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PurpleStarGirl
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I have this emotional connection with a man who is 15 years my senior and it's hard to put into words what it entails but I'm going to try. I first saw him in a math class we had together in the community college we went to. We were both in the same degree program at the time. I used to look around at my classmates during class sometimes and know who was there and who wasn't. This older man had been gone from class about a week and a half and came back one day and I remember glancing at him, thinking he looked very sick. At the time he was going through cancer treatment and I didn't know it. I just remember looking at him and hoping he would get better. I had no explanation for why I would think that about someone I didn't know.

He brought it up some time ago and knew who I had sat next to and remembered that my seat mate would help me with the math when I didn't understand it. I asked my friend, this older man, where one of our other classmates had sat and he couldn't remember despite claiming he paid attention to that stuff so he could get help if needed. He didn't even remember that our other classmate, a mutual friend, was also in the same class as us until I brought up. 

I ended up having multiple classes with him the following term and wound up sitting next to him in one of them where he introduced himself after helping me with one of our lab assignments. He'd also smile at me and say hi while walking past me in one of our other classes that term. We had one final class together the term after that one and he did suggest I join his group which I blew off because I thought he was joking about that. After that I didn't see him for a while and he didn't cross my mind until I had a thought one day about him and hoped he wasn't dead. Shortly afterwards I was sitting in the hallway waiting for one of my classes to start and he happened just to walk by, take notice of me, and cracks a joke about me causing trouble. We spoke briefly and I didn't see him again until the following term and he was surprised I had a couple of classes with him. That was when we started hanging out outside of school and became friends.

After that some sort of emotional connection was formed coupled with known sexual attraction that has been acted upon every once in a while and I feel it intensely. We have fought and quit speaking to each other for a while before starting up again. When I am not speaking with him after a fight, I dream of him constantly. Other people have assumed we're dating when we're not and he is adamant that he does not want that from me and while I actually have feelings for him, I don't want to date him because of the way he deals with his emotions (Ignores them, bottles them up, and lashes out inappropriately at people) and I told him so. He's currently upset with me because I didn't sugarcoat that when I told him why I'd never date him to begin with even though he has said he doesn't see me that way. He considers me one of the most important people in his life to the point I was probably the first person he told about his cancer recurring. Someone he thought he was in love flat out told me that he and I had a relationship and that we had a bond, which I actually now see what she meant. Apparently a lot of people see something that isn't there between us.

I know there's something there that's intense that I can't explain and I suspect he knows it as well but refuses to acknowledge it. 

The ironic thing is that our birthdates both add up to 33, our mothers were both 20 when we were born and their birthdays are two days apart. My mom shares a first name with his daughter (spelled differently) and his first name is the same as my uncle's (also spelled differently) while his middle name is my dad and brother's first name. His cousin also shares a first name with my stepsister and his cousin's sister (other cousin) has the same first name as my stepsister's half-sister. One of his brothers also has the same first name as my cousin and my deceased older brother (spelled differently for each). Also years before I met him, I developed an interest in all things Irish and he is Irish American.

In case anyone asks, Pluto is prominent in our synastry and our 7th house rulers aspect each other in double whammies. 

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la_sirena
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It sounds like a soul connection. The men in these connections are usually afraid of it. They’re the ones who fuck it up 9 times out of 10. Women are more receptive to it. Synchronicities are a big clue that it’s a higher level soul connection. They’re signs from what I consider the angelic realm. Angels are part of the matrix of higher consciousness. They always support soul unions. True soul unions where the energies of the two people basically come together to make them better together than they are apart. To make something that the universe considers good. I don’t know what to tell you, these connections are painful when one of the people want to be a dumb ass but you learn a lot through them. You can also develop a strong relationship to angels if you want to.

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PurpleStarGirl
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@la_sirena 

His first name is also one of the archangels. Another synchronicity is that the last time I went to the county fair, I attended a concert that night and I mentioned it to him and it turns out he was there at the same time as well and listening to the concert I was at.

I'll look into true soul unions. Maybe that's what people confuse twin flames with.

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retains_water
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Your story is really interesting! It sounds like you have a karmic connection. Do you feel like you are destined to learn something from your time with this man?

I have a pattern with a few men who have Pluto and Uranus conjunct my moon, even though they are a lot younger than me. Each time it has shocked me into making life changes and inviting in connection with others. (Otherwise, I tend to sort of live on my own island most of the time.)

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PurpleStarGirl
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@retains_water 

No, I don't and I don't know what I'm supposed to learn from him. His Pluto squares my Sun, trines Moon and Venus, and sextiles Mars. We also have Mars conjunct Mars, his Venus conjuncts my Sun and Uranus, my Venus squares his Uranus, and his Mars sextiles my Moon and Venus.

