandfather) being my life long hero, so I've got a history of an affinity with all those born on the 21sr March. I've never met one I haven't got on with, from what I remember.

And, whilst I truly appreciate your kind words, I'm not certainly not suffering...well not now. There's always a breakthrough point after any kind of unhappy ending and I galloped through mine some time back! Relationships have been a major life lesson theme for me, with my North Node tenanted in the 7th. I honestly believe I've passed my last great test... Well, at least I hope so, as I don't fancy much more grief! ? Relationship stress can get a bit tiresome and I understand now that I was in my exes life for a reason. Not a season, nor a lifetime... and I can accept that quite happily with no wish that it was otherwise. If I feel any pain, it's for her. She's still a "prisoner" and it was genuinely heartbreaking to witness. I was simply an instrument to set off a Plutonic process in her life and she, like many of us here, will go through a liberating rebirth. This process won't be over for her until the middle of next year, but she will certainly end up in a better place eventually. I don't have to benefit from it in a direct way, as it's enough for me to know that she will soon be in a far better place than when she first met me. That's enough, and I'm truly happy with that because it will a happy outcome. I suppose, the ultimate position to be in is when you can love someone (have genuine concern for their welfare, their happiness, their peace of mind, their ambitions, etc.) and not feel any desperate need to be with them whatsoever... or, anyone else for that matter. It's a grey area when a person is with someone because they feel they "need" them. Such relationships can often end in tears, especially when the need exceeds the love and starts becoming destructive in the process... It ends up being a trap for both parties.

By the way, you've got your first Saturn return next year! It's a very important time for you. Whatever you would like to do, or wherever you would like to be in about 7 years time, it would be a good idea to start thinking about it soon. It's a coming of age transit and a good time to look back at all you have achieved and what you would do differently in this next chapter of your life. I hope that deciding to accept and see the positive in you, in the way others do, is right up there at the top of the list?

Anyway, I'm so glad you have decided to hang around. It can be a riot and it's like stepping in and out of a friend's house whenever you please. Cris has already introduced herself, I see, and she's golden... and a veritable wealth of knowledge too.  ?

Best, always

J Smile

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CrisLondon
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Hey Maria 123,

Thanks for sending some love our way here in the forum 🙂

Let's see...going through a significant break up in times of Covid...that's mega tough.

Justin's explanation of transiting Saturn squaring your Ascendant and Descendant makes complete sense (and it's made me think of when I will have that exact transit myself.)

Yes, it's best to give yourself sometime to heal and process, probably also take stock of lessons learned. Especially with your having a Moon in Scorpio (feelings, sensitive, water, depth, intense) and the transit of Saturn to three angles (Ascendant, IC and Descendant)...I agree that taking your time will help.

However you're Libra Rising (relationship-focussed) and a Sun in Aries (wanting things yesterday) so that can indicate wanting to date sooner than later after a break up.

If that's what you're after, regarding people who you will compatible with I'm thinking:

- You have Sun in Aries and Mars in Capricorn  - active, adventurous, independent and assertive go-getter people really appeal to you.

- But they must be sensitive and caring as you have Moon in Scorpio and Venus in Pisces. These planets trine in your chart (lovely aspect to have) so a person who is loving and kind (moon venus in aspect) is key for your mental health.

With your Moon in Scorpio you want someone emotionally resilient and robust that can be ok with your intense moods. Despite your intensity the sextile from Jupiter to your Moon means you bounce back emotionally quite quickly and overall are emotionally optimistic (hence you are probably thinking of dating again soon) so someone a little bit optimistic will be a good match.

That square from Saturn to your Moon -> Justin gave a detailed explanation of this aspect and how it can play out in relationships so a bit of work understanding this aspect is key. I've known many people with Moon-Saturn and his description is spot on. Lots to offer to others but the person doesn't believe it...

- Your Venus is opposed Jupiter so someone from a different culture, religion or ethnic background or someone with a different language will be very appealing to you. If this is not your case at least you'll like to travel with them.

I'm not surprised that you dated people with Moon in Aries and Sun in Scorpio as you're a Sun in Aries and Moon in Scorpio. Wow, having had that Sun-Moon conjunction synastry (the double whammy you mention) is so lovely.

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CrisLondon
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Edit - Your Mars is in Aquarius not Capricorn. So add quirky and humanitarian/activist to the qualities that appeal to you.

