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December 2018 has been Interesting for my Extended Family.
Death is only a new beginning.
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Glenn
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Friday, January 4, 2019 - 11:55 pm
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Seven year battle with bone cancer has finally ended for my Dad. I’m not sad…. quite the opposite: happy. 2018 was the worse for him; medication rapidly became ineffective, new pains appeared…. and Morphine became a new friend. The “Catastrophic Health Insurance” really paid dividends, but admittedly the premiums ate quite a large chunk out of his pension.

My siblings bought new clothes just for the funeral; my older brother and I each purchased a suit so we’d be *presentable* as pallbearers. I didn’t think my *Legion* clothes would suffice, especially for a non-military funeral. Dad was very proud of his sons who did serve in the military.

Pops was buried a little over three weeks ago…. his sister just yesterday. The suit made it’s second debut, so I guess the expense was justified. I’m going to go back to the store and see if they have a vest to match it…. my beer-belly needs something to contain it. And I doubt I want a girdle ((don’t snicker, ladies)) or a diet this close to the holidays. Even if they are *officially* over. I still have cookies begging to be eaten in the fridge.

December started with Mom going to New York City for a 4-day shopping spree with the small group of retirees from the local area. It progressed to 2-members of Dad’s Family ending health struggles. It ended with same two members having a funeral. I was a pallbearer for both. An honor, if you think about it.

Dad didn’t want to die in December; he said that month seemed to be the most likely for my Family lineage ((Father’s side of the family)) to die in. But considering how much of his body was being eaten by the cancer…. and Hospice had stopped all medication except the Morphine, I think he finally decided to go before Christmas Week arrived. His sister…. went the week after Christmas, but shortly before New Year’s Eve. I’m guessing she wanted to enjoy one last holiday with her children and grand-kids.

Neither of them knew the other was in such bad shape…. my uncles didn’t want them to worry about the other.

I’m not sad…. stress for the entire Family, my siblings included…. is over. Now it’s going through their stuff and sorting out things anyone wants…. and anything that is suitable to send to Good Will. All other…. goes into the garbage.

At least preparing and filing their Taxes will be a bit easier. *Sigh* Tax Man never loses.

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Tango
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Saturday, January 5, 2019 - 10:47 am
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My condolences, Glenn. Quite a road you’ve just walked. 

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elisa
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Thursday, January 10, 2019 - 7:00 am
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my sincere condolences,Glenn.

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NotMyCircus
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Saturday, January 5, 2019 - 6:37 am
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Wow, Glenn, you’ve been through a lot lately. I know that feeling too—when ST died, I was sad and shocked, but I felt relief too. Our struggles were finally over. 

That’s cool that you got to serve as a pallbearer for the funerals. That is an honor.

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Saturday, January 5, 2019 - 6:54 am
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Sincerest condolences Glenn, it must be of comfort knowing that they’re both in a pain-free place now even though losing a dear one is never easy.

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Elsa
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Saturday, January 5, 2019 - 7:05 am
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I’m sorry, Glenn. 🙁

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Saturday, January 5, 2019 - 11:55 am
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so sorry for your losses Glennheart

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Sue Ellen
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Saturday, January 5, 2019 - 7:56 pm
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I’m sorry, Glenn.

I understand the relief felt when a loved one dies from a terminal illness. I felt more relief than anything when my mother died. 

As for taxes, I had to file a special IRS form to show my mother’s assets were under $5 million and thus not subject to inheritance tax. I think the amount is higher now. 

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Glenn
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Saturday, January 5, 2019 - 8:18 pm
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Thanks everyone.

Mom had it worst. He didn’t want to be in Hospice nor a Nursing Home. There seems to be a new one popping-up each year, and most of them have not so good ratings. The one that is rated *Outstanding* has a waiting list almost as long as getting into Club 33 in Disneyland. Mom is a Cancer sun with Aries Moon (eons ago I had my brother get her data), and a *country girl* through and through. Taking care of family is 2nd nature to her. It was tough getting her to admit she needed help, or at least let someone handle Dad’s medication at some times during the day / night. I think it was the rapid increase in Dad’s condition which finally convinced her to accept help.

Mom has concluded after everything she went through with dad, she wants to be put into a nursing home soon as she become an invalid. She doesn’t want her kids to have to pick her up and feed her when she gets to same condition as Dad was in. She also told us in *no uncertain terms* at her funeral, she has *banned* people from speaking at her funeral. “If they can’t say same words to my face when I’m alive, then I don’t want them saying it when I can’t say something back!!”

Hmmm…. sounds like something a Cancer sun would say.

I’m continuing my twice each week visits to Mom’s house. We’re talking more, especially in the last 4-months. Dad’s hearing was practically shot by then and he started talking as if it was another time / date. But when he was lucid and knew who you were and why you were there, then it was a pleasure chit-chatting about things. He still enjoyed my stories about getting into trouble with Gunny Sergeants and Master Chiefs. What can I say…. it was an unpleasant skill I seemed to have.

All this happening in last year has convinced me to seriously look into getting a Power of Attorney for medical purposes. Can’t think of the proper term at the moment.

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NotMyCircus
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Saturday, January 5, 2019 - 9:04 pm
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Glenn, I think you’re referring to Durable Healthcare Power of Attorney. That allows you to make medical decisions on a loved one’s behalf if they can no longer do so.

Advance directives are great to have, too, especially if the person can no longer speak for themselves and the doctors want you to start talking end-of-life care. 

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Sunday, January 6, 2019 - 11:25 am
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Glenn I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your Dad. I do understand your relief as well, its so difficult to see our loved ones suffer.

 I can relate to what your Mom went through. Discussions of hospice turning to panic , hospitalization and then a no go. Just a 2 week nursing home stint turned into a nightmare. So nursing homes are a no go. My husband is bedridden at this point.

 My husband has only been home 4 weeks since Sept 1st. He has either been in a hospital , acute physical rehab  or the 2 weeks in a nursing home. He has been in a hospital for over 3 weeks this time , waiting for the VA to get in gear and send him home with a  proper ventilation machine.

  

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Sunday, January 6, 2019 - 12:44 pm
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(((((Opalina)))))

Praying for you and your husband. 

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Sunday, January 6, 2019 - 8:14 pm
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Thank You WBWH.

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Saturday, January 5, 2019 - 9:24 pm
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I’m so sorry, Glenn. It’s so hard to watch those we love suffer or decline, unable to fix it, prevent it. But you enjoyed precious time with him, I’m sure it meant more to him than you’ll ever know.

Oddly, I was just wondering what had become of you, and here you are. 

There’s a form called an Advance Directive. We should all have one, and a will. Even if those who have minimal assets, or no relatives, should choose a trusted friend, pastor, lawyer, doctor, or banker to be executor and have power of attorney if ever needed. Put your health care and burial wishes in writing, make provisions for your pets and possessions, charities, etc.

A great destination for your Dad’s things would be a local veterans assistance group or a homeless shelter. Here in my town the vets group runs a thrift shop, and a nearby church opens their “Clothes Closet” and Food Bank weekly after a free hot lunch, offering free clothing to the homeless and needy. Donate even what you think isn’t good enough, the shops sell their unwearable donations by the pound to recyclers for additional revenue. 

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Tuesday, January 8, 2019 - 9:14 am
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Glenn, I’m so sorry for what you and your family has been through. It does seem like you are all at peace now. 

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