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PurpleStarGirl
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@retains_water 

With the Venus and Uranus double whammies, Venus is my 7th house ruler and Uranus is his.

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Plutolover
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@purplestargirl What is Saturn doing in your charts? I have found Saturn contacts to be very binding.

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PurpleStarGirl
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@plutolover 

They oppose each other. Probably not a binding aspect.

However in the composite chart, Saturn squares Venus and trines the Moon.

Our composite chart also has Pluto squaring Venus plus composite Sun on the IC with Mercury, North Node and Venus all the composite 4th house.

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Plutolover
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@purplestargirl Hmm, that's my theory out the window! That composite 4th house does tell a story, though, soul family springs to mind esp. the NN - it seems you two have known each other in previous lives, in various guises.

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PurpleStarGirl
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@plutolover 

He doesn't feel like family to me.

 

 

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Plutolover
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@purplestargirl sorry, I was thinking of the South Node, d'oh! North Node would indicate you both have something to teach each other that is vital to your development. Is there a 6th or 9th house overlay in either of/both your charts?

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PurpleStarGirl
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@plutolover 

Yes. His Saturn falls into my 9th house and my Mercury, Moon and Venus fall into his 6th. His Chiron falls in my 6th.

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PurpleStarGirl
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@plutolover 

I just checked something and the astrology website I use for my charts says that his Venus conjuncts my Saturn by 8 degrees. Would that count or is that too far of an orb to be considered as a binding aspect?

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Plutolover
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@purplestargirl It's quite a wide conjunction, but I would say it counts towards feelings of a 'duty' to be there for one another.

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PurpleStarGirl
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@plutolover 

So it would be a binding aspect. Did I mention both Venus (His) and Saturn (Mine) are in Capricorn? And my Saturn is part of a conjunction with my Uranus, Sun, and Neptune, all in Capricorn. They all fall in his 5th house.

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Plutolover
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@purplestargirl there are definitely undercurrents of romance here, but I feel his Cap Venus is really hesitant to admit this. Caps tend to wait and watch, closely guarding their deep emotions until they know they can trust you 100%. I think your Uranus in his 5th makes him feel uncertain of your intentions.

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PurpleStarGirl
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@plutolover 

Cap Venus says he doesn't want that from me. And you're right about waiting until we can trust you. I'm a Cap Sun and I'm slow to tell people about my feelings. But that may have to do with my Scorpio ASC as well.

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la_sirena
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I just wanted to come back and say it was wrong to say it’s usually the mans fault, it takes two people to mess something up, so while it does appear that way, it’s not that simple. 

I want to give you a word of advice though... (and this is for anyone in a soul union looking for answers) Don’t look for answers about this connection or take advice from mortals. They will steer you wrong. Don’t even listen to your logical mind (unless you’re absolutely clear). Thoughts can kill a soul connection faster than anything- our logical mind tries to rationalize the connection, and what happens is things become distorted, actions become perverse and make the masculine even more afraid and want to run away instinctually. The Feminine is the more receptive half but also potentially much darker (the Kabbalistic Tree of Life illustrates this dichotomy, it’s universal principle) 

Anyways, higher level soul connections, (and I don’t know for sure if that’s what you’re experiencing, only you know- it does sound like it to me based on your constant search for answers, as well and the synchronicity you described) you need to get your guidance from a higher source. That is the only way you will be steered in the right direction. Often you will find they want one or both people to make a difficult choice. (If you aren’t experiencing this now, you could in future) They want the people to to follow their heart (soul) It’s like a test. Once a soul connection opens up your kundalini (serpent energy) you have the power to completely transform your life but it can feel like the scariest thing you will ever do. The angels are waiting to see what you’ll (not you specifically) will do with it. This is the Adam and Eve story... the choice... Look at the Lovers tarot card that depicts this scene... 

The angels want to support the connection, but they are hard core and will cut off the connection just as fast as they brought it together. The doors don’t stay open forever. They will slam them shut (all support will cease) and you will find even more obstacles in the way with time. It’s never actually impossible but it will start to seem like it more and more as time passes. 

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PurpleStarGirl
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@la_sirena 

It just feels like a soul connection. When I recognized the synchroncities and put them together, it made sense to me. I don't think he recognizes it at all. And I'm ready to give up on it all together. How do I look to guidance from my higher power for it?

Yesterday I saw a women wearing a shirt that said Ireland (He is Irish American) on it and I saw a man wearing St. Patrick's Day socks (this soulmate's favorite holiday). I don't know if that meant anything or not. 

I have decided to part ways and let him do his thing while I do mine. It is what's best for both of us at this current point in time.