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Mariam.S
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@cris Hi Cris I hope all is wonderful with you! Thank you for taking the time to respond so thoughtfully.  You and Justin are incredibly kind.  I'm hopeful that when this transit happens for you things will turn out for the best, things seem to always be working in our favor even if we can't see it in the moment.  This relationship was a mirror for me and all my triggers were wonderful gifts.  You are correct the Aries in me wants to speed through however at this age, I know better.  since I'm aware of this energy I can be self aware to know that I must to my time and heal as to not repeat the same lessons over and over again.  Thats what I love about astrology, knowing what energies we are working with so we can strive to learn the lessons we are meant to in this lifetime. You nailed it as far as the type of energies that would be good for my mental health. Loving and kind but also emotionally resilient LOL, scorpio moon I tell ya.... It's quite an experience. I'm sure you already know Smile the double whammy was wonderful in that I sensed we deeply loved and understood each other however that's a lot of dominant martian and plutonian energy.  I keep telling myself don't fall for a scorpio but I swear it happens every time.  I guess I admire that they can match my intensity and level of commitment however what seems to be missing is the gentleness and nurturing energy I crave.  Its nearly impossible to find everything in one person so you all are absolutely correct, everything I'm seeking I must cultivate within myself.  Thank you for the kind words and sound advise Cris, Please stay in touch.  I would like to know how you are doing as well. 

 

Best,

Mariam 

 

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Mariam.S
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synastry chart

Just in case anyone is interested, I'll leave our synastry chart up here... too bad because looking at it myself as a novice, it seemed to be a compatible match. 

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Justin
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@maria123 "it seemed to be a compatible match."

Er, yes...

...and no! ?

Synastry is complex and quite a bit of it really depends on how mature and evolved the chart owners are. A synastry only indicates the potential, and it is up to us with what we do with that potential. I had a close as damnit near perfect synastry with someone once, but a Mars-Pluto, Venus Pluto, and a Mercury square Neptune-Sun, Neptune - Sun Neptune conjunction energies wreaked a wave of devastation on what should have been a near perfect relationship. We can be so focused on the "good" aspects, that we fail to notice the red flags... and people seriously, seriously under estimate the power of Pluto. It rips and tears away like nothing else. I would have never, ever have believed it unless I had lived through it.

That's not to say that there is no hope in the future for you and your ex... but one thing is immediately apparent. That relationship was intense and not for the faint of heart. Lots of attraction and lots of passion. I get the distinct impression that you are a lot stronger than you know.

It's notable, too, that he's going through a natal Pluto square Pluto transit, and his Saturn is also being squared by the current stellium of big hitters transiting through Cap. He's been dealing with quite a bit too, and is also undergoing some massive internal changes. ?

Best

J ?

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Mariam.S
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@jswtrinity You always give such thorough information and insight. It has been fascinating! I've been thinking about what you've said all week. Thank you again Justin you are amazing!! I have to check at some point our synastry chart to see if I was the pluto or he was. I'm curious to know who was more obsessed with who LOL not that it matters anymore but it's a learning lesson on many levels. oh and no wayyyyy I'm dating again for a VERY long time... the grieving has been real, wont be emotionally available for a long time! in the meantime I'm working on those feelings that come up with moon square saturn and also my moon square chiron, scorpio moon,  capricorn 4th house with mars.... yes I've had deep rooted mommy issues and its crazy that it shows in my chart! Yay to learning, growing and healing! Hope you are doing well Justin Smile

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Mariam.S
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* 4th house in cap with (mars & saturn)

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Justin
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@maria123 Hi Miriam ?

So lovely to see you back I'm afraid I'm just about to go on a road trip, so I can't respond in full as much as I would like to right now. I promise I will reply in full some time over the next day or two, as I know you are going through a hard time of it emotionally. I am doing well though, thank you, and it's very kind that you should ask. Thank you ?

Please keep an eye out for my post. It'll probably be another one of my mini novels! Lol! ?

Best, always

J ?

p.s. Your partner was Pluto... but, as in all these cases, there's a bit of it coming from both sides generally. In time, you will see you have changed him... and probably for the better.

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Mariam.S
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@jswtrinity Have the safest trip Justin! Ofcourse take your time no worries and I'm happy to hear you are doing well ? we changed each other and I send him so much love and with that I must focus on myself and let him and the relationship go.

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Justin
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@maria123 Hi Miriam ?

Firstly, thank you for your kind wishes ?

Secondly, I really enjoyed reading your post for a few reasons. Your emotional maturity really stands out, it was so touching to read that you can let go of your ex, despite the great deal of love you still feel for him, and it's incredibly heart warming to read that you are now fully committed to reconnecting with yourself.

