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Being emotionally numb


leobra1221
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After experiencing some past heart aches. I seem to not feel as deeply as I used to. Its like I cant break through the barrier.

In terms of love especially, relationship wise mainly. (as well as friend/family).

I care deeply, I am supportive but I dont quite have the depth I used to.

I sort of feel lost... this numbing takes away from life!

Have you ever went through periods of having dulled emotions? Numbness?

 

I am trying to get my passion back but it seems its taking more work than I could of imagined. I kind of isolated myself for years to do some internal work and found inner peace. Once I sort of broke away from "just me" I didnt realize how dulled my emotions were!

 

Its sad, life isn't the same. And it is hindering/holding back great relationships at times.

I know this sounds bad - but its something I am working on and am mindful of it. I know I am capable of feeling so much more so what's the hold up?

 

Mind you this has been years - maybe 5? I am relatively young - 25

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canscocappy
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First of all, I'd take a look at Chiron. Chiron is where we heal others but we ourselves are wounded. Furthermore, check the aspects between transiting Chiron and your natal planets. Remember, it's the quarter-life crisis. At your age, I made the mistake of being engaged to my abusive ex. Didn't pan out well, but it was for the best. Remember that around your 21 you had another Saturn and Uranus squares (to your natal Saturn and Uranus respectively), so, yeah, it's the roaring 20s, isn't it? It was at age 21 when I met my abusive ex and it was during Saturn return that I broke up with him. I repeat, it was for the best.

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leobra1221
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canscocappy
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@leobra1221 Around your entering 20, trChiron in Pisces conjuncted your natal Saturn, which tends to add salt to wounds. Once it entered Aries, it started opposing your Moon and then your Mars in Libra, trining your Sun/Mercury/Venus in Leo. The numbing is the sign of healing; a wound hurts and then gets numb before it completely heals. However, Chiron will stop opposing your Moon around mid-2022, so you will be able to see and enjoy the result of the emotional healing you're going through all this time.

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Placebo Essence
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Almost everything around, starting with spectacularly flawed educational system promotes developing this numbness to emotions pattern. There is no such thing as being oversensitive to me. If you disregard the uncomfortable emotion in favor of numbness you are more compliant, it benefits some. Another thing is that it is socially OK to be fake happy all the time but uncomfortable feelings are pushed down and frown upon. In my own work environment people are expected to laugh at some meaningless, stupid shit but when someone has audacity to be authentic about how they really feel about more serious matters this is suddenly not OK.

Certain emotions are being labelled as disorder by pseudo-psychology, you are not supposed to feel angry, disappointed, jealous. You should just say "I am fine" and smile politely like a plastic doll. Really, to control individual is to control what they think they are allowed to and supposed to feel. It's not even about ideologies.

As if feeling sadness, anger, despair or disappointment is dangerous somehow. Just because I may feel it does not mean I am going take action on it and destroy someone's life. The best insights I had about myself and my past were when I allowed those feelings to flow freely through me without trying to over-analyze it.

And that is another thing. We are taught to micro-manage and dissect each uncomfortable feeling to the point we are mostly in mind about it rather than feeling it. And when it flows freely through me, when I do not try to stop it, change it, get rid of it, dissect it, when I am not in my logical mind about it, then the insight comes but it comes from intuitive mind which I have no control over, not from my logical mind.

There are certain cultures where it is the other way round, where being enthusiastic and full of yourself is considered impolite or plain stupid. As if having Pollyanna attitude is mental illness and keeping a stiff upper lip is the way to go. They will ridicule or even attack open expression of pleasure and joy, mostly out of jealousy, and praise resolute and stoical approach. So out of self-preservation people may develop patterns of hiding or stifling exuberant feelings. 

Regardless, no emotion is wrong or right, good or bad, those are just labels that push them down, you feel what you feel, and it is nobody's business what you feel, you cannot fake emotions, you can only choose numbness to them. 

There is assumption that mindfulness and meditation is about peace and if you feel anything else than peace you are doing something wrong. I call BULLSHIT. True mindfulness embraces all emotions, does not reject them, true meditation allows intense emotions to come up without judging them as wrong or bad, if I judge them as wrong or bad usually this judgement comes from someone else, either as a kid someone told me to shut up, or culture/society expected me to feel certain way, like "Smile, be happy anyway" and I assumed feeling sad was not OK or allowed.

This may not be on topic but I figured I would share anyway.

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Warped
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@placebo-essence

Well said!  Thank you!

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Elsa
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Posted by: @leobra1221

Have you ever went through periods of having dulled emotions? Numbness?

I'd see this as a defense mechanism.  It doesn't matter how old you are. Everyone around the world has been put through an ordeal. I would find it quite extraordinary it anyone had not shut down at some point for some period.

I know you said it's been going on for five years, but you still don't want to psych yourself out. A major part of getting out of a funk is believing it possible. I would try to communicate (silently, privately) with my deeper self. The question is this: what's your deal? What is going on? What do you need?

 

And then wait for the answer, which will come.  

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leobra1221
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@elsa

I do believe its possible, and there are moments where I feel I get closer. But then it back tracks. 1 step forward 2 steps back

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Elsa
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@leobra1221 which is a pattern that can change!! heart heart

 
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sk8samurai
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You have a big heart with all that Leo trine Jupiter balanced with Libra.

Don't forget that Uncle Pluto is rolling over your planets right at the top of your chart, that's a heavy transit. He's making a firebird out of you.

Wow I just saw that Neptune is nearly conjunct your Saturn. That's can be an aspect of feeling a bit lost or you can find the answers from the ether.

Grumpy old man Saturn is sitting at your kitchen table complaining the soup is cold & the toast is burnt. That's no fun but it won't be for too much longer.

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leobra1221
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@sk8samurai

Thank you! I have faith things will work out, its just been a long road.

My Jupiter in Sag in the 8th makes me see the light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dim.

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sk8samurai
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Yes! Jupiter in Sag is a nice present (presence) & has your back from The Island of Lost Toys.

Bumbles bounce.

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