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la_sirena
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@purplestargirl 

How do you ask for guidance from a higher power? That depends on you, but I just ask and receive a sign. Or I can hear it clairaudiently. Or I ask the angels for advice through a medium like tarot. Sometimes they guide you without you even having to ask and you just follow the signs. 

Btw, I’m still unsure if people really do experience this kind of a connection more than once in a lifetime. I have heard quite a few people say that, but I haven’t experienced it myself. And I personally think it goes against the entire point of a soul union. This is basically a marriage of the soul. Maybe you can break it and go on to find another one, anything is possible I guess. On the other hand other people only have their own experiences to go by and who is to say that have even experienced a soul union? You only have your truth, that’s it. Don’t listen to other people. Just your higher self, your guides, your angels. Personally i think it’s possible to cut one out energetically in a sense, at least to cut out any of the negative karma associated, but I have no desire to find another one, I think it’s insanity to want to do that. Its a huge feat to cut the one out and you want to start another one , why not just keep the one you have and try to fix it? You think the next one will be better? Lolol 

Anyways, I’m currently learning more about Kali. Hindu Goddess. Very interesting stuff... married to Shiva. Goddess of death. She will take you through the trenches if you want to go in order to give you what you want. It will seem like the opposite. I wouldn’t mess with Kali, I did it once.

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PurpleStarGirl
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@la_sirena 

I do work with tarot on occasion. I'll see if I can find a spread to ask about it and see what the Universe has to say.

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PurpleStarGirl
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@la_sirena 

Why would I want to walk away from the connection? Because he doesn't want to be anything other than friends and I'm not sure if he wants that anymore. It feels like I'm getting pushed away and booted because he refuses to see the negative behavior and attitude he is continously displaying. I can't really take it anymore either because I've been on the receiving end of his lashing out more times than I've counted. I don't deserve that.

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la_sirena
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@purplestargirl 

has he ever expressed any type of romantic feelings for you? 
I get this feeling like your type of soulmate wouldn’t be into that anyway. Your soul is looking for more of a friendship-romance right? A sort of detached Aquarian style? All soulmate relationships are different. Everyone’s soul is different and has its own unique identity. 

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PurpleStarGirl
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@la_sirena 

He has shown that he cares for me deeply and honestly the way people show love differs if that's what you're getting at. But he doesn't want that from me or so he says. His actions differ from his words and that throws me off.

My soul wants an emotional connection. Plain and simple. I don't know if that's an Aquarian thing or not. Does that have to do Moon or Venus because I have both in Aquarius.

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la_sirena
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@purplestargirl 

no, I meant he may not be into expressing romantic feelings. He may feel the soul connection but not express it romantically. It seems you guys are expressing yourselves in an Aquarian way romantically if there is such a thing... Leo and the 5th house are big on romance, Aqua, Leo’s opposite, not so much. He’s always calling you a friend right, and you’re always saying “my friend... my sag friend”

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PurpleStarGirl
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@la_sirena 

What is an Aquarian way romantically? What would that entail? If it's Aquarian-based then I would assume it was a friendship where we did engage in sexual shit on occasion and slept in the same bed often. However he stated he did not want a relationship with me and never did. His actions and words spoke two different things to me regarding that, which confused me. Three weeks ago he started saying that we would no longer be engaging in any sexual activity but the following week after I told him why I would never date him anyways, he made a comment to me about how fast I could go down on him while we were waiting for another friend of ours to show up. Then recently started acting cold towards me. That's when I got completely fed up with his attitude and behavior and decided to walk away.

Aquarius is the ruler of his 7th house. His Uranus squares my Venus and my Uranus conjuncts his Venus. Taurus rules my 7th house so those house rulers making contact in synastry makes sense for what you were describing. Four of my Capricorn planets fall into his 5th house (Uranus, Sun, Neptune, Saturn). I also have quite of Aquarius energy on my chart with Sun conjunct Uranus, Uranus sextile ASC, and Moon, Venus, and North Node in Aquarius. His Venus is in Capricorn and conjuncts My Sun in addition to Uranus.

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PurpleStarGirl
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@la_sirena 

Also sometimes while we were sharing a bed, he'd get close to me and spoon while he was asleep. His hand would sometimes end up stroking my thigh or stroke my abdomen, knees would end up beneath mine. That sort of thing. I'm not a physical touch person at all but regarding him, I liked it.

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la_sirena
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@purplestargirl 

The thing is Aquarius is not romantic... maybe working on a cause together or something like that. Aquarius does like causes... Ask your guides and angels. It’s possible that you end up doing something like that, something Aquarian, like contributing to some cause without him, but sort of in his honor. This is the kind of things these relationships teach us. They help us reach our potential, regardless of whether we are with the person.