I have a teenage daughter I love deeply, who I rarely get to see as much as I would like to, but what follows is exactly what I would say to her. I swear, it's no different, and I hope you will gain something from it...
 
There is no shame in being alone for however long it takes to connect fully with ourselves. In fact, it's actually a gift, even though that may not always be immediately apparent. It's actually one of those gems that only reveals its true value with the passage of time. The reason for such a gift is that it teaches us to understand that the one person you need to be the most comfortable with is you. Why??? The simple reason being is because you are the one person in your life that you are guaranteed to spend all your time on earth with! If we are not at peace with who we are, we can never, ever, truly be at peace with the world and those around us... and that is simply a fact of life. Removing distractions, in the form of other people, helps us reach that understanding far more quickly than it might otherwise do.
 
I don't even need to look at your chart to know that you are a highly intelligent, articulate, wise and deeply caring soul. You may have your quirks too, of which I cannot possibly comment, but I can assure you that there's not a single person alive who doesn't have some. I have plenty, but that's what makes me uniquely who I am. Rather than be a source of shame now, I've learnt to embrace my odd ways and even celebrate them. If you have some, I hope you will too. None of us has to be "perfect", as that's an unobtainable illusion on this physical plane, but it helps us enormously if we can learn to live happily in our own skin.
 
I know I have no right to ask anything of you, but it would please me greatly if you learned to be your own best friend. It's not shameful, but absolutely necessary, in order to be fully at peace in your own heart. You are a divine gift. You are a gift from God, the Heavens, or however you view the greater life force that created us... and you are most certainly a gift to those people whose lives you enter. When you get to my age, you will begin to understand the reality of that statement, but I suspect that you will learn this valuable life lesson long before I ever did. If you do start to treat yourself as you would the person you are most in love with, it won't be long before you see how your life transforms beautifully into something so much more wonderful, brighter and precious. This will be reflected in all of your relationships too. Far from being "selfish", it's the one true medicine that's needed to transform "negative" love, or neediness, into pure love that simply flows from you, into you and out into all those around you. Please believe me, it's true.
 
With regards to Mommy issues... these, along with Daddy issues, are sadly all too rife in everyone's lives. No parent will ever get it "right" because that's a goal that's impossible to achieve. I won't go into too much detail about my own past but the greatest lesson I learnt, particularly from my Mom, was that she is still suffering in a way I know I no longer am. She is unlikely to see the "light" in this lifetime, and I am genuinely sad for her because of that because she is still chained to her part in a play and can't find the path she needs to release herself from that story. I don't know your Mom, I can't guess what she may have been through in life, or how she behaves towards you... but I can almost certainly guarantee that she has suffered at another's hands in the exact same way you may have suffered at her's. It's when we understand the truth of this statement at a deeper level that we can develop the compassion to "forgive them, for they know not what they do". It releases us from that suffering and helps us to break free of those chains. Believe it or not, your Mom is perhaps your greatest teacher in this respect, as it through her suffering that you will know what to do differently to release yourself of your own. Unfortunately, some people are so locked into the chains of their own self-loathing and self-pity because of all they have suffered, that they simply cannot see the pain their anguish inflicts on others. I know this because I was once guilty of it too. For every person I lashed out at when I was in pain, I was effectively doing to them what had been inflicted on me. My children were spared that suffering, but in sparing them that, I brought a different pain into their lives instead by not being an integral part of their upbringing. Sadly, a certain amount of pain in this life is unavoidable... but you eventually come to realise it is the most powerful instrument we know to help us transform and grow. As Kahil Gibran so wisely put it "Pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses our understanding"...
 
I really look forward to you keeping in touch and letting us know how you are getting on. I suspect that you are going to find your "happy place" far sooner than I did. I sincerely and truly hope so.
 
Enjoy your new freedom! ?
 
Have a wonderful weekend. Sending you much light and love.
 
J ???
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Mariam.S
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@jswtrinity Hi Justin I wanted to come back and let you know that your message got me thru some dark times. Your daughter is incredibly lucky to have you as a father. I'm happy to report that since the last time we spoke I've experienced lots of peace & genuine joy in my life. I've been able to see how incredibly amazing life is and all the beautiful things in it. I'm grateful for the breakup and the transformation that has come with it. How are you doing? I hope you are well, you are such a bright and beautiful light! Thank you for your kindness & wisdom <3 Sending you lots of love!

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