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soup
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@la_sirena It’s like a test. Once a soul connection opens up your kundalini (serpent energy) you have the power to completely transform your life but it can feel like the scariest thing you will ever do. The angels are waiting to see what you’ll (not you specifically) will do with it.

YEP!!! Every word. TRANSFORMATION! There is a lesson to be learned on both sides. Many times this is a mirror session. How about time for looking at those shadows. Let's see if you still operate the same way you used to. Here is a nice red apple.  Whatcha gonna do with it? 

I never want to see any of it again. I just got schooled. 

For me, the answer is a hard and solid NO. Angels... close the door and lock it. That is NOT who I am. I do know her though... I left her in 1991. I never want to see that version of myself again. The painful part was recognizing who I was by comparison to who I am. Very painful to have to revisit that. I asked for forgiveness and while I still feel the pain to some degree I will be over it soon enough. 

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la_sirena
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@soup I feel you. The only man I trust is my husband. And it is because over the last 13 years he has proven to me that he is a trustworthy and decent human being. We have love between us but it is not that Plutonian love/hate type of soul destroying love that kills you and then revives you and kills you again on repeat. Fuck that shit. I don’t care what my soul feels, if you’ve shown me time and time again that you are a piece of shit and I can’t trust you, get the fuck away from me. Forever. Go straight to hell where you deserve to be. 

I have had T Pluto squaring my Venus teaching me some hard knock lessons as well. I can’t even describe the burning hatred I have felt. I’m ready to take that burning pain from the knife that was put into me and turn it into my own power. It will be put to good use by god. 

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canscocappy
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Hmmm, I'd definitely check how the Nodes are involved in synastry and composite. Nodal connections do show if there is something to learn from each other. The key is not to resist those lessons, but to embrace them.

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PurpleStarGirl
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@canscocappy 

My Mars falls onto his North Node and my Vertex falls onto his South Node.

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canscocappy
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@purplestargirl If there is indeed a past life, you were together more than once again. You felt too familiar to him, he felt familiar to you too. In this life, you want to urge him to carry on with his life, to stop sitting around moaning, but it's up to him if he will accept this lesson, as his North Node is triggered. If you stop being together, he will ache for you that's for sure.

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PurpleStarGirl
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@canscocappy 

The first time we didn't talk for a long period of time, which was two years ago, he apparently was really upset about it. Seems every time we fight and quit speaking, he gets pretty upset over it.

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PurpleStarGirl
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@canscocappy

Or when our friendship seemingly ends

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PurpleStarGirl
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@canscocappy 

In the composite, North Node is in the 4th house, conjunct Mercury, and square Saturn.

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la_sirena
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Ugh, I just got a synchronicity to do with a soul connection. It’s one that haunts me with a specific connection. 

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PurpleStarGirl
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@la_sirena 

Synchronicities are haunting. The last time we went silent with each other, we didn't speak to each other for about three months. Three years to date and we just hit that terrority again.

I got a lot of synchroncities regarding him during the last time we weren't speaking. And I'm pretty sure I was getting a couple yesterday as it seems like everytime we fight and don't speak to each other for a while, I always end up seeing synchronicities related to him.

1st Fight:

-The make and model of his vehicle as I was on a walk. Different color but same make and model.

-Happened to be sitting in Applebee's having dinner with my grandparents who were in town and I look up only to see the word 'Irish' on the wall.

-Was looking at Missed Connections on Craigslist and saw a posting that described whatever fight that happened between us even though I'm very sure he did not make that post. It was spot on.

-Was looking for a new background for my laptop regarding the Celtic Tree Of Life and happened to see his desktop background in the results even though his desktop background at the time had nothing to do with the Tree Of Life. It was an eagle with the Irish flag as the colors.

-Was going for another walk shortly after I moved into a new apartment and I happened to see a white van with my name on it sitting one block away from the Irish pub that he frequents.

2nd Fight:

-Watching 'Friends' and seeing a flyer for a band he listens to quite often.

-Saw a poster of his favorite beer in the same TV show and one of the characters drinking the beer.

Currently:

-Lady wearing tshirt with 'Ireland' printed on it. (His heritage)

-Guy at store wearing St. Patrick's Day socks. (His favorite holiday)

-Talked to some random guy yesterday who is from El Cajon in the San Diego area (where he from) and was Catholic (his religion) and this other dude wound up in Boston (where his father was from and where he plans on going) at some point.

 

Can't tell me that soulmate connections don't exist if I keep getting synchronicities regarding one.

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la_sirena
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@purplestargirl 

Yes. Don’t doubt it.

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PurpleStarGirl
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@la_sirena 

I'm not anymore